Modesty {a heart that wants to be attractive to God}

I have been meaning to write a post about modesty for a long, long time.

It's something that I have thought a lot about, but never got round to putting my thoughts in print.

My husband has inspired me, however.

As a preacher of God's Word, He seeks to share the WHOLE counsel of God.  He doesn't skip over hard subjects -  he deals with the practical, as well as the doctrine from which the practical flows.

This last weekend, in the process of peaching through the book of I Timothy, he came to verse 9-10 of chapter 2.

"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works."

You are able to listen to his sermon online.  It expounds these verses far more fully than I will do here.  I will, however, touch on some of the same issues.  

So, what is modesty all about?  

It's not about a whole lot of specifics.  I am not going to list a string of "you must do this", "you mustn't do that".  It's not legalism.  

It's also not got anything to do with trousers, or not trousers.  That is more to do with femininity, and also not something you can be legalistic about.  What the trousers are like is certainly about modesty, but the wearing of them, or not, is not the same topic.  

What it IS, is a reflection on the outside of what is in the inside.  It's a heart issue. 

If you look at the verses in I Timothy you will see the words "adorn", and "modest apparel".  In other words - "putting on modest clothes".   It's about what you wear. What you put on the outside of your body.

Come with me, if you will, back to Eden.  That fateful day when Eve yielded to the temptation to be like God, and the day when she convinced her husband to follow likewise. When they ate of the fruit, their eyes were opened, and they saw they were naked. Their reaction? To cover up.  They got big old fig leaves, and somehow "sewed" them together, to cover themselves up.  We don't know how big those figgy clothes were, but we know they were ashamed of being naked.

In the words of my hubby, there is a care we should take.

Adam and Eve CARED that they were naked.  Sweet sisters, there is a shameful prevalence, in today's society, of people - and I am talking CHRISTIANS - who don't seem to CARE that they are dressed immodestly.  Clothes are designed that way, so it must be ok? Right?

WRONG!

Designers are mostly NOT Christians - they do not follow Biblical principles. They don't follow the moral principle of clothing, which is to COVER, not to UNCOVER. In fact, the clothing of today is DESIGNED to stimulate sexual attractiveness, not to modestly clothe.  Just because that's what is out there, does NOT mean we have to blindly follow, with no thought or care for what God wants.  THAT is ultimately the care we should be taking.

Is it pleasing to God, or pleasing to the flesh? Are we more pridefully concerned about what others think, or what God thinks?  When the Israelites entered the Promised Land they were instructed to be set apart. We should have the same principle applied to how we dress.  Are we set apart from the world, and how they view modesty?

Next, we need to look at the specifics of the verse.  How exactly are we to cover up?

Then, there is a concern we should have.

It says "with shamefacedness".

Now, I love my KJV version of the Bible.  I believe it to be the most faithful and accurate translation.  Here lies an example of some parts that are on the tricky end of language.  Who uses THAT word any more? On the other hand, it paints a perfect picture of how we need to be.  It's to be bashful, to avert the gaze, not to draw attention to something.  Our faces should be desiring to deflect any need for shame.

The truth is, clothing of today is not only covering so little, it's drawing the eye to places people shouldn't be looking.. The type of fabric - the cut of the cloth - it's all to attract the eye to places which should be covered up, not shown off.  Shamefacedness is about averting the gaze of others, not drawing it to the wrong places.

Now, this DOESN'T mean we are not be dressed attractively.  The clothing can be attractive, without others being attracted to your BODY.  Femininity is a good thing.  Being a woman who looks like a woman is right, and pleasant.

Robert outlined three things, that I wholeheartedly agree with, which are a good guide to assessing the suitability of clothing.

a) Not too low - we're talking neckline here. A low, or plunging, neckline draws the eye right down to the cleavage. It's drawing the eye to a place which the Bible says is to satisfy a husband, but not anyone else.

b) Not too high - this is skirt length.  This is something that I have known a whole pile of rules to be made about, in various places.  Girls having to kneel down, and do all sorts of things, to check out length of skirt to be compliant with some set of rules. Those kind of rules are just that - man made rules.  However, the shorter it is, the less it leaves to the imagination. The eye is drawn up, once again, to areas that it shouldn't be drawn to, the higher the skirt goes.

c) Not too tight - this is anything! Things that are figure hugging show off the curves and shapes of your body. It's once again not leaving much to the imagination. Sometimes it's just plain gross, but that's a whole other story about people not LOOKING in the mirror. Like, PROPERLY looking.

