When we only see our failings {He makes all things new}

As I sit at my laptop, after a another ridiculously long break from blogging, the words of one of my favourite characters in literature come jumping into my head.  Once again, as I try to shake off the guilt of not doing things as I would like to, these words leap out.

"Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"

Anne of Green Gables

I think it's fair to say that every mother has come to the end of a day and had that thought. Our days don't always go swimmingly. Anyone who suggests that staying at home to raise her children is the "easy option" has never done it. 

Days are HARD. We faces so many challenges and struggles on our journey. We have abundant blessings, but with blessings come hard times, too. 

I often feel I have failed, or at the very least I've not done a great job. It's a fairly frequent feeling, to be completely honest. 

But, then. 

Then, I am faced with a truth that my Dad reminded me of yesterday. The truth of the "new". 

We read in the Book of the Revelation

"Behold, I make all things new"

As much as this verse may well be singularly talking of the "new" of heaven, undoubtedly our life here on earth - our spiritual life - is all about the "new", too.

Our old life - our old "man" - was that of sinfulness, mistakes and erring. Following after our own ways, and stumbling along in darkness. 

When we found life in Christ, it was a NEW life! Old things were passed away and all things were new.  We had a joy, a delight, a pleasure in knowing that we had something new, and wonderful.

It's so easy to lose sight of that, though, isn't it?

We are still battling the old man - the flesh - and that's WHY our days often end with the "boy, I didn't do so well" mentality.  

Christ, however, is the author of the "all things new". That same joy we had when "first I saw the Lord", can be ours EVERY DAY.

How?

Well, because when we run to Christ, confessing our sins, failings and struggles, His mercies come to us NEW. We come to Him, asking for a clean heart, and a right spirit to be given new to us, for a new day. We come, waiting upon Him, to have our strength given to us, new for the challenges of another day. 

Precious mother - don't look on those things you struggled with yesterday, or last week, or last month - or even just 5 minutes ago! Turn your eyes upwards, and look to the one who can give you that newness to face another day. He has promised us so many mercies to help us on our way - His love, His kindness, His strength, His peace, His faithfulness - so that this day can be conquered.

And yes, even if we feel we've messed up again, another day brings new mercies again. 

Our spirit must be that of humility, grace and determination, in order to fight on and win the victory against the things with which we struggle. 

We don't need to wait for heaven to have "all things new". It doesn't even need to be a new morning. We can breathe in that spiritual breath of life, and be renewed when we come to God in prayer, seeking His strength and mercy. "Forgetting those things that are behind", we can press on. 

Will you join me in looking to a life of a renewed spirit, and remembering that God's mercies are new every morning? 

If God doesn't want us to fear {what DOES He want us to have?}

The life of a Christian is not an easy life. Add to that being a wife, then being a mother, then also being a mother of school-aged children (no matter your educational choices), and the "easy" tally doesn't get any bigger.

Sometimes, it's not even just hard.

There are moments, days, and weeks where we could easily be gripped and overcome with fear.

It can be as simple as seeing all the opportunities for danger in the confines of a home.

It can be the crossing of a road, or the travelling in a car.

Circumstances can occur which bring fear to the front of our minds.  Difficult times when we face trials and difficulties, and fearing the day ahead, never mind the future, can have an almost crippling effect.

Child birth, breastfeeding, and rearing a small family - and an ever growing family - can make fear nudge at our thoughts.

The "what ifs?" of life can become a weight around our neck, and fear creeps in until it consumes us.

Recently, on his way through systematic teaching on II Timothy, my husband preached on the verse in chapter 1, that many would have heard before.

It really struck my heart, as a woman whose heart is inclined towards fear, in many circumstances. It holds so much truth, and so much depth of meaning.

It directs our minds, firstly, to something that God has not given us.

Fear.

When we fear, it doesn't come from God. We are to fear GOD, but we are NOT to fear our circumstances, and the situations we may, or may not, encounter in life.

God has NOT given us fear.

If it's not from Him, where IS it coming from?

It's that sneaky old serpent, the wily one, the devil.

HE wants us to be so gripped with fear, that our eyes are taken clean off what God HAS given us, which is what the second part of the verse tells us.

If the fear isn't from Him, what DOES he want us to have?

Power.

Love.

A sound mind.

Do you see?  Do you see what God has given?

A three-fold gift that encompasses body, heart and mind.

Power.  God has given us power.  This word, at its roots, is the word "dunamis". It's the root from which we get words like dynamite, and dynamic.

