Monday, 3 March 2014

Children learn what they hear {yelling....}

I have spent the last few weeks, noticing that my children have NOT speaking very kindly to each other.  Far too much yelling.  Not gentle words. Not peace-makers.

Then, one day last week, when I was having a baaaaaaaad day... {read that as - Simeon drawing on the wall, then cracking nearly a dozen eggs with a pizza cutter he got from the drawer, children not doing as they were told, me feeling ill, and various other minor, not-usually-an-issue things that got my goat, me crying, and ending up needing a rest.. yes, that bad)

 ...It struck me afresh.  The children yell, because *I* yell.


I have heard said before, and there is much truth in it

If I make a "hot" and "fiery" atmosphere, with my words, actions and emotions, then that will me reflected in those around me.  The children will have short tempers, and get all hot and fiery, too.

I make a "cool" and"calm" atmosphere, then the household will follow suit.  They will tend more to be gentle, quiet and peaceable.

I am pretty certain, children being children, that it would not be entirely likely to happen ALL the time, that the children will be gentle and quiet.  I am talking in generalities, here.

The generality HERE being more of the hot and fiery than I would like.

I have an article to share with you at the end, written by someone who I enjoy reading, talking about "reasons" for yelling. Before I share that, I will tell you what *I* think about it.

I was talking to my friend the other day, about days when I just lose the rag and have an outburst at the children.  I almost feel like I turn into a monster woman, who is just not me, and joked that I wondered if I had something wrong with me.  Her words were wise and spot on.   I have a sin problem, and it's me wrestling with my sinful nature and letting it have the victory.


I am so glad for friends who speak the truth, in love.

Sin.  Sin is the answer as to why we yell.  Yelling indicates a lack of self control, gentleness, and of long-suffering.  When we get aggravated, frustrated or annoyed, and SHOW it, we are not controlling our emotions, words and actions.  We try and teach our children not to be like that, but if we behave that way, then they are not exactly getting the example that helps them to live it out! Yelling is simply not keeping control of yourself.

Also, it may be a result of not dealing with an issue sooner.  If we do not immediately address a situation when we see it cropping it up, we may become so frustrated that we yell.  For example, we ask a child to do a job, then we ask again, then we ask again, until we end up yelling at them for not doing it. That, really, is not the child's issue, it's ours,  If, after not obeying the first time, we deal with the situation - check they have heard, check they have understood, or established that they plain disobeyed - in a calm and measured way, we are less likely to end up at the "yelling point".

I have also realised that I struggle FAR more to be what I should be, if I am tired.  It's our job to make sure we manage our own lives in a way that ensures we are well rested, and feeling tip top.  I know that there are sometimes issues outside of our control, but when we CAN, making sure we rest well.

After feeling very convicted about my yelling, I had a funny thing happen yesterday.  At least, I found it amusing.

I lost my voice!!!

It was AMAZING to see how I could still deal with the children with virtually no voice at all, and NO yelling! In fact, as the same wise friend said, you will find your children yell  less, if you are speaking REALLY quietly!

So, it is my intention, by God's grace and help, to try and speak more gently and quietly to my children this week. No, not just this week, just in general! Intentionally making an effort to lower my voice when I speak to them, and be more gentle and patient.  It's not easy, and children test your patience BIG time. "When I am weak, then am I strong". "I can do all things through CHRIST which strengtheneth me".

Now, here's the link to Sheila Wray Gregoire's website. Sheila gives some great advice.

May we look to the Lord for His help to be non-yellers

1 comment :

  1. Yep...thanks for this one. Totally convicted on this one. I yell too easily at the kids when I know that it is my sin and my own selfishness!