Dancing the dance of the home {the virtuous wife}

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband"

Proverbs 12:4  

Can I tell you a secret?

Sometimes, when we have music playing in the kitchen, I will dance with my children. 

I twirl around, with a small person in my arms, and they LOVE it! Music playing away, and the joy that we both feel is tangible! It's not a very Scottish-conservative-Baptist type thing to do, but it's a lot of fun! 

Imagine my surprise, when I was looking into another "woman" in Proverbs, to find out the root of the word "virtuous" is

khool - "A primitive root; properly to twist or whirl (in a circular or spiral manner), that is, (specifically) to dance"

To me, it was just like that twirling and whirling around I do in the kitchen! I wouldn't have considered that activity to relate to being virtuous, but when I stopped and thought about my life, there WAS a connection.

The word that "khool" is the root of is "khah-yil".  Its meaning  - "probably a force, whether of men, means or other resources; an army, wealth, virtue, valour, strength".

Think about your role, as a wife and a mother.

If you are anything like me, your day is filled with jobs. You rush about, from one duty to another.  At your disposal is a wealth of resources that you utilise to the specifics of the job you have in hand.  Planning, working, and achieving a numerous host of tasks.

In fact, when you are at your busiest, you are probably whirling, twirling and whizzing from one thing to another, like someone waltzing around a room.

To be fair, most mothers are less ballerina or Viennese waltzer, and more of a jiving and jitterbugging mother! Less graceful and more energetic! We get the job done, but it may look like something from a comedy sketch - you bend down to pick something up, only to notice there is something a couple of feet away which you deftly hop over to rescue. You then notice that there are some cobwebs gathering and stretch up to remove them, only to trip up over a stray toy, which you pick up and toss, more accurately than any professional sportsman, into the toybox in the corner.  (Seriously, I can accurately pitch a toy in to the box, nearly every time, from quite a distance!). 

We cook, clean, and organise, in one, seemingly endless, dance sequence.  

You need only to look at Proverbs 31 to see the list of tasks that one woman can accomplish, if she sets her mind to it. THAT is virtue.  Being a force that accomplishes all she needs to do, to keep her home running efficiently.

That kind of woman - the one, dancing around with energy, joy and strength - whirling, twirling around in her dance of life, caring for her home - she's a crown to her husband. We adorn him, and place him in the highest position, by being everything we should be.  It brings him honour, strength and respect, when we are everything we need to be. It makes him feel like royalty, when we are working hard to make our home a place of industry and God-glorifying accomplishments.

Like an invigorating dance, this busy life makes us breathless, tired and glad for a rest.  But, it also fills us with energy, satisfaction and joy.  No less so, because we know it's a crown to our precious husbands, to BE that dancing" wife and mother.

Next time I am twirling around my kitchen with the children, I will remember that everything I am doing as a virtuous wife and mother, is making my husband feel like a king.

Looking back

There are many who would say that we should not spend out lives looking back.  In some senses this may be true.  We shouldn't look back, continually going over mistakes or sins - dragging them up in our mind, let alone in conversation. We shouldn't look back with regrets, with a negative perspective - mulling over things we wished we had done differently.  What's done is done, and we can't change it.

However, there is great blessing in looking back over the good, and rejoicing with thanksgiving for the things that have happened in our lives.

Undoubtedly, this has been a year of great blessing to our family.  Just today, I am celebrating 13 years of marriage to the love of my life.  What incomparable years of joy they have been.  The blessings of marriage are so many, that I cannot begin to count them up in a blog post. Our love has grown, our relationship deepened, our personalities matured and our character improved  All of this adds up to a continuing love for each other, as we daily learn to die to self and give to one another. I love Robert greatly, and am thankful for him every day.  I can not imagine life without him.

We have been blessed with another child - our seventh.  I can hardly believe, 13 years on, that we have been so wonderfully blessed with these 7 children, from the Lord.  Simeon is a joy, and it is thrilling to see him develop and grow every day.  He's getting more vocal, more mobile and ever more adorable. All of the other children continue to grow, and learn.  We have many "wobbly" moments, where things don't go as smoothly, humanly speaking, as we would wish.  Balancing that all out, and tipping in the opposite direction, are the rich, moments of blessing that the children bring.  The smiles, the laughter, the tender moments, the little things they say, the precious things they do.  All a blessing. And, even in the trying times, there is always something to find, which we can still be thankful for.

