Tuesday, 18 September 2012

Revive your marriage - revive you friendship

There is a well known saying

"Friends are family we choose for ourselves".

You see it on fridge magnets, plaques and cards.   With the friendships that we build in life, there has to be  some sort of commonality, whether it was in interests or pursuits, or things you like or admire. There had to be something likeable about them, that made you think that you could have a good friendship with them.   The best of friends tick the boxes of "things in common" in as many areas as possible.  Views on Church, views on family, views on schooling, views on lifestyle choices.  The fewer things you have in common, the less likely it is that a true and good lasting friendship will form.

However, did you ever stop to think that this is true of your husband? There must have been a level of friendship that was established, before the thought of marriage even occurred.   The elements that make a good friend must make a good partner in life?!

I think we can easily forget all the special things that caused our friendship to initially form, and then to follow on to marriage.  Life becomes busy, we have children, we have extra commitments. We stop making time to enjoy the "friendship" part of our marriage.

I read on Courtney's post for this week, something I had read before but forgotten.  When we read in Titus of the instruction to a wife to "love her husband", it is the root for "love" that comes from "phileo" - that love that is a friendly and affectionate love.  It's not the love of passion, or the deep love that is reflected from God's love for us - it's a friendly love.

Do we connect with our husband in the way that attracted us to each other at the beginning.  Those fun times, pursuing things that you both enjoyed?  I know that when you have a family, it can be tough to make the same time that you had before children came along.  However, with some thought and determination, we can pursue those fun times, even in our own home.

WE love playing games, but life gets busy, and often we are exhausted at the end of the day.  I am determined to plan in that we set aside some time to play games on a regular basis.  Many fun games don't even require much brain power (but the ones we love best do - Scrabble and Boggle!!).  Many don't even take long to play.  But, I know we have so much fun and laughter when we make the time to play games together.   Inevitably I have to plan a late night into the equation, too, because Scrabble and Monopoly can take a mighty long time to play.  I was also thinking of branching out and finding some new board games.  Something we can learn together, and then enjoy for years.  So, any suggestions for games that stretch the mind, and you can enjoy over and over, would be warmly welcomed!!

Something else that revives that friendship part, is just to take the time to chat and reminisce.  Look at old photographs, or sit snuggled up chatting about the recent events in your life.

Plan something together.  I know we always loved to plan for a day out, or a trip somewhere. Maybe you want to redecorate, or plan something else.

Simply, find something to do together, that was one of the things that sparked your friendship before marriage took place. It may take some deep thinking to remember back to what started your friendship, or it may be very easy.

Then, think as well about our behaviour when we were getting to know each other.  We put every effort into BEING friendly.  To make sure we were always loving, kind, gentle, sweet and lovely.  When you begin a friendship, you are "on your best behaviour" so you make the right impression.  I don't mean that you are false, but you make every effort to be what you should be.

The same should be true in our marriage - we need to make every effort to BE friendly.  To be loving, sweet, kind, fun and gentle.  Our behaviour should be friendly, and not an attitude that drives our husband away.  Being attractive in our speech and manner will show a "friendly" attitude.

The over-riding thing is this, as we read in Proverbs.

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly."
Proverbs 18:24

If we want to get back to those times when our husband was our best friend, we must show ourselves friendly.  Take the initiative to plan something that reignites that first stage that came in our relationship.  Find something that strips away all the extra layers of our marriage, right back to the basics that brought us together in the first place! Be that person that your husband fell in love with!  As Heidi St John says in her book "be THAT girl".  That girl that was willing to go the extra mile to make her best of friends happy, and show her love in every way possible.

It seems like my thoughts are similar to the other ladies today, because I have just found their tip for the week, and it's very like mine! *grin*

Don't forget to go and see what the other ladies have to share at Women Living Well, To Love Honour and Vacuum,  Time-warp Wife and Unveiled Wife

No comments :

Post a Comment