Friday, 11 September 2015

My top tips for toilet training {pinch of salt will be needed}

My words of wisdom for a Friday afternoon, based on recent thoughts and ponderings on a recent non-success in toilet training.

 Ten easy steps to toilet training

1) Rip up all your carpets and put down wipe clean flooring.

2) Remove all commitments from your life, including looking after any other children, or turning your head for a single moment.

3) Buy about 100 packs of cheap underwear so you can simply throw it away when it gets soiled.

4) Also buy your local shop's entire supply of anti-bacterial spray and kitchen roll.

5) Don't try and do it when you are pregnant, have recently given birth, or have other baby type people to look after.

6) Don't ever get upset, frustrated, tired, cross, frustrated, tired or, did I say cross?....

7) Find lots of extreme and sugar laden treats to ply on your child, ideas to reward that you found on Pinterest, written by people who have either never toilet trained, or live in a world that does not include number 5 (see above).

8) Place your child in a completely wipe clean room, with only wipe clean toys, and a toilet in situ.

9) If you homsechool, consider sending your child to nursery until they are toilet trained (they do it for you there, apparently...) and pull them out once they are toilet trained....

10) Refer to list number 2.

(PLEASE tell me you realise list 1 was NOT serious....???)

List 2

1) First, arm yourself in prayer, and seek God's wisdom as to the timing to start.

2) In that decision making, remember that there is no such thing as the "right" time to toilet train.

3) Ignore all the comments from people who snarkily try and suggest your X year old child "should" be trained by now.

4) Remember YOU are the parent, and you know your child better than anyone else.

5) Try  your best for as long as you can, and if it doesn't work, STOP. It's not a hill worth dying on.

6) Do use treats and rewards if you think it will work - don't lose sleep over the amazing things other people seem to implement, and incredible reward charts they seem to dream up. You DON'T need them.

7) If at first you don't succeed, try again when it suits you and the child better.

8) Try and avoid any time you are going to already feel vulnerable, low or easily defeated. (Like, in pregnancy....)

9) Surround yourself with others who have BTDT, and only those who will encourage you, not berate or discourage you. They will often give you words of wisdom and advice that will help, but even their advice may not work for YOU.

10) Remember that each child is different. They don't all train early. It's a physiological ability that they have to master, and some simply can't master it when they are little.

AND, my biggest "note to self"....

Never yet have a I known of a man to walk up the aisle in a nappy. I doubt my small person who I am currently not having much success toilet training will be the exception.

(And, as in the words of Hebrews 11.... " And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of...."

The time my toddler played with poo with a sibling, on the floor, with a toy digger,

The times I have gone around the house soaking up bodily fluids.

The moment when I had to clean poo off a wall.

The day when a child played with poo with a wooden spoon (yes, it went in the bin...spoon and poo) )

Can you tell that toilet training is actually one of my LEAST favourite parts of being a mother?? I'd sooner give birth than toilet train.

...The joys of parenthood (ok, mostly motherhood....)

Therein endeth my words of wisdom.

Have a good day.

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