We  are continually blessed and encouraged by our extended family.  Opportunities to meet up together, and have fun have been a joy.  To grow closer, to be blessed by help, and kindness, and love, and generosity of many varieties. Family is always a blessing.

Related to that has been the opportunity to open up our wonderful, new home, to have many people come to visit and to stay.  It's SUCH a blessing to now have home large enough to not only have room for our own family, but have room to comfortably accommodate overnight visitors.

We have been blessed with friendship.  Through my contacts with Facebook, we have made several new friends. Some that are more exclusive to me, in my online contacts - friends who I come alongside with, in prayer and praise, and who span all corners of the globe.  What a blessing to see answered prayer, and to be encouraged in my Christian walk by other like-minded Sisters.  Some are friends who have extended to an IRL capacity - "In Real Life".  To meet people and find they are just as you imagined, and have friendships bloom and grow.  What a blessing and encouragement. To have many come to stay in our home, and to be able to talk of the things of the Lord, laugh about many different things, and be so deeply blessed by the company of so many.  We particularly enjoyed meeting the St John family, and the blessing and encouragement that friendship has been to us.

We have been blessed in our journey in home education.  Beginning new curricula, seeing the children come on in leaps and bounds, having Susie start to read, and the general privilege of having my children with me in the home every day.  Is it hard at times.  Yes.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!

We rejoice to keep in touch with friends who have been with us in years gone by, and now see them ministering in many ways, and in many places. What a thrill to see young men labouring for the Lord, and new families being raised for God's glory.

My heart is truly full, as I look back at the blessing that God has filled my life with.  We are contented with the many blessings which the Lord has bestowed upon us.

And, as I look back, with a full heart, I give thanks.

Thanks for the many, many wonderful gifts that God has given me.

"for consider how great things he hath done for you."

I Samuel 12:24

"The LORD hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad. "

Psalm 126:3

Just Do It (On cleaning toilets....)

Are there things in your life that you just plain don't like to do?

One of these jobs that you tend to, well, procrastinate doing, simply because it isn't something you like to do?

I do NOT *like* cleaning toilets.

It's a fairly well known fact amongst those that know me well.

If someone could invent a self-cleaning toilet, I may be first in line to purchase one...

I have been much better at cleaning them since we moved house.  It's something that I had noticed more and more - that my dear, wonderful husband kept resorting to doing it himself, as he was fed up with it being left undone.

*blushes....with great mortification and shame*

So, I decided that I needed to turn over a new, ermmmm, toilet seat?....

And, I have set my heart and mind on the matter, and determined to "just do it".

Did you know that the instruction to "do it" is mentioned 51 times in the Bible.

Nike were NOT the ones to come up with the concept.

Over and over there were commandments given from the Lord, with the instruction tagged along, by no means un-importantly, at the end - to "do it".

In Exodus 36, when Moses is giving instruction about the building of the tabernacle, those that were helping were told to "do it".  Not just think about helping...."do it".

The children of Israel, in Deuteronomy chapter 5, purposed to not only hear the words of the Lord, but to "do it".  Not being hearers of the word only, but doers.

In I Chronicles 28, David was given instruction to orchestrate the gathering together of the materials to build the temple...he was encouraged to be strong and "do it".  And when Solomon was then handed the huge task of overseeing the actual construction, his father, David, implored him, also, to be strong, courageous and "do it".

And then, the same instruction is given to us, in essence, two times - once in Ecclesiastes 9:10

"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, DO IT with thy might;"

And, then again in Colossians 3:23


"And whatsoever ye do, DO IT heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;" 

And there lies the crux of the matter.

Are all my efforts in all that I do in life....cleaning toilets, or whatever else it may be....done with every ounce of energy and enthusiasm I can muster? Am I doing it well?

And, who am I doing it for?  True, I wanted to please my husband.  That's not a bad thing!  But, really, it's not even the ultimate motivation.  See...in the verse above?...

