Women of the Word {Job's Wife - don't do the devil's work}

Did you ever consider that how you behave as a wife can be the "devil's work"?

As we are travelling through scripture, looking at the women there, the book of Job comes next.  Job is such an incredibly challenging book.  It's that man who drives us to our knees in the realisation that we have SO far to go in our Christian walk. We are nowhere near that close walk that he experienced with God.  That position of righteousness, and integrity - of a heart and life that beat in unity with God's desires and commands.

With heart-rending realisation, I look to Job's wife, and regrettably find that I am far more like her, than I am like Job.

She doesn't get much of a mention, but what we do hear is a striking polar opposite to her husband.

They are equal partners in the most heart-rending of the experiences, sent to try Job.

She was equally the parent of the children, tragically killed.

Likewise, she was equally enabled to have the free will to choose how to respond to it.

She was obviously not walking with God in the same manner as her husband, because, quite simply, she did the devil's work, in the life of her husband.

As you will remember, Satan came to God, who put Job forth as an example of an upright man.  In response, Satan challenged that God had put a hedge of protection about him, and blessed him - surely if he had a bit of tragedy inserted into his "perfect" life, he would soon curse God? God gives Satan free reign to throw whatever trials at him, as he pleases, but to spare his life.

Satan takes all Job's worldly gain.  All that he had worked for - gone.

Satan takes his children. The thought of this breaks my heart - I have 8 children of my own, and the thought of them all being taken, in one foul swoop, is simply beyond my comprehension.  I'd be devastated.

But, in this, he sinned not, and instead, he WORSHIPPED, and gave thanks to God.

Wow.

Just wow.

That is a man walking right beside God.

Then Satan strikes at his body.  He is covered from head to toe with boils.  He took a piece of broken pottery to scrape the mankiness of the boils from off his skin.

As he sits, in the ashes, surrounded by the devastation of loss, his wife comes long and does the devil's work.

"Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die."

Job 2:9

Do you remember what Satan's aim was? His desire was for Job to curse God.

Here comes his wife, telling him, in actual WORDS, to do just that.

She was doing Satan's work.

Had you ever considered that before? I hadn't.  I knew it was part of his trial, but that she was actually doing exactly what Satan desired?  Hadn't thought of that.

Do you realise that you could be doing Satan's work, as a wife?

How?

Well, think firstly of this specific example - the example of what Job's wife attempts to do.

If you encourage your husband to sin, it's the devils work.  If you encourage your husband to have attitudes or reactions which are sinful, it's just the same. If you are a moaner, a complainer, a manipulator, a  contentious wife, you tempt your husband to sin. You are putting your husband in a place that makes it hard to do the right thing, and far easier to fall himself, if you behave in way that tempts him to sin, too. Tempting him to sin is just like a prostitute coming to a man and enticing him to sin. Tempting.  Luring.  Making it hard to say no.

Think about those moments when your temper has been lost, and you have been cross with your husband.  Does that not lure him to react in the same way back?  You lose your patience, he loses it right back?  Neither right, but the one who starts it off sets of the domino effect that can soon knock over every ounce of self control you should have had to begin with.

Think of those times when you come to him with words that tear down and destroy.  If you are negative, narky and critical, you are tempting your husband to be bitter, resentful and retaliatory.  You are critical, he's critical back. It takes more self control and sanctification NOT to react to a wife like that, than it does to to just fire it straight back.

If you are a wife who is quick to complain and grumble, you will entice your husband to be less-than-generous. He will tempted to be a husband who would rather not help and bless, because you just don't have a thankful and grateful heart, as you ought to have.

Naggers?  There lieth the epitomy of a wife doing the devil's work.  The book of Proverbs says that it would be better for a husband to go and live in the wilderness than to have to listen to a wife who is a nag.  Why? To get away from her sinful behaviour, lest he is negatively affected by it, too! Wives, you KNOW it tempts your husband to sin when you nag.  It tests the patience of the proverbial SAINT to have a nag in his ear hole. Nagging is the devil's work.

"the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping."

Proverbs 19:3

Have you ever had a dripping tap?  We have had a dripping shower, recently.  It was right  next to our room, and we did everything we could to stop it - we have resorted to turning off the isolation valve so no water can get out, because it was so irritating! It tests patience.  Same with nagging. A nagging wife will test the patience of her husband, pushing him to a place where he is more likely to snap and succumb to a sinful reaction. It's just a fact.

