I have toyed about writing this post for a long time now.
It's about something that many women face, but you'll not always hear about.
It's about broken days. Days when you feel that the "perfect" life you hope for is far from your grasp.
Not only is it broken, but you're willing to admit it. THAT is the issue.
Do you ever have those days? I am convinced that some people think that I don't. Ashamedly, there may be a reason for that. I find this hard to write for several different reasons.
But, it's time to get real. For the sake of the good that can come of it, instead of what I may have perceived as the good of covering it up.
What on earth do I mean?
I was fearful. Fearful of what others would think, if I admit that I find life can be difficult. REALLY difficult. Fearful of their reaction. Fearful of their perception.
Maybe, in fact, fear is less correct as proud.
Worried that they may think less of me. Worried that they would not accept God's plans for me, if I don't seem to be "coping".
The truth of it is simply this - some days I would love to crawl in a hole and hide away forever. I have school work to get through, housework to keep on top of, character issues to deal with, more housework, more school work, more character. Things going wrong. Schedules going awry. Tiredness. Emotional weariness. Physical burdens. Trials I can't always even share at all. Spiritual battles.
You see, I worried that if I told people that I struggle, that I would hear something like this.
"Well, YOU chose to have all those children."
"It was your CHOICE to home school."
"You could go back to work if you wanted, and it would be easier"
"I'm not surprised you're tired, but you can only blame yourself"
I have, in fact, heard as much from people in the past. It may be why I tend not to share all my struggles. Why, though, should the opinions of some prevent me from being honest? The simple answer is, it shouldn't.
By not admitting my struggles I could be putting across a false picture of either a woman who doesn't HAVE any problems, or as someone with super-spiritual proportions who floats through the "trials of life".
Neither of those pictures if true - especially the last one.
Do you know what has allowed me to break free from this prison of silence? A reminder of one simple thing. All that we have in our life stems from CONVICTIONS. Based on our understanding of God's Word, Robert and I have been convicted to allow God to plan our life.
I am a "stay at home mum". We chose that path because we were CONVICTED by God's Word and teaching about the role of motherhood. We felt that was best for our family. I can lead you to the Bible and tell you how God convicted US about that. What verses we read that led us in that direction. But I won't TELL you you should do the same.
That includes the number of children we have, given to us by God. We look to Him to control and lead us in every other area of life - why should we suddenly decide that we know better when it comes to the number of children we should have? We trust Him to provide for every other need, so why not trust Him to provide for all the children we may have?
It's a CONVICTION. OUR conviction. I'm not going to stand with a placard and tell you to have the same one. I can tell you why it is a place of privilege and blessing. I can tell you how we got to that conviction. But, I can't MAKE it yours.
Same with home educating. We became CONVICTED about it. God spoke to our hearts, through the study of His Word. We go forward, by faith, trusting in God's leading for our family.
Again, it's a conviction. I could lead you to the scriptures that were our guide and leading. I could explain to you the principles behind our decision. But, it's OUR conviction, and it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, not mine.
So, all that said, the reason I have hard days is then not ANYTHING to do with the "choices" we have made. It's not just choices. It's a conviction, which if we had not followed it, we would have be ignoring God's leading in our lives. If I then have difficult days, you can not say it is BECAUSE of these convictions. It's just part of it. It's not "my own fault", it's God's plan.
Plus, if I am not mistaken, no matter what your life's choices are, EVERYONE has hard days. If you leave your children at home, and go out to work, and only have 1 child, I am NOT going to say when you have a bad day "well, you chose to do those things"! I would like to hope I would sympathise, and try to encourage and help in whatever way I could, instead of just saying "On your own head be it."
We all have struggles, and we should all want to help others who are struggling, no matter why we "THINK" those problems are there.