δύναμις
dunamis
doo'-nam-is
From G1410; force (literally or figuratively); specifically miraculous power (usually by implication a miracle itself): - ability, abundance, meaning, might (-ily, -y, -y deed), (worker of) miracle (-s), power, strength, violence, mighty (wonderful) work.

When we are feeling fearful, and weak, as the devil puts thoughts in our minds that are not of God, we need to claim that miraculous, supernatural power, that only comes from God. But, come from God it DOES! He has given it to us, and we need only use it. 

The word also implicates abundance. It's not a power that fails, or runs out, like earthly power sources. It's never-failing, and all sufficient, in our battle against the temptations of the flesh and the devil. We don't need to let it have the victory in our lives, because we have power. He will give us physical strength to do all we need to do in the situation He has us walking through. We have spiritual power to battle the wicked one, and to quench his fiery darts.

What else does God give us?

Love.

Love is one of the most powerful gifts that God has given us. A heart that is loving in the way which God has intended us to, has the power to conquer all fear.  If our hearts are filled up with loving God, and loving each other - if we are so consumed with love, gifted from God -  then we won't give a second thought to fear. 

ἀγάπη

agapē

ag-ah'-pay

From G25; love, that is, affection or benevolence; specifically (plural) a love feast: - (feast of) charity ([-ably]), dear, love.

I love the concept of a "love feast", here in Strongs! We need to have our hearts feasting upon love - we need to take our fill of it, and be satisfied with it. Relish it. Enjoy it. Savour it. 

When we then have our hearts filled up with love, we won't fear. 

How does the verse end?  With a concept that every woman struggles with. I'm convinced it's more of a female thing. 

Convinced.

A sound mind.

Our minds tend toward being over-thinkers. We over analyse, mull over, ponder and repeat, until we have ourselves in a tangled mess of thoughts that bring us to a place of crippling fear. Whether it's thinking about what OTHERS think of us, or thinking about what we may have said or done to offend others, or simply thinking about things that may never happen, we tie ourselves up in a web of thoughts that bring our minds to a place that is dark and fearful.

That is NOT having a sound mind. 

σωφρονισμός

sōphronismos

so-fron-is-mos'

From G4994; discipline, that is, self control: - sound mind.

A sound mind is a mind that is brought into subjection. A mind over which we exercise self control.  Not a mind where thoughts run away into endless mazes of unproductive fears and concerns. 

No.  

A mind that is focussed on the Saviour - the one who rules in our hearts and keeps us in perfect peace, if we only have the self control to keep our minds on Him. 

Oh, my sinful, straying heart. My heart that fears, when it simply doesn't need to. I don't need to even spare a thought for anything further than right now. And, right now, I can claim the power, love and sound mind of  Heavenly Father who cares for me more deeply than I will EVER know or understand.  

My Saviour. 

My Jesus. 

He speaks strength to my heart instead of weakness.

He speaks love into my heart instead of enmity, bitterness and hate.

He speaks sound thoughts and peace into my mind instead of unrest, clamour and doubt.

So, how do I practically battle this fear that threatens my peace?

I arm myself for battle!  

I fight with prayer, and I equip myself with His Word. If I keep His word to the front of my mind, I will be able to claim the promises - EVERY SINGLE ONE - that He has given in His word.

Search His Word daily, and keep a note of those promises, as He lays them upon your heart. Cherish them. Memorise them. Claim them.

And, cast out the fear and replace it with power, love and a mind that is fixed upon God.

"So you want to be a Stay at Home Mum" {a letter from me, to you}

Dear mother,

So, you're thinking of becoming a Stay at Home Mum?

Maybe you are already a Mum and this is going to be a new start for you?

Maybe you are about to become a Mum for the first time, and you will be choosing to stay at home with your new baby?

There are so many thoughts that must be going through your head right now.  I know, because I was there. It was a long time ago, but I was there.

I must admit, I didn't think I would be here, nearly 14 years later, with 8 children, and a blog. But, here I am, nonetheless.

I didn't really have any friends in the same situation that I could simply "follow".

For us, it was a no-brainer. We very much felt that God had called me home to be a mother. After all, He deigned me to be the one to carry my baby through a pregnancy, and then to nourish it from my very body after it was born. Staying at home to care for my child and the children that came after, was the natural thing to do.  Moreso, the Bible showed me that was what I should do.

"teach the young women to be.... keepers at home".

