Women of the Word {pigs with piercings - being beautifully discreet}

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion."

Proverbs 11:22  "

Today's "Woman" is another one from the Proverbs.  It's speaking to any, and every, woman.  No specifics given.  No special story or incident.  Just a Biblical principle - GOD'S principle - for how a woman should behave.

How she should use her tongue.

I love it when God uses imagery to help us understand a concept.  This one doesn't disappoint.

We have a pig, and an attractive woman.  Not your usual compatriots, right?

The topic is about the tongue.  It's about speaking when we shouldn't - more specifically, having no discretion in what we say.

We have had to deal with this issue, quite recently, with our children.  They seem to find it incredibly easy to say things they shouldn't say.  I know - they are children.  They naturally lack discretion, and need to be TAUGHT when to say things, and when to keep silence.

Of course, adults don't need such instruction, right?....

WRONG.

Boysa dear, wrong, wrong and wrong.

Far too often, women speak when they shouldn't.  This  Proverb is more specifically about lacking discretion.  That's about saying things when we shouldn't, in a more general sense.

There are several things that we can apply to the lacking of discretion.


1. A wise woman thinks before she speaks.

There's a proverb for this one...

"Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him."

Proverbs 29:20  

When we speak before we think, we are plain unwise.

Openin' yer mouth and lettin' yer belly rumble.

Is that something non-UK folks say?   It sums it up nicely, hmmm, descriptively.

We need to engage our brains before we say anything.  Not doing o is indiscreet.  It's not being wise, rather it's foolish.  It will plain old get yo into trouble.  Impetuous words.

Ummmm, *raising her hand*.

This has been me.


2. A wise woman doesn't say things she shouldn't.

"A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter."

Proverbs 11:13 

This one is more to do with gossip.  Now, this KJV word "Talebearer", can be misunderstood. I know, for sure, that I have to tell my children, over and over, what it is.  It's NOT a liar! It's going to someone and telling them about another's mis-demeanour, just to get them in "trouble".  Now, with a child, it's usually "grassing up" a sibling, just to get them in trouble with a parent.  Not to tell a parent that danger is imminent, or someone has been hurt.  Those are things I WANT my children to tell me, for the sake of safety.  However, just telling me something because they know it will land their sibling in a heap load of trouble, just to be malicious, IS talebearing. I can't STAND a grassbag, and so we teach our children what the Bible says "Be sure your sin will find you out", and God will make it clear to us, if He wants us to know, and it's NOT their job!

When it comes to adults, a talebearer is one who goes to others with stories about everyone and anyone, just to spread nastiness.  Sometimes that's not even the motive, but the telling of the information is certainly not a help to them, and may even be breaking of a confidence. That's both lacking in discretion AND a talebearer.

That little acrostic should help us to decide if something should be said, or not.

Now, going to someone for advice, if you need to deal with a friend who in in error is NOT always wrong.  But, I would caution that you be VERY sure that the person to whom you speak is wise and discreet.  As a Pastor's wife, I have needed to go to other's for wisdom and advice on matters, but I don't then tell the whole world. Every other person should apply that same principle, not just those in positions of respect and regard.

3.  A wise woman is careful about what she DOES say.

"A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards."

Proverbs 29:11  

Just because you think something, know something, or have an opinion on something, doesn't mean you SHOULD say it! Often, it's better to just keep your counsel, and say nothing.

It's hard.  Trust me, I know.  It's hard to say nothing, sometimes, when you know something, or think something.  It's just not always wise, in every situation, to reveal it.  It's not being deceitful, or twisted - it's being wise.

In my marriage, there have been times when I have wanted to discuss things, and my husband has kept silent.  It used to frustrate me.  I learnt WHY, for myself.  Sometimes, the realisation dawns upon you, that SAYING something can be harmful, and unnecessary.  It's a simple case of using self control, and just saying nothing at all, to help a situation.  Saying something can simply light a fire - as truthful as it may be! It DOESN'T always need to be said.

In some situations, it's not even telling other things that are a secret, but things that are already in the open.

This verse deals with that.

"The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness."

Proverbs 15:2

As women, we need to wisely consider if it's a beneficial thing to share that with others, or just to leave it well alone.  In THAT situation, we need to be extra careful not to be one who keeps passing information on that someone ELSE has said. Make sure that rumours and unwise words STOP with you.  Also, we need to be wise, again, about who we speak to. If you can't trust someone, just don't say anything at all.


The verse at the start is incredibly descriptive, as I said.

A woman who has no discretion is like a pig with a jewel in its snout.  How insane would THAT look?  A dirty old pig, with something pretty in its wet, snotty nose? An enigma, right? A "fair woman" - someone who is normally attractive, whether in personality or in outward appearance - is affected by a lack of discretion.  You see it DOESN'T say "A beautiful peacock with a muddy tail".  The beautiful thing doesn't just become somewhat tarnished by the behaviour.  No.  Not at all.  The beautiful becomes mostly UGLY, with a TINY hint of something beautiful, and artificial at that.

Yikes!

I SO don't want to be that piggy with a nose stud.

