Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Anxiety and thanksgiving

Last week was one of those weeks when being a mother was demanding, intense and stressful.

Not because, on any level, I was unhappy in my role, or wished I didn't have to do it, or resented it at ALL.

It was simply the amount of incidents that raise my stress levels.  Lots of them.  One after the other.

I don't know about you, but there are certain things that make me feel stressed, as a parent.  I am not stressed by general squabbles, noise, rabble, spills, messes or minor injuries.  I am not stressed by volume of work (well, most of the time), that others think should bother me - or that they wonder how I manage it.  It certainly doesn't bother me.

However - illness in a baby, unsettled baby for an unknown reason, and injury - they DO stress me.  I think it's because it is the one area that I am bothered about having no control over.  As a mother, i want to know my children are all well.  That are not ill or injured or in any danger.  And, when something crops up, of that nature, I struggle to have peace and calm.

Simeon had a high temperature for 2 days this week.  4 1/2 month old baby, with a raised temperature bothers me.  Why?  Because he can't tell me what is wrong, what's making it worse or better, or how I can help him.  It's just this mystery that you have to deal with and not know what will happen, nor why it is happening.  Others may not notice, but on the inside I am all wazzed up.  He was better by Friday, and had no other symptoms.  Just a random virus, and not the worst case scenario that my vivid imagination had conjured.

Then, on Friday evening he woke at about 11pm.  so, I fed him, which normally settles him.  He decided to waken up, instead of going back to sleep, and would not settle.  When the moaning got too much for me, I brought him to my night owl husband, who took him for a drive to get him to sleep.  3am, he woke again and he would not feed - he just screamed, and screamed, and screamed.  High pitched.  Wailing. NOT happy, and to my mother's ears, something not right.  We had an hour of that, when Robert FINALLY managed to get him to stop crying, and settled enough to feed.  He fell asleep and slept until gone 7am.  But, all in all, it wasn't many hours sleep for me. WOW, was I tired the next day. Thankfully, I was able to take things fairly easy, and managed to get through the next day and get to bed relatively early.

Then, the king of all the moments.

Joshua was very lovingly, with the best of intentions, giving Elijah a back carry - just outside the front door of the Church.  Elijah decided to let go, and fling himself backwards, right off Joshua's back, with head hitting the stone step behind him.  I saw it happen, but I was putting a sleeping baby into his car seat, and would have NEVER got there before the head hit the stone. He was crying so hard, and just clung to me.  He was pale, and had a nasty bump on his head.  My mind started thinking of all the terrible things that could be going on under the surface of his head.  Fractured skull, clots, bleeding.  He was so pale and I imagined the worst.  However, level headed husband took over, and put something cold on his head and calmed him down.  I was all for rushing off to hospital, but we decided to see how he was.  It took a whole, but he got his colour back, at home, and finally started to get back to his normal Elijah-ish self. No visual disturbance - no vomiting - no confusion - no balance issues. Nothing to warrant a trip to hospital.  But, boy, did I not like the incident.  I keep asking him how his head is (which isn't going to receive a wide variety of answers, from a 2 year old!).  I kept thinking about how I would cope if there was some terrible damage done.

Then, at the end of it all, my mind has been drawn to Philippians.

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God." 
Philippians 4:6

Careful?....means anxious.  We are not to be anxious about ANYTHING?



That's what it says.  Nothing at all.

That's HARD.  My sinful soul wants to be in control of everything, and when things don't go the way I want or plan, I get anxious.  I am taking my eyes off the Lord, and planting them firmly upon myself and my circumstances.

How do I remedy this?

By prayer and supplication.  To have my cry rising to the Lord, above all else that is going on around me.  Trust me, based on today, I don't have that nailed.

Really, really don't.

If only my continued thought had been prayer and supplication, I could have possessed the promise of this verse.  The peace of God that passes all understanding, KEEPING my heart and mind.  Not concerns, worries and thoughts of the worst case scenario dominating my mind - but peace.  A peace that allows me to leave it all in the hands of God, who has everything worked out perfectly for my good and His glory.  That peace being the controlling factor - not my fears and anxieties.

I love being a Mum.  Thankfully the moments where my heart swells with thankfulness, outweigh the moments where I need to pray and ask God to give me that thankfulness, in a moment of crisis.

I'm thankful that God is gracious and good in those times of learning, and leaning more upon Him.  That those moments of crisis are not true tragedy that many others are called to experience.  That I don't have to take any thought about how I would cope if such a real tragedy arose, because I am not there yet.  And God is. He knows the end from the beginning.

As the hymn says

"God holds the key to all unknown, and I am glad."

So, I will end on a thankful note - some little snapshots of the joyful moments, captured on camera.

I am thankful for the 7 years that Daniel has now reached.  All the blessings he has been to this family - his fun, his boisterous nature, his cheeky little grin.

I am thankful for Elijah.  He is such a little character - how he's learning to talk, saying cute little things, running of to do helpful little jobs, saying he loves Daddy and Daddy loves "'Lijah".

For Simeon, who brings a smile every day.  His little dimples, his infectious giggle, his chubby legs, being able to cuddle him and feed him.  

What a cutie!

Over I go...

Nearly there....

yay!!!....first roll over! *grin*

How can I see these, and not give thanks, and have peace about the trials?

God is so very good.

(I'm linking up with Darlene at Time Warp Wife)


  1. Thank you, yet again for this lovely reminder, so thankful that God protected little Elijah and has given Simeon renewed health, love Becky S

  2. I have just experienced one of those stressful days [minus the head incident}. I'm sad to say there was a lot of yelling on my part and have asked the Lord's forgiveness. Thank you for reminding me of the Lord's goodness and that I should be anxious for nothing...especially in my role as a mom.

  3. So thankful all is well, Caroline. That was a horrible experience.
    Yes, we are so learners in respect to leaning on our Beloved, aren't we. It is well, He is more patient than we are.

    But Mrs C, I must say this.... these photos of the boys. You *know* what wee boys do to me!! Drooling over a computer aint a pretty sight, you know. They are adorable - ALL of them, but oh my, the thighs .... The thighs... need I say more!