My friend Justin, and my husband's friend, Al'

We have two friends in our home.

They appear often, but don't reside here permanently.

Lurkers...that's who they are....LURKERS!

Their name crops up every so often, but we are pretty selective whose friend is who's.

My friend is Justin.  I have MANY female friends who are friends with Justin as well.  VERY good friends.

Robert's friend is Al'. He gets a mention on a fairly regular basis, and many men I know seem to be on good terms with him.

They have a full name...

"Justin Case"

and

"It'll be Al' Right"

You've heard of them before??!!

YOU are friends with Justin as WELL!?!?

Well, you know what I am referring to, then?!

"we need to get the swinging crib up so on...I will be 36 weeks in about 10 days...you just never know, I could be early and it would be good to have it up 'Justin Case'.."

You SEE...there he is....my friend "Justin".

What would my lovely husband say?

"you know, 'It will be Al' Right'...."

The number of times I have been befriending "Justin" whilst he rubs shoulders with "Al'"....I couldn't number them. Really, I couldn't.

It used to frustrate me, that HE couldn't be friends with Justin, like me.  Isn't Justin a better friend to have than Al'? Justin is more dependable, and helps you makes sure you have all bases covered.  But Al'?....surely he can't be relied on for anything? That can't be the best friend to accompany you through thick and thin.

But, do you know what I realised?  God, in His wisdom, made women and men differently.  He created us womenfolk in such a way, that we think things through, think ahead, plan, make provision and organise.  So, we are friends with Justin.  HE is the friend who makes sure that we have thought through every possible scenario and are ready for ANYTHING.

Sick child in the house?...

..sick bowls ready everywhere a child may roam

...towels on pillows to catch any mess and make clearing up easier

....cleaning materials at the ready

....spare bed linen in the master bedroom, ready to grab in the night

...all because we like to have our friend Justin in action!

Husbands?...."It'll be Al' Right....."

They go with the flow...tend to be more laid back...live in the moment.  And, we need that balance.  If our husbands were running around, akin to a headless chicken, making sure everything was as prepared and ready for every little scenario, at the same time as us, chaos COULD ensue!!!

We need their laid back and calming approach, alongside our more "thinking of every detail" approach, to have marriage that has balance and harmony.

We wouldn't really want it any other way, would we?  As frustrating as it can be, when sometimes we want to plan, plan, plan...and they tell us to slow down and calm down "It will be Al' right", and Justin keeps trying to push in.  We NEED to sometimes listen, and slow down.  If it's something that REALLY doesn't matter, it's ok to just relax, and embrace the principles of Al'.

The rest of the time?..keep friendly with Justin, and even when your husband says to you, after your efforts have been unnecessary, "SEE, I told you it would be Al' Right", you can rest in the knowledge that YOU know the number of times that Justin was all too useful, in order for his friend Al' to be there at all!

Matriarchs on a Monday.....Delilah

Ok.  So, she is hardly the greatest example of womanhood that you will find.  No, indeedy, she is far, FAR from it.

I wasn't going to deal with her at all, as she didn't seem very "matriarchal".

But, I didn't want to leave out an example of how we SHOULDN'T be as wives.  It's too glaring.  Too easily done.  Too easily copied, to miss out.

However, she could be classified as a matriarch, as one definition states

"A woman who dominates a group or an activity"

Sadly, the group that she dominated was a group of two - her, and her husband.

Samson.  Such a mighty, mighty man.  So strong.  So influential.  A man who was blessed by the Lord.

But, do you know how many wives he had that were a poor choice?....it was a bit of a problem that he had.  And the first one even inflicted him in the same way that we will learn about Delilah.

So, what do we know about her?  She married Samson, and she was used by the Philistines to find out the secret of his strength.  She asked, he deflected.  She asked again, he deflected again.  So it goes on, until he share his secret with her, and so he is captured.  We know the story well.  We know that the Lord still used him for His glory, even in his death.

But, the truth that glares out at me, and that I need to learn?.....

Don't manipulate your husband, especially by being  a nag, or argumentative.

There is scripture to back me up, here.

"and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping."
Proverbs 19:13

"A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike."
Proverbs 27:15  

If there is one way to start an argument, or disagreement with your husband, it's to go on and on and on about something.  To constantly complain, or moan, when something isn't quite how you would like it to be.

Men just plain don't like it.

"would you fix that curtain.....

* a few days later*

"have you not fixed that curtain yet?"

*the next day*

"is that curtain STILL not fixed?"

I'll tell you something for nothing....your husband will NOT like you nagging, and it's not going to end well.

Maybe he's REALLY patient, and rather exceptional, and just doesn't respond at all.

Maybe....maybe not.

More likely scenario is that you will provoke him into responding in a less than gracious manner, and there you are....you have become that contentious woman.

That woman that the book of Proverbs speaks of.  Like the sound I can hear as I type this post....the drip, drip, dripping of water on a rainy day.

Not the gentle pitter, patter, but that drop, drop, drop from the gutter, that beats above all the others sounds of rain.

We are told in the description of a woman, in I Peter 3

 "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 
  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even 


the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 


 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 
  Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." 

I Peter 3 :3-6

THAT is how we need to be.  Meek...and quiet.

If there are things in our life that we see should be done by our husband, you speak to them about it, and you leave it.

It's HARD.  It's HARD to leave something when we think it is important.

But, let's just let our husband be the head of the home, and just leave it.  Maybe YOU can do the job you have been nagging him about instead, so long as your husband is happy for you to do it?! Maybe you nagging your husband is just a way to get out of doing it yourself?! 

This is one way that we can look at Delilah, but worse still is to actually MANIPULATE our husband to get our own way.