If  you are a wife who does not encourage her husband to be everything he should be spiritually, by turning a blind eye to his sinful behaviour, or even encouraging him in it, then  you are doing the devil's work.  Some wives seem to think that being submissive means being silent. No, no, NO.  You cannot be a more loving, supportive, and encouraging wife, than to be one who kindly, but honestly, points out sin where it exists.

Oh, my "Job's wife" heart.

It's me.

It's me FAR too much, and but for the grace of God upon the heart of my husband, much like righteous Job, he would have sinned more than he has.

I thank God for the grace He has extended upon MY life - how He has stayed the hand of Satan, and put a shield of protection both around me, and around our marriage.

But, no person is immune to the devices of the devil.

No marriage is immune to the deceits of Satan.

No siree.  We are all susceptible, and need to be on continual guard.  Don't let Satan get a foothold in your life, and in your marriage.

Another principle that Job's wife needed to learn from Job, and we do well to learn, too?

"shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"

God sends us good things.  Blessing upon blessing.

He also allows the traumatically trying.

Things that would drive us to despair.

Things that could force a wedge into a marriage.

Things that could cause us sadness of heart, mind and soul, and agony of body.

But, in all of that, we must NOT curse God.

WE MUST NOT.

We need to get down on our knees, and WORSHIP.

Oh, Lord, give me this grace!  Give me this heart, and soul, and voice!  To worship, in the hardest of hard times.  To praise and worship thy Holiest of Holy names in the STORM.  When I am worn, weary and weeping - PRAISE HIM.  Acknowledging every good thing, to counteract the weight of the trials.  To lift my eyes to my great creator God, in the agonies of my humanity.

In every trial of my life, turning my eyes upon Jesus, and not tempting others to sin.

May the Lord keep me from being like Job's wife, and more like Job himself.

Women of the Word {Esther - speaking wisely}

One of the things that always manages to convict me, when reading about Esther, are the lessons learnt about using our words wisely.

Esther is a wonderful picture about how to communicate effectively, especially with your husband.  Numerous times, throughout the account of Esther, we see her being wise with her words.  Not just with her husband, but also with others.

The thing that stands out most, above the details of what she says, and how she says it, is WHY she did it.

All Esther does, all through this book, is for the benefit of the righteous.  She is protecting her people, the Jews, and she is protecting Mordecai.  Wisdom, resulting in clever speech, is her forte.

As a wife, and as a follower of Christ, we have lessons we can learn - whether it's speaking to our husband, or speaking to our friends and family.  Those who are nearest and dearest should be the recipients of our wise speech.

There are two areas that stand out to me.

Her words protected her husband

Her words persuaded her husband

Early on in the book, we find Esther protecting her husband, by what she says.  As I mentioned last week, it would have been ever so easy for her to just say nothing.  It's  easy to stay silent, but often harder to speak up.  If Esther had said nothing, those plotting to kill Ahasuerus would have been successful.  Being a child of the King, she didn't want to see hurt come to her husband, and so she spoke up.

As a wife, it's our duty to use words that protect our husband.  I hear FAR too many women "husband bashing".  I cringe when I hear women degrading their husband, and criticising him. It saddens my heart when women think so little of their husband that they show such disrespect. God has given us our husbands.  They are a blessing to us. To begin to undermine their authority, by "letting them down" in a public manner, is quite simply abhor-able.  Are they perfect? No.  None of us are.  Does that mean we can moan and groan and complain to whoever, whenever? Nope.

Our words should be like a covering around our husband - wrapping him in a protective blanket, where no-one else has reason to start criticising or judging him unfairly.  If we throw out comments out of context, or in the heat of the moment, the minds and mouths of others are likely to be critical and jump to false conclusions - all because of our inability to keep silence.

HOW we speak to our husband is also of vital importance.  If we speak with a harsh tone, or with impatience and a lack of grace, our words will not be well received.  You know yourself, if a child, or anyone else for that matter, speaks with the wrong tone, our minds and hearts will quickly put up a "no" in response to their request or statement.

Looking at general scriptural principles, and applying them to marriage, is a good exercise.



Our words should be quiet - 

"The words of wise men are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools. "

Ecclesiastes 9:17 

How often it is so easy to start getting loud and irritated, when we try to put our point of view across, or we don't agree on something.  Your husband hear you louder, if you speak quietly.

Our words should be gracious - 

"The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself."