Robert also mentioned the thing that he knows that I do.  Well, kind of two things. He mentioned the mirror test.  I regularly stand in front of a mirror, in a changing room, and bend over, and stretch up, and do all sorts of contortions.  You see, I'm a mother of small people. It is a frequent requirement of me to bend over and pick up either a small person, or something belonging to the small person.  If, when I bend down, you can see right down to my naval (or whatever comes before that...), then the top is not modest.  If I stretch up and you can see my midriff, it's not modest.

He then mentioned layering.  That, my friends, is worth the chuckle of listening to his sermon.  My husband.  Talking about layering.  No, he didn't really know EXACTLY what he was talking about, but he got the gist of it.  If something is too gapey, or too low, or too baggy under the arm, or too sheer, put something underneath! A gorgeous item of clothing doesn't need to be dismissed simply because it doesn't seem, at first glance, to fit the "modest" category.  I regularly search for vest tops to put under tops that are not quite right.  The one I am wearing today I can hardly believe someone would wear WITHOUT layering. YIKES!

(Everything is from a charity shop, except my denim skirt, from Amazon.)

After a bit of hunting in the charity shops, however, I came up with the perfect top to put underneath, and I can still wear the pretty one over the top. I do long sleeved under short/sleeveless in the winter, and "vests" under less-than-modest tops in the summer. It can be done, with a bit of effort.  Plus, if you find a style that is perfect for using as a layer, buy a few, then you have them. I'm big into colour, and colour-co-ordination, so I ENJOY looking around the charity shops for the perfect match.  My friends will tell you I have the knack for finding the perfect combos! Find an inexpensive necklace to tie in, and I am one happy lady! (Mind you, I am already pretty well stocked up with enough to match any outfit I have...)

This next point is in the centre of the 5 Robert made.  Central is the watchword, here.

It's about the consideration we should make.

The word used is "sobriety".  This has NOTHING to do with the amount of alcohol you consume.  The word "sober" being connected with alcohol is to do with the "soundness of mind" you have sans excess alcohol.  Likewise, here, it's to do with "soundness of mind".  It's about being THOUGHTFUL and CONSIDERATE.

Yes, ladies, this is all about the men.

How WE view men.

Undoubtedly, men are given clear instruction in the Bible to not follow after lustful thoughts and intents. Yes, men have a responsibility to keep their thoughts pure.  Of course there are some with such wicked hearts that they will have sinful desires and actions no matter WHAT you wear. There aare also men that will be attracted to things that are not IMMODEST - it's just something that they personally love.  That's their issue, not the wearers. But, I'm thinking of the normal, everyday kind of man.

Women, however, can be like the spark that lights the fire.  "There's no smoke without fire", as the saying goes. Are you entirely sure that you are doing everything you can to prevent that fire from being lit? Are you dressing in a modest fashion which draws attention only to you as a person, and not you as a body?

Are we being considerate of the men - the BROTHERS in Christ - that we come into contact so often? Matthew teaches us that if we cause offence, we will bring woe upon ourselves.  Ladies, we have a responsibility NOT to cause offence to the men around us, by tempting them to lust after our bodies.

Wearing immodest clothing -  clothing that draws attention inappropriately to our bodies, causing men to lust -  but then taking issue with the MAN, is like saying "I can wear what I like, but don't look at me".

It's not considerate, and it's not thoughtful.

We need sound judgement, thoughtfulness, care and consideration. Don't push things as far as you can in the modesty stakes. Don't see how close to the mark you can get.  Don't see how much you can get away with uncovering.

Be sober.

The next point is the constraint you should exercise.

The next thing Paul talks of is NOT a command to wear no jewellery at all.  If that was the case I would be in BIG trouble! I have three rings that Robert bought me, which mean a lot.  There are my pearls, which he bought me to wear on our wedding day. As for my endless necklaces?!...

When he refers to the gold, and pearls, and costly array, he is referring to the trend of that time.  The trend to do ridiculous extravagant hair dos, embellished with everything imaginable - TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF.

This is to do with the motivation BEHIND what we do.  Are you dressing to attract the gaze of others? Whether it's the attention of men, or the approval of women, neither is right.  It doesn't matter what the women think, but it matters greatly what the men COULD be thinking.

If you are single, do you REALLY want to attract men based on your figure? Really? Are you trying to lure them in like a hunter, setting the "bait" of your body to entice them?  To be objectified and noticed should NOT be your goal. Likewise, single men shouldn't be out looking for a wife based solely upon looks.  It's the stark truth that beauty WILL fade.  Your figure WILL change. Don't base decisions on looks.

So, what clothing SHOULD you seek?