*WHATSOEVER* ye do....anything...everything....

do it heartily - with effort....with energy..with enthusiasm....

TO        THE       LORD!

That should be my motivating factor.  If it needs to be done, and it's my job to do it, I need to do it for the Lord.  That knowledge alone should be sufficient motivation for doing it all!

The little hymn came into my mind, as I cleaned today.

"There’s a work for Jesus, ready at your hand,
’Tis a task the Master just for you has planned.
Haste to do His bidding, yield Him service true;
There’s a work for Jesus none but you can do.

• Refrain:
  Work for Jesus, day by day,
  Serve Him ever, falter never; Christ obey.
  Yield Him service loyal, true,
  There’s a work for Jesus none but you can do."

Okay, so I am sure it was written with evangelism in mind.  But, this home of mine is my field of service! It's where God has called me to labour for HIM!   And, that includes cleaning toilets.  It's not a job for the children ( what KIND of mother would I be to expect them to do that! ), and my husband shouldn't have to resort to doing it, simply because I haven't got on and done it.  So, in essence, it is a work that "only *I* can do", as the hymn suggests!!!

And, as the first part of verse 2 says...

"There’s a work for Jesus, humble though it be,"

Humbler than cleaning toilets?....it must come in a fairly high classification on the "humble" stakes!

So, my lesson for today?....

well, just "do it"!

Top Tips Tuesday - Surviving Pregnancy

Someone asked, on an online group that I am on, how to cope with lots of little children during pregnancy.  It got me thinking about what helped me to cope, and how I struggled, during my prgenancy's.

Contrary to common opinion, I am NOT superwoman.  (I KNOW that some of you are well aware of that.....). Some people seem to think that I am, because I am a SAHM, who has 6 children, and who homeschools.   But, I certainly have many a day where I do not feel like a super anything.  Well, maybe a super-whiner, or a super-failure, or a super-lost-it-completely.  ANYTHING of any merit that is observed, is ALL of God's grace, and God's grace alone.  I could NOT do it without the Lord, and HIS strength.

So, for my Top Tips, I am going to give a few ways to prevent pregnancy melt-down, a lot of which applies to general life, as well.

1.  Don't miss out on your quiet time.

Now, I have to ALWAYS alter how and when I do my quiet time, when I am pregnant.  I simply can't manage the early rises quite like I normally do.  I have to adjust that.  Sometimes I don't get my readings done until the evening, or it may be in the morning, but with the children milling around.  But, I have discovered (to my personal disaster), miss it, miss out.  Or, miss it, mess up.  If there is ever  a time when you need to know that closeness with the Lord, it is when the children are little, and you are hormonal, and pregnant.  Melt-downs happen waaaaaay quicker, if you are not keeping your eyes on the Lord.  Pray a lot.  Think on God's goodness. You REALLY need to.  Otherwise you dwell on the problems, and how "blah" you are feeling, and you end up in a downward spiral of self-pity and tears. (yep, tears...easily the tears)

2.  Don't do more than you have to

Yes, YOU! That lady there, reading this, who's a perfectionist and couldn't possibly imagine letting ONE thing "slip" from her perfect routine.  Let some things wait.  Because they CAN wait until you are feeling better.  Or until someone else offers to do it.  Or until the baby is born.  It is more important to have a Mummy who isn't having a melt-down because she has lost her last ounce of energy ironing the tea towels.  (for the record, I NEVER iron tea towels, but I do iron more than some I know.  My lovely husband likes things to be ironed, so I do.  But, a pile ALWAYS builds up in early and late pregnancy, and I just do what NEEDS to be done...the earth isn't going to implode beacuse you don't get all the ironing done!)  Let your standards slip.  Ok, maybe put more positively, alter your standards for a short while.

3.  Take help when it's offered.

No matter how much it may not the way you like it done, or the speed you like it done, take help when it's offered.  If someone has a kind enough heart to offer in the first place, you would be MAD not to accept.  Even if the offer is purely because someone is trying to be self-righteous, or nosey, still say yes!  It's for gOd to judge the heart, and in the meantime, you reap the benefits. Yes, Mrs Blogs' dinners may not be quite like yours, but it beats making it yourself!