Ecclesiastes 10:12  

If we have words "always with grace", then we will avoid so much conflict.  Being gracious is about thinking the best of another - not picking up on the worst.  Forgiving.  Loving. All vital in a marriage.


Our words should sometimes NOT be spoken -

" In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19 

As hard as it might be, there are times when we ought to say nothing at ALL.  The more we say, the more we open ourselves up to sinning in our words.  It's like a snowball.  One unwise thought slips out as words, and the rest comes tumbling after.  Once words are spoken, they can't be taken back.  It ain't easy for many women, but the truth is "least said, soonest mended".

Our words should build up our husband - 

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:29

Our husbands are just as relevant as anyone else, here.  We are to build our husband up, with the words we use, not tear him down.  Ministering grace to the hearer - our husband. Serving him up a portion of gracious "herbs" alongside his dinner, instead of "stalled ox" and strife. Love = grace. IF Christ didn't show us that, then I don't know who did.  If we love our husband, our words will shower him with grace, and encourage him.

Our words should not be manipulative - 

"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8

Guile is all about being duplicitous, crafty and deceitful - it's using our words for self gain, and perhaps even with-holding the truth for our own betterment. It's another sad truth  - wives of today manipulate and deceive.  It is evidence of a lack of trust and honesty, and downright selfishness, to have a heart of guile.  I know of women who hide things from their husband - purchases made they know they won't be happy about, things they do which their husband wouldn't approve of, places they go that their husband would be unhappy about. All based upon selfish desires and motives.  Not caring about the thoughts and opinions of their husband.  Completely and utterly lacking in mutual respect. Ladies, it's WRONG! Just don't do it! Look at the promise given - if you want to love life and see good days, don't speak in an evil way, and don't have a heart of guile. 

This verse follows on from Peter's specific teaching to husbands and wives.  The fuller exhortation reads like this...

"Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 

Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 

For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8-10

Talk about being packed full! So much instruction and wisdom, worthy of our attention.

Ephesians clearly teaches that we are to respect our husband.  If we are to show respect, then we need to be wise both in how we speak TO our husband, and ABOUT our husband.

As to the second way that Esther's words were used - she persuaded her husband.

There are times when we need to be wise about when and how we speak to our husband, on matters of importance. Not because we are trying to manipulate for selfish reasons, but because we know our husband is at his best to listen and take things on board.

If you need to speak with your husband on an important subject, and he has had a stressful work day, and a headache to boot, it would be unwise to raise it at that moment.  He is not going to be able to cope, mentally or physically, with processing an important subject matter - not because he's an unreasonable ogre, but because he's human.  If you come and try to talk with him whilst he is trying to do something else, that is also a no-no.  Many men can simply not deal with more than one thing at once.  It's the way God made them, and it means they are usually super-focussed on something else, and doing a great job of it, as well!

Think of it this way - are there times when your children come and ask you about something, and you tell them you can't think about it right now? If so, the same may well apply to speaking to your husband. If I am making dinner, I can't concentrate on complex questions from my children.  I would rather wait, so I can fully listen to them, and help them to my greatest capacity.

It's equally an issue of not being selfish and impetuous yourself! Having self control and waiting for the right time, is something we need to exercise as women, as much as understanding our husband!

Esther both protected her husband, and persuaded her husband - all because she chose to use her words wisely, and to put others before herself.

We we would do well to do the same.

Women of the Word {Vashti - how not to be a good wife}

Before I launch into looking at Esther - that young girl who went from humble beginnings to Queenly status - I think it's very important to look at Vashti.

The book of Esther is intriguing. No mention of God at all.  Yet, filled with a story of redemption.

Esther - an example of strength and bravery.

Vashti - an example of how NOT to be a wife.

Let's get the back story, First. King Ahasuerus decided to throw a lavish party. It was no small feast - it lasted one hundred and eighty days! At the end of this great feast, where he displayed his power, he threw a shorter feast - seven days - in his garden.  It was a place of great beauty, reflecting the great riches of the Kingdom, with colourful hangings, marble and a multi-coloured flooring!  All the people drank from golden cups - each one unique. They didn't drink with excess - it all fell within the limits of the law.  It must have been quite a feast!

At the same time, Vashti made a feast for the women, separately.

On the seventh day, the King requested that the Queen should come to him, so he could show off her beauty to those gathered.  He quite obviously admired the good looks of his wife, and wanted others to appreciate such.

Then came the problem.

Vashti point blank refused to come.

It made Ahasuerus angry.