Yet, our sinful hearts are soooooo easily drawn into being indiscreet with our words.  Far too easily.  It's something we need to guard our lips about, every day.  Honesty here - I've shared things I shouldn't have, or been unwise in what I have said.  I know it. Shameful, but true. I need to guard my heart, and control my lips.

The verse about talebearers, although not specifically directed to women, tells us how we ARE to behave.

"he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter"

Zip it.

That's what we need to do.  If our spirits want to be faithful to God, we need to conceal matters, not bring them into the open for the world and her husband to hear about.

"he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19

This New Testament verse sums it up.

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."

I Peter 4:8

Not just love - FERVENT love.  If we love those with whom we have connections with, we will "cover" their sins, not spread them about.  It doesn't mean you neglect to speak to the person, if they are truly walking in error.  It means you don't uncover it - tell it to the world.

Having discretion comes into the list of requirements of "young women", taught by the "elder women".

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 

 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Titus 2:4-5

And do you see the serious admonition? That the word of God be not blasphemed.

*slow, deep breath in, and exhale*

A woman who is not discreet, blasphemes God's Word.

It's serious stuff, ladies.

Serious.

What comes out of our mouth can do so much harm, is we don't show discretion.

It's not just about other women, here.  It's not just gossiping about your friends and acquaintances.  It can be talking about your marriage, and your own home.  Your OWN life.  You don't have to tell everyone everything.  It's not being dishonest to withhold information that people simply don't need to hear!

Giving away intimate details about your marriage.  Parading the failings of your husband in front of your friends.  Letting your husband down to others.  Criticising and moaning about his imperfections.

Dirty pig.  Nose ring.

Next time you - next time *I* - am/are tempted to speak about a matter that you just don't NEED to be sharing about - next time you even THINK about sharing something about your husband, or anyone else, that you plain shouldn't - remember....

Dirty pig.  Nose ring.

Just don't go there.

Women of the Word {the gracious woman}

Now, this week my thoughts have gone towards the book of Proverbs, to think more about Women of the Word.  This book is PACKED with crucial things for us womenfolk to learn!  So many truths, vital to Christian living.

The first one I looked at is one that I fear is much lacking in many in this day and age, and in my own heart, too...

"A gracious woman retaineth honour:"

Proverbs 11:16

Showing grace.

Being gracious.

It's a response that should be the first one upon our hearts and lives, but far too often I see a LACK of grace shown by women all around me.  Especially on the Internet.

Commenters on blogs and websites.

Facebook.

Emails.

Text messages.

There just seems to be more judgement and criticism, and less grace.

What does this verse tell us about a gracious woman? She retains honour, or respect.  The Hebrew word actually implies "weight", or influence.  If you are gracious, you will be respected by others, and what you say will have influence over others. They will listen to you, if you are gracious.

What is the conclusion you can draw from someone who DOESN'T show grace in her speech and behaviour? She loses honour.  She loses the respect of those around her. She won't have a godly and positive influence over others, and people won't listen to her.

So, how are we to BE that gracious woman? What does the Bible teach us about being gracious?

Before anything else,  I think it's important to understand grace, and being gracious.

There are two definitions in the online dictionary.

"courteous, kind, and pleasant,"

and

"showing divine grace"


The first is being gracious in a general sense.  It's the behaviour we are to exhibit when being gracious towards others.

The second is to do with how God deals with us, and how we can then reflect His person in our OWN behaviour.  It's to do with mercy.  Forgiveness.  Compassion.  It's how God deals with us, despite our sin.  He is able to extend grace because He is love and kindness personified. Even though we sin, and err, He is gracious, merciful and forgiving.

If God shows such graciousness towards us, we ought to show it towards others around us.  Simple as that.

So, what Bible verses point us toward HOW we extend grace to others?

Needless to say, Proverbs has a few lessons for us.  Right back in chapter one, we have our first instruction.

"My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: 

For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

Proverbs 1:8-9 

Solomon, of course, was instructing his son, in this book.  He is giving wise counsel, in order to guide him towards a wise life.  He teaches him, here, to have a TEACHABLE SPIRIT.  That's what we need first, ladies.  The humility to learn, be taught, and to accept we may be wrong on issues.  Taught, firstly, by God's Word.  Open to His word speaking into our heart and life.  Listening for instruction that our soul needs to hear.  Willing to listen, learn and CHANGE.  Those are all qualities that are an "ornament of grace".  It will display grace in our heart and life, if we are willing to listen and learn.  We can only BE gracious, if we have been adorned with that ornament of grace in our lives, first of all.

The polar opposite, and the thing that grates on my ear, are those who are Pharisaical and judgemental.  Thinking they are right, and everyone else is wrong.  Sitting in judgement over those who don't agree, and saying they are sinners if they disagree.  It's just not right.  It's proud, and arrogant, to think you have an opinion that is more valuable than others' - to think you have a monopoly on the truth. Again, having an opinion is fine.  As my hubby once said to me, after someone else said I WAS opinionated, there's nothing wrong with being opinionated! Having an opinion is good, and right.  It's making sure you show grace when you EXPRESS the opinion.  