4.  Use paper plates and cups

Yes, that's right. Paper.  And throw them away.  One less job already - no washing up! You can get them VERY cheaply in Poundland and big stores.  It's easier for the children to clear up as well.  Even if you jsut do it for lunch, it's still a little help.

5.  Get the children involved

If you don't already have the children helping in the house START NOW! Every small thing that they can do, is one less thing for YOU to do.  It's all a great education for them, and it may start some excellent routines for the rest of life.  Even small children (2 or 3 years old) can do many things.  Changing hand towels, replenishing toilet paper, putting things away, getting out cutlery.  The list is long!  As for older children - my oldest two (9 and 8) could make basic dinners, and lunch with any kind of sandwich fillling (but especially PB&J and chocolate spread!....there's PROTEIN in peanut butter - it's GOOD!)  All these ways that a child can help can free up a nauseous and weary mother, reserving your energies for the things that you really need to do.

6.  Have "room time"

Again, if you don't already do this as part of your routine, start now!  We have done this for years now.  For an hour in the afternoon, the children spend an hour in their room.  I usually have them read for half an hour, and play for half an hour.  Girls in their room and boys in theirs.  Now, invariably, I have had my youngest child nap i the morning, and the room time is in the afternoon.  This is so that I was able to do school work in the morning, whilst the youngest was asleep.  You need to decide which things are more valuable to your time and energies.  I found that getting school done with fewer interruptions and having the smallest child with me during room time, is better than doing school in the afternoon when the youngest is awake just so I can have  a rest when the children have room time.  So, find what works for you.  But, I HIGHLY reccommend this "room time".  They are told NOT to keep coming out and bringing problems to me.  They have to be nice to each other, and sort out any problems themselves!

7.  If you home school, be flexible

I have known people (including myself!) to get into a real tizz about keeping up with a very busy home-schooling schedule during pregnancy, and ending up stressed out and exhausted.  I would suggest, if your curriculum choices allow, to take a less intensive approach at the harder times in pregnancy.   Get your older children to do a lot of independant reading.  They can learn SO much from factual books, by just sitting, quietly reading on their own.  Maybe get them to write some short reviews to show you what they have learnt, or narrate some facts to you, or demonstrate in some other way.  DO NOT stress about the younger children.  If you have started early with your children, and are already in a very strict schedule with, say, a 4 year old.  CHILL OUT! They are still SO young, and they can cope with something less intense, simply to allow their Mum to rest and cope.  You can do many "educational" things, such as simply reading aloud to them.  You can sit on the sofa, and they can be learning by just chatting to them - pointing out colours, numbers, things beginning with different sounds, light, sound - all just from your sofa! Learning comes in so many different shapes and forms.  RELAX!  Try and take it easy with the the things that can wait. Concentrate on teaching Biblical character traits. Eternal things, of so much importance, can be taught in very informal ways.  In fact, you could tie it in with the helping, by setting them tasks to tie in with character traits, which will also help the whole household! Get inventive, as much as your weary brain will allow!

8.  ABOVE ALL ELSE....

Remember....this will pass!  It is such a short season in life, with a far more eternal weight of glory.  You are growing a child inside of you, who you will be raising for the kingdom of Christ.  The weeks of nausea are far outweighed by the blessing of the child that will so very soon bring you joy!  Keep on, just one moment at a time.  Don't worry about how you will cope tomorrow, or next week, or next month.  TODAY is what counts for the Lord, and we must honour Him in our lives TODAY.  He WILL give you the grace and strength that you need.  If it doesn't seem like you have much, God know it is what you need, and you need to do what you are able to do, with the strength that HE has given you!

So, for all those of you going through pregnancy, keep your chin up!  Maybe you have some ways that you have found to cope with those tough days.  PLEASE share them!

Perhaps your child-bearing days are over?  PLEASE impart your wealth of experience to those whose days of tiredness and nausea are still not done! There must be something that you can share!

Maybe you are not pregnant, but still struggling.  Maybe with illness or a difficult child - I am sure these ideas may help you in some way.  I pray that God will use them to His glory!