Now, I will stand right up there, and unashamedly say, that there is a RIGHT way to approach your husband. If you know that he will not respond well too something when he is tired and just in from work, then you don't go and speak to him about it then.  You go and talk to him when you know you have his undivided attention, and the response will be more favourable.  THAT is not being manipulative.  THAT is being wise.

Manipulative is going about asking for something in a devious, underhanded and less than honest way, JUST to get your own selfish way in a matter.  THAT is Delilah behaviour.  That insidious, devious use of words and ways, to fulfil a selfish desire.

It's not pleasant.  It's not nice.  It's just, well, WRONG!

A wife that manipulates in order to get her own way, is not desiring a marriage that is honouring to God. A selfish heart is one of the most destructive things in life, and especially in a marriage.  Marriage should be about giving - giving up your own desires and motives, in order to have unity and love.

I could really digress here, into the realms of "what is  a godly marriage"....but, I shouldn't!

Let's just take this one part, and make sure that we live it out.

Don't use the wiles of womanhood to get your own way in your marriage.  Don't nag and moan at your husband to the point of causing contention in your marriage.

Don't be a Delilah.

Linking up with Darlene at Time Warp Wife...

Matriarchs on a.......Tuesday? Rachel and Leah

Sorry, doesn't have quite the same ring to it, but, following on from my last post....better late than never!

So, I am indeed going to deal with the two ladies at once, because the topic that struck me was jealousy.

For starters, I think this account DEFINITELY highlights that polygamy just ISN'T a good idea! lol  The problems it caused....*rolls eyes*

However, I think that the issue it raised can be looked at in relation to us as womankind in general, and not just within this unique scenario presented in Genesis.

I feel sorry for Leah.  There is nowhere that we find that she was complicit with her father's plan to marry her off to Jacob, instead of Rachel.  In fact, it may well have been against her wishes at all! She started off on a bad footing right away.  Jacob never wanted her.  He wanted her beautiful sister.  From the description we are given, she was not the beauty that Rachel was.

Then, things got worse.  We are told that Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah - understandably, in one sense, as Rachel was the one he wanted to marry in the first place.  But, it then carries on to say....


"And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren."

 Genesis 29:31

Jacob, in fact, hated Leah.  How sad!  He didn't say "well, I have been tricked by my father-in-law, but I will make the most of it, and love Leah as well."  Nope.  He HATED her!

But, God is so incredibly gracious.  He saw Leah's sad situation, and He blessed her with a child, and left Rachel with none.  

Over and over, in the naming of her children, we see that they are connected with the Lord hearing her prayers and supplications, in her sadness.  She was having a hard time, but she cast herself upon the Lord, and He blessed her with children!  How good God is.

But, then we look to Rachel.  Rachel, who was the "loved" wife.  Rachel who was the one chosen by Jacob.  the one who....had no children.  For her, though, it wasn't enough to be loved.  She wanted to have his children, too, and all she could see was her sister having one child after another, despite the fact that she was not even loved by her husband.  It filled Rachel with envy. It filled her with bitterness.  

She wanted children so much, that  having a child became like a obsession.  She was so determined, that she thought that having a son by her handmaid was a good substitution! So, she sent off her handmaid who had 2 sons with Jacob. Rachel even named her second son in reflection of the fact that she considered having a child like a competition with her sister!

"And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali."

 Genesis 30:8

  

How envy and jealousy can corrupt our lives, and be the root of bitterness and unhappiness. When we really look at the root of jealousy and envy, it boils down to one thing.  Discontent.  Not discontentment with ourselves - discontentment with God!  When I got to thinking about it, there were three main areas where we may battle with jealousy and discontent.

Discontentment with God's plan for our lives

It's so easy to look at someone else's life and think "I wish that was me"!  

You can look on and "see" how other people don't have the same problems as you have - the trials - the difficulties - the circumstances.   You feel like everyone else's life is hunky-dory!  But, in your dissatisfaction, you are forgetting a couple of things.  

Firstly, whatever is happening your life, is EXACTLY what God wants it to be.  We need to have seek God's grace, in order to see our life through God's eyes and not our own, frail humanity.  To see that the trials are for our good, and HIS glory. Our struggles may not be evidenced as a good thing, until we look back in years to come, and say "ahhhh, NOW I see why God allowed that in my life!"  It should be enough, NOW, for us to know that GOD sees the end from the beginning. 

Secondly, we need to remember that the lives of others, as we see them, are not always as rosy! We see the things that WE think are a "better" way of life, but we don't know what struggles, trials and difficulties THEY may be facing in THEIR circumstances!  Remember the old adage "the grass is always greener on the other side"!!

Discontent with provision in our lives

This is a biggie!  It's sooooooooo easy for us to see what others have, and want it! 

It may be possessions.  There are always going to be people that have something that we would like to have.  There's nothing wrong with OBSERVING that they have it, and thinking that it would be something that we could do with having.  It's when it consumes us to the point of jealousy and "want" that it becomes an issue.  I have had many a great idea by seeing what others have.  And, by prayerfully realising that it is something I could afford and NEED, have gone on to get it.  THAT is not wrong.  But WANTING when we cannot have, is when it is a sin.  It may be property.

It may be comfortable finances.  It' a struggle, especially in today's economic climate, to have financial struggles.  But, once again, God is in control!  So long as we know we are not spending what we haven't got, or spending unwisely, then the Lord will never leave "his children begging bread".  We have been amazed on SO many occasions, at the provision of the Lord at the perfect time, and the perfect amount!  Sometimes we receive a money gift and say "right, what is about to happen that the Lord has given us the funds for?!"  

