Childbirth "wars" {choices without conflict}

At the end of last week, I shared an article, on Facebook, about the rising c-section rate.  It's something I feel quite strongly about, as I have experienced a c-section, and subsequently a VBAC.

I found it interesting, and sad, the responses I had.  My heart ached for people who had multiple c-sections, yet who felt judged and criticised, by other Christian women, for what they had to go through.  These women had no choice but to have a c-section, for various reasons. It's no small thing to go through. You are undoubtedly left with physical scars, but on top of that you can be left with emotional and mental scars. I was worried that some were thinking that I may be judging people for having  a c-section, so a blog post seemed like the best place to share what I think about it all.

As with anything in life, my starting point is God's Word.

What does the Bible say about it all?

Well, obviously there were no c-sections in the Bible times, so looking at childbirth is the first place to start.

There are definite, unquestionable points you can make about childbirth.

1.  It's the way God designed us to give birth.

God MADE women to have babies!

Under "normal" circumstances, the physical union that God has ordained, between a man and a woman, can lead to pregnancy.  Obviously not always, depending on many factors, which I am not going to discuss.  Circumstances, choices and health, would sum it up. However, as the pregnancy progresses, the inevitable looms.  You need to have the baby exit! The Bible certainly talks about THAT part.  It's not easy, but God designed our bodies to give birth.  I find it incredible, thinking about the whole way it works.  Something so large, exiting THERE! How the baby's skull is designed to squish as it exits.  I have SEEN it moving, straight after delivery, as the parts of the skull gravitate back to where they should be.  UH-MAZ-ING.

2.  It's painful to give birth.

I watched a TV documentary last week.  Some of the women were talking about how we shouldn't HAVE to have pain, and why shouldn't it be a pain-free experience?! Well, I am telling you, it's part of the curse, and it's just a fact - it hurts. Some lucky blessed women seem to have pain-free, or minimally painful births.  How nice for you.... Most of us experience pain.  Most of simply accept it.  Enjoy? Erm, no.  Accept, yes.  When you think how short labour lasts, compared to the curse on a man, who has to labour his whole life, I'll take childbirth and the reward it brings, ANY day!

3.  It's aided and supported by others.

Think of the canny midwives in Egypt, who prevented the death of countless babies, and who were commended by God.

So, there's not much else you can say, Biblically speaking, although they are important points.

Where do you go from there, when thinking about it all, then?

Well, I would shift my attention to the book of Proverbs.

Wisdom.

Knowledge.

You see, my point, in everything associated with childbirth, is that God has instructed us both to gain knowledge, and be wise, in life.  We aren't somehow exempt when it comes to giving birth!

Let me jump back in time.

Years ago, childbirth was an extremely normal experience.  It was an event that was supported by friends and family, and young girls would have known all about it, before having to do it for themselves.  Family and friends would give advice, and they would have helped them to know the "ins and outs" of it all.  There were no hospitals, or ante-natal classes. Just the others around you, to help you through.  Experienced mothers would rally round, and help you through.

Of course, you can't ignore the patently obvious.  The mortality rate of both mothers and babies, in days gone by (and I'm not even thinking further back than about 50-60 years ago!), was much higher.  If there was a complication, there was little they could do. They didn't have the medical knowledge, or equipment to deal with the things that went wrong. It's a sad fact.  Women may have had medical conditions, unknown to anyone, which made delivery impossible.  They would have died. Placenta previa? You'd die.  And the baby, too.  Simple as that.  Anatomical anomalies, preventing birth?  You'd have died.

Now, let's fast forward to NOW.

We are living in a day and age where medicine has advanced INCREDIBLY, in the last 50 years - gracious, in the last TWENTY years!  Babies that would have died 20 years ago, can now have  fighting chance of survival.  Mothers, too, with medical problems, can be cared for so much better. (I watched Call the Midwife last week - sad, sad, SAD..... women who were diabetic and pregnant would be advised to TERMINATE, 50 years ago! I have several friends who are thankful that life has changed since then!)