What matters, more than ANYTHING else, is to be attractive to GOD. If we are, as the verse states, a woman professing godliness, we will WANT to be modest, from the inside, out.   God is looking for a woman's heart to be "decorated" with a meek and quiet spirit.  A heart that puts on so many other godly attributes, like love, truthfulness, mercy, and humility. A heart that is wise, which is like an "ornament of grace (and a) crown of glory" (Proverbs 4:9)

What statement, ultimately, are we trying to make?  Are we wanting the eyes of others to be drawn to the physical, or the spiritual?  Are we men pleasers, or God pleasers? Are we women who have a humble, contrite heart, willing to change, for God's glory? There are women out there who have NO idea what their clothing could be doing for men - are you willing to think about it and change, if need be? Do we have a teachable spirit?

Do you see all that has been said? No specifics of what to wear or what not to wear. No "wear this length or that length". Only general, wise principles, based on the truths of scripture.

Ultimately, we are each responsible for how we dress - whether modestly or immodestly. Our motivation, and how we live it out, comes from the HEART.  Does our heart want to do everything we can to please God, or are we more concerned about pleasing ourselves - the flesh, and the world?

Women of the Word {Job's Wife - don't do the devil's work}

Did you ever consider that how you behave as a wife can be the "devil's work"?

As we are travelling through scripture, looking at the women there, the book of Job comes next.  Job is such an incredibly challenging book.  It's that man who drives us to our knees in the realisation that we have SO far to go in our Christian walk. We are nowhere near that close walk that he experienced with God.  That position of righteousness, and integrity - of a heart and life that beat in unity with God's desires and commands.

With heart-rending realisation, I look to Job's wife, and regrettably find that I am far more like her, than I am like Job.

She doesn't get much of a mention, but what we do hear is a striking polar opposite to her husband.

They are equal partners in the most heart-rending of the experiences, sent to try Job.

She was equally the parent of the children, tragically killed.

Likewise, she was equally enabled to have the free will to choose how to respond to it.

She was obviously not walking with God in the same manner as her husband, because, quite simply, she did the devil's work, in the life of her husband.

As you will remember, Satan came to God, who put Job forth as an example of an upright man.  In response, Satan challenged that God had put a hedge of protection about him, and blessed him - surely if he had a bit of tragedy inserted into his "perfect" life, he would soon curse God? God gives Satan free reign to throw whatever trials at him, as he pleases, but to spare his life.

Satan takes all Job's worldly gain.  All that he had worked for - gone.

Satan takes his children. The thought of this breaks my heart - I have 8 children of my own, and the thought of them all being taken, in one foul swoop, is simply beyond my comprehension.  I'd be devastated.

But, in this, he sinned not, and instead, he WORSHIPPED, and gave thanks to God.

Wow.

Just wow.

That is a man walking right beside God.

Then Satan strikes at his body.  He is covered from head to toe with boils.  He took a piece of broken pottery to scrape the mankiness of the boils from off his skin.

As he sits, in the ashes, surrounded by the devastation of loss, his wife comes long and does the devil's work.

"Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die."

Job 2:9

Do you remember what Satan's aim was? His desire was for Job to curse God.

Here comes his wife, telling him, in actual WORDS, to do just that.

She was doing Satan's work.

Had you ever considered that before? I hadn't.  I knew it was part of his trial, but that she was actually doing exactly what Satan desired?  Hadn't thought of that.

Do you realise that you could be doing Satan's work, as a wife?

How?

Well, think firstly of this specific example - the example of what Job's wife attempts to do.

If you encourage your husband to sin, it's the devils work.  If you encourage your husband to have attitudes or reactions which are sinful, it's just the same. If you are a moaner, a complainer, a manipulator, a  contentious wife, you tempt your husband to sin. You are putting your husband in a place that makes it hard to do the right thing, and far easier to fall himself, if you behave in way that tempts him to sin, too. Tempting him to sin is just like a prostitute coming to a man and enticing him to sin. Tempting.  Luring.  Making it hard to say no.

Think about those moments when your temper has been lost, and you have been cross with your husband.  Does that not lure him to react in the same way back?  You lose your patience, he loses it right back?  Neither right, but the one who starts it off sets of the domino effect that can soon knock over every ounce of self control you should have had to begin with.

Think of those times when you come to him with words that tear down and destroy.  If you are negative, narky and critical, you are tempting your husband to be bitter, resentful and retaliatory.  You are critical, he's critical back. It takes more self control and sanctification NOT to react to a wife like that, than it does to to just fire it straight back.

If you are a wife who is quick to complain and grumble, you will entice your husband to be less-than-generous. He will tempted to be a husband who would rather not help and bless, because you just don't have a thankful and grateful heart, as you ought to have.

Naggers?  There lieth the epitomy of a wife doing the devil's work.  The book of Proverbs says that it would be better for a husband to go and live in the wilderness than to have to listen to a wife who is a nag.  Why? To get away from her sinful behaviour, lest he is negatively affected by it, too! Wives, you KNOW it tempts your husband to sin when you nag.  It tests the patience of the proverbial SAINT to have a nag in his ear hole. Nagging is the devil's work.