Discontent with the people in our lives
This may sound a little strange, but think about it.  Do you ever look at other people's "perfect" husbands, or "perfect" children - or even their husbands or children who do things, that we wish our husband or children would do?  THAT is discontent!  The Lord has given us our husbands and children - not someone else husbands or children!  It is, once again, not a bad thing to see a trait in someone else, and think it would be good to encourage our children or husband in that behaviour.  BUT, when we get unhappy and dissatisfied, and continually compare them to others, then that is wrong.  If we see an area where we think some work is needed, pray about it, make sure it a Biblical directive and reasoning that we are using, and THEN seek to change it.  But, don't just think it's necessary because you see it in another person!  We need to look for the good - we need to see the wonderful individualities that our husband and children possess, and not always compare it to others.

I think, by the way, that us homeschooling parents are particularly bad for this!  We see little "Johnny" doing something or another before our little "Mildred" can do it, and start to compare, contrast and try ad mould our little one to be like someone else's little one!  I have come to realise that we should be confident in understanding the abilities of our own child, and get them to learn and develop at their own pace, and not the pace of someone else's completely different child, with their own completely different gifts and abilities!  I think we need a printed sign, up in a frame saying, "I will not compare my child to another child"!!!!!

So, what to learn from Rachel and Leah?   Never let your husband marry a second wife.....no, now seriously!...

Envy can eat you alive.  It goes hand in hand with discontent, which is a sure sign that you are not accepting God's plan for your life.  Don't get eaten alive!

An envious spirit will rob you of your joy.  If the joy of the Lord is our strength, then we will be weak Christians, if we envy what others have got.

Be a joyful Christian, and "be content with such things as ye have".

Matriarchs on a Monday - Rebekah

Next in line after Sarah comes Rebekah.

There are some parts of this story that I LOVE!  I love how the Lord led Abraham's servant to Rebekah, to be Isaac's wife.  I LOVE that Abraham and Sarah  knew that it was important for their son not to marry a heathen, and cared enough for their son to find him the right wife.  I LOVE that God answered the prayer of Isaac and gave his barren wife TWINS!

There are some things I don't like so much.  I don't like that Isaac and Rebekah got into the same fix as their parents, and lied about being a married couple.  Personally, I try and learn from my parents, and try not to make the same mistakes as them.  However, I don't always learn as well as I should, and I know I fail the Lord.

I also, especially, don't like something else, and I think it is an important lesson for us all.

"And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob."

Genesis 25:28  

Oh,but is this an important lesson to learn.   We MUST  not show favour to one child over another!  We cannot be unequal in our love or treatment of our children! 

I KNOW that our children are all different.  I have 6 children, and I know how different they all are.  Some are more gentle, some are more boisterous, some are more serious, some are more mischievous.  Some obey more readily, some do not.  Some are more inclined to kindness, others need more prompting to be kind.  I guess, there are times when certain children, in human terms, are more lovable, whilst others are more trying.  It could be very easy to show favour to the ones who are "easier".  Sometimes it could be that we are tempted to show favour to the ones who are actually HARDER work, by giving them more time and attention, whilst neglecting the "easier" ones.  

I sincerely try not show my children favour.  I would hope that if I asked them, that they would acknowledge that I love them all the same, and don't show special treatment to one over another.   They all need my love and attention equally, because it would be so easy to provoke your child to wrath, by being obviously preferential.

Look where it got Rebekah....

She overheard Isaac's request to Esau, to go and prepare the meal for him, so he could give his blessing to him.  Rebekah was determined that her favourite son should receive that special blessing, belonging to the first-born, Esau.  So, she conspired against her HUSBAND, to sneakily enable Jacob to gain the blessing, by deceit. 

Oh, Rebekah, Rebekah!  If there is something that we shouldn't do, as wives, it is to deliberately conspire to manipulate our husband's, or to go against their wishes!  Our husband's have been given a place of authority, by GOD.  If we are not happy with their decisions, we respectfully speak to them about it, but we don't do our own thing, BEHIND THEIR BACKS!  NO, NO!  

And, what is worse, is that she encouraged her SON to disrespect his father's authority, too!  That is also SO wrong! We mustn't "bad talk" our husbands - speak disrespectfully about them - undermine their authority by trying to overturn their decisions, or try and get our children to manipulate their decisions.  If Daddy says "no", we back it up.  If Daddy tells them off, we don't let them come running to us for 2oh, poor little child" treatment.  We need to stand firm with their decisions.  And, again, if you disagree, do it privately, when the children are not there.  (Can I just say, I have work to do in this area....)  We are setting our children an example in how we behave.  To our daughters, how to behave as a wife; to our sons, what to expect of a wife.  We must be supportive and submissive.  Always.  

This underhanded move by Rebekah, ended up causing a family rift that lasted for many years.  Esau was so mad with Jacob, that he wanted to KILL his own brother! Such an unwise choice, Rebekah.  Not the way a wife and mother ought to behave.

Once again, however, we can look to the grace of God, and see His mighty hand at work in it all.  God greatly blessed Jacob, in many, many ways.  And, of course, he was in the line that begat the Saviour! 

However, just because God works all things together for good, does NOT give us the licence to do what we like!  We need to honour His Word and His ways, and seek to obey in every part of our lives.  We need to seek to be the wives and mother's that we ought to be, by His wisdom and grace alone.  

Oh, and just as a little PS....a couple of  other things.  Both sad, as a warning, I guess?  Firstly, Esau married an ungodly woman, from a heathen nation.  This was a sadness to Isaac and Rebekah.

"And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite: 
 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah." 

Gen 26:34-35 

Yes, as I have said, we need to raise our children to become a godly generation.  We cannot save them, but we can give them advice.  If our children are saved, and belong to the Lord, we need to teach them not to be unequally yoked in marriage.  They must seek a wife who loves the Lord, or they will be disobeying God.  I can understand that this would be a grief of mind to them! :-(  However, the fact the Esau himself did not follow God's ways, I am sure would have been of even greater grief.  May we plead with the Lord every day, for the salvation of our children, and that the Lord will lead them to godly spouses!  Right from the day they are born! 

