Monday, 5 March 2012

Matriarchs on a Monday.....Delilah

Ok.  So, she is hardly the greatest example of womanhood that you will find.  No, indeedy, she is far, FAR from it.

I wasn't going to deal with her at all, as she didn't seem very "matriarchal".

But, I didn't want to leave out an example of how we SHOULDN'T be as wives.  It's too glaring.  Too easily done.  Too easily copied, to miss out.

However, she could be classified as a matriarch, as one definition states

"A woman who dominates a group or an activity"

Sadly, the group that she dominated was a group of two - her, and her husband.

Samson.  Such a mighty, mighty man.  So strong.  So influential.  A man who was blessed by the Lord.

But, do you know how many wives he had that were a poor choice? was a bit of a problem that he had.  And the first one even inflicted him in the same way that we will learn about Delilah.

So, what do we know about her?  She married Samson, and she was used by the Philistines to find out the secret of his strength.  She asked, he deflected.  She asked again, he deflected again.  So it goes on, until he share his secret with her, and so he is captured.  We know the story well.  We know that the Lord still used him for His glory, even in his death.

But, the truth that glares out at me, and that I need to learn?.....

Don't manipulate your husband, especially by being  a nag, or argumentative.

There is scripture to back me up, here.

"and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping."
Proverbs 19:13

"A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike."
Proverbs 27:15  

If there is one way to start an argument, or disagreement with your husband, it's to go on and on and on about something.  To constantly complain, or moan, when something isn't quite how you would like it to be.

Men just plain don't like it.

"would you fix that curtain.....

* a few days later*

"have you not fixed that curtain yet?"

*the next day*

"is that curtain STILL not fixed?"

I'll tell you something for nothing....your husband will NOT like you nagging, and it's not going to end well.

Maybe he's REALLY patient, and rather exceptional, and just doesn't respond at all.

Maybe....maybe not.

More likely scenario is that you will provoke him into responding in a less than gracious manner, and there you have become that contentious woman.

That woman that the book of Proverbs speaks of.  Like the sound I can hear as I type this post....the drip, drip, dripping of water on a rainy day.

Not the gentle pitter, patter, but that drop, drop, drop from the gutter, that beats above all the others sounds of rain.

We are told in the description of a woman, in I Peter 3

 "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 
  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even 

the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 

 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 
  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." 
I Peter 3 :3-6

THAT is how we need to be.  Meek...and quiet.

If there are things in our life that we see should be done by our husband, you speak to them about it, and you leave it.

It's HARD.  It's HARD to leave something when we think it is important.

But, let's just let our husband be the head of the home, and just leave it.  Maybe YOU can do the job you have been nagging him about instead, so long as your husband is happy for you to do it?! Maybe you nagging your husband is just a way to get out of doing it yourself?! 

This is one way that we can look at Delilah, but worse still is to actually MANIPULATE our husband to get our own way.

Now, I will stand right up there, and unashamedly say, that there is a RIGHT way to approach your husband. If you know that he will not respond well too something when he is tired and just in from work, then you don't go and speak to him about it then.  You go and talk to him when you know you have his undivided attention, and the response will be more favourable.  THAT is not being manipulative.  THAT is being wise.

Manipulative is going about asking for something in a devious, underhanded and less than honest way, JUST to get your own selfish way in a matter.  THAT is Delilah behaviour.  That insidious, devious use of words and ways, to fulfil a selfish desire.

It's not pleasant.  It's not nice.  It's just, well, WRONG!

A wife that manipulates in order to get her own way, is not desiring a marriage that is honouring to God. A selfish heart is one of the most destructive things in life, and especially in a marriage.  Marriage should be about giving - giving up your own desires and motives, in order to have unity and love.

I could really digress here, into the realms of "what is  a godly marriage"....but, I shouldn't!

Let's just take this one part, and make sure that we live it out.

Don't use the wiles of womanhood to get your own way in your marriage.  Don't nag and moan at your husband to the point of causing contention in your marriage.

Don't be a Delilah.

Linking up with Darlene at Time Warp Wife...

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