"So you want to be a Stay at Home Mum" {a letter from me, to you}

Dear mother,

So, you're thinking of becoming a Stay at Home Mum?

Maybe you are already a Mum and this is going to be a new start for you?

Maybe you are about to become a Mum for the first time, and you will be choosing to stay at home with your new baby?

There are so many thoughts that must be going through your head right now.  I know, because I was there. It was a long time ago, but I was there.

I must admit, I didn't think I would be here, nearly 14 years later, with 8 children, and a blog. But, here I am, nonetheless.

I didn't really have any friends in the same situation that I could simply "follow".

For us, it was a no-brainer. We very much felt that God had called me home to be a mother. After all, He deigned me to be the one to carry my baby through a pregnancy, and then to nourish it from my very body after it was born. Staying at home to care for my child and the children that came after, was the natural thing to do.  Moreso, the Bible showed me that was what I should do.

"teach the young women to be.... keepers at home".

That is what a young woman is instructed to do in Titus 2.

I have also to love my children.

If you put those two things together, the best place to love my children, and to train them, is if *I* am with them in the home.

We looked to history. It was always the natural thing for mothers to do.  Only after WWII did women begin to leave the home and go out to work in the "workplace".  Yes, for centuries, women have worked to bring in employment, but they still looked after their own children.  They had them working alongside them, in whatever they did. Why? Because it was as natural as breathing.

That was what it was like for me. The choice. Natural as breathing. I wanted to be with my child all the time.  I didn't want to miss a thing.

We had some very difficult financial times in the early days. My husband hadn't long left Bible College, and we were living by faith. He started in a Church, but the salary was not huge.

More children were given to us. Educational choices faced us.

Still, I chose to stay at home with my family. Nurturing them and raising them, to God's glory.

There have been some really hard days.

Let me tell you honestly.

There have been a LOT of hard days.

There have been days where I could happily have run off. Happily.

I would ask myself this one question.  That still small voice would whisper it to me.

"Why are you doing this?   What is your guiding light?"

"Because God wants me to, and He has designed me to care for my children.  He has led me to do it"

"Why not give up?"

"Because God will provide all of my needs".

That's the most important thing for any Christian SAHM to remember.

WHY you are doing it?

Your reasons may not be quite the same as mine. They may be similar, but not the same. But, WHY are you doing it? 

Keeping your eyes on that will sustain you through the difficult days, because, they will come. 

When they baby is crying for the hundredth night in a row.

When you've been cleaning vomit off beds for night on end.

When you're so tired you could fall asleep on your feet.

When things are a struggle financially, and it's tempting to return to work. 

Cling to WHY you made the choice in the first place. If it's centred upon Christ, and honouring Him, He will honour you. He will carry you through. 

Find all the promises in His Word, and claim them.  Apply them to your journey.  Let them sustain you and strengthen you. 

Do what you can, BEFORE you enter the role of a SAHM, to be prepared. Think about money first. Think about where you live and what you have nearby. 

Above all else, think about it being God's calling. If He calls you, He equips you. He will provide your every need.  

You may need to adapt.  

You may need to make big changes.  

You may only need to make small ones. 

You may need to change your priorities, plans and goals in life. 

Whatever you need to do, keep your eyes on the WHY. When you remember the why, you'll see the how. 

I am doing it to honour God. 

Not to "be the best".

Not to hear a "You're doing great" from anyone else.

Not to be "Mother of the Year".

Not to follow some advice from a book. 

Simply, and wholly, to obey God's call in my life.

THAT is what keeps me grounded.  

THAT is what keeps me humble.  

THAT is what keeps me going.

Following after God, and relying on His strength. 

You can do it, too. 

"With God, all things are possible."

With love, prayers and a desire that others may know the peace and satisfaction of following after God's plan for them,

Caroline

x

A Complete Guide for SAHMS {the place to go for inspiration, resources and connection}

Today is the start of new thing.

Did you know that life as a SAHM can be challenging?  Trying?  Lonely? Wearying?

If you are a SAHM, you will KNOW it's true. No hiding from it. It's a fact. 

Where do you go if you are feeling the strain? You may find you don't have many friends to call on, or you try ringing them all and they are not in? (Yes, I have had that happen!) 

How would you like to be able to go to ONE place, and find all sorts of articles and resources to help you in your situation? 

Well.....

A few months ago, Jaimi Erikson asked, on a bloggers groups I am on, for fellow SAHM bloggers to join in with a new venture.  A page filled with resources for fellow SAHMs!

Around 50 bloggers have collaborated their posts, fitting in with the topics covered, as a "go-to" for other SAHMs, looking for inspiration, resources, and a way to connect with others who just GET it!

If you click on the image below, you will go to the main page for the guide, and find the new posts as they are put up.

Today is the first day of THREE whole weeks of topics! Every day, there will be a new topic launched, with a whole list of relevant posts.  You will be inspired and uplifted, as you connect with these bloggers.  All they want to do is encourage other Mums, just like themselves.  Just like ME! 