And, another note of sadness.  We know that Isaac had to flee, after his deception over the blessing, due to threat of death from his brother.  Well, the mother who favoured her son so much?...we never hear of her seeing her son, who she favoured so highly, ever again! How sad!  She forced him into the position of having to run for his life, and ended up paying for her deception.  What a serious consequence, to end up being separated from your child, because of a sinful choice.  

Oh, dear ladies, may we be guided by God alone, in the choices we make as wives, mothers or even if you are single! So much hangs upon the way we live and behave, that can have a long-term impact o those around us!  May we learn from Rebekah, and be more like Christ this week, and always!

Matriarch's on a Monday - Sarah

This is an appropriate one, given my announcement on Saturday! :-)

Sarah is a lady who we always remember for her not so bright moments, and YET, she is included in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews 11.  Despite her initial doubt of God's Word, she had faith enough to warrant inclusion in that list of faithful's.

So, where do we start with Sarah?  I think we need to start with Sarai.  Since that is where she began.  What's in a name?  When you search for the meaning of her name, it was to do with leadership of a clan.  She was the wife of Abram, a ruler of many and the owner of much.  And, with that, she appears to have a name to tie in with his position. 


Sarai - from,

שׂר
śar
sar
 a head person (of any rank or class): - captain (that had rule), chief (captain), general, governor, keeper, lord, ([-task-]) master, prince (-ipal), ruler, steward.

Her name is derived from her husband's role.  But, when Abram's name is changed to Abraham, so her name is changed to Sarah.  She becomes a princess!  As the wife of one who is to be blessed by being the father of many, so she is it to be a princess by his side!


Sarah -  a mistress, that is, female noble: - lady, princess, queen.

What a position to assume!  The ones who will be the parents of a great nation, for many years to follow.  They become joint-heirs together of the promises of God!

How wonderful that we, through the death of Christ, become joint-heirs together with HIM, of the many blessings that come with being a child of God!

But, oh so common to our human nature, they doubted God's ways, and took matters into their own hands.  I dealt with the consequences of their actions in this post. She decided to create their family with man's wisdom, instead of God's prefect plan, resulting in the establishing of a nation who still fights against God's people.

Think back, though.  This all happened BEFORE their names were changed! God still lavished his blessings in the covenant He had made with Abram, DESPITE their sin and failings.  DESPITE Sarai leading him down a foolish and sinful path.

How gracious or Heavenly Father is!  Does He not so often lavish His blessing upon US, despite our failings and doubts.  So often, as wives and mothers, we fail Him.  We doubt His Word.  We resist His leading.  We deny His truths.  We rebel against His commands.  But, our oh-so-gracious Father, forgives and continues to bless, and abundantly at that!

We also think of her response to the news that she would bear a son in her old age.

Now, I have to say this.  I will be 34 (gasp - ancient, no?.....) next year.  I am having my seventh child.  Pregnancy gets a little tougher each time, not helped, I am sure, by advancing years.  But, the thought of having my FIRST child at 90?.....*shudders*.

However, I have not spent many barren years, longing to hold a child of my own in my arms.  One would then think, that overhearing the news that she would, indeed, bear a child of her own, would make her jump up and down with glee - not laugh!  But, laugh she did.  Not in excitement - you know, that happy laugh that we involuntarily let out when something exciting happens?! (if you don't know what I am talking about, your life is not complete!)  No, a laugh of doubt.  A mocking, "you've got to be kidding!" kind of laugh.  "me, I am waaaaaaay to old to be having a child", said she.

The words with which the Lord replies are some of my favourites in the whooooooooole Bible.

"Is any thing too hard for the LORD?"

Genesis 18:14

What sweet, amazing and yet powerful words. 

"Are you doubting ME?" asks the Lord.  "Do you think that there are insurmountable impossibilities with ME?"

No, no, no!  God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or think!  HE is the creator of the universe.  He can give a child to an old man and woman, past the years of child bearing!  Why?  Above all else, HE SAID HE WOULD!  He promised that they would be the beginning of a great nation, and so they would be!

Are you struggling to claim the promises of God's Word in your life?  

Don't laugh at what you seem to be an impossible thing in you life.  

God IS able! 

Don't feel overwhelmed with the responsibilities that God has given you in your life.

God IS able! 

Don't despair when you think things are crumbling.

 God IS able!

Ultimately, Sarah EXPERIENCED the truth of God's promised.  She LIVED the "nothing is too hard"!  And, that experience added to her her faith.  Her faith that had led her to follow her husband as they journeyed to a new land, in obedience to God's call.  Who had remained by his side, through hard times as well as prosperous.  She became the bearer of that promise - the one who brought forth the child that would be the fruition of that covenant between God and what would be HIS people.  

WHAT an experience.

"But, I am just a simple wife and mother - how can experience a life like Sarah's?"

So simply - by faithfully following God, and believing Him at His word!  Claiming those precious promises in His Word, as your own.  Living a life that reflects that you serve the God of the impossible - the one true God  for whom nothing is too hard.  Those trials, struggles and "impossibilities" you face each day are NOTHING to God!  He is able to make you an over-comer, because HE will overcome for you.

Let us strive to have faith like Sarah.  Let us plead with the Lord to demonstrate His great power in our lives, as he did in Sarah's.

Matriarchs on a Monday - Noah's Wife

I was going to jump straight to Sarah next, but I thought a bit about Noah's wife and felt that there were some valuable lessons to be learnt from her.  Especially considering the wives of today!