That is what a young woman is instructed to do in Titus 2.

I have also to love my children.

If you put those two things together, the best place to love my children, and to train them, is if *I* am with them in the home.

We looked to history. It was always the natural thing for mothers to do.  Only after WWII did women begin to leave the home and go out to work in the "workplace".  Yes, for centuries, women have worked to bring in employment, but they still looked after their own children.  They had them working alongside them, in whatever they did. Why? Because it was as natural as breathing.

That was what it was like for me. The choice. Natural as breathing. I wanted to be with my child all the time.  I didn't want to miss a thing.

We had some very difficult financial times in the early days. My husband hadn't long left Bible College, and we were living by faith. He started in a Church, but the salary was not huge.

More children were given to us. Educational choices faced us.

Still, I chose to stay at home with my family. Nurturing them and raising them, to God's glory.

There have been some really hard days.

Let me tell you honestly.

There have been a LOT of hard days.

There have been days where I could happily have run off. Happily.

I would ask myself this one question.  That still small voice would whisper it to me.

"Why are you doing this?   What is your guiding light?"

"Because God wants me to, and He has designed me to care for my children.  He has led me to do it"

"Why not give up?"

"Because God will provide all of my needs".

That's the most important thing for any Christian SAHM to remember.

WHY you are doing it?

Your reasons may not be quite the same as mine. They may be similar, but not the same. But, WHY are you doing it? 

Keeping your eyes on that will sustain you through the difficult days, because, they will come. 

When they baby is crying for the hundredth night in a row.

When you've been cleaning vomit off beds for night on end.

When you're so tired you could fall asleep on your feet.

When things are a struggle financially, and it's tempting to return to work. 

Cling to WHY you made the choice in the first place. If it's centred upon Christ, and honouring Him, He will honour you. He will carry you through. 

Find all the promises in His Word, and claim them.  Apply them to your journey.  Let them sustain you and strengthen you. 

Do what you can, BEFORE you enter the role of a SAHM, to be prepared. Think about money first. Think about where you live and what you have nearby. 

Above all else, think about it being God's calling. If He calls you, He equips you. He will provide your every need.  

You may need to adapt.  

You may need to make big changes.  

You may only need to make small ones. 

You may need to change your priorities, plans and goals in life. 

Whatever you need to do, keep your eyes on the WHY. When you remember the why, you'll see the how. 

I am doing it to honour God. 

Not to "be the best".

Not to hear a "You're doing great" from anyone else.

Not to be "Mother of the Year".

Not to follow some advice from a book. 

Simply, and wholly, to obey God's call in my life.

THAT is what keeps me grounded.  

THAT is what keeps me humble.  

THAT is what keeps me going.

Following after God, and relying on His strength. 

You can do it, too. 

"With God, all things are possible."

With love, prayers and a desire that others may know the peace and satisfaction of following after God's plan for them,

Caroline

x

Marriage {an overarching principle}

"An arch consists of two weaknesses which, leaning on each other, become a strength."

Leonardo Da Vinci

I just HAD to deviate from my normal Wednesday post, when I read this with the children in their school reading, for Tapestry of Grace, this week.  I read it, and something IMMEDIATELY jumped out at me.

This quote, of course, is the definition of an arch, from a scientific and engineering perspective.  The laws of science, worked out by a great mind like Da Vinci.

But, do you know what struck me? Right, smack dab between the eyes? THIS is a picture of MARRIAGE!!!

As individuals we are weak.  We have weaknesses in so many different ways, and invariably our weaknesses are not the same.  Our strengths and weaknesses lie in different places.  Without doubt, however, there ARE weaknesses.  Not one single person is always strong, always perfect, always right.  So, in a marriage that equals two weaknesses.

But look.

LOOK.

When those two weaknesses lean on each other, they become a strength.

What a beautiful, and wonderful image!

When we lean on each other - when we rely upon each other - we hold each other up and WE ARE STRONG!  It's no good just trying to "go it alone" in a marriage.  When you are united in matrimony, you become one unit.  It's about DEPENDENCE, not INDEPENDENCE!  It's not a sign of weakness to rely on each other for support  - it's a strength to do that.

Ecclesiastes tells us about the benefits of more than one.

"Two are better than one.."

It carries on to give situations where it's a benefit to have someone to help you in life.  No lesser so than in a marriage! It's the perfect picture of partnership being important.  Not being in conflict, but working side by side.

There's more though...