Another way that people can tend to lack grace is in how they RESPOND to the opinions of others.  I have seen it, countless times - folks taking things too personally.  Say someone says they choose to breastfeed.  Someone who couldn't, or just didn't, breastfeed, can then get defensive about their choice NOT to.  We can't go about being that sensitive, and then being ungracious in how we respond to the other person.  Being constantly on the defensive can incline you towards a lack of grace in how you respond.  It's something I know I need to guard my heart over.  

On a similar vein, there can be a tendency of some to read into the words of others, instead of just READING the words of others.  I have experienced, far too many times, those who get offended, and then respond ungraciously, because they have taken another's words and opinions the wrong way. Many times, I have had to remind myself, and others, to take the BEST meaning and tone in whatever you read.  If you take it critically and negatively, you will struggle to show grace to the person who has spoken or written. 

Proverbs 3 tells us that seeking after wisdom and knowledge 

"shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck."

Proverbs 3:22

Once more, we are decorated by grace and a gracious spirit, if we SEARCH for wisdom and knowledge.  Working at becoming more Christ-like.

Not only to search, like a one-off treasure hunt.  We need to GROW in grace, too.

"But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 3:18  

It's something we need to diligently WORK at.  Not to be content with the measure of grace we display, but to desire to grow, more and more, in the graciousness we show toward others. You see, too, what we need to be doing to GROW in that grace? We need to get to know our Lord.  The more we understand our Saviour, and HIS grace, love and goodness, the more we will become like Him - a reflection of HIS grace.


The next verse that I thought of was regarding our speech.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:29  

Let me just paraphrase it and put it into a modern context for you.

"Let no rotten and worthless communication proceed out of your fingertips, but that which is good to build up and encourage, that it many minister grace to the readers".

As I already mentioned, I have witnessed some downright nasty, mean and vitriolic "speech" being used on the Internet, in various settings.  As daughters of the King, professing faith in Christ, we must be SO careful - whether in ACTUAL speech, or VIRTUAL speech - to only use words, and use them in such a way, that will bring grace to the recipient.  Building each other up.  Encouraging.  I'm not saying you have to agree with everything that you read or hear.  More that we need to express our point of view with grace.  Gentleness.  Love.  It can be SO hard, if you feel passionate about something, and you DO disagree quite strongly, but it can be done.  "Speaking the truth in love" is the watchword.  Sometimes that may actually mean saying NOTHING, but that's a slight deviation.  We can be a gracious woman in our speech.


I really don't want to be a woman who is despised and ignored, because I don't display grace in my life.  I want grace to be an ornament to my character, and by GOD'S grace toward me, I trust it shall be.

Women of the Word {Motherhood - in the hands of a sovereign God}

As I was considering which woman to dwell on next, my thoughts came to the book of the Psalms.  I searched and hunted for a woman to study. I couldn't find any.

I started to look a bit harder, and I found references of a more general nature, which spoke to me.

Several times we read of things pertaining to women and child-bearing, and the womb.

It's a pesky thing, the womb. It usually holds a monthly cycle of inconvenience at best, and pain at worst.

It's an organ that is unique to womankind, yet can hold pain, sorrow, emptiness,  sadness, fullness, and such great joy.

The "woman" I found in the Psalms is a multi-faceted woman.

The "woman" in grief.

The "woman" in pain.

The "woman" in joy.

The "woman" blessed.


The beginning of the journey of motherhood is found in Psalm 1113:9.

"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children."

HE maketh.

Children are from God.  To think their conception is simply dependent upon your choice, or some random act of nature, pays a disservice to our great Creator. It is God - that sovereign, all-wise, and kind one - who decides whether a woman should have her womb filled, or not.  He is able to send that gift to even the one who seems "barren" - unable to conceive.  For many of us who are able to conceive so easily, we must never forget that nothing is taken for granted, and God alone is the author of life.  My heart aches for those who would love children, and have not had any.  Does this mean that God loves them any less? Not at all.  It means that God, in His wisdom, has not given them a child.  They are not sub-standard, failures or insignificant.  They simply haven't been blessed in that particular way.  It's beyond our understanding, but God knows - that is all that matters. I KNOW it's easy for me to say, with 8 precious children - but, I am the first to acknowledge that the children I have are all of God, and nothing of me.  If you are a woman who has no children, yet would love them, I pray that the Lord would bless you.  I pray that that Lord would give you acceptance in His sovereignty. I pray that you would be filled by His peace, so that no matter what the future holds, you rest in His perfect will.


The next verse is referring to what else can happen, in God's sovereignty.  It's something I am ever aware of, and I struggle not to be anxious about.  It's a verse that is so solemn. It's something that is used as a simile, regarding the punishment of the wicked.

"like the untimely birth of a woman, that they may not see the sun"

Psalm 58:8

The Bible talks about premature birth.

The Psalmist sees it as something dreadful, that he should compare it to an untimely death for his enemies. It's a shocking verse, really.

Shocking, but serious.