It brings me to another reason for this post, and why I was reluctant to share before. I was worried that people would think I was not doing a good job. That's pride. Big, bad and shameful. Why? Simply because anything I DO get right is only God's grace and goodness, not anything of me, anyway! If I'm struggling, it just means that I am prone to the same trials and struggles are everyone else. That's normal. It's part of the Christian walk we are on. Whether your family is large or small, you home educate or not, go out to work, or stay at home - we all have trials, because we are told we WILL on our Christian walk. My trials will, inevitably, circulate around children, the home and home educating, because that's where God has led me to be! Admitting the trials are there, is just me being humble enough, by God's grace, to admit that I am normal. I'm just an average person, living by the strength of an extra-ordinary God.
So, there you have it. Today I have lost my patience with the children, I need to clear my pile of laundry, we haven't finished all of our school work yet, I am not entirely sure what we are having for dinner, and I am dog tired. Do you know what else? I am doing my best, I am at peace in God's plan for me, I know that tomorrow is a new day, and God is still good.
I continue to rest in the promise
Are you struggling today? Do your struggles come from a life that GOD has led you to, like me? Are you struggling, despite your obedience? It's ok, you're not alone! It's ok - it's not BECAUSE you are obedient, it's just because you are a Christian! Being God's child equals having trials, and they will always be connected to the life that God has called you to. It's because you love the Lord, not because you have convictions. Keep looking to the Lord for your strength, just as every child of God should. No matter the path you are walking on, God's grace will still be sufficient for you, too. Don't turn your back on your convictions, mistakenly thinking they are the cause for your struggles. It's not the convictions - it's being a Child of the King. And, THAT can never be taken away from you, so the trials are going to keep coming, no matter what path you walk upon, until the day you are united with the Lord in heaven.
If, by sharing this I have been able to encourage even one person, then it's worth it. You're not alone - I have hard days, too.
Honesty - the best policy.
It's about something that many women face, but you'll not always hear about.
It's about broken days. Days when you feel that the "perfect" life you hope for is far from your grasp.
Not only is it broken, but you're willing to admit it. THAT is the issue.
Do you ever have those days? I am convinced that some people think that I don't. Ashamedly, there may be a reason for that. I find this hard to write for several different reasons.
But, it's time to get real. For the sake of the good that can come of it, instead of what I may have perceived as the good of covering it up.
What on earth do I mean?
I was fearful. Fearful of what others would think, if I admit that I find life can be difficult. REALLY difficult. Fearful of their reaction. Fearful of their perception.
Maybe, in fact, fear is less correct as proud.
Worried that they may think less of me. Worried that they would not accept God's plans for me, if I don't seem to be "coping".
The truth of it is simply this - some days I would love to crawl in a hole and hide away forever. I have school work to get through, housework to keep on top of, character issues to deal with, more housework, more school work, more character. Things going wrong. Schedules going awry. Tiredness. Emotional weariness. Physical burdens. Trials I can't always even share at all. Spiritual battles.
You see, I worried that if I told people that I struggle, that I would hear something like this.
"Well, YOU chose to have all those children."
"It was your CHOICE to home school."
"You could go back to work if you wanted, and it would be easier"
"I'm not surprised you're tired, but you can only blame yourself"
I have, in fact, heard as much from people in the past. It may be why I tend not to share all my struggles. Why, though, should the opinions of some prevent me from being honest? The simple answer is, it shouldn't.
By not admitting my struggles I could be putting across a false picture of either a woman who doesn't HAVE any problems, or as someone with super-spiritual proportions who floats through the "trials of life".
Neither of those pictures if true - especially the last one.
Do you know what has allowed me to break free from this prison of silence? A reminder of one simple thing. All that we have in our life stems from CONVICTIONS. Based on our understanding of God's Word, Robert and I have been convicted to allow God to plan our life.
I am a "stay at home mum". We chose that path because we were CONVICTED by God's Word and teaching about the role of motherhood. We felt that was best for our family. I can lead you to the Bible and tell you how God convicted US about that. What verses we read that led us in that direction. But I won't TELL you you should do the same.