When we think to the criteria for boarding the ark, she was an example of obedience and righteousness. Noah was considered as being righteous in his generation, and by the fact that his wife was willing to obey, we could assume that she was similarly righteous.  Are we considered righteous by God?  I know that our righteousness's are as filthy rags, but we are called to a life which exhibits an obedience to God's Word and a demonstration of the Fruit of the Spirit.  We need to live a life that is different from the ungodly generation in which we live.  That honours the Lord in every sphere of our lives.  Do we work each day to honour God above all else?

She was also supportive of her husband in his evangelism.  I am sure that through those 100 years, as he preached and warned and implored those people to listen to the message from the Lord, that she was a source of encouragement and blessing to him.  She could have chosen to scorn the message, just as the multitudes of others had - but she could see a work of the Lord in the life of her husband - she was willing to listen to the voice of the Lord, and support her husband in what he did.  He must regularly have felt discouraged and despondant, when he thought of all of those people who were rejecting God's message and salvation, and choosing their own way.  Of the punishment that was to come, when God would destroy the earth.  Yet, his wife stood by him, and followed God's command as her husband did.

Just like all those children's story books depict, I am sure she worked hard to get all the things ready for the ark.  All the food, bedding, clothing, supplies for the creatures.  She wouldn't have been sitting around "twiddling her thumbs" whilst Noah did all the work!

If we are privileged to be married, we must endeavour to do the same.  We need to support our husbands, in whatever the Lord has called them to do.  Whether it's making their lunches every night, for the next day. Whether it's making sure they have clothes washed and ironed so they look smart for work. Whether it's making sure that they have a hearty meal after they come home from work. Whether it's encouraging them after a hard day, or being that peaceful and uncomplaining place for them to run to and know they will have no stress or hardship when they come home. There are endless ways in which we can be an encourager to our husband, just as I am sure Noah's wife was to him!

I think it also shows us about being a submissive wife.  Noah was asking her to abandon all she was familiar with to prepare for an event that seemed strange and perhaps impossible.  But, she supported him, and stayed by his side.  She could have chosen to turn her back on God's ways, and to leave her "mad" husband, as the others thought he was.  She could have decided to make it on her own, and keep on living the life she always had, because it was what SHE wanted.  However, she stayed by her husband, submitting to the fact that he was her head and authority, under God.  It was a position that was given by God, and one that is so easily abandoned due to the rebellion and headstrong nature of women!  But, she did not give in to any possible sinful temptations to rebel and go her own way.  She stayed by her husband, and in so doing she gave a good example to her three daughters-in-law.  They, too, chose to stay with their husbands, supporting and submitting.  It may very well have been the good example of their mother-in-law that encouraged them to do so.  I can imagine that the women of that day were sinful, rebellious and immoral.  And yet, these four women stood by their husbands, and followed God's ways and not their own.

Are we being an example to other women around us, of a godly, submissive wife?  Do we readily and graciously seek to honour our husbands wishes, no matter how much it goes against our own desires?  It's SO very hard sometimes, when we think we know what is best!  And yet, it is God's perfect plan for our marriages, and we can make or break the marriages of those around us, by the example we set.  If some young, impressionable wife sees us regularly going against the wishes of our husband - if they see us trying to throw our weight around instead of having a "meek and quiet spirit", then we may be encouraging them to be disobedient to God's Word and ways. There's always someone watching you - whether it's people in our Church, friends, family, neighbours - and SO importantly, like Noah's wife, our CHILDREN! We are showing our sons what to expect in a wife, and our daughters how to behave AS a wife!  Is it a good example?  Is it a bad example?  Such a convicting thought!

Just a quick thought today, but one that really struck my heart.

If you think of any more lessons we can learn from Noah's wife, please feel free to share in the comments section below.

May God give us grace to be obedient to His commands, and be a godly example to those around us.

Matriarch's on a Monday - Eve

I have been thinking.  (I hear you....you could hear the strange noise, ALL the way from wherever you are...!) I have been thinking about how many women are mentioned in the Bible, and JUST how much there is to learnt from them.  As women in the 21st century, you could think that these ladies are just a part of the story of salvation, with little to apply to our modern lives!?  How wrong you would be.  Their lessons reach out to us across the thousands of years that have passed, and still have relevance today.  Indeed, they have more to teach us than so many of the bad examples of womanhood from today's society.

Where to start?  Well, there can only be one place to start, really.  At the beginning!  The woman who we "blame" for all our problems.  The one who passed onto us such things as the pain of childbirth.  And yet.....and YET, there are positive lessons to learn from the mother of all living.  Eve.

Can you imagine the first conscious moments of Eve.  To become aware of her surroundings, as God breathed life into her.  The most perfect picture of man that was ever created, was right before her.  (And you thought YOUR man was the most perfect picture of manhood?...sorry to disappoint!).  An absolutely stunning world, filled with beauty and splendour.  And, of course, I'm sure the feeling was mutual, as Adam woke from his deep sleep!  It's not everyone who wakes from his sleep to see something as beautiful as Eve, for the first time!

There is a tremendous picture for us, simply in the creation OF Eve.  Eve was created because "it was NOT good" for the first time in God's creation.  He created Adam, and realised that he was not complete.   That something - someone - was needed to complete his creation of man.  He NEEDED woman.  He had created all creatures male and female, so that they could procreate "after their kind".  But for man, it was so much more than that.  He was a living soul - different from the animals.  He needed a companion.  So, God created Eve.  To complete him.  So that they could be one.

I have always loved the analogy, heard so many times.  God did not take some of Adam's skull, so that woman would be over him, or from his foot, so that she would be under him - he took it from his side, so that she would be protected, close to his side, under his arm and equal with him before God.