The pain in the heart of a mother, when her child dies in an "untimely" way, is heartbreaking.  Once again, I feel unqualified to speak of this, as I have never been through a miscarriage or  premature birth, or a stillbirth.  I do know, from the experience of others, that it is a heartbreaking and sorrow filled experience.  A life, so wanted and hoped for, over before it's "begun".  A child, longed-for, and loved from conception, ended before birth.  Such sorrow, because of such expectation and love. When a child is wanted, and when a child is seen as a gift from GOD, when that precious life ends, a mother's heart is grieved, so very deeply.  You can understand why the Psalmist compares it as a painful thing for his enemies.  Because it is.  It's a painful thing.  Yet, once again, we must remember that God is sovereign.  His ways are past finding out.  He knows the end from the beginning.  We must trust in Him at all times. If you are hurting over the loss of a precious babe, my heart aches for you, and I pray you will know God's comfort.

The next verse is precious.  A reminder that God is creator.  That God is a WONDERFUL creator.

"thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. 

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:"

Psalm 139:13-14  

I actually love the wording in other Bile verses for this one.  He KNITS us together in our mother's womb.  Woven together. Intricately created.  Fearfully and wonderfully made.  The process, from conception to birth, is TRULY wonderful. Man cannot mimic it artificially.  He cannot explain it. It simply can't be done without a man and  woman, as God intended. 

Then, as that baby goes from multiplying, united cells, to growing baby, the wonder continues.  We live in a generation where we have SO much knowledge about this.  We can look into the very womb as a baby grows, seeing the development, stage by stage. You cannot help but simply say "wow". 

 God.  Again.  All God.  

Incredible, as a baby relies upon the life-blood of its mother - growing every day - in preparation for birth. Incredible. We are wonderfully made. 

The next is another simile, and speaks of the next stage.

"Fear took hold upon them there, and pain, as of a woman in travail."

Psalm 48:6

This are the enemies of the Psalmist, again.

They are experiencing pain, like a woman in labour!

Pain.  Ohhhhhh yes.  How much pain they must have been in, because labour IS painful.  Well, mine are, anyway.

The one thing not mentioned is a key element of pain in labour.

It has its reward.

Yes, we suffer pain for a time, but we have a BABY at the end of it! It's what gets me through labour EVERY SINGLE TIME.  The knowledge that this precious gift from God is MINE to hold, once labour is over.  God.  Sovereign.  Great.  Good.  Generous.  HE has given the reward of our travail.

The Psalmist mentions fear, too.  This is also something that so many women can experience IN labour.  I used to fear it greatly.  I feared the pain, and I feared the concept of another child to care for.  God is a God who provides ALL our needs, however.  I learned to TRUST Him, and to rest upon Him.  To know that He was bale to keep me, and give me the peace and strength to endure the pains of labour, and the challenges of parenting. With my last baby I got to the point of anticipation, and embracing the pain - fully resting in God, and His sovereignty, and His power. It resulted in a transformed birthing experience, for which I am so very thankful.

Pain?  Yes.

The ability to work with it, and through it? YES!

 If God can heal the sick, raise the dead, send plagues, forgive my sin, He can give me all I need to get through child birth!

The last two verses are on the same theme.

"Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table."

Psalm 128:3

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Psalm 127:3  

Children are a positive thing!  They aren't something to be endured.  They aren't some "necessity" that you must have, because you feel REQUIRED to do so - the whole "heir and spare" concept. In Psalm 128 a wife who is blessed with children, as a "fruitful vine", is a reward and commendation.  If you had a fruitful vine, how much would you expect it to yield? An abundance! God desires to bless us ABUNDANTLY.

You see, also, in Psalm 127, that the man that has many children is happy! The one who looks to the Lord to build the house, and has his quiver full, is blessed and happy.  What a precious thing to consider.  Children shouldn't be a chore.  They shouldn't be a burden. They should be seen as what they are - a GIFT from GOD!

That's not to say it's not always EASY, this road of motherhood.  There are trials from conception, to the grave.  As far as I can tell, the concerns of a mother only die when she does. It's not easy, but it's a path that is blessed, and is all of our sovereign and kind God.

There we have it.  The journey of motherhood, through the Psalms.  Fascinating.  Heart-breaking.  Joyful.  Blessed. SO much, in so few verses.

I don't know what lies ahead for me.  I'm 37.  I have things going on that are new for me.  I don't take anything for granted.  I could have more children.  I could have miscarriages and heartaches. I may not have any more children. I do know that my sovereign Heavenly Father has it in HIS hands.

Wherever you are in the journey of motherhood, I pray that God would be your portion, today and every day, as you rest in His sovereignty and goodness.

Women of the Word {Jobs daughters - beauty for ashes}

There is no doubt at all that the account of Job is one of great trial.

The experiences that God allows in His life are tough.  They are some of the hardest that can be humanly endured.  Pain, sorrow, and loss.

Yet, as I come to think about these three daughters, at the end of the book - Jemima, Keziah and Keren-Happuch - my heart cannot help but be drawn to an all-prevailing truth.

God is good, and we don't deserve it.

As Job came to the end of his trials - not the least of which was the torment he had to endure from his "comforters" - he didn't conclude with a "poor me" speech.  He didn't lament his losses, and cry bitter tears.  He had much for we could understand if had had a  reaction of questioning and self-pity.

But, that is not where we find Job.

In the end of his trials, we see him speaking these words.

"I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee. 

Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." 