We have access to so much, that is life-changing for so many, and can save lives left, right and centre.

So, back to thinking about it Biblically.

What has changed, throughout the ages?

Have the medical problems been cured? Not at all.  You just can't "cure" placenta previa.  You can't "cure" a pelvis that's mal-aligned.  You can't always "cure" a transverse presentation.  You can't "cure" a cord wrapped around a baby's neck. You can't "cure" pre-eclampsia.

What HAS changed is the medical knowledge and advancement in equipment.  We have scanning equipment, to detect abnormalities.  We have c-sections available, to deliver babies that would otherwise either not be born alive, or would kill the mother in the process of being born. We have NICU's, packed with incredible equipment and staff. It's an incredible thing, really.

So, what do we do with THAT information?

It's back to the point about knowledge, and wisdom.  Herein lies my concern.

Far too many women today, mostly through the fault of an overly medicalised approach to birth, and partly to do with the pressures of others, end up with births that are far from ideal. The reason? They have not made an INFORMED choice.  Friends, it's God's design for us NOT to go through life without our brains, that HE designed incredibly, unengaged, but for us to THINK, and KNOW.  As I say, Proverbs is FILLED with advice to gain wisdom and understanding.  Did you think, somehow, that childbirth is exempt? Being such a life-changing event, it SHOULD involve us gaining wisdom and understanding! It's a God-honouring thing to make sure we understand ALL the choices we make in life. We cannot go through life passively, letting others make choices for you.

So, why should it matter what choices we make? Our body is the temple of the living God.  We are to care for it, and, in so many different ways, protect it from injury and harm.  Whether that's being wise about what we eat, what we drink, what pursuits we engage in, or how we give birth, we need to care for our bodies.

In this day and age, people are told "this is the way you must give birth", and they don't know enough to make an informed choice.  They don't know if they are being spun a route of "convenience", or if  they actually COULD do things differently.  It's an extreme example, but a documentary I watched recently, talked about "freebirth".  Now, in parts of the USA, I believe, unassisted childbirth (where you don't invite someone medical in to assist in the birth) is against the law.  Subsequently, people think that's the case in the UK.  It's not true. Now, personally, I wouldn't want to do that, but having the KNOWLEDGE to decide for yourself, is good, and right. Some people think that if you have had two c-sections, for emergency reasons (ie, something happens in labour that requires a c-section) then you can never attempt a natural delivery.  Also not true.

Now, there ARE situations that necessitate a c-section.  Placenta previa.  Transverse, and sometimes breech, presentation.  Pre-eclampsia.  A pelvis that doesn't allow the baby to descend.  There are others, of course, but these are common ones. In these situations, the baby, and mother, would almost certainly die, if you allowed a natural labour to proceed.  It would be UNWISE to even TRY! God has GIVEN us both the wisdom and knowledge to know about these things, and the medical world to allow for it.  WHAT a blessing! Had I not had access to medical monitoring, and surgical facilities, Abigail could very well have died.  The cord was wrapped three times around her neck, and round her wrist, so that every time I had a contraction, and she would move further down, her heart rate would nearly disappear.   I KNEW I needed a c-section, and I was VERY glad for it.

With Joshua, I could easily have ended up with a c-section.  At one point, I was in so much pain I think I actually asked them to just cut me open right there in the labour room! I had gained knowledge, though.  I knew that a c-section was harder to recover from.  I knew, especially with my medical knowledge as a physiotherapist, what it DOES to your body.  I knew it can hinder the number of children you can have.  So, we did other things first, to try and prevent a surgical outcome. It worked. (Although, like a c-section, don't ever expect me to voluntarily have an epidural EVER again!)  I ended up with an epidural, and a venteuse delivery. (The little suction cup thingy)  He ended up with ant-biotics.  I ended up with anti-biotics. It was a fairly harsh beginning to motherhood.