So, today is a topic that I am passionate about.  It was the one that fitted most closely to my "niche".  It's funny, because Jaimi asked us to submit posts that related to the suggested topics, and I had OODLES I could have put in here. I actually had to remove some, because I had TOO MANY! lol

One of the main aims of my blog IS to encourage.  It's something we all need, because often life is just plain  DIS-couraging.  

So, now there are a whole list of other bloggers, who are seeking to encourage SAHMs in their journey, and day to day walk.

I am going to do a couple of things, as each topic that I have contributed to comes up.  I will link back to one of my own old posts on the same topic, NOT contributed to the list, as yet.  Plus, I will direct you to one of my favourite contributions from another blogger.  There you go - two, for a start, on each topic, with many more to help you out, on the main landing page.

So, today.

My "share" from another blogger, is from Lauren at "Heart of Deborah".  

Her post is about "How to Live in the Moment".  This is something I constantly am guilty of.  I am so busy looking forward to the next thing, or thinking about what I have to do, that I forget to enjoy the NOW! I so easily miss out in the small joys - the everyday miracles of God's grace and generosity - because my mind and heart is rattling ahead to something else.  We aren't promised anything more than RIGHT NOW.  To set our hearts on anything else, to the point of missing out on what God has given us TODAY, is not right. Her post gives some great ideas about how to enjoy the "right here, right now", that God has gifted to us.  It was exactly what I needed to read, when I found the post, and it challenged me.  I hope it's a blessing to you, too.

"As a somewhat new stay at home and work at home mom I’ve found different challenges along the way. A while ago I talked about my occasional “I’ll be happy when…” mentality. There are periods in my life where I struggle to live in the moment. During these times I find myself wishing for the next big thing. There is nothing wrong with looking forward to new and exciting things in life, but I believe it’s important to appreciate today. We can’t predict the future and when our ‘wishes’ finally do come true will we be happy? I’ve been thinking about ways to live in the moment and how I can appreciate life right now!..."

Click on the image below to read more about the wonderful suggestions Lauren makes, to live in the moment.

My own post is one from a couple of years ago.  Do you find that it's easier to see the trials, and forget to see the good in your circumstances? This post reminded me that we need to look to the eternal, and the glory that awaits.

"It's not every day you will find me suggesting that you need to put on weight.  Taking it off?  Yup. 

But, I was thinking today about difficult times as a wife and especially as a mother.  Undoubtedly, my most challenging moments come when dealing with my children.  Every. Day.

The word "affliction" in the verse above, can actually be translated as "pressure".  As wives and mothers, (and particularly home-schooling Mum's) we have moments EVERY day, when we feel under  pressure..."

Read more by clicking the image below, and it will take you to the post.

Both these posts are a timely reminder for me -  I have an ill child to care for, when I had other plans for today.  I need to see be thankful for the moment, and find joy, even in  these trying circumstances. Likewise, I need to remember that trials are but for a moment, and I looking for the spiritual and eternal is far more important on days like today.

So, what are some of the topics that are going to be included in the SAHM survival guide, which will I be contributing in? (Some topics I have WAY more than others!)

April 25- Parenting Tips (I will share my post on Monday the 27th)

May 5- Marriage

May 6- Connect in Faith

I plan to blog on some of the topics in the guide - looking at them has inspired me to write posts that fit. They are topics that are relevant to me, but I have never blogged about! So, I am looking forward to sharing some of my own experiences about parenting and life. 

I hope this resource is an encouragement and blessing to MANY SAHMs. Enjoy!

Mother {the most important person in the home}

Years ago, I felt the Lord leading me into service for Him.  I remember the sermon, and the preacher, as clear as day.  An appeal was made, for those wishing to commit their lives to service for God.  It's not in my nature to do something so bold, but I went forward at that service.  I was broken, and I was willing to go wherever God sent me.

I had visions of the mission field.  I was particularly interested in children's ministry. Maybe somewhere far away - I was particularly challenged about Cote d'Ivoire.

I had NO idea that God was leading me into one of the most full-on, tear-inducing, and tiring works for Him.

He called me into the ministry of motherhood.

The mission field of the hearts in my home.

For a start, I never expected to have this number of souls in my mission field. I thought maybe 4 or 5, but I now have EIGHT precious souls that it is my job to minister to.

MY job.

What an enormous responsibility.

We have taken things a step further than many, and I minister full time to my children.

An even greater burden and responsibility.

It's huge.

It truly is.

Being a Stay-at-home-Mum is not just a choice, for me, it's a calling of God.  That may sound rather radical, but it's the truth.  If I was following my own heart and interests, I would NOT be at home with my children. I'd have fewer children, and I would be out doing something quite different.

But, my life is not about myself.  When I went forward at that meeting, I opened up my heart and life to the leading of God.  Primarily, that means I simply follow His Word. Home schooling aside, the reason why I am a SAHM is because God's Word leads me here.