He consulted his wise men, to decide what should be done.

It was decided, according to the law, that she would no longer come before the King, and her estate should be given to one "better than she".

All of this was decided for one pivotal reason - they didn't want  Vashti's in-submission to be a bad example to the women in the kingdom. They needed to see that it was something that was wrong, and had consequences.

As much as the kingdom of Ahasuerus was an ungodly one, there was much wisdom in their views on marriage.

Here is the basis for the decisions of the wise men.

"Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. 

For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. 

Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media say this day unto all the king's princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath. 

For he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house."

Esther 1

Vashti's actions could potentially cause other women in the kingdom to "despise" their husbands, and lead to "contempt and wrath".  In other words, it would lead other women to think they could copy the actions and attitude of Vashti, leading to anger and contempt. It wasn't the way marriages were supposed to work.  Going against the way that things should be would cause hurt and damage.

Now, before I get to the nitty gritty...

I am a woman, trying to share with other women what I find in the Bible. It is not my job to teach men, or instruct husbands. So, I will not be dealing, in any great detail, about what men should, or shouldn't, be doing.

I have simply come to this topic as a natural progression, studying through the women of the Bible, and I am not trying to make a point out of something that's not obviously there.

That said, what can we see from Vashti, and what can we then conclude from what the Bible teaches, elsewhere?

Firstly, what can we learn from this chapter, from the incident with Vashti?

* Vashti, as a wife, was expected to obey her husband.

* Vashti didn't obey her husband.

* It was wrong to disobey her husband.

* Vashti was being a bad example to other wives.

* Men are to rule their homes.


Amongst many, this would not be popular or tolerated.

Obey husband? Men rule in the home?

Seriously?

Surely this is just a heathen kingdom's rules, and not at all in line with GOD'S teaching?

Erm, wrong.

If you are a child of God, who longs to serve and honour Him with every fibre of your being, the ruling given in this Persian kingdom is EXACTLY the same as what God requires of you.

EXACTLY the same!

Don't believe me?

Read on.

"thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

This is an edict given in GENESIS.

THE BEGINNING.

Husbands, ruling over the wife.  This is the start of it all.  The fall.  The curse.  The punishment given to women.  We are to be ruled over by our husbands, and it's our CURSE.  We won't like it, and our spirit, by nature, will fight it, tooth and nail.  Ergo - it's not going to be easy, but it's what God has ordained.

It's so disliked, even to this day, that feminism has reared its ugly head, and tries to imply that this must mean that women are somehow lesser beings by this requirement, and we must battle to gain equality.

What sad, sad falsehood.

God has created us equal, in His sight.  He loves women and men equally.  He hears and answers our prayers equally.  He desires to bless us equally.  We are equal.

However, due to sin, and our fallen nature, He established that there needs to be order within our lives.  There can only be one leader in every marriage.  It's not actually the man.

No.

It's GOD.

He is the ultimate authority, and we are both, as husband and wife, under His authority, and expected to obey Him.

Life, of course, throws out, time upon time, instances where decisions have to be made, and leadership is required.  God has planned that the husband is to take that role.

GOD.

HE decided.

Now, please bear in mind, I am NOT talking to non-Christians here.  I am talking, primarily, to those who claim Christ as their Saviour.  I am telling you that GOD chose that this is the way it should be.
This ALONE should be reason enough to want to follow it!

It's not about being bossy, oppressive, or most of all misogynistic. It's not an excuse for men to exert unloving, and harsh, command over their wives.  It's about taking on the role of "the buck stops here, so I need to make choices as the head of this home", and the wife lovingly accepting that's the way it should be.

I'm not saying that wives have no opinion, no point of view, or any other such nonsense.  If a man loves his wife as Christ loved the Church, He will want to hear what his wife has to say, and treat her as a spiritual equal, with respect and love.  It doesn't mean that she gets to be disrespectful and obstinate. It doesn't mean she has leeway to be self-centred and manipulative.

Look back at the verse in Genesis. The husband rules.

The example of Vashti is a clear one, regarding respect for our husband.  If your husband asks you to do something that is not wrong or sinful, then we should desire to respectfully do it.  If we respect that role of leadership that God has placed in his hands - which is no small thing, and bears the weight of responsibility to God for each decision he makes - then we should WANT to submit. If we want to honour GOD, we will want to honour our husband.  He is accountable to God for the decisions he makes, which require our submission - we are accountable to God to submit to our husband.  It's that simple.