"the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping."

Proverbs 19:3

Have you ever had a dripping tap?  We have had a dripping shower, recently.  It was right  next to our room, and we did everything we could to stop it - we have resorted to turning off the isolation valve so no water can get out, because it was so irritating! It tests patience.  Same with nagging. A nagging wife will test the patience of her husband, pushing him to a place where he is more likely to snap and succumb to a sinful reaction. It's just a fact.

If  you are a wife who does not encourage her husband to be everything he should be spiritually, by turning a blind eye to his sinful behaviour, or even encouraging him in it, then  you are doing the devil's work.  Some wives seem to think that being submissive means being silent. No, no, NO.  You cannot be a more loving, supportive, and encouraging wife, than to be one who kindly, but honestly, points out sin where it exists.

Oh, my "Job's wife" heart.

It's me.

It's me FAR too much, and but for the grace of God upon the heart of my husband, much like righteous Job, he would have sinned more than he has.

I thank God for the grace He has extended upon MY life - how He has stayed the hand of Satan, and put a shield of protection both around me, and around our marriage.

But, no person is immune to the devices of the devil.

No marriage is immune to the deceits of Satan.

No siree.  We are all susceptible, and need to be on continual guard.  Don't let Satan get a foothold in your life, and in your marriage.

Another principle that Job's wife needed to learn from Job, and we do well to learn, too?

"shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil?"

God sends us good things.  Blessing upon blessing.

He also allows the traumatically trying.

Things that would drive us to despair.

Things that could force a wedge into a marriage.

Things that could cause us sadness of heart, mind and soul, and agony of body.

But, in all of that, we must NOT curse God.

WE MUST NOT.

We need to get down on our knees, and WORSHIP.

Oh, Lord, give me this grace!  Give me this heart, and soul, and voice!  To worship, in the hardest of hard times.  To praise and worship thy Holiest of Holy names in the STORM.  When I am worn, weary and weeping - PRAISE HIM.  Acknowledging every good thing, to counteract the weight of the trials.  To lift my eyes to my great creator God, in the agonies of my humanity.

In every trial of my life, turning my eyes upon Jesus, and not tempting others to sin.

May the Lord keep me from being like Job's wife, and more like Job himself.

Tots on a Tuesday {sentence building - FREE PRINTABLE!}

As I mentioned, last week, I am beginning an "experimental" stage of my educating role.

I am working with sight reading over phonics, just to see if it both helps my "early reader", and also if it kickstarts my non-reader.

So far, it's been going well! It's instantly giving my reader a lot of courage, and she is fast identifying the sight words she had previously struggled to identify.  That ALONE I consider success! Add to that the enthusiastic and speedily gained ability of my non-reader, to identify several of the words we have been learning, and you have a double whammy of early success.

Without a doubt, the use of repetition, and picture association, helps massively.  I think my non-reader could almost tell you it by memory.  I'm no dozer, though.  That is NOT reading - that's memorising.  He CAN, however, identify words if you ask him out of context.  Enter my newly created, printed, and laminated word "strips".  I figured that if repetition was undoubtedly going to be a key factor in this new reading malarkey, then I was going to make it fun and interesting! As my non-reader can't write, I needed a non-written way to reinforce.  The printed words, for him to replicate the sentences, seemed the obvious choice.



We sat together, looking back over the reading he had done.  I spread the words out on the floor (yes, the floor - who needs tables, right?...) and he was to find them for himself, and copy the sentences from the book.

I had TOTALLY forgotten how much joy and EXCITEMENT this kinda' thing can create for a small person - how incredibly thrilled and overjoyed he was to copy the sentences for himself!  It was a huge hit, and he would have stayed up all night copying all the sentences in the book, but, alas, it was bedtime!

Mean mother, making him SLEEP, instead of WORKING!

Yes, I forgot, also, how they don't realise it's work, to begin with - I DO remember that fazes pretty jolly quickly....

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy pressing on with this approach, and seeing these two little treasures learn to read!

I'm all for spreading joy, so if you think it may be of use to you, I have created a printable for you, of the words used in set "1" of the Key Words Ladybird reading scheme. Not everyone has these books, but I know they are out there, used by many over the years! I will list the words for you, so you know if they will be useful in your own education setting, before you bother to download them.  I will also create more as we go through, so, by the time we are at the last set of books, you would have most of the commonly used "sight words" to print and use.

I have created the printable over 4 pages, to include repeats of the more commonly used words, so there are plenty to use.  Just click on the image to get to the document, then print it off as you need it.  I hope they are of use to someone!