However, don't we so often look to the biggie.  The part where everything falls apart.  Eve - the one who took the fruit.  The one who convinced her husband that he should eat of it, too.  The one who brought the curse upon womankind, so that they would forever have to submit to out husbands, and have pain in childbirth?  It's true, though.  Because these are the things that we SO need to learn from - lessons which we have to learn.  HARD lessons - but, needful lessons.

I think, before we look at these hard, but needful, lessons, we need to first look at the positive.  God created us, women, to be the completion of our husbands.  We have a vital part to play, in making our marriages a complete thing.  It's a God-created position.  Not something to be belittled, scorned or even dismissed.  Why should we NOT want to be all we can for our husbands.  That help meet  - or suitable - for him.  We are perfectly suited to be the wives we should be for them.  God created us for it!  It's not contrived by the 50's housewife brigade!  It's stated clearly in God's Word.

It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one 
flesh. 

Gen 2:24  

God gave it as a pattern for us - something that is right and good.  That man and woman, as one, should cleave - hold fast to each other - stick close together - in all that they do as man and wife.

There are so many marriages where they as well not be married.  The husband is off doing his own thing, evening after evening - or the wife is forever off with her girlie friends, leaving her husband at home alone.  You forsake that single life when you get married.  You should desire to be together when you can - sticking close to each other, not to other people!  I'm not saying you can never have a night out, but there are some people who just want to be out ALL the time, and those football/pamper nights (that's an "or" - can't imagine them TOGETHER!) take priority over their marriage.  We have to cherish our time together.  We have to desire that oneness and closeness that God has gifted us with!

In the New Testament, we again see instruction as to where our place is.


 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 
 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 

Titus 2:4-5

I think these are some of the most sobering verses directed to me as a woman!  If I DON'T do these things - I am blaspheming the word of God!  That's VERY serious!   You can't add "but, things have changed, so we don't need to do this any more....."  God's Word NEVER changes.  If we are to love our husband and children, then we equally should be keepers at home!  We should WANT to stay at home, and care for it.  To be the guardians of our domain.  It's no weak position, or some menial task.  It's a HUGE responsibility and a privilege to undertake!  It's no job for a weakling! In fact, I have always maintained that the EASY thing would be to go and work outside the home.  But, who said that obeying God was easy.....?

Again, I am not saying there is never a circumstance that a woman should work outside of the home, but it is not the primary responsibility and role given to women.  We shouldn't go LOOKING for ways to escape our responsibilities, just because we don't like  the role that we have been given!  There are many scenarios where  it has become a necessary.  But, it's NOT the pattern that God has given us.

Now, to the negative.  The bad part we always think of, from which we can glean important lessons.

Eve was deceived by Satan.  She believed his lies.  She was convinced enough that she questioned God's Word.

"hath God said?......", said the serpent.

The first sin was doubting God's Word.  She doubted what she had been told about the trees.  She believed the word of the serpent, and not the Word of her creator - the one with whom she fellow-shipped with in the garden.  She lusted after something other than the perfect life that God had given her.

Is this not one of our temptations?  To doubt that the role God has given us is the best one for us?  That our place at home as a wife and mother is better than anything else we could possibly do?

"Hath God said that you can't go and work outside the home and put your children in day-care, just because you might be able to do something worthwhile elsewhere?"

"Hath God said that doing some kind of ministry outside of the home is more important than looking after YOUR family - God's VERY important ministry for you?"

Dear sister - don't doubt God!  Don't doubt the vital role you  have to play.  As an encourager and help to your husband.  As the one to nurture and care for your children, and train them up in the way they should go.  If GOD has given you this role, there could be NOTHING more important out there for you to do!  It's such a special job, that there couldn't be something more exciting or rewarding elsewhere!  I KNOW there are tough days (I just had a whole pile of them!....)  I KNOW that it isn't always easy!  But, it's still the BEST.


Then comes the other "biggie"!  Submission.


"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

Ohhhhhh, how we struggle with this concept!  Our husbands have the final word and authority over us.  Our flesh rebels and despises that, so very often!   We don't like having to obey, especially when we think we are right (*gasp*.....).  We don't like having to obey, when it goes against what WE want to do.  But, it's God's pattern.

Meekness is the key.  Meek is NOT weak.  Meekness is humility.  We have to be humble enough to accept that our husband has the final word, and that is the way that GOD has planned it.  Not out husband.  Not our Church leaders.  GOD!  We have to humbly accept that his decisions are the final word, whether they are our first choice or not.  In ALL areas.  Big and small.  Hard, isn't it?  But, the reassurance is, it's GOD'S way.  And, in His perfect wisdom, he has ordained that our husbands have the final authority.  I'm not saying that we shouldn't have good enough relationships to share ideas.  Or, that husbands should be unloving  tyrants who give no value to our opinions.  Rather, we need to trust them to have that authority that God has given them.  We have to trust that they are honouring God in their decisions, and that even if we don't understand the "why's and wherefore's", that we should still lovingly, and humbly submit to what they decide.  AND, remember that God is sovereign, and so long as they are not asking us to do something sinful, God will work all things together for our good - so long as we are obeying HIM! Plus, we need to DO it with a loving, happy and contented attitude.  Submission isn't real if anyone can plainly see we don't actually WANT to submit to our husband's authority!

Eve, these are hard lessons we are learning from you.  Hard, but SO important.  Right up there at the top of our list of "things to do"!   Thank-you for being an example for us.  May God give us the grace to learn from you.

(PS - sorry for the silence for a little while....things have been happening around here....getting ready for a house move, and various other thing, large and small.....I'll expand on some of the things as as soon as I can, but would appreciate your prayers as our family goes through some changes!)

A sobering example of the influence of women

I really am loving my Bible reading schedule.

I love the diversity of each day.

I love re-reading portions of scripture I have read before.

I love having my eyes opened to something I hadn't thought about before.

Particularly when it is so VERY challenging, and sobering....