Biblical headship is ultimately about protection, not "being the boss". It's about Christ protecting families, husbands protecting their wife and family, and wives protecting their family and caring for their home. We all have responsibilities to rule well, and to honour the Lord in how we do it.  So, as wives, if our husband asks us to do something, we submit.

I once saw a graphic that explained it well, and I have attempted recreated it myself.

You can see here the way it all works.  It's about caring, protecting, and ruling well.

"One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;"

I Timothy 3:5

Yes, it's an instruction to those being considered as Elders, but given that they are in a position of example, we can safely say it's how  ALL men should behave!  Ruling WELL their household, which includes the wife, as well as the children.  Ruling well means loving like Christ loves us.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." 

Ephesians 5:22-24

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

Ephesians 5:33

This is the biggie.   We submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord.  Maybe that is where we need to start, in our hearts. DO we submit to the Lord, first and foremost? Are we desirous to honour Him, love Him, respect Him, and obey Him, above all else? Listening to His voice, over the clamouring voices of the world?  If we are, then we will WANT to submit to our husband.  Christ is the head of the Church to lead her, guide her, protect her, teach her, love her.  In the same way, the husband is the head of the wife. Christ isn't domineering, abrasive, unheeding, and without love and care.  Neither should the husband be. Likewise, as we, as a church, should be subject to Christ - in EVERYTHING - so should we be to our husbands - IN EVERY THING.   We need to deeply respect our husband, and SHOW it.

Herein was the downfall of Vashti.  She did not respect her husband, and his desires, and was plucked from her lofty position as wife of the King, and all honours and riches were taken away. He didn't ask her to do anything wrong or crazy. He just asked her to come to him.  To leave what she was doing, to come to him.  She didn't want to.  That curse that was put upon her, as all women, was fighting within her, and she gave in to self.  

Like Vashti, when we choose NOT to respectfully, and humbly, come  under the authority and protection of the headship of our husbands, as God has ordained, we put ourselves in harms way. We are sinning, and choosing to disobey God, when we fight against it.  It displeases God.  It grieves His heart. It's not for us to judge whether our husband is making the best call - it's up to us to respectfully obey, and leave it in the hands of the One under whose authority our husband stands. 

As for the reasoning behind Vashti being removed from her role as queen, we read that it was so that her actions were not a bad example to other women.

We can see, similarly, what I Peter teaches  us.

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

I Peter 3:5-6

We have the GOOD example of women like Sara - she loved and respected her husband so deeply, she called him "lord".  Yes, LORD.  We are her daughters - we are from her lineage, as those who faith in God.  We need to follow her example, and BE an example to others, too.  To the world, watching what real love should be.  To our daughters, growing up and learning how a good marriage should operate. To young Christians, wanting to learn how to live a life honouring to God.

*sigh*

It's a HUGE issue.

It's a HARD thing.

It's simply not easy, and we will battle with it until our dying day, because it's part of our curse.  Our child bearing years will pass, and so passes that part of the curse - but, until our husband passes to glory, it's our duty to submit to our husband.

Hang on.

Let's just finish on a positive.

If submitting to our husband is submitting to God's will, how should we be doing it? Yes, it's our duty. Yes, it's a command.

The Psalmist sums it up.

"I delight to do thy will, O my God:"

Psalm 40:8

DELIGHT.  That's how we should do God's will.  With delight.  With joy.

"Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart."

Psalm 119:2 

If we obey God's commands, and seek to follow after Him with our whole heart, we will be blessed.

I can tell you, unequivocally, when you don't honour and obey your husband you will NOT be happy. You will NOT be blessed.  You will be miserable. Seeking self, and thinking you know best, will NOT lead to joy and happiness. Ask me how I know.  Actually, don't.  Just take my word for it.

Is it easy? 

No.  Fighting against sin and self is not easy.

Not every husband is easy to submit to, I must add.  Men are sinners, just like women.  They don't always lead and rule with the love and grace that they ought to.  Does that mean we shouldn't have to do our part? NO! We are only ever accountable for ourselves.  Leave it to God to judge our husbands.

Is it worth it? 

Yes. Obeying God's perfect will is ALWAYS worth it.  I can tell you, hands down, that my marriage has been more joyful, happy, blessed, and strong, when I have submitted to Robert.  Do I always get it right? Do I always do what I should? Shamefully, no.  When I do, we have such sweet union, and heartache is averted. 

