Wednesday 19 November 2014

Being a soft place {good wives use soft words}

I have been through some very testing times in my courtship, in days long, long ago.  Being in a long distance relationship brought many hardships.  As I look back, I see things which I would have done differently, with the advantage of age, and experience, now on my side.  As the nature of life is, however, I came across difficulties that really challenged me in many ways.

In the course of one such trying time, a certain gentleman told me I was to be a "soft place" for my "young man".

At the time, I was so heartbroken  over another incident, that the words didn't really sink in.  I thought I WAS being a soft place, already.

I was thinking about it again, today. You often hear of someone being stuck between a "rock and a hard place".  This was the context where my "soft place" was suggested. I realised, today, that the concept of being a "soft place" still slightly stings in my heart, when, in fact it shouldn't.  Today, I needed to bring this to the Lord, and instead focus on being exactly what I need to be for Robert - a soft place.

I know, in many ways, I already am.  I have not always been, to my sadness.

How CAN I be a "soft place" for my husband?  What can I do to be "soft" instead of "hard"?

When you think about a soft place, what does it even conjure up in your mind?

Mine thinks of my snuggly, soft bed, with a deliciously comfy mattress, which I can sink my weary body into at night.

That's what we need to be for our husband.  No sharp edges.  No lumpy, bumpiness.

A soft place.

A solace.

A comfort.

I think the most important thing, that this "soft place"  can be, is my words.

Proverbs tells us

"A soft word turneth away wrath".

We have SO much power in our words. How we say and what we say can influence the spirit of those around us, especially our spouse.  We have the power to be soft and gentle, which leads to anger being turned away.

It's so easy, in the hustle and bustle of a busy mother's life, to forget that our husband doesn't want to come home, at the end of the day, to a screaming, crazy wife, getting schitzy at the children, and snippy with him!  What has HE done to deserve such hard treatment??

Maybe there are times when you DO think such treatment is deserved?

I'm going to be frankly honest with you here.

I made a lovely dinner for my hubby and myself the other night.  We don't have opportunity to get out on our own, so I try, once a week, to make us our dinner later in the evening, to enjoy alone.  Duck was on the menu - a special treat.  I told him I would ring when it was ready, which I did. He was only a few minutes away, at Church, but I could hear he was busy doing something. I waited at home, whilst the greens turned into puce, soggy looking things.  He eventually arrived home. I wasn't happy.  Sadly, my sinful heart made it known in a less than soft way, commenting, indirectly, to a question asked by a child "What's that, Mummy?" - "A soggy dinner" said I.


The answer the child WAS looking for was "duck" - as they didn't recognise the meat in question.

My answer was to my husband, just in ear shot.

Nothing soft about that.

It was harsh, and borne out of my frustration and impatience.

I quickly felt my wrong-doing, and carried on serving up dinner and bringing it to him.

You see, it didn't really matter why he was late.  He likely had a very good explanation, which I would have been given had I but asked, in a soft and gentle way.   he may NOT even have had a "reasonable" explanation at all! That was irrelevant. The dinner was still entirely edible, just not the way I had planned and hoped (nor the way I knew he liked it).  He did the right thing, thankfully.  He said nothing, and ate the dinner with thankfulness, stating how lovely it was upon completion.

My lack of "soft" words could have ended differently, because it could certainly have produced anger.

It was uncalled for.


Not soft at all.

Then there are times when our husband may say something that riles us up inside.  We think we are entitled to harsh, angry words, because we are in the right, or we think they need to be said.

II Peter 2 gives us a wonderful run down of how one right choice leads can lead to the right responses, including in our words.

"Add to your faith virtue; 
and to virtue knowledge; 
And to knowledge temperance; (self control) 
and to temperance patience; 
and to patience godliness; 
And to godliness brotherly kindness; 
and to brotherly kindness charity"

You see, what starts out as our profession of faith, leads to a desire to be excellent in all we do, which leads to having self control in WHAT we do, and patience in HOW we do it, which makes us more godly, which extends affection, which produces love.


What our relationship as husband and wife should BE.

Our soft words are an extension of our love.  Our self control in what we say, and the patience in how we say it, is an evidence of our love.

You see, it doesn't matter what someone else has done, it's our place to still be soft and gentle.

It's our place to love in our words.

As I have been studying the verses to bring you, here, I stumbled across something I have certainly not noticed before, to my knowledge.

 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. 
 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." 
Proverbs 18:22  

It explains that the tongue has the power to cut so harshly that it brings death, or it can bring healing words of life.  

Then, we are told that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing.

I'd never made a connection between the two things before, but boy did I notice them today!

I can just imagine how a husband feels when his wife uses words which bring death, instead of life.

"I thought having a wife was a GOOD thing?"


When I use words that are not soft, I'm not exactly being the poster woman for the wife campaign.

If we want our husband to think he's got a "good" thing, we need to use soft words.

Good wives use soft, life-giving words, not harsh, hurtful ones.

We can be hard in the words we say.  We can be hard in how we say them.  We can be hard in our attitudes and responses to our husband.

All of these things need to be soft.

Soft = loving.

Soft in what we say and how we say it - soft in our attitudes and responses.

I still have so much to learn, and maybe I am not so changed from my 18 year old self, as I think...


  1. Oh, how I need to hear this today! Thank you!

  2. Oh my. I needed to read this today as well. Lord, help me to be a soft place for my husband. Thank you, Caroline ��

  3. Caroline, Thank you for sharing this. I so needed to read this!