Job 42:5-6  

Through all his deliberations with his friends, and the trials he had gone through, he had come to a deeper understanding of God.  He had heard of God and His greatness - but now he REALLY understood.  He had seen, with His own eyes, how great God was.

How great God was, and how small and sinful HE was.

He hated himself, and repented.

You see, when we go through trials, God allows us a glimpse of His greatness.  We see how unworthy we are, beside His greatness.  How deserving we truly are, of any trials God allows. Trials should bring us to the stark understanding that we are NOTHING and God is EVERYTHING.

Job was a righteous man.  He did what was right.  However, by the end of it all, he was a righteous man who knew God in a deeper, more meaningful way.  What a humbling realisation. What a challenge in my own life.

It doesn't end there.

What we read next is God - the very essence of His nature.  The sum total of His being.

"The LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before"

Job 42:10

Wow.

God is not just good.

Good would replace what he had lost.

Good would simply give.

God is not simply good.

God is GREAT.

"Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable."

Psalm 145:3

God is so great we cannot express it.  We can never fully tell of His greatness and His goodness. 

We cannot, but we must try.  

Psalm 145 is FILLED with the declaration of God's goodness, imploring us to do the same.  

Moreover, the way God blessed Job, enabled him to do exactly as the Psalms instructs.   

"One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts."

Psalm 145:4

Job had lost all his children.  They had all died, in one short space of time.  Yet, God blessed him again, for all children are a blessing from the hand of God.  His first 10 children had died, but God gave him 10 more.  

Seven more sons.

Three more daughters.

Ten children to declare God's greatness TO.

Not only that, but they were BEAUTIFUL!

God isn't just good, He is GREAT! 

Job went from mourning and ashes, in the beginning, to abundant blessing in the end. 

God allows trials.  He allows them to bring glory to Him.  So that we can echo, with Moses of old

"Ascribe ye greatness unto our God. 

He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he."

Deuteronomy 32:4-5  

Job was not alone in his experiences.  Reading the Psalmist, in Psalm 71, reads as if Job himself could be speaking.

"Thy righteousness also, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: O God, who is like unto thee! 

Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth. 

Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side." 

Psalm 71:19-21

Job's daughters were a living testimony to God's greatness.  They were a daily evidence to Job, and his wife, of course, that God is not only good, but He is great.

If we but stop for a moment, and look around, even in the midst of trials, we will see God's greatness.  It's always there, if we look.

His great salvation. (Hebrews 2:3)

His great mercies. (Isaiah 54:7)

His great love. (Ephesians 2:4)

His great faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:23)

His great grace. (II Corinthians 4:15)

His great reward. (Psalm 19:11)

His great Priesthood. (Hebrews 4:14)

His great promises. (II Peter 1:4)

Even if we can't see it right now, we know that God will give greatly, when we receive our eternal reward.

It may be, like Job, that you don't see it whilst you are in the midst of the trial. The trial is real, and it just keeps coming in waves.  Don't despair, His greatness will come. You WILL receive an evidence of His greatness, if you, like Job, remain faithful and true as you go through the trial. That is what God requires of us - to be faithful right to the end, and that will be where we see God's greatness at its fullest. 

"be thou faithful unto death, and I will give thee a crown of life."

Revelation 2:10

Precious daughter of the King, keep on through your trials. You may be dragged low, as Job.  You may plumb the depths of despair. Don't look down, look up.   Look to see God's greatness, beside  your insignificance.  Look forward, to the time when you will see the evidence of His greatness.  It may not be now, it may not even be soon, but even if it is not until you reach glory, eternity will be too short to tell of His greatness.

He WILL give you beauty for ashes.

Women of the Word {Esther - speaking wisely}

One of the things that always manages to convict me, when reading about Esther, are the lessons learnt about using our words wisely.

Esther is a wonderful picture about how to communicate effectively, especially with your husband.  Numerous times, throughout the account of Esther, we see her being wise with her words.  Not just with her husband, but also with others.

The thing that stands out most, above the details of what she says, and how she says it, is WHY she did it.

All Esther does, all through this book, is for the benefit of the righteous.  She is protecting her people, the Jews, and she is protecting Mordecai.  Wisdom, resulting in clever speech, is her forte.

As a wife, and as a follower of Christ, we have lessons we can learn - whether it's speaking to our husband, or speaking to our friends and family.  Those who are nearest and dearest should be the recipients of our wise speech.

There are two areas that stand out to me.

Her words protected her husband

Her words persuaded her husband

Early on in the book, we find Esther protecting her husband, by what she says.  As I mentioned last week, it would have been ever so easy for her to just say nothing.  It's  easy to stay silent, but often harder to speak up.  If Esther had said nothing, those plotting to kill Ahasuerus would have been successful.  Being a child of the King, she didn't want to see hurt come to her husband, and so she spoke up.

As a wife, it's our duty to use words that protect our husband.  I hear FAR too many women "husband bashing".  I cringe when I hear women degrading their husband, and criticising him. It saddens my heart when women think so little of their husband that they show such disrespect. God has given us our husbands.  They are a blessing to us. To begin to undermine their authority, by "letting them down" in a public manner, is quite simply abhor-able.  Are they perfect? No.  None of us are.  Does that mean we can moan and groan and complain to whoever, whenever? Nope.