Please link up below, if you blog about this subject, or share your experiences in the comments section below.

And, sorry it's late - but I DID start it on Tuesday! *grin*

Top Tips Tuesday - Storage

Today, I thought I would focus on storage.  I had been chatting to some FB friends (again!) about how to keep things tidy, and storage of toys in particular.  So, as promised, I will share what I do.

Now, I used to have a hard time keeping on top of tidying.  I used to say to Robert "but I don't have places to put things - if i had more storage it would be tidier!".  He didn't believe me....well, he didn't seem to believe me!

But, as it happens, not very often, of course, (especially between ladies and gents who happen to be married.....*whistles*) I was right....aherm....

I invested some time looking for decent storage boxes, and for places to keep them.  A lot of reshuffling and reorganising to find places to put them, resulting in a much more easily tidied house.  

Now, if someone could just get me a brand of small person who put the things back in the boxes quickly, and without complaint?....

Moving swiftly on.  

So, what do I use?  I primarily use "Really Useful Boxes".  I usually buy them here as they are one of the most competitive prices.  They are NOT cheap, but I have found, especially with storage boxes, you get what you pay for.  Cheap ones break VERY easily.  These ones are sturdy and have got great lids with a clip fastening.  I am NOT claiming they are unbreakable.  My children use them, and not always for their intended purpose.  You are not really meant to STAND on the handles to push yourself up to reach things that aren't meant to be reached by a small person.  Hmmmmm.

I have managed to get them in Tesco once or twice, for a very good price.  But, only one size.  they also stack brilliantly, as you will see shortly.

I have to acknowledge my good friends, the Brooks.  They introduced me to this addiction useful tool.  

I have these boxes in virtually EVERY room of my house.  They contain nearly everything imaginable.  They look so neat and tidy, and lovely, and wonderful, and beautiful, and did I mention neat and tidy?

And, no, I am not getting any commission from Really Useful Box manufacturers!  

So, where do I use them?....

 In the odds and ends cupboard - batteries, husband-related-odd-tool-thingys, candles for emergencys, medicines, odd socks.....

 For our math-u-see manipulatives (the counting blocks we use for maths.....)

 In my wardrobe, for out of season clothes and not-so-used shoes

under the girls bed for Playmobil and dressing up shoes (don't you wish you had small feet still?....)

in the girls cupboard for dolls house furniture and Sylvanian families bits and bobs

THIS is the motherload.....about 30 of these 50 litre babies stacked in the back of the garage (bit hard to get too close at the moment......) with all of the clothes currently not being worn by some small person in my home, ready for the next small person to wear them - ordered by age and gender.  Well, ordered sounds too organised - they are in boxes according to age and gender....quite different....

in my kitchen cupboards with my spices and condimenty things ( I KNOW that's not a word, ok?.....)

bird food, right by my weights...because I do a lot of weight lifting....really, I do....you don't believe me?....nice.....(although, if you look closely, the lightest set is missing - I DO use those with my exercise DVD on occasion...the LIGHTEST one mind...)

So, now you know.... my name is Caroline and I am addicted to Really Useful Boxes.....(and I haven't taken pictures of them all.......!!)

I also have another storage unit that is VERY useful.  Courtesy of that wonderful storage giant.....yep, Ikea.

It's tall, so stores a lot in a small amount of floor space.  You can get different sized drawers, but we have a shallow one (one for each school day...) and 4 deep ones.

the shallow ones have games, puzzles, activities for the younger children.  I am also a BIG fan of taking puzzles and games out of their space-consuming boxes, and putting them in zip-lock bags.  I eagerly remove the contents from boxes, put them in the bags and tear up the boxes for the recycling, with great gusto!!   I then rotate which trays they have out each day, and periodically jumble around the contents as well.

The big ones have....play food for the play kitchen, in the one lowest down, for the little children to access....

....then play cars in the next one up.....

....and Lego bricks in the 3rd from the bottom - Elijah can't reach into this to get anything out, but Joshua can take it out to play with.

So, there you have it - storage in my house.  We also have some crates from my father-in-law, that have no lid, and are collapsible, that the boys use for under the bed storage.  