In the whole construction of an arch, there is a crucial, crucial part.

The keystone.

"A wedge-shaped keystone would then hold the arch in place, forming a strong support for spanning a wide expanse."

Well now, if that isn't just GOD right there!? It's HIM who then holds our marriage in place - it's HIM who is a strong support for a wide expanse of life and circumstances.  It's God alone that gives us the strong support that our marriages need.  If he isn't there, the marriage will fall apart, just as when the keystone is not there, the arch will not hold up. He needs to be central in all that we do.  He needs to be that topmost stone, to keep us united and strong. Holding us together and keeping our marriage strong.

Ecclesiastes carries on to say this

"a threefold cord is not quickly broken"

In a marriage we need that "threefold cord".  Two individuals with Christ gives great strength, and the marriage is not easily broken.

How's your "arch"? Are you trying to work on your own in your marriage, or are you two weaknesses, leaning on each other to be strong, with Christ at the centre? I know which I want to be, and am I ever thankful that my weakness can be strength when I lean on my husband and have Christ at the centre.

Tots on a Tuesday {Trouble, but totally adorable, Tabitha}

So far, my "Tots on a Tuesday" posts have been more about what I do with my little boys, who are 4 and 2.

All of a sudden, it's Tabitha that's also becoming my "Tot"!

She is getting bigger, and suddenly getting more "grown up".  She is understanding more, doing more, and trying to talk more.  I told her she needed her nappy changed, and off she toddled and got a nappy and wipes! She's no longer my baby, she's growing up.

Today, that truth hit home in a slightly different way.  She's started doing things that I remember Simeon doing - pulling the children's plates and bowls out of the drawer they live in.  Then, she was pulling my purse out of my handbag, which I quickly returned to where it belonged.  This afternoon, I was doing science with the older children, and thought Simeon and Tabitha were just playing upstairs. I should have learnt by now - silence, with tots, is not always golden...

I went upstairs, later on, to find a trail of disaster.

My purse (pocketbook?) was now upstairs, totally emptied, with the contents strewn across the girls bedroom.  The toy room had toys all over the floor.  There was an entire bottle of strawberry scented bubble bath tipped all over my bath in my en suite.

Yes, my tot is getting in "trouble".

To be fair, a good part of it was her older brother leading her astray.  Regardless, it heralds the beginning of a new phase.   I have come to realise this phase can be challenging...

For a first time mother, this phase can be exhausting, and leave you feeling like the men in white coats should be on stand by, ready to whisk you away.  It's a stage where they are working out they can DO stuff, and then doing it.  ALL THE TIME. It's a trying stage, for sure.  It doesn't need to be a negative one, though.  If you are going to be a mother who takes charge of her life, this phase just requires a few simple realisations.

* It's a time for training
The reason why a small person starts to get into mischief is because they are developing and learning.  They are trying out new found skills, and their wonderfully created little brains are working out that they can do things they couldn't do before. To begin with, it's not wilful disobedience, it's just exploring.  This is where the training part comes in, if you want to try to avoid immense frustration.  You need to then TEACH them what they should and shouldn't do.  Train them what's ok, and what's not ok. Take the TIME to do it. It doesn't just happen naturally, I have found! It's our role, as the parent, to teach them. It's not easy, and it takes a lot of time, and effort, but it IS worth it.

* It's a phase
When you remember that "this too, shall pass", it helps you get through it.  Sure, some days will seem looooooong, and you will be pleading for it to be bedtime, as your little one gets into one pickle after another. However, it won't be long before they are out of that phase, and have learnt what they can and can't do. They grow up SO quickly. I am sure it was just yesterday that it was Joshua I was training. Hang on, that was 12 years ago. Yikes.

* God provides for ALL your needs
You know those days where you are screaming, in your head at least, "I CAN'T DO THIS!"?  You're right. YOU can't. God equips those He calls, and He called YOU to be a mother.  He gave us our precious children, and will provide for all our needs, as we seek to raise them to His glory.  God providing for our needs isn't simply some promise for our "daily bread". It's for ALL our needs.  If you need patience to deal with a toddler, God will provide it.  If you need wisdom to discern how best to train your little one, God will provide it.  If you need physical strength because your day has been demanding, God will provide it.  If you need a sense of humour because the day has only been filled with despair, God will provide it. We can do it, because God is our strength.