Our words should be like a covering around our husband - wrapping him in a protective blanket, where no-one else has reason to start criticising or judging him unfairly.  If we throw out comments out of context, or in the heat of the moment, the minds and mouths of others are likely to be critical and jump to false conclusions - all because of our inability to keep silence.

HOW we speak to our husband is also of vital importance.  If we speak with a harsh tone, or with impatience and a lack of grace, our words will not be well received.  You know yourself, if a child, or anyone else for that matter, speaks with the wrong tone, our minds and hearts will quickly put up a "no" in response to their request or statement.

Looking at general scriptural principles, and applying them to marriage, is a good exercise.



Our words should be quiet - 

"The words of wise men are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools. "

Ecclesiastes 9:17 

How often it is so easy to start getting loud and irritated, when we try to put our point of view across, or we don't agree on something.  Your husband hear you louder, if you speak quietly.

Our words should be gracious - 

"The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself."

Ecclesiastes 10:12  

If we have words "always with grace", then we will avoid so much conflict.  Being gracious is about thinking the best of another - not picking up on the worst.  Forgiving.  Loving. All vital in a marriage.


Our words should sometimes NOT be spoken -

" In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19 

As hard as it might be, there are times when we ought to say nothing at ALL.  The more we say, the more we open ourselves up to sinning in our words.  It's like a snowball.  One unwise thought slips out as words, and the rest comes tumbling after.  Once words are spoken, they can't be taken back.  It ain't easy for many women, but the truth is "least said, soonest mended".

Our words should build up our husband - 

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:29

Our husbands are just as relevant as anyone else, here.  We are to build our husband up, with the words we use, not tear him down.  Ministering grace to the hearer - our husband. Serving him up a portion of gracious "herbs" alongside his dinner, instead of "stalled ox" and strife. Love = grace. IF Christ didn't show us that, then I don't know who did.  If we love our husband, our words will shower him with grace, and encourage him.

Our words should not be manipulative - 

"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8

Guile is all about being duplicitous, crafty and deceitful - it's using our words for self gain, and perhaps even with-holding the truth for our own betterment. It's another sad truth  - wives of today manipulate and deceive.  It is evidence of a lack of trust and honesty, and downright selfishness, to have a heart of guile.  I know of women who hide things from their husband - purchases made they know they won't be happy about, things they do which their husband wouldn't approve of, places they go that their husband would be unhappy about. All based upon selfish desires and motives.  Not caring about the thoughts and opinions of their husband.  Completely and utterly lacking in mutual respect. Ladies, it's WRONG! Just don't do it! Look at the promise given - if you want to love life and see good days, don't speak in an evil way, and don't have a heart of guile. 

This verse follows on from Peter's specific teaching to husbands and wives.  The fuller exhortation reads like this...

"Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 

Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 

For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8-10

Talk about being packed full! So much instruction and wisdom, worthy of our attention.

Ephesians clearly teaches that we are to respect our husband.  If we are to show respect, then we need to be wise both in how we speak TO our husband, and ABOUT our husband.

As to the second way that Esther's words were used - she persuaded her husband.

There are times when we need to be wise about when and how we speak to our husband, on matters of importance. Not because we are trying to manipulate for selfish reasons, but because we know our husband is at his best to listen and take things on board.

If you need to speak with your husband on an important subject, and he has had a stressful work day, and a headache to boot, it would be unwise to raise it at that moment.  He is not going to be able to cope, mentally or physically, with processing an important subject matter - not because he's an unreasonable ogre, but because he's human.  If you come and try to talk with him whilst he is trying to do something else, that is also a no-no.  Many men can simply not deal with more than one thing at once.  It's the way God made them, and it means they are usually super-focussed on something else, and doing a great job of it, as well!

Think of it this way - are there times when your children come and ask you about something, and you tell them you can't think about it right now? If so, the same may well apply to speaking to your husband. If I am making dinner, I can't concentrate on complex questions from my children.  I would rather wait, so I can fully listen to them, and help them to my greatest capacity.

It's equally an issue of not being selfish and impetuous yourself! Having self control and waiting for the right time, is something we need to exercise as women, as much as understanding our husband!

Esther both protected her husband, and persuaded her husband - all because she chose to use her words wisely, and to put others before herself.

We we would do well to do the same.

Women of the Word {Vashti - how not to be a good wife}

Before I launch into looking at Esther - that young girl who went from humble beginnings to Queenly status - I think it's very important to look at Vashti.

The book of Esther is intriguing. No mention of God at all.  Yet, filled with a story of redemption.

Esther - an example of strength and bravery.

Vashti - an example of how NOT to be a wife.

Let's get the back story, First. King Ahasuerus decided to throw a lavish party. It was no small feast - it lasted one hundred and eighty days! At the end of this great feast, where he displayed his power, he threw a shorter feast - seven days - in his garden.  It was a place of great beauty, reflecting the great riches of the Kingdom, with colourful hangings, marble and a multi-coloured flooring!  All the people drank from golden cups - each one unique. They didn't drink with excess - it all fell within the limits of the law.  It must have been quite a feast!

At the same time, Vashti made a feast for the women, separately.