I would really love to hear what methods you use for storage.  I haven't really covered organisation of the items that are IN the boxes.   Another post, perhaps?

PLEASE link up, or share your ideas in the comments below.  Also, if you are put off by thinking you need a google ID, you just post as anonymous, and then it will work! :-)

Also, find some GREAT storage ideas from these ladies who call themselves 4 moms.  

Follow the link to see their posts on storage.  They regularly get together on their blogs to share ideas - they have 35 children between them, and so have plenty parenting experience! Find more from them all here.

They are also going to be blogging through a book I recently purchased, during the month of August, called "Large Family Logistics", which is filled with great tips and ideas for ANYONE, large family, or not! I hope to be joining with them as they blog, and others share in the journey. Keep your eye out for it!

Anyway, link up and share your great tips!

Top Tips Tuesday - Marriage

I was thinking that it would be a good idea to share some wisdom with each other, about various topics.  Everything from favourite books to read with your children, to the best soup recipes that you have!  There are endless possibilities, and what could be better than sharing with others and being helpful!

I had no trouble deciding what today's should be to start it all off, when I read a truly excellent excerpt from the writings of Richard Baxter, the great Puritan preacher.    It is titled "Directives for Avoiding Dissension in the Home" - the subtitle which I would give, being - "How to live in harmony without arguing"!

I am going to be honest with you here.  On our honeymoon we argued.  Sorry, correction.  On our honeymoon *I* argued.  I couldn't tell you what it was about, but it happened.  I would unequivicably state that it was my fault entirely - largely due to the fact that I had issues with submission and humility.  (Can I quickly add....I still have my moments.....).  I would really like to deal with the topic of Biblical submission at some point, but not today, and not without a lot of thought and applying myself to the task with prayer. I have taken a long time to improve in this area, and I wish I had had more understanding of how to avoid it, in those early days.

As I know a dear, sweet friend who recently got married, I thought that sharing tips on how to have a successful, happy and BIBLICAL marriage, would be a great way to start my "Top Tips Tuesday".  What do YOU wish you knew in those early days.  What have YOU found to be vital in maintaining a God-glorifying marriage?

I really believe that there are many marriages that are secretly floundering and failing - and I am talking about CHRISTIAN marriages - simply because they have had no Biblical teaching about marriage from pastors, no sound advice from "older women" and SO sadly, no godly example from parents.  The world is full of books about marriage advice from a worldly philosophy, but what about a Biblical point of view?  People either don't know what it is, or don't understand it properly so dismiss it.

I would like to come back to the topic of marriage, but for today, here is my Top Tip - try to avoid disagreement and arguing.  The excerpt below gives some EXCELLENT advice about this, and we would all do well to put it into practice.  If you read it and find it doesn't apply to you, you are either deceiving yourself, or you have a prefect marriage......hmmmm.......what do you think?

Read it, and be challenged!

Directives for Avoiding Dissension in the Home by Richard Baxter

Richard Baxter

It is a great duty of husbands and wives to live in quietness and peace, and avoid all occasions of wrath and discord. Because this is a duty of so great importance, I shall first open to you the great necessity of it, and then give you more particular directions to perform it.

(1) Your discord will be your pain, and the vexation of our lives. Like a bile, or wound, or fracture in your own bodies, which will pain you till it is cured; you will hardly keep peace in your minds, when peace is broken so near you in your family. As you would take heed of hurting yourselves, and as you would hasten the cure when you are hurt; so should you take heed of any breach of peace, and quickly seek to heal it when it is broken.

(2) Dissension tends to cool your love; oft falling out doth tend to leave a habit of distaste and averseness on the mind. Wounding is separating; and to be tied together by any outward bonds, when your hearts are separated, is but to be tormented; and to have the insides of adversaries, while you have conjugal outsides. As the difference between my house and my prison is that I willingly and with delight dwell in the one, but am unwillingly confined to the other, such will be the difference between a quiet and an unquiet life, in your married state; it turneth your dwelling and delight into a prison, where you are chained to those calamities, which in a free condition you might overrun.

(3) Dissension between the husband and the wife, doth disorder all their family affairs; they are like oxen unequally yoked, that can rid no work for striving with one another. Nothing is well done because of the variance of those that should do it, or oversee it.