That includes the number of children we have, given to us by God. We look to Him to control and lead us in every other area of life - why should we suddenly decide that we know better when it comes to the number of children we should have? We trust Him to provide for every other need, so why not trust Him to provide for all the children we may have?
It's a CONVICTION. OUR conviction. I'm not going to stand with a placard and tell you to have the same one. I can tell you why it is a place of privilege and blessing. I can tell you how we got to that conviction. But, I can't MAKE it yours.
Same with home educating. We became CONVICTED about it. God spoke to our hearts, through the study of His Word. We go forward, by faith, trusting in God's leading for our family.
Again, it's a conviction. I could lead you to the scriptures that were our guide and leading. I could explain to you the principles behind our decision. But, it's OUR conviction, and it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, not mine.
So, all that said, the reason I have hard days is then not ANYTHING to do with the "choices" we have made. It's not just choices. It's a conviction, which if we had not followed it, we would have be ignoring God's leading in our lives. If I then have difficult days, you can not say it is BECAUSE of these convictions. It's just part of it. It's not "my own fault", it's God's plan.
Plus, if I am not mistaken, no matter what your life's choices are, EVERYONE has hard days. If you leave your children at home, and go out to work, and only have 1 child, I am NOT going to say when you have a bad day "well, you chose to do those things"! I would like to hope I would sympathise, and try to encourage and help in whatever way I could, instead of just saying "On your own head be it."
We all have struggles, and we should all want to help others who are struggling, no matter why we "THINK" those problems are there.
It brings me to another reason for this post, and why I was reluctant to share before. I was worried that people would think I was not doing a good job. That's pride. Big, bad and shameful. Why? Simply because anything I DO get right is only God's grace and goodness, not anything of me, anyway! If I'm struggling, it just means that I am prone to the same trials and struggles are everyone else. That's normal. It's part of the Christian walk we are on. Whether your family is large or small, you home educate or not, go out to work, or stay at home - we all have trials, because we are told we WILL on our Christian walk. My trials will, inevitably, circulate around children, the home and home educating, because that's where God has led me to be! Admitting the trials are there, is just me being humble enough, by God's grace, to admit that I am normal. I'm just an average person, living by the strength of an extra-ordinary God.
So, there you have it. Today I have lost my patience with the children, I need to clear my pile of laundry, we haven't finished all of our school work yet, I am not entirely sure what we are having for dinner, and I am dog tired. Do you know what else? I am doing my best, I am at peace in God's plan for me, I know that tomorrow is a new day, and God is still good.
I continue to rest in the promise
"my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
Are you struggling today? Do your struggles come from a life that GOD has led you to, like me? Are you struggling, despite your obedience? It's ok, you're not alone! It's ok - it's not BECAUSE you are obedient, it's just because you are a Christian! Being God's child equals having trials, and they will always be connected to the life that God has called you to. It's because you love the Lord, not because you have convictions. Keep looking to the Lord for your strength, just as every child of God should. No matter the path you are walking on, God's grace will still be sufficient for you, too. Don't turn your back on your convictions, mistakenly thinking they are the cause for your struggles. It's not the convictions - it's being a Child of the King. And, THAT can never be taken away from you, so the trials are going to keep coming, no matter what path you walk upon, until the day you are united with the Lord in heaven.
If, by sharing this I have been able to encourage even one person, then it's worth it. You're not alone - I have hard days, too.
Honesty - the best policy.
Great post and one I can relate to! Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is refreshing. As a much older wife and mother with a newly emptied nest I can admit that those "days" are real- they happen and sometimes haunt us when we try to go to sleep at night. But God is faithful who has called us...and he will not forsake us even on the bad days.
ReplyDeleteSo refreshing to read, thank you for being so honest - I am the same at times and sadly it's too true that often we face the same criticisms for having more than 2 or 3 children!
ReplyDelete