Today is Genesis - chapters 16-19 to be precise.  Lots about Abraham.  The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.  All very sobering on its own.

That's not what struck me.  It's the womenfolk in the passages.

Sarah. 

 Lot's daughters.

  

There's a positive challenge, and there's something to be avoided.  I'll get the bad stuff over first (a bit like a dinner with broad beans on the plate.....)


Genesis 16, verses 2, 4, 6, 8, 11 and 12


 And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.


 and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.



 Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face. 

And he said, Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai. 

  And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction. 

 And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren. 

The second passage is from Chapter 19, where Lot's daughters make their father drunk so they can lie with him and have children to maintain the family line.

(verses 27 & 38)  And the firstborn bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day. 

 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day. 

Oh, the sorrow and problems caused by a woman who takes matters into her own hands, instead of entrusting her future to God!  Such sad events, all based upon foolish choices that these women made.

Abraham had been told that he would be the Father of many nations.  I would believe that he had shared that promise with Sarah.  I can't imagine him keeping that to himself.  But yet, Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands.  She was barren, so SHE thought it would be best to take matters into her own hands, and give her maid to her husband.  And then, what?  Hagar conceives, as was Sarah's plan, right? Sarah got a major case of the green-eyed monster! Oh, your great plan isn't so bright now, IS it Sarah?  

Abraham gives her permission to deal with her as she sees fit - and, so, of course she is gracious and tender.....ermmmm....no.  She dealt harshly with her. And then, she sent her away.

Thankfully, God is gracious and kind.  He preserved her life and sent her back to Sarah.  However, He also promised to bless the line of Ishmael.  And where has that got us now?.....the religion of Islam descends from Ishmael. Nothing further to add....

Oh, except.....be a wise wife.  Don't take matters into your hand that should be firmly in the domain of your husband.  THINK before you do.  Trust the Lord to fulfil His plan for your life, instead of resorting to humanly wisdom.  Make sure that every choice you make is centred upon God's Word, and not what you think is best.  It can have severe and far-reaching consequences otherwise.

The same goes for daughter 1 and daughter 2 of Lot.  This is far worse in many regards.  To have to make your father DRUNK, in order to do what they did, SHOULD have been a dead give-away that it wasn't the right thing to be doing.  Yet, once again, we see these women thinking that they know what's best.  And, the Ammonites and Moabites?  They caused problems for the Israelites over and over, and many of the countries who are still in conflict with Israel today descend from these people.  On the side of God being merciful and gracious, Ruth, of course, was a Moabite, and the Lord used her in the lineage from which David came, and of course, the Lord Jesus.  God can still make good come of bad choices, through His grace.  

Nonetheless, bad choices.  Man's wisdom and not God's wisdom.  No consulting their father first, and finding out what the head of the family had to say on the matter.  Not that they had a mother to consult, but that's a WHOLE other issue. 

Choices, ladies (and anyone else who may read my blog that doesn't come under that category!....).  We all have choices to make.  

We NEED to make good choices 

EVERY DAY.

So much hinges upon the choices we make.  The whole spiritual, physical and emotional well-being of our household hangs upon the choices we make. 

Do we consult our husbands about what he wants us to do?  Have you agreed upon which choices are yours to make on a day-to-day basis, and what he needs to be consulted about?  Go you consult the BIBLE before making choices?  Do you choose to train your children in the things of Christ over and above anything else?  Do you make choices for your children instead of letting them "rule the roost"?  Do you wisely choose your children's education?  What about our leisure time, our food?

These are all important ways in which choices are so vital!

Choose wisely, dear ones.

And let's not forget the positive that I promised.  On the subject of submitting to our husband's choices.

Genesis 18:6  And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.

Do we read a

"*sigh*, but ABRAHAM, I am right in the middle of something else here...are you seriously asking me to drop everything and start the long process of making you some CAKES?  I mean, who says I have to do what you say, anyway?  Didn't God create us equal.  My duties are just as important as whatever you want me to drop everything to do.  I mean, could you not even just wait 10 minutes whilst I just finish up here?....." ???

Nuff said. 

Sarah is referred to in I Peter 3 as a submissive wife who called her husband "Lord".  She submitted to him, with respect, and here the Lord gives her as an example to us.

May we treat our husbands as respected "lords" today. Lovingly submitting to them in every way.

Choices.   Challenges.  

Top Tips Tuesday - Marriage

I was thinking that it would be a good idea to share some wisdom with each other, about various topics.  Everything from favourite books to read with your children, to the best soup recipes that you have!  There are endless possibilities, and what could be better than sharing with others and being helpful!

I had no trouble deciding what today's should be to start it all off, when I read a truly excellent excerpt from the writings of Richard Baxter, the great Puritan preacher.    It is titled "Directives for Avoiding Dissension in the Home" - the subtitle which I would give, being - "How to live in harmony without arguing"!

I am going to be honest with you here.  On our honeymoon we argued.  Sorry, correction.  On our honeymoon *I* argued.  I couldn't tell you what it was about, but it happened.  I would unequivicably state that it was my fault entirely - largely due to the fact that I had issues with submission and humility.  (Can I quickly add....I still have my moments.....).  I would really like to deal with the topic of Biblical submission at some point, but not today, and not without a lot of thought and applying myself to the task with prayer. I have taken a long time to improve in this area, and I wish I had had more understanding of how to avoid it, in those early days.

As I know a dear, sweet friend who recently got married, I thought that sharing tips on how to have a successful, happy and BIBLICAL marriage, would be a great way to start my "Top Tips Tuesday".  What do YOU wish you knew in those early days.  What have YOU found to be vital in maintaining a God-glorifying marriage?