Don't be like Vashti.  Don't be headstrong and self-willed.  Delight to do God's will, and see the blessings that come your way.

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Being a soft place {good wives use soft words}

I have been through some very testing times in my courtship, in days long, long ago.  Being in a long distance relationship brought many hardships.  As I look back, I see things which I would have done differently, with the advantage of age, and experience, now on my side.  As the nature of life is, however, I came across difficulties that really challenged me in many ways.

In the course of one such trying time, a certain gentleman told me I was to be a "soft place" for my "young man".

At the time, I was so heartbroken  over another incident, that the words didn't really sink in.  I thought I WAS being a soft place, already.

I was thinking about it again, today. You often hear of someone being stuck between a "rock and a hard place".  This was the context where my "soft place" was suggested. I realised, today, that the concept of being a "soft place" still slightly stings in my heart, when, in fact it shouldn't.  Today, I needed to bring this to the Lord, and instead focus on being exactly what I need to be for Robert - a soft place.

I know, in many ways, I already am.  I have not always been, to my sadness.

How CAN I be a "soft place" for my husband?  What can I do to be "soft" instead of "hard"?

When you think about a soft place, what does it even conjure up in your mind?

Mine thinks of my snuggly, soft bed, with a deliciously comfy mattress, which I can sink my weary body into at night.

That's what we need to be for our husband.  No sharp edges.  No lumpy, bumpiness.

A soft place.

A solace.

A comfort.

I think the most important thing, that this "soft place"  can be, is my words.

Proverbs tells us

"A soft word turneth away wrath".

We have SO much power in our words. How we say and what we say can influence the spirit of those around us, especially our spouse.  We have the power to be soft and gentle, which leads to anger being turned away.

It's so easy, in the hustle and bustle of a busy mother's life, to forget that our husband doesn't want to come home, at the end of the day, to a screaming, crazy wife, getting schitzy at the children, and snippy with him!  What has HE done to deserve such hard treatment??

Maybe there are times when you DO think such treatment is deserved?

I'm going to be frankly honest with you here.

I made a lovely dinner for my hubby and myself the other night.  We don't have opportunity to get out on our own, so I try, once a week, to make us our dinner later in the evening, to enjoy alone.  Duck was on the menu - a special treat.  I told him I would ring when it was ready, which I did. He was only a few minutes away, at Church, but I could hear he was busy doing something. I waited at home, whilst the greens turned into puce, soggy looking things.  He eventually arrived home. I wasn't happy.  Sadly, my sinful heart made it known in a less than soft way, commenting, indirectly, to a question asked by a child "What's that, Mummy?" - "A soggy dinner" said I.

*Blush*

The answer the child WAS looking for was "duck" - as they didn't recognise the meat in question.

My answer was to my husband, just in ear shot.

Nothing soft about that.

It was harsh, and borne out of my frustration and impatience.

I quickly felt my wrong-doing, and carried on serving up dinner and bringing it to him.

You see, it didn't really matter why he was late.  He likely had a very good explanation, which I would have been given had I but asked, in a soft and gentle way.   he may NOT even have had a "reasonable" explanation at all! That was irrelevant. The dinner was still entirely edible, just not the way I had planned and hoped (nor the way I knew he liked it).  He did the right thing, thankfully.  He said nothing, and ate the dinner with thankfulness, stating how lovely it was upon completion.

My lack of "soft" words could have ended differently, because it could certainly have produced anger.

It was uncalled for.

Unnecessary.

Not soft at all.

Then there are times when our husband may say something that riles us up inside.  We think we are entitled to harsh, angry words, because we are in the right, or we think they need to be said.

II Peter 2 gives us a wonderful run down of how one right choice leads can lead to the right responses, including in our words.

"Add to your faith virtue; 

and to virtue knowledge; 

And to knowledge temperance; (self control) 

and to temperance patience; 

and to patience godliness; 

And to godliness brotherly kindness; 

and to brotherly kindness charity"

You see, what starts out as our profession of faith, leads to a desire to be excellent in all we do, which leads to having self control in WHAT we do, and patience in HOW we do it, which makes us more godly, which extends affection, which produces love.

Love.

What our relationship as husband and wife should BE.

Our soft words are an extension of our love.  Our self control in what we say, and the patience in how we say it, is an evidence of our love.

You see, it doesn't matter what someone else has done, it's our place to still be soft and gentle.

It's our place to love in our words.