I will continue to update as we carry on with the Key Words scheme - so far, so good!

Looking at your own beam {a lesson learnt from a "lost" pack of wipes}

Every now and again, I get to do some crochet or knitting in the daytime.  More often than not, it's an evening activity, after all my jobs are done.  Whenever I get my yarn out, I like to stick my feet up.  Don't ask me why, because I have no idea.  It just seems more comfortable to sit that way, when occupied thus.

I was sat that way, one day, not long ago, when a small person came to me, requiring some attention in the nether regions.  I sent a child to get me a nappy and wipes, and they brought me back a nappy - but no wipes.  I gently suggested they look again, whilst scanning my eye around the room, to see if they had been misplaced.  It happens, don'thcha know..... *aherm*

Nope.

Still no wipes.

I started to get  a little irritated.  I mean, how hard is it for  child to find a packet of wipes.  After all, I knew they had been in my hand only a short while before, so they couldn't have got far.  There I sat, in my comfortable recline, barking orders to look here, there and everywhere.  I informed them that they were not being thorough enough, and needed to put more effort into finding them.  How could they not see them?

Eventually, frustrated and impatient with the inadequate efforts of my offspring, I removed my feet from the chair they were upon, and where my skirt was hanging down, and sat up more upright, to take a better look myself.

I scanned the room, and still couldn't see that packet, which was being less than obsequious.

Until I moved slightly, and looked down.

There, on the floor, RIGHT BY MY OWN FEET, were the wipes.  Hidden by my very own skirt and legs.

Gulp.

To be fair, the children COULD have seen them.  They would have been slightly more visible to them, than they were to me -  me, sitting making no effort to look myself.

It made me think of how we so quickly find fault in others, whilst not taking a hard look "closer to home".   How easy it is, to sit in "ivory palaces", making judgement on the actions of others. How easy it is to see the sin and failing of those we gaze upon.  How incredibly swiftly the words slip out, in judgement of the inadequacies and short-comings of those around us.

All the while, not taking the time to check our heart and actions FIRST.

Had I bothered to do my part FIRST it would have avoided much exasperation and frustration on my part.

It's something we all fall prey to, at some time or another.  Sitting in a spiritual position of self importance, thinking our view is the right one, and not having the grace to see that others ARE doing their part, and doing their best.  Not seeing that others have a different "view" on the same issue, which is just as valid as our own.  Not accepting that we can miss something important just as easily as someone else has.

The Bible tells us a couple of things that are worth noting.

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? "

Matthew 7:3

It's an age old "quotable quote".   A mote is like a tiny piece of straw - a fleck of something small.  a beam - well, you know what one of those is! The big, heavy duty pieces of timber, used to hold up whole parts of  a building!  Don't go pointing out the tiny things that are "Out of place" spiritually, in the lives of those around you, when you have your own mega planks in our own eye.  Look at yourself first.

"For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: 

For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. 

But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed."

James 1:23-25

Yowsers.

That portion of scripture convicts me EVERY TIME I read it.

Skimming over God's Word, without actually applying it, is just not good.  We need to look at ourselves, and see if what we see reflects the truth and teaching of the scriptures. If it doesn't, we need to DO something.  We can't just go off and forget what we have seen, and take no action.  We need to be DOERS.  Looking at others, but forgetting to examine OURSELVES, is not good. 

A hearer, but not a doer, is a hypocrite.  Telling others what is right, but not putting it into action ourselves, is not something God likes AT ALL.  Jesus was constantly rebuking the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.  Over, and over again.  If we pick fault in others, without sorting out or own lives, we are just like them.  

But look - look at what James teaches us. If we listen, learn, and apply scripture to our own heart and life, we will be BLESSED!  Criticising others will never bring us joy and blessing - only a jaded heart and bitterness. 

One of the most descriptive, and challenging verses is this one....

"This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me."

If you call yourself a Christian, but your heart is not where it should be - checking to see that you are honouring and obeying God in your OWN heart and life - it's not good.

The Lord continues on in the chapter to say this....

"but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

Our words that we speak are what makes us unclean and tarnished.  

Hypocrites who are quick to say things about others, instead of those who look with humility at their own shortcomings, and beat on their chest saying "God, be merciful to me, a sinner".

Oh, how thankful I am, that the Lord shows me, time and time again, of my own short-comings, through His word, and through even my children.   May He enable me to examine my own heart and life in the light of His word, and e less hasty to condemn others. 

Women of the Word {Esther - speaking wisely}

One of the things that always manages to convict me, when reading about Esther, are the lessons learnt about using our words wisely.

Esther is a wonderful picture about how to communicate effectively, especially with your husband.  Numerous times, throughout the account of Esther, we see her being wise with her words.  Not just with her husband, but also with others.