* The trying moments balance out with the sweet
All those times when you feel like you say "no", over and over and over, and THEN, you get those precious moments when they hug you. Or they say a new word.  Or they finally obey when you tell them "no". Or they just SMILE at  you.  There are endless little precious moments when you realise that it's all totally worth it. Children ARE a blessing, all the time. Blessings are not dependant upon life being perfect. Blessings are not based upon things all going well.  Blessings are not based on how we feel, or how we act.  Blessings are a gift from God, seen most clearly when we look through eyes of thankfulness, and not frustration.

My day didn't end with that list of trouble.  Let's just say that poo was involved.  Thankfully I didn't jump to the conclusion that I first came to, and that naughtiness was involved. (You KNOW, don't you? - if you have small people, you KNOW that yucky, naughty moments can happen, right?) I remained calm, and ascertained that it was my shoddy nappy fastening that had caused the trial. That same adorable little person is still the one who, having given me a kiss goodnight, whilst I was in the middle of something, but didn't hug me, looked all sad and said "Mummy, CUDDLE"!

Tots can be trouble, without doubt, but totally adorable, too.

That dreaded moment.....

The teeny, tiny, precious little clothes are laundered.

The hospital bag is packed.

(can I just mention, there are things in this picture that I do NOT put in my hospital bag...just sayin')

All the baby blankets and sheets are ready to go in the swinging crib.

(But WHICH colour will I be needing?.....hmmmmm......)

The swinging crib is...well, the parts are all sitting in the kitchen, and I am sure it won't take my beloved many moments to put it together!

This is my seventh baby, as most of you may know, so I haven't got a birth plan written.

No, siree.

No detailed notes of the why's and wherefores of my "refined-to-the-last-detail" plan.

Why not?  Because I have learnt that birth just isn't like that! ROBERT is my birth plan.  I go in, tell them the basics upon arrival, and he makes sure that any of my other wishes are followed as necessary.  Never underestimate the value of a well-advised husband, who is able to give instructions with authority!

I need to write my list of people who I need to contact when I have given birth ( 2 lists - 1 of people who are happy to be contacted ANY time, and others who value their sleep more than news of a baby...THAT can wait until the morning, I am told....).

Everything I can do, is done.

I am ready for that blissful moment, when I get to hold my newborn in my arms for the first time....

Until....

Usually about now, I have a dreaded moment.

The kind that makes my stomach drop right out the bottom of me, and dread fill my heart.

It's the moment when I realise that in order to welcome the precious new baby into our family,

I...NEED...TO...GIVE...BIRTH!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Suddenly, all those suppressed memories come flooding back.

I am completely convinced that God has given us an amazing ability to blot out the ACTUAL feeling of childbirth, in order that we still want to have more children!

But, that little flutter of dread still happens....usually....

Not this time, though.  It hasn't happened....and I am wondering whether this time, it won't?!

You see, my first 5 births were really not great.  3 assisted deliveries (2 venteuse and 1 forceps), 1 c-section and only 1 "normal", my second birth.  Even at that, it was just ok.  Over 2 hours of pushing is still not my idea of amazing!

Until last time.  It was a VBAC, and I was totally determined to have it.  I simply did NOT want to have another c-section.  Don't get me wrong, the one I had was totally necessary, and a complete work of the Lord that needed to happen in order to preserve Abigail's life. But the recovery is HORRENDOUS compared to a normal delivery.

So, I researched, read, and listened to advice from others.  I learnt how to relax and focus on child birth, and block out everything else around me.  I learnt about how birth SHOULD be, and what I could do to make it happen in the most natural way possible.

And, do you know what?  It happened!!

For the first time ever, I felt the urge to push...and Elijah was born after only about 5 or 6 good pushes, so about 1/2 an hour, instead of 2 hours!

I had prayed, and prayed that I would be given a wonderful birth experience, and God answered my prayer.

So, maybe that's why that dreaded moment has NOT happened!?  Maybe it won't happen at all, because I KNOW I can do it again, through God's strength and enabling!


Yes, I KNOW it hurts.


Yes, I KNOW it's hard work.


But, I know above all else, that God is able.  God is able to bless me with the same wonderful experience as last time, and I HAVE nothing to dread.  There is not a thing that can happen to me, that God is not completely in control of.  That He will not give me the strength for.  That He will not give me the peace in.

So, instead of having a dreaded moment, I plan on having a delightful moment instead.

So, will you pray with me? Will you pray that I have another wonderful birth...that I would have peace, and strength to have a great labour?

Thank-you!