As I have been studying the verses to bring you, here, I stumbled across something I have certainly not noticed before, to my knowledge.

 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. 

 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." 

Proverbs 18:22  

It explains that the tongue has the power to cut so harshly that it brings death, or it can bring healing words of life.  

Then, we are told that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing.

I'd never made a connection between the two things before, but boy did I notice them today!

I can just imagine how a husband feels when his wife uses words which bring death, instead of life.

"I thought having a wife was a GOOD thing?"

Conviction.

When I use words that are not soft, I'm not exactly being the poster woman for the wife campaign.

If we want our husband to think he's got a "good" thing, we need to use soft words.

Good wives use soft, life-giving words, not harsh, hurtful ones.

We can be hard in the words we say.  We can be hard in how we say them.  We can be hard in our attitudes and responses to our husband.

All of these things need to be soft.

Soft = loving.

Soft in what we say and how we say it - soft in our attitudes and responses.

I still have so much to learn, and maybe I am not so changed from my 18 year old self, as I think...

God's Words to us

This morning, I began a new Bible reading schedule.  I will share more about that in the New Year.  However, I was struck by something this morning, which I felt would be a good thing to share, at the end of an old year and the dawn of a new one, looming on the horizon.

I love how I can read a passage that I have read countless times before, and still be struck by things in a new perspective. God is a good God.

I was reading the first 3 chapters of Genesis this morning.  Truly, they are PACKED with amazing truths, and essential doctrine. I could share dozens of important truths, but this one just particularly struck me.

Throughout chapter 1, we read of God speaking all things into life.

"And God said..."

God simply spoke, and all things came into being, by the power of His word.  It's astounding,  amazing and incomprehensible to our puny minds. And yet, we know it as truth.  Indeed, to doubt it is to err.

That's the part where my brain kicked in, and God showed me something so important.

We take it as truth, and relevant and important, and doubtless, that God's word of command created all things.

Should we not then take as crucial and important truth, the words that God spoke that apply to us as women, in those first few chapters?  Should we doubt the verity and importance of believing THOSE words to be truth.

For this to make sense, I need to remind you what those words are, which are relevant to us.

"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Genesis 2:18

"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

For some reason, women of today - CHRISTIAN women of today - doubt that part of God's Word to us.  We don't doubt that, by His Word, all things were created, but we want to doubt the relevance and truth of the words above. The first spoken before sin, the second spoken after.  NEITHER made redundant at ANY POINT throughout scripture.

Putting them side by side shows me of the contrast between our relationship as husband and wife, comparing pre and post-sin.

The first words that God spoke relating to our existence at all, were relating to the purpose of our creation. It was the first point that God did not say that "it was good".  He says that "it is not good".  What was not good?  It was not good that man should be alone. So, God in His infinite wisdom, and His perfect plan, made woman - a "help meet".  Or, an "aid mate".  "Helpful counterpart".

A suitable helper.

We were created to complete man.  So that we, as a couple, would be whole together.  That as man and wife we would be the perfect unit.  One is not complete without the other.

We live in a world today, which diminishes the completeness of the union between a husband and wife.  We are led to believe, that EVEN IN MARRIAGE  we can function as individual units.  2 people, happening to live under the one roof, who can do their own thing, and be their own person - separate from their spouse. That the wife does not need to be that help and aid to her husband.  That he has to somehow muddle and guddle through on his own, whilst the wife waltzes off doing her own thing whenever, and however, she pleases.

THIS IS NOT GOD'S PLAN FOR US.

We were created to be one.

If that means we have to set aside the pursuits of our single life, prior to marriage, in order to be that help and aid that our husband needs, SO BE IT.

If it means we have to put our selfish desires aside, in order to be a loving, helpful, caring and God honouring spouse, SO BE IT.

Why should the wonder of God's word of creation, be any less as God's Word of creation for our marriages?  That Him creating the perfect world is amazing, but creating the perfect union is to be dismissed as not relevant.

This year, I want to be reminded daily of the wonder of God's Word for my marriage - that I was created to be a perfect helper and aid to my husband.

That's God's Word to me.

The second "words" to us, are after the fall.  They are part of the outworking of God's curse upon humankind. This is the contrast to how God created our marriage to be, and how it became following sin entering the world. And, the words that relate to us as women are a bitter pill to swallow.  Somehow we muddle through, and stoically accept the pain involved in pregnancy and child-birth.

"Ah, well, it's all part of the curse, and we just have to endure it.  It doesn't last long, and we get a baby at the end."