I really believe that there are many marriages that are secretly floundering and failing - and I am talking about CHRISTIAN marriages - simply because they have had no Biblical teaching about marriage from pastors, no sound advice from "older women" and SO sadly, no godly example from parents.  The world is full of books about marriage advice from a worldly philosophy, but what about a Biblical point of view?  People either don't know what it is, or don't understand it properly so dismiss it.

I would like to come back to the topic of marriage, but for today, here is my Top Tip - try to avoid disagreement and arguing.  The excerpt below gives some EXCELLENT advice about this, and we would all do well to put it into practice.  If you read it and find it doesn't apply to you, you are either deceiving yourself, or you have a prefect marriage......hmmmm.......what do you think?

Read it, and be challenged!

Directives for Avoiding Dissension in the Home by Richard Baxter

Richard Baxter

It is a great duty of husbands and wives to live in quietness and peace, and avoid all occasions of wrath and discord. Because this is a duty of so great importance, I shall first open to you the great necessity of it, and then give you more particular directions to perform it.

(1) Your discord will be your pain, and the vexation of our lives. Like a bile, or wound, or fracture in your own bodies, which will pain you till it is cured; you will hardly keep peace in your minds, when peace is broken so near you in your family. As you would take heed of hurting yourselves, and as you would hasten the cure when you are hurt; so should you take heed of any breach of peace, and quickly seek to heal it when it is broken.

(2) Dissension tends to cool your love; oft falling out doth tend to leave a habit of distaste and averseness on the mind. Wounding is separating; and to be tied together by any outward bonds, when your hearts are separated, is but to be tormented; and to have the insides of adversaries, while you have conjugal outsides. As the difference between my house and my prison is that I willingly and with delight dwell in the one, but am unwillingly confined to the other, such will be the difference between a quiet and an unquiet life, in your married state; it turneth your dwelling and delight into a prison, where you are chained to those calamities, which in a free condition you might overrun.

(3) Dissension between the husband and the wife, doth disorder all their family affairs; they are like oxen unequally yoked, that can rid no work for striving with one another. Nothing is well done because of the variance of those that should do it, or oversee it.

(4) It exceedingly unfitteth you for the worship of God; you are not fit to pray together, nor to confer together of heavenly things, nor to be helpers to each other’s souls: I need not tell you this, you feel it by experience. Wrath and bitterness will not allow you so much exercise of love and holy composedness of mind, as every one of those duties do require.

(5) Dissension disableth you to govern your families aright. Your children and servants will take example by you; or think they are at liberty to do what they list, when they find you taken up with such work between yourselves; and they will think you unfit to reprove them for their faults, when they see you guilty of such faults and folly of your own; nay, you will become the shame and secret derision of your family, and bring yourselves into contempt.

(6) Your dissensions will expose you to the malice of Satan, and give him advantage for manifold temptations. A house divided cannot stand; an army divided is easily conquered, and made a prey to the enemy. You cannot forsee what abundance of sin you put yourselves in danger of. By all this you may see what dissensions between husband and wife do tend to, and how they should be avoided.

For the avoiding of them observe these sub-directions:

(1) Keep up your conjugal love in a constant heat and vigor. Love will suppress wrath; you cannot have a bitter mind upon small provocations, against those that you dearly love; much less can you proceed to reviling words, or to averseness and estrangedness, or any abuse of one another. Or if a breach and wound be unhappily made, the balsamic quality of love will heal it. But when love once cooleth, small matters exasperate and breed distaste.

(2) Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and passion, which are the causes of impatiency; and must pray and labour for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word or carriage that seemeth to tend to their undervaluing. A peevish, froward mind is like a sore and ulcerated member, that will be hurt if it be touched. He that must live near such a sore, diseased, impatient mind, must live even as the nurse doth with the child, that maketh it her business to rock it, and lull, and sing it quiet when it crieth; for to be angry with it, will do no good; and if you have married one of such a sick or childish temper, you must resolve to bear and use them accordingly. But no Christian should bear with such a malady in themselves; nor be patient with such impatiency of mind. Once get the victory over yourselves, and the cure of your own impatience, and you will easily keep peace with one another.

(3) Agree together beforehand, that when one is in the diseased, angry fit, the other shall silently and gently bear, till it be past and you are come to yourselves again. Be not angry both at once; when the fire is kindled, quench it with gentle words and carriage, and do not cast on oil or fuel, by answering provokingly and sharply, or by multiplying words, and by answering wrath with wrath.

(4) If you cannot quickly quench your passion, yet at least refrain your tongues; speak not reproachful or provoking words: talking it out hotly doth blow the fire, and increase the flame; be but silent, and you will the sooner return to your serenity and peace. Foul words tend to more displeasure. As Socrates said when his wife first railed at him, and next threw a vessel of foul water upon him, ‘I thought when I heard the thunder, there would come rain’; so you may portend worse following, when foul, unseeming words begin. If you cannot easily allay your wrath, you may hold your tongues, if you are truly willing.

(5) Let the sober party condescend to speak fair and to entreat the other. Say to your angry wife or husband, ‘You know this should not be betwixt us; love must allay it, and it must be repented of. God doth not approve it, and we shall not approve it when this heat is over. This frame of mind is contrary to a praying frame, and this language contrary to a praying language; we must pray together anon; let us do nothing contrary to prayer now: sweet water and bitter come not from one spring,’ etc. Some calm and condescending words of reason, may stop the torrent, and revive the reason which passion had overcome.

(6) Confess your fault to one another, when passion hath prevaileth against you; and ask forgiveness of each other, and join in prayer to God for pardon; and this will lay a greater engagement on you the next time to forbear: you will sure be ashamed to do that which you have so confessed and asked forgiveness for of God and man. If you will but practise these directions, your family peace may be preserved.

If you are able, please link up below, and share your top marriage tips with us all on your own blog.


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