I learnt something VERY important, though.  I didn't understand how labour worked, properly, and I trusted medical staff to unwaveringly.  No-one picked up that he was presenting posteriorly.  I laboured in the wrong position, which led to the catalogue of events that resulted. The midwife, who was supposedly monitoring me, didn't work it out, and told me to push when I felt pressure. IT was the wrong advice, and I wasn't informed enough to know any different.

So, after that, I decided to learn more.  I went off and researched how to turn a posterior baby! I began my labour with Bethany with her lying posteriorly, but I managed to get her to turn! Whoop whoop! The next two births, I learnt more.  The briths got a little better.  After the c-section, a new determination came into force! I did NOT want to repeat the experience of a c-section.  My c-section was a purely circumstantial one, and I didn't want an automatic "repeat".  My recovery had been slow, with lots of yucky side effects, which were nowhere near as bad as they CAN be! I researched all the medical concerns of a VBAC.  I researched how to have a labour that was not medicalised or rushed. I researched how to be in control of MYSELF - mentally, spiritually, and physically.  The result? A MUCH better labour, and a VBAC!  By God's grace and help, I did it!  There was NO reason why I couldn't, and so it seemed wise to do things as naturally as possible, and the way that God designed us TO give birth!

I had a baby that was late, next. I thought you had to have an induction at 12 days over, and quite frankly, due to a lack of patience and peace, I just wanted to have my baby.  Thankfully, my induction was very "simple", but still resulted in a near c-section experience, when the baby's heart rate seemed to disappear at one point.  A sensible registrar was all it took to regain composure (an ultra-sound showed us a heart beating very happily, that just was hard to detect with a monitor! - sneaky boy!), and a normal delivery ensued.  But only because I insisted, with the knowledge I had gained, that we didn't NEED to rush the process.  We waited for my body to do it naturally, after my waters had been broken.

My knowledge was stretched further, and prayers for wisdom sought, when I had number 8.  We felt led to attempt a home-birth, first and foremost because child care starts to get tricky! However, as we researched, and prayed, we saw there was no reason NOT to attempt it! Yes, we agreed that any hint of a problem we would HAPPILY go to hospital.  Yes, we accepted that ANY hint of a problem before delivery, we would go to the hospital instead. We used our wisdom, and it worked out amazingly. BEST LABOUR EVER!

OK, so I just got a bit distracted.  Can you tell I find child birth fascinating?

All that to say - we carefully made sure we had the right information, and then we were wise about what we DID with that information.

Now comes the key part.

Is there a "right" and "wrong" in all of this?  Is one choice "sinful" and one more "holy"?

NO!

Anyone who tries to tell you it's a SIN to choose one way or another,  is wrong.  To make someone feel they have done the "wrong" thing, when they couldn't have done anything ELSE than what they did, is plain wrong.  Fellow womankind - we should be doing everything we can to help and encourage each other, not make others feel bad!  Now, that's not to say we shouldn't help others make WISE choices.  I love to be able to help other Mums to know what their choices are, and how to labour "better".  Knowing how much of a difference it can make, to have a quicker, and less complicated delivery, I passionately love to help other Mums!


(I still maintain, if at all possible - ie, there's not a serious medical reason to have a c-section - that you should TRY and have a "natural" delivery.  It's a medical FACT that you recover better from a natural delivery, and you are less likely to have post-partum complications. It's easier to care for your baby, and get back to life as normal (NORMAL life?... whatever that is!...) Having done both, I certainly know how much better you feel after a natural delivery! It's also a FACT that a c-section is "major abdominal surgery".  Anything that involves cutting through several layers of your body, is not something, in my opinion,  you would, in your right mind, CHOOSE! (well, some do, but that's their CHOICE!))

I do not think, however, it is good or right to judge others, when they have already had to make a decision that breaks their heart.  The scriptures exhort us to encourage each other and