Wednesday 16 July 2014

Before the sun goes down {ending your day the right way}

When we got married, various people gave us advice and shared scriptures with us.  There was so much wisdom in what was shared, and I valued it greatly.

There was one piece of advice, however, that I think is SO important, and worthy of sharing.

"let not the sun go down upon your wrath:"
Ephesians 4:26

How we deal with disagreement and conflict can have a huge effect upon our marriage.  

Imagine the scenario.  

(You may not have to imagine very hard)

You have been having a discussion with your husband, on a matter of great emotion and importance.  You don't agree over the issue, and emotions run high.   Certainly, female emotions have a tendency towards that, but men can also have the same emotional response about certain subjects.

No agreement is made on the subject.  

Maybe hurtful or angry words are spoken.

Bitter and hurtful thoughts are spinning around in your heart and mind.

Often, these things happen in the evening, because that's when we have the chance to talk about things.

The temptation is to march up to bed, ignore your husband, and go to sleep in a sulk, with those angry thoughts still swirling around in your head.

Maybe you feel you are in "the right".  Maybe there is nothing you have done "wrong".  

"Why should *I* be the one to sort it out?"

As I mentioned, recently, pride has a lot to answer for in our lives, and can easily sneak into our marriages.  Refusing to sort out a matter before we put our head upon the pillow, is so often rooted in pride.

Remember what I said?

"Pride goeth before destruction"

If we choose not to be the one to resolve issues in our marriage, especially before the day is through, we are heading for destruction.

I must say, by God's grace, that we have never ended a day without sorting issues out.  If it happens earlier in the day, we sort it out before the day is through, too. I HATE being at odds with Robert, and certainly am NOT the "not speaking to you" type! 

If God's Word says we shouldn't let the sun go down on our anger, then we shouldn't.  There's no excuse for allowing angry and bitter thoughts and emotions to carry on in our hearts.  We NEED to sort it out.

It's as easy as these words.

"I'm sorry".

Why are they the hardest words to utter?  Pride, again.

We somehow feel that apologising means that we were "wrong" and our husband was "right".  Perhaps we feel we are lying, because we don't feel we need to apologise for our perspective or opinions.

That's not how it should be. Not at all.  

It means we are sorry that it has happened.  We are sorry that we have disagreed.  We are sorry for any words spoken in an unkind or unloving way.

It means we want to make peace, and not allow a disagreement to taint our marriage as a whole.

It means we have a spirit of humility, instead of a spirit of pride.

You see, the temptation, when we don't sort something out BEFORE we go to sleep, is to let it carry on into the next day.  The longer it goes on, the longer we have to allow a "root of bitterness" to dig into our hearts.  The longer it goes on, the harder it will be to say sorry.

When we sort it out, and "make up", before bed, it's done.  Our heart and our relationship is restored. Yes, there may be issues still to be resolved, but our hearts will be in the right place to do it.

And, yes, "kiss and make up" is one of the best ways to do it!  Connecting in a physical way is a great way to make our heart follow after.  Hugging is better still.  I know, personally, that when we hug, the anger melts away, and I just want to restore that connection that we lost, by not being in agreement.

It's like that verse in Psalms

"Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation"

When the Psalmist recognises his sin, he sees that He doesn't have the same relationship with the Lord that he had before.

The same applies to our marriages.  We lose that closeness, when we have anger and bitterness.  It needs to be restored.  We need to talk, say "sorry", and sort our hearts out.

Then the joy we had before can be restored.

I so appreciate the wisdom that was shared with us.  If you don't do this already, I pray that you will do it in your marriage and, indeed, in ANY relationship.  If you already do, I pray that we will be given daily grace to keep on ending our days in that way.

1 comment :

  1. I am like a pressure cooker, and I have to be careful with this!!