Robert has been preaching through I Timothy.  Last Lord's Day he spoke about chapter 5.  To me, that passage was always about widows, but he drew out an important truth, and it's not just about widows.

So, what does it say?

"Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, 

Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work. 

But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; 

Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. 

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. 

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. 

For some are already turned aside after Satan."

I Timothy 5:9-15

Absolutely, and undoubtedly, there is instruction here for widows. 

However, it's also instruction for ANY young women.  There is a general principle that can be applied to all younger women.  (Yes, there are sometimes exceptions, but there is a general principle).

What is it?

Paul teaches that the younger women should NOT be something, and SHOULD BE something else.

Young women should NOT be....

idle

going to other people's houses to gossip and interfere in the affairs of others

speak unwisely

Young women SHOULD be...

married

bearing children

guiding the house

living a life that is above reproach

Paul tells us that it is good and right to get married, have children, be in charge of the home, and live a life that is honouring to God.

It's not just Paul's words, of course, it's GOD'S inspired word.

God has laid out, as a pattern that is good, right and honourable to follow, that we should serve Him in the home.  

Do you sometimes feel that you are belittled and undermined because of your life? 

You settled down, got married, had children, and stay at home, guiding the household (because it's kinda' hard to guide it if you are not there. Not impossible, but hard). You can be made to feel that you have chosen the lesser part - that there is something bigger and better you are missing out on.  That children are a burden, not a blessing.  That you should be out working, because God can't provide unless you get out there and work.

Ladies, you are doing a God-given task, if you are choosing to marry, raise a family, and stay at home! Whatever God calls you to, He provides for.  He won't leave you without EVERYTHING you need, if you stay at home to raise your children, and care for your home.  He is no man's debtor.  He owns the cattle on a thousand hills.

What's more, it's not just a menial thing.  It's not somehow "lesser" than what we could be doing -  missing out and not reaching our potential. 

Neither is it something that doesn't equal what men do - something we should cast aside to have "equal opportunities".  It's a HIGH calling, because God has honoured us with that task! To try and follow after what men do is not gaining a higher calling. It's stepping down from the honoured task of being the one who guides and cares for the most privileged possession we could ever own. Our children.  There IS not higher, greater, or more honourable role that we can fill.  Not a one.

Robert said something that thrilled my heart, and reminded me that my role is not "just" a Mum.  He said that the wife and mum is "the most important person in the home"! We are there, day upon day, labouring for the Lord.  Working to raise the next generation to His glory.  Labouring, often through exhaustion and pain, to run the home, and guide the household.  It's our God-given role to be in charge of the home.  Not just some under-dog, instructed and "controlled" by the husband.  No, God has given us the role of guiding, or being in charge, of the house, under the headship, care and support of our husbands.  It's a HUGELY important job, and God has designed us to fulfil it!

I also often feel like I am somehow letting down the Church.  I am so busy with my children, that I can't do everything I would like to do, or that others are able to do.  It's like I need to apologise for being busy with my family.

I SHOULDN'T!!!

I'm right here doing what GOD wants me to do, which is a ministry all of its own.

It doesn't mean we don't participate, as a family, in all we can.  That will look different for each family, and each situation.  However, the family is my FIRST and HIGHEST calling, as a wife and Mum. 

God-given.  

The things that need to be done in a Church should first and foremost be done by those without the responsibility of caring for their God-given family. Mothers shouldn't be made to feel that what is outside of the home is more important than what's INSIDE the home.  God ordained family and the home.  It came before any other ministry and commitment, and nowhere does He backtrack on that duty and responsibility.

My children will grow up.

ARE growing up.

My two oldest have made profession of faith, and my oldest is being baptised on Saturday.  They are starting to do their own work, and also able to help me with their siblings.  That is allowing me to do things I haven't been able to do when they were all really little. I recently started playing the organ again, which, despite a few "teething problems" (I didn't know how to properly "use" the lovely organ our Church now has, and had a few incidents of dubious playing!), I have enjoyed doing again, after years of not being to help out with.   The children will grow up, and I will be free to help out more.  It will come TOO quickly.

In the mean time, I am busy doing exactly what is a God-led calling and privilege.

I am ministering in motherhood, and reaching out to the mission field of my home.

I am using the gifts and talents that God has given me to raise my children. I'm not "missing out" in something better.  I'm not "wasting" my abilities.  I'm tapping into the skills that I have been given, to embrace my calling into the home.

It's not a lesser role.

It's not menial and unfulfilling.

I am the "most important person in the home", and I intend to take on that huge responsibility and blessing with every ounce of my being, for God's glory.

Don't be ashamed or despise your roles, sweet, hard-working mothers.  More than anything, be very careful to seek prayerful guidance in stepping away from the God-given role that is yours to keep. God WILL provide for your needs, if you realise your awesome responsibility to be at home with your children. It won't be easy, and it may come at a price, humanly speaking, but the treasure that you will be storing up in heaven, is worth so much more than anything the world can offer.

God led you into it, and it's the most important thing you can do.