The thing that stands out most, above the details of what she says, and how she says it, is WHY she did it.

All Esther does, all through this book, is for the benefit of the righteous.  She is protecting her people, the Jews, and she is protecting Mordecai.  Wisdom, resulting in clever speech, is her forte.

As a wife, and as a follower of Christ, we have lessons we can learn - whether it's speaking to our husband, or speaking to our friends and family.  Those who are nearest and dearest should be the recipients of our wise speech.

There are two areas that stand out to me.

Her words protected her husband

Her words persuaded her husband

Early on in the book, we find Esther protecting her husband, by what she says.  As I mentioned last week, it would have been ever so easy for her to just say nothing.  It's  easy to stay silent, but often harder to speak up.  If Esther had said nothing, those plotting to kill Ahasuerus would have been successful.  Being a child of the King, she didn't want to see hurt come to her husband, and so she spoke up.

As a wife, it's our duty to use words that protect our husband.  I hear FAR too many women "husband bashing".  I cringe when I hear women degrading their husband, and criticising him. It saddens my heart when women think so little of their husband that they show such disrespect. God has given us our husbands.  They are a blessing to us. To begin to undermine their authority, by "letting them down" in a public manner, is quite simply abhor-able.  Are they perfect? No.  None of us are.  Does that mean we can moan and groan and complain to whoever, whenever? Nope.

Our words should be like a covering around our husband - wrapping him in a protective blanket, where no-one else has reason to start criticising or judging him unfairly.  If we throw out comments out of context, or in the heat of the moment, the minds and mouths of others are likely to be critical and jump to false conclusions - all because of our inability to keep silence.

HOW we speak to our husband is also of vital importance.  If we speak with a harsh tone, or with impatience and a lack of grace, our words will not be well received.  You know yourself, if a child, or anyone else for that matter, speaks with the wrong tone, our minds and hearts will quickly put up a "no" in response to their request or statement.

Looking at general scriptural principles, and applying them to marriage, is a good exercise.



Our words should be quiet - 

"The words of wise men are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools. "

Ecclesiastes 9:17 

How often it is so easy to start getting loud and irritated, when we try to put our point of view across, or we don't agree on something.  Your husband hear you louder, if you speak quietly.

Our words should be gracious - 

"The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself."

Ecclesiastes 10:12  

If we have words "always with grace", then we will avoid so much conflict.  Being gracious is about thinking the best of another - not picking up on the worst.  Forgiving.  Loving. All vital in a marriage.


Our words should sometimes NOT be spoken -

" In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19 

As hard as it might be, there are times when we ought to say nothing at ALL.  The more we say, the more we open ourselves up to sinning in our words.  It's like a snowball.  One unwise thought slips out as words, and the rest comes tumbling after.  Once words are spoken, they can't be taken back.  It ain't easy for many women, but the truth is "least said, soonest mended".

Our words should build up our husband - 

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:29

Our husbands are just as relevant as anyone else, here.  We are to build our husband up, with the words we use, not tear him down.  Ministering grace to the hearer - our husband. Serving him up a portion of gracious "herbs" alongside his dinner, instead of "stalled ox" and strife. Love = grace. IF Christ didn't show us that, then I don't know who did.  If we love our husband, our words will shower him with grace, and encourage him.

Our words should not be manipulative - 

"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8

Guile is all about being duplicitous, crafty and deceitful - it's using our words for self gain, and perhaps even with-holding the truth for our own betterment. It's another sad truth  - wives of today manipulate and deceive.  It is evidence of a lack of trust and honesty, and downright selfishness, to have a heart of guile.  I know of women who hide things from their husband - purchases made they know they won't be happy about, things they do which their husband wouldn't approve of, places they go that their husband would be unhappy about. All based upon selfish desires and motives.  Not caring about the thoughts and opinions of their husband.  Completely and utterly lacking in mutual respect. Ladies, it's WRONG! Just don't do it! Look at the promise given - if you want to love life and see good days, don't speak in an evil way, and don't have a heart of guile. 

This verse follows on from Peter's specific teaching to husbands and wives.  The fuller exhortation reads like this...

"Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 

Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 

For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8-10

Talk about being packed full! So much instruction and wisdom, worthy of our attention.

Ephesians clearly teaches that we are to respect our husband.  If we are to show respect, then we need to be wise both in how we speak TO our husband, and ABOUT our husband.

As to the second way that Esther's words were used - she persuaded her husband.

There are times when we need to be wise about when and how we speak to our husband, on matters of importance. Not because we are trying to manipulate for selfish reasons, but because we know our husband is at his best to listen and take things on board.