On the seventh day, the King requested that the Queen should come to him, so he could show off her beauty to those gathered.  He quite obviously admired the good looks of his wife, and wanted others to appreciate such.

Then came the problem.

Vashti point blank refused to come.

It made Ahasuerus angry.

He consulted his wise men, to decide what should be done.

It was decided, according to the law, that she would no longer come before the King, and her estate should be given to one "better than she".

All of this was decided for one pivotal reason - they didn't want  Vashti's in-submission to be a bad example to the women in the kingdom. They needed to see that it was something that was wrong, and had consequences.

As much as the kingdom of Ahasuerus was an ungodly one, there was much wisdom in their views on marriage.

Here is the basis for the decisions of the wise men.

"Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. 

For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. 

Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media say this day unto all the king's princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath. 

For he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house."

Esther 1

Vashti's actions could potentially cause other women in the kingdom to "despise" their husbands, and lead to "contempt and wrath".  In other words, it would lead other women to think they could copy the actions and attitude of Vashti, leading to anger and contempt. It wasn't the way marriages were supposed to work.  Going against the way that things should be would cause hurt and damage.

Now, before I get to the nitty gritty...

I am a woman, trying to share with other women what I find in the Bible. It is not my job to teach men, or instruct husbands. So, I will not be dealing, in any great detail, about what men should, or shouldn't, be doing.

I have simply come to this topic as a natural progression, studying through the women of the Bible, and I am not trying to make a point out of something that's not obviously there.

That said, what can we see from Vashti, and what can we then conclude from what the Bible teaches, elsewhere?

Firstly, what can we learn from this chapter, from the incident with Vashti?

* Vashti, as a wife, was expected to obey her husband.

* Vashti didn't obey her husband.

* It was wrong to disobey her husband.

* Vashti was being a bad example to other wives.

* Men are to rule their homes.


Amongst many, this would not be popular or tolerated.

Obey husband? Men rule in the home?

Seriously?

Surely this is just a heathen kingdom's rules, and not at all in line with GOD'S teaching?

Erm, wrong.

If you are a child of God, who longs to serve and honour Him with every fibre of your being, the ruling given in this Persian kingdom is EXACTLY the same as what God requires of you.

EXACTLY the same!

Don't believe me?

Read on.

"thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

This is an edict given in GENESIS.

THE BEGINNING.

Husbands, ruling over the wife.  This is the start of it all.  The fall.  The curse.  The punishment given to women.  We are to be ruled over by our husbands, and it's our CURSE.  We won't like it, and our spirit, by nature, will fight it, tooth and nail.  Ergo - it's not going to be easy, but it's what God has ordained.

It's so disliked, even to this day, that feminism has reared its ugly head, and tries to imply that this must mean that women are somehow lesser beings by this requirement, and we must battle to gain equality.

What sad, sad falsehood.

God has created us equal, in His sight.  He loves women and men equally.  He hears and answers our prayers equally.  He desires to bless us equally.  We are equal.

However, due to sin, and our fallen nature, He established that there needs to be order within our lives.  There can only be one leader in every marriage.  It's not actually the man.

No.

It's GOD.

He is the ultimate authority, and we are both, as husband and wife, under His authority, and expected to obey Him.

Life, of course, throws out, time upon time, instances where decisions have to be made, and leadership is required.  God has planned that the husband is to take that role.

GOD.

HE decided.

Now, please bear in mind, I am NOT talking to non-Christians here.  I am talking, primarily, to those who claim Christ as their Saviour.  I am telling you that GOD chose that this is the way it should be.
This ALONE should be reason enough to want to follow it!

It's not about being bossy, oppressive, or most of all misogynistic. It's not an excuse for men to exert unloving, and harsh, command over their wives.  It's about taking on the role of "the buck stops here, so I need to make choices as the head of this home", and the wife lovingly accepting that's the way it should be.

I'm not saying that wives have no opinion, no point of view, or any other such nonsense.  If a man loves his wife as Christ loved the Church, He will want to hear what his wife has to say, and treat her as a spiritual equal, with respect and love.  It doesn't mean that she gets to be disrespectful and obstinate. It doesn't mean she has leeway to be self-centred and manipulative.

Look back at the verse in Genesis. The husband rules.

The example of Vashti is a clear one, regarding respect for our husband.  If your husband asks you to do something that is not wrong or sinful, then we should desire to respectfully do it.  If we respect that role of leadership that God has placed in his hands - which is no small thing, and bears the weight of responsibility to God for each decision he makes - then we should WANT to submit. If we want to honour GOD, we will want to honour our husband.  He is accountable to God for the decisions he makes, which require our submission - we are accountable to God to submit to our husband.  It's that simple.

Biblical headship is ultimately about protection, not "being the boss". It's about Christ protecting families, husbands protecting their wife and family, and wives protecting their family and caring for their home. We all have responsibilities to rule well, and to honour the Lord in how we do it.  So, as wives, if our husband asks us to do something, we submit.

I once saw a graphic that explained it well, and I have attempted recreated it myself.

You can see here the way it all works.  It's about caring, protecting, and ruling well.