(4) It exceedingly unfitteth you for the worship of God; you are not fit to pray together, nor to confer together of heavenly things, nor to be helpers to each other’s souls: I need not tell you this, you feel it by experience. Wrath and bitterness will not allow you so much exercise of love and holy composedness of mind, as every one of those duties do require.

(5) Dissension disableth you to govern your families aright. Your children and servants will take example by you; or think they are at liberty to do what they list, when they find you taken up with such work between yourselves; and they will think you unfit to reprove them for their faults, when they see you guilty of such faults and folly of your own; nay, you will become the shame and secret derision of your family, and bring yourselves into contempt.

(6) Your dissensions will expose you to the malice of Satan, and give him advantage for manifold temptations. A house divided cannot stand; an army divided is easily conquered, and made a prey to the enemy. You cannot forsee what abundance of sin you put yourselves in danger of. By all this you may see what dissensions between husband and wife do tend to, and how they should be avoided.

For the avoiding of them observe these sub-directions:

(1) Keep up your conjugal love in a constant heat and vigor. Love will suppress wrath; you cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations, against those that you dearly love; much less can you proceed to reviling words, or to averseness and estrangedness, or any abuse of one another. Or if a breach and wound be unhappily made, the balsamic quality of love will heal it. But when love once cooleth, small matters exasperate and breed distaste.

(2) Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and passion, which are the causes of impatiency; and must pray and labour for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seemeth to tend to their undervaluing. A peevish, froward mind is like a sore and ulcerated member, that will be hurt if it be touched. He that must live near such a sore, diseased, impatient mind, must live even as the nurse doth with the child, that maketh it her business to rock it, and lull, and sing it quiet when it crieth; for to be angry with it, will do no good; and if you have married one of such a sick or childish temper, you must resolve to bear and use them accordingly. But no Christian should bear with such a malady in themselves; nor be patient with such impatiency of mind. Once get the victory over yourselves, and the cure of your own impatience, and you will easily keep peace with one another.

(3) Agree together beforehand, that when one is in the diseased, angry fit, the other shall silently and gently bear, till it be past and you are come to yourselves again. Be not angry both at once; when the fire is kindled, quench it with gentle words and carriage, and do not cast on oil or fuel, by answering provokingly and sharply, or by multiplying words, and by answering wrath with wrath.

(4) If you cannot quickly quench your passion, yet at least refrain your tongues; speak not reproachful or provoking words: talking it out hotly doth blow the fire, and increase the flame; be but silent, and you will the sooner return to your serenity and peace. Foul words tend to more displeasure. As Socrates said when his wife first railed at him, and next threw a vessel of foul water upon him, ‘I thought when I heard the thunder, there would come rain’; so you may portend worse following, when foul, unseeming words begin. If you cannot easily allay your wrath, you may hold your tongues, if you are truly willing.

(5) Let the sober party condescend to speak fair and to entreat the other. Say to your angry wife or husband, ‘You know this should not be betwixt us; love must allay it, and it must be repented of. God doth not approve it, and we shall not approve it when this heat is over. This frame of mind is contrary to a praying frame, and this language contrary to a praying language; we must pray together anon; let us do nothing contrary to prayer now: sweet water and bitter come not from one spring,’ etc. Some calm and condescending words of reason, may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which passion had overcome.

(6) Confess your fault to one another, when passion hath prevaileth against you; and ask forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon; and this will lay a greater engagement on you the next time to forbear: you will sure be ashamed to do that which you have so confessed and asked forgiveness for of God and man. If you will but practise these directions, your family peace may be preserved.

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A new start after a long absence!

I'm back.  Don't want to make any rash promises about how often there will be any posting, though!

There have been a few issues that have come up lately, that it would be good to share with others, and this seems like the best platform to use to share them.

What?

My new Prayer/Home Journal, for one.  Books.  Definitely books! Websites.  Life in general.  Being a wife and mother in particular.  Home-schooling (for those interested!).

I'm pretty certain, knowing me, that I will find things to talk about!.....

Soon.  Very soon.  I'll post again.