If you need to speak with your husband on an important subject, and he has had a stressful work day, and a headache to boot, it would be unwise to raise it at that moment.  He is not going to be able to cope, mentally or physically, with processing an important subject matter - not because he's an unreasonable ogre, but because he's human.  If you come and try to talk with him whilst he is trying to do something else, that is also a no-no.  Many men can simply not deal with more than one thing at once.  It's the way God made them, and it means they are usually super-focussed on something else, and doing a great job of it, as well!

Think of it this way - are there times when your children come and ask you about something, and you tell them you can't think about it right now? If so, the same may well apply to speaking to your husband. If I am making dinner, I can't concentrate on complex questions from my children.  I would rather wait, so I can fully listen to them, and help them to my greatest capacity.

It's equally an issue of not being selfish and impetuous yourself! Having self control and waiting for the right time, is something we need to exercise as women, as much as understanding our husband!

Esther both protected her husband, and persuaded her husband - all because she chose to use her words wisely, and to put others before herself.

We we would do well to do the same.

Tots on a Tuesday {Phonics vs Sight Reading}

I am super excited.

Yes, SUPER excited.

It truly doesn't take much, so don't you go getting too excited.

When I switched from using ACE as our main school curriculum, I had to decide which approach I wanted to take for teaching my subsequent children to read.  I researched it, and went with the same approach I was familiar with - phonics.  Albeit, the system I went with, Jolly Phonics, taught the phonics in a different order to what we had done previously, it still used phonics.  I was already having to face lots of new things, and staying with phonics seemed "safe".  I have loved Jolly Phonics, and I highly recommend it for British educators - it's relatively inexpensive, colourful, and BRITISH.  Yes, correct spelling, and MOSTLY correct pronunciation. (Why "mostly"?  It's ENGLISH..... Not Scottish..... )

However, I have been noticing that Abi seems to be learning some words by just reading them in her reading books, without sounding them out.  At the same time, I have noticed that Elijah has already taken a self-initiated interest in learning to write and read.  He seems to have a good memory for recognising letters, with very little instruction (he learnt to write his name from tracing it ONCE in a card... first of my children to do such a thing!). I got to wondering if he could learnt to read in a similar way.

If you are going to teach reading in this way, I *KNEW* that the Ladybird Key Words reading scheme was a tried and tested method.  They use "High Frequency" words, and the child learns to read based on those.  Did you know, 12 Key Words make up a 1/4 of those we read and write? 100 make up HALF of those we red and write, and around 300 words are 3/4 of what we read!!! Yes, that few words are the "Key words" of our reading experience.

This reading scheme involves introducing words to the child, in each book, and repeating them in various ways - switching the sentence structure around  a little, and adding in new words.  In book 1a, there are 16 new words, and they are repeated an average of 10 times each. In level  a and b there is progressively more complexity and variety in how these words are used, and book c focuses on writing, with activities for the child to copy out in an exercise book.


It's quite different to what I have used previously, but I am going to try doing it with Elijah and Abi together.  It will be great practice for "tricky words" used in Jolly Phonics, and a good "trial" to see how Elijah gets on.  I plan to also use the Reading Eggs apps, on the iPad, with Elijah, so he is concurrently learning all the letter names and sounds, for the words you can sound out phonetically.
This is a tried and tested reading scheme that has been on the go for YEARS! Decades, even!  I am hoping that means it could be successful for us, or at least be a great addition to our literacy lessons.

It's funny, it's taken me all these years to get more "adventurous" in how I do things!

You have to live a little, right?

And, I'm sure Elijah won't mind me using him as a guinea pig in a reading trial.....

I love that home educating allows the flexibility to find things that suit your individual child's needs.  And, which home educator doesn't need more books?? She says, having carefully researched, and purchased, a new bookcase for her home, only today....

So, how did you teach your children to read? What methods did you find to be successful, and which ones were  a flop?  Do you use the same for all of your children, or did you switch about, from child to child?  Please link up your posts about teaching children to read, or other literacy resources you find helpful.  If you don't blog, please share in the comments below! I love to her from my readers, and your experience may be just what someone else needs to hear, to encourage them.

IF you link up, please grab my "Tots on a Tuesday" button, from the side bar, and pop it in your post. Thank  you muchly.

Breaking the alabaster box {"she hath done what she could"}

I know of so many women who are in a continual battle - internally, and externally - about the role they are undertaking as a mother.  There are doubts and fears bombarding our hearts and minds, as we week to serve God, right where we are.  We are led to believe that there is something better - more important - that we could, or should, be doing, beyond the incredible task of being a mother.

We are made to feel that what we do is somehow inferior - working outside the home is "better", or "more important". We are made to feel that the task is insignificant. Others may think it's the easy option to stay at home.  I was incredibly astounded, and heartbroken, to hear that there are those that even think that having more than "x" amount of children is tantamount to sinful behaviour, because it's keeping us from "working in the Church".  There are women who think that they are failing their children because they can't provide the same things for their children as others can. Others still struggle in their hearts, feeling they are letting their children down because THEY are not perfect themselves.

I was struck, however, by the account of Jesus' visit to Bethany, where he met with his dear friends - Lazarus, Mary and Martha.  Those friends who went to every effort to be the perfect hosts, on another occasion and who loved being near their Master.

As He visits, Mary takes a box of costly ointment, and anoints Jesus with it. The disciples - particularly money pinching, betraying, Judas - complain at the wasteful action of using the oil in such a way.  It should have been used for its intended purpose, or at least sold, the money being useful for something else.

Jesus, however, pointed out something that us mothers need to remind ourselves EVERY SINGLE DAY.

"She hath done what she could"

Mary gave sacrificially, and willingly, to Jesus, using what she had to give generously.  Yes, there were other ways that the precious ointment could have been used, but she wanted it to be given to Jesus.  She gave it all, and she gave gladly - what she had to give, she gave.

Precious mother - this is you.

God has given you your children.  Children are an incredible, God-given miracle - without a doubt.  They are a gift.  He has given you the ability to care for them, train them up, and nurture them. He has made YOU their mother.  No-one else.  It's something you can only do.

I ask myself, how am I giving as a mother, today? Am I putting in every effort I can to serve the Lord, right here, right now? Am I lovingly, tenderly, and graciously caring for them?  Am I seeking God's wisdom and guidance, daily, through His inspired Word - seeking His will and HIS ways? Am I accepting the situation that God has led me into - seeing that God's ways may not be my ways, but they are the BEST ways?

If the answer is "yes", then God will look upon us, as He did Mary, and will say

"She hath done what she could"

We can't do any more than that - we CAN do less than that.  God has given us the ability to choose to give our all - to be faithful and true, in our calling as a mother - to shun the other options that may tempt us to doubt that what we are doing is the "right thing" - and to do what we can, giving to Jesus.

Our willing hearts, and the action that MUST accompany it, as evidence of that internal work, are what God is looking for.  He will bless us, and accept our life offering, if we do it for Him - for His glory.

It says that Mary "broke" the alabaster jar.  It doesn't necessarily mean it was "broken" - simply opened up, to be poured out.

That's how we need to be as mothers - poured out, before God. Emptying of self, and giving to Him.  Not keeping anything back, but serving fully.  Not just a dribble.  Not keeping anything back. Not giving to somewhere or someone else.  Everything we have, given to God.

The other important point to remember, is this - it was MARY'S box.  It didn't belong to anyone else.  It was hers alone, and hers alone to give.  Your life is exactly that - YOURS.  No-one else can live it for you.  They can tell you what they think is right for them, they can tell you what they THINK is right for you.  You, and only you, knows what you own, as YOUR lot in life, to be able to give to the Lord.  We need to own our life by pouring it out to Jesus.  Being a mother who gives her all, poured out with a willing heart, to Jesus - our Saviour. With God's Word to guide you on the big principles, and God's wisdom to guide you on the finer details, you can pour out the alabaster box of your life, as a mother, to Him.

Are you like me - do you even find it is most often those who are "disciples" of Christ who are the most critical of how your pout your life to him? It was the DISCIPLES who moaned and complained about what she did.  I have countless situations where people have questioned how I am pouring out my life - how many children I have, how we choose to educate them, how we choose to discipline them, what we allow them to do, or not do, the company we have them keep, and mostly it's fellow believers who condemn and question the most. They are the ones who question my actions.

The Lord sees, and sends His word of rebuke out, as He did to His own disciples

HE sees.

He sees when we taken those precious moments of our life - as wife, mother, and follower of Him - and give them back to Him.  Living our life poured out, responsible only for what God has given US.  Serving God by serving our family, broken and spilled out entirely, for JESUS only.

And maybe, just MAYBE, the disciples and whose who question YOU have the same issue? Perhaps their own hearts are pricked by the choices you make?  Then, it's simply not your place to worry or doubt your own choices - it's only theirs to make THEIR own choices, before God - not to question YOURS.

Sweet sister - what  you have to offer, as a mother, is of great value in God's eyes.

"If any man serve me, him will my Father honour."

John 12:26

If the Lord has given you a family, then you have to raise them to His glory. That is the way God expects you to serve Him.  The Lord will honour our service to Him, as mothers.


Don't look for the approval others, simply look for the approval of your Heavenly Father.  The only words you need to hear, as we pour out the "alabaster box" of motherhood, are "She hath done what she could".