That saccharine approach somehow disappears when the words "he shall rule over thee" are mentioned.

Our sinful hearts rebel against THAT part of the curse.  Having to submit to the headship and authority of our husbands is a somewhat more bitter pill to swallow.  It's a command that directly relates to the part that Eve had to play in The Fall.  She went off, under her own steam, doing what she thought was right.  Tempting her husband into doing the same thing.  Him weakly accepting.  Under the curse, the men are to do the ruling, and we are to be the ones to submit.

It's a CURSE.  It's not meant to be easy.  Our rebellious hearts squirm under the command.  We scream inside, wanting to still do our own thing, bucking against the instruction to submit.

And yet, in God's grace and goodness, we have further instruction in the New Testament, which makes it a bit easier to bear. We are reminded that under that umbrella of headship, we are under the headship of Christ.  We are obeying His command, and we are able to give up the burden of leading and guiding the family, to our husbands. What a huge task they have to bear.  How glad I am that my role is simply to submit, and not the one to have the responsibility to lead.  How I pray for my husband in that huge task.  Give me child birth any day. Ok, maybe not ANY day....

God's word brought this earth into being.

It brought us into existence.

It gave us our purpose.

It gave us our curse.

All God's Words having equal relevance and importance, we then need to embrace His Words to us, as much as we wonder at and give credence to His Words of creation.

My prayer is that we all would seek God's strength and grace, this year, to be doers of the Word, and not hearers only.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog!  

So often, in today's society, the role of a mother is belittled and scorned. Ladies of today are encouraged to "make the most of their time" and do whatever they yearn after, over and above their calling as a mother. It is implied that they are a lesser woman if they choose to stay at home with their children while they are young, rather than pursuing a career in the world.

We are not even talking about non-Christians - these are fellow Christian ladies, who have been captured by the "feminist bug", that reared it's ugly head in the mid-2oth century. Our mothers and grandmothers were thrown into a man's world, as the men departed to fight in the first and second World Wars. Ladies began to take on the roles that the men previously occupied. However, the war ended....although, sadly, the desire of the woman to keep on doing what was the role of men, did not. "We have a right", or "I should be able to choose" began the watch-word of women. Suddenly, the role which they so ably held and were CREATED FOR, was abandoned, in order to be "equal with men".

I think it is important for us, as Christian ladies, to continually consider "what does the Bible teach us about these things?".  We are given teaching in the Bible relating to our role. In fact, there is probably more SPECIFIC detail given as to a woman's role compared to the SPECIFIC role of men. WHY? Because we have an important job to do!

First of all, we need to remember that woman was created FOR MAN. It was "not good that man should be alone", so God created woman for him.
Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Then, they were given the mandate to "be fruitful, and multiply" Genesis 1:28. So, the pattern was given to have children. We were created to bear the children, not the men. We were created to nourish our children, not men. (let me just add that I know some ladies are unable to feed their own babies, for numerous reasons, but it was still God's design that we could....I digress!...) So, then it follows that it is our role to raise our children. Yes?!

Then in Proverbs 31 we are given a beautiful description of how we are able to fulfill our God-given role as a wife and mother. There is so much to learn, and it is something that I hope to look into more here. It has been twisted, sadly, by some, to show how we can leave our children and still be employed outside of the home, but that is not the main teaching of the passage.  I am not suggesting there are never times when a woman with children is employed outside of the home.  Sometimes it is needful - but rather, the priority of our Biblical role is what I seek to emphasise.  

In the New Testament, we then find the description which I have adopted in my Blog title.


Tit 2:4&5 "That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

As far as I can find in the scriptures, these may be two of the most important verses that we can find regarding our duty as a woman. Please remember, these are not simply the words of Paul...these are words INSPIRED OF GOD, as a pattern for all Christain ladies. There is no "exception clause" given. We are instructed to follow God's Word, and this is exactly that - GOD'S Word. It may not be easy. The sinful heart, steeped in the same decieved desires as Eve, longs after a life to please self alone. Not the life of sacrifice and and selflessness that is required in order to fulfill this Bilical mandate. But, dear sister, can there be anything better for us, than to live a life in obedience to God? We will find complete satisfaction, if we strive, with every part of our being, to follow after what God has designed, and not that which the world tries to lure us to.

So, I pray that this site will be an encouragement. I will post links and articles that will be a help as you try and be the best that you can be for the Lord.

Every Blessing,