"One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;"

I Timothy 3:5

Yes, it's an instruction to those being considered as Elders, but given that they are in a position of example, we can safely say it's how  ALL men should behave!  Ruling WELL their household, which includes the wife, as well as the children.  Ruling well means loving like Christ loves us.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." 

Ephesians 5:22-24

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

Ephesians 5:33

This is the biggie.   We submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord.  Maybe that is where we need to start, in our hearts. DO we submit to the Lord, first and foremost? Are we desirous to honour Him, love Him, respect Him, and obey Him, above all else? Listening to His voice, over the clamouring voices of the world?  If we are, then we will WANT to submit to our husband.  Christ is the head of the Church to lead her, guide her, protect her, teach her, love her.  In the same way, the husband is the head of the wife. Christ isn't domineering, abrasive, unheeding, and without love and care.  Neither should the husband be. Likewise, as we, as a church, should be subject to Christ - in EVERYTHING - so should we be to our husbands - IN EVERY THING.   We need to deeply respect our husband, and SHOW it.

Herein was the downfall of Vashti.  She did not respect her husband, and his desires, and was plucked from her lofty position as wife of the King, and all honours and riches were taken away. He didn't ask her to do anything wrong or crazy. He just asked her to come to him.  To leave what she was doing, to come to him.  She didn't want to.  That curse that was put upon her, as all women, was fighting within her, and she gave in to self.  

Like Vashti, when we choose NOT to respectfully, and humbly, come  under the authority and protection of the headship of our husbands, as God has ordained, we put ourselves in harms way. We are sinning, and choosing to disobey God, when we fight against it.  It displeases God.  It grieves His heart. It's not for us to judge whether our husband is making the best call - it's up to us to respectfully obey, and leave it in the hands of the One under whose authority our husband stands. 

As for the reasoning behind Vashti being removed from her role as queen, we read that it was so that her actions were not a bad example to other women.

We can see, similarly, what I Peter teaches  us.

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

I Peter 3:5-6

We have the GOOD example of women like Sara - she loved and respected her husband so deeply, she called him "lord".  Yes, LORD.  We are her daughters - we are from her lineage, as those who faith in God.  We need to follow her example, and BE an example to others, too.  To the world, watching what real love should be.  To our daughters, growing up and learning how a good marriage should operate. To young Christians, wanting to learn how to live a life honouring to God.

*sigh*

It's a HUGE issue.

It's a HARD thing.

It's simply not easy, and we will battle with it until our dying day, because it's part of our curse.  Our child bearing years will pass, and so passes that part of the curse - but, until our husband passes to glory, it's our duty to submit to our husband.

Hang on.

Let's just finish on a positive.

If submitting to our husband is submitting to God's will, how should we be doing it? Yes, it's our duty. Yes, it's a command.

The Psalmist sums it up.

"I delight to do thy will, O my God:"

Psalm 40:8

DELIGHT.  That's how we should do God's will.  With delight.  With joy.

"Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart."

Psalm 119:2 

If we obey God's commands, and seek to follow after Him with our whole heart, we will be blessed.

I can tell you, unequivocally, when you don't honour and obey your husband you will NOT be happy. You will NOT be blessed.  You will be miserable. Seeking self, and thinking you know best, will NOT lead to joy and happiness. Ask me how I know.  Actually, don't.  Just take my word for it.

Is it easy? 

No.  Fighting against sin and self is not easy.

Not every husband is easy to submit to, I must add.  Men are sinners, just like women.  They don't always lead and rule with the love and grace that they ought to.  Does that mean we shouldn't have to do our part? NO! We are only ever accountable for ourselves.  Leave it to God to judge our husbands.

Is it worth it? 

Yes. Obeying God's perfect will is ALWAYS worth it.  I can tell you, hands down, that my marriage has been more joyful, happy, blessed, and strong, when I have submitted to Robert.  Do I always get it right? Do I always do what I should? Shamefully, no.  When I do, we have such sweet union, and heartache is averted. 

Don't be like Vashti.  Don't be headstrong and self-willed.  Delight to do God's will, and see the blessings that come your way.

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Matriarchs are moving {and winner of the Give-away!}

As part of my plans for a new year, I am attempting to be more intentional and organised with my blogging life. As I have said, previously, it's as much of a development of my own spiritual walk, as it is a ministry to others. However, I want to maximise its benefit to others, and one thing I noticed was that my readership is lower on a Monday. I am almost certainly sure that it's to do with the busyness of life, on that day.  So, in order to share the lessons from the women of old with as many as possible, they are moving to a Wednesday. I had thought of it before, but "Matriarchs on a Monday" didn't really fit in on a Wednesday, or any other day of the week, for that matter...

Finally, I thought outside of the box - the title just needed to work in for another day of the week.

Wednesday it was.

Women + Wednesday = works.

So, on Wednesday, we will see "Women of the Word Wednesdays"

Come back on Wednesday to read about Queen Vashti!

So, the WINNER!

MEGAN GREENWOOD!

Congratulations! You will receive an email from me, letting you know how to claim your prize.

Sorry to all the others who entered - how I wish I had a bottomless pot of money, to buy you all one.  If you are able, do buy yourself a copy, and if you are not, put it on your Birthday list!

My prayer is that many, MANY women are blessed by the message of this book.