Wednesday, 28 August 2013

"Dear younger me".... {a letter to myself, that I wish I could have read}

Dear "me",

I wish you could have read this letter many years ago.  I wish you could have learnt lessons sooner, and avoided "messes" in your life. I wish you could have had a heart that was more willing to learn, and avoided mistakes.

My first advice would be regarding submission.  Submission is not something to dread and rebel against. Submission is God's perfect way for a marriage to function, in order that God would be glorified. You see, it's all about protection.  God protects you, as a wife, by giving your husband the responsibility of being the authority in your marriage.  If you would just accept that and submit to it, lovingly, willingly and graciously, your life will run far smoother, and you will have far greater peace and unity in your marriage.  Is it always easy? No!  Is it best in the long run?  You bet! Is it your job to criticise your husband's decisions? No.  It's your job, as long as he is not asking you to do something God forbids, to submit.  You may turn out to have been right about things, and it may take your husband longer to realise, but just do the right thing.  If submission is God's plan, (ad it is....) then it's the BEST plan.  Going your own way will only lead to unhappiness and discontent.

Don't be so stubborn. Have a heart that is receptive to rebuke, open to teaching and willing to say when you have done wrong. Don't think that you have to always be right. Don't let pride stop you from being willing to say "You were right, I was wrong. Sorry."

Search God's Word for instruction on how to be the child of God you ought to be.  Being the best wife is all about being the best for God.  If you don't immerse yourself in the Word, and find out what God wants you to be, then you will not be the wife that you need to be. Being a good wife begins with being a faithful child of God.

Learn what true love is.  It's not just that wonderful, warm feeling that comes with the territory of finding the "perfect" man for you.  There's way more to it than that.  Read I Corinthians, and meditate upon it.  Put your name in, instead of "charity", and let it challenge your heart.  Let love, and the outliving of it, be the most important thing in your life.

Don't be selfish.  Put the needs of your husband before your own needs.  Do all you can to give of yourself, in every aspect of your life.  Your time, your efforts, your emotions, your desires, your motivations and your body. Don't let life be all about "me", but all about "him".

Don't allow any part of your marriage to be conditional.  Don't always be thinking "I will do such and such, if HE does such and such". Just keep doing what YOU should be doing, and not worrying yourself about what he is doing.  You are only accountable for yourself, before God.

Don't start arguments and be the first one to end one. Make the words "I'm sorry" be those that slip easily from your tongue, instead of forcing them out like poison.

Don't let the sun go down on your anger.

Be an encourager. Don't have a negative and critical spirit, but seek to encourage and build up, instead of being a foolish woman who tears down her house with her very own hands.

Do not publicly criticise or be negative about your husband. Yes, he may have faults, but parading them in front of the whole world will not help the situation.  Talk about things in private, and not in front of everyone else.

Appreciate every God-given moment you have together.  You don't know when your time together may come to an unexpected end, and it's best not to have any regrets.  God gave you to one another, and you need to enjoy every moment that you can.

Yes, there will be tough times.  No, it will not always go smoothly.  Yes, it is SO worth it.

Your love will grow deeper.  Your bond will grow stronger.  Your affection will be more meaningful.  Only if you keep working at it, and honour God above all else.

I wish you had learnt sooner, then you could have avoided many moments of regret.  I am thankful you have learnt what you have, your marriage is so much richer now.  Never stop loving and learning.  It will only get better, if you follow God's Word and obey His instruction.

Keep on, keeping on.

With greatest love, hope and grace,


(PS - I so wish I had known more about the way God wanted me to be, before I even married, and certainly when our marriage began.  I am so thankful that God has been gracious, and we are so very blessed now.  I want it to carry on, and so I keep reminding myself of how I need to be, and what I need to put off.  I cringe when I think of how awful I was, but thank God for His goodness and mercy.  Do you have anything YOU wish you had known earlier in your marriage, or scriptural principles you consider important? Please share in the comments below.)


  1. "Put your name instead of 'charity' in I Corinthians 13 ..." . *Gulp*.

    Oh ... I have something I wish I'd known and it may sound odd: I wish I'd known that speaking what was on my mind was okay. In fact, not only was it okay, but it was better than keeping everything inside.

    1. Communication is SO important. It's right, and good, to share things. Bottling things up is like a fizzy drink - as soon as you shake it up a bit, everything comes exploding out. It's better to get that "lid" off quickly, before that can happen.

  2. Beautiful! Thank you for the encouragement! Hope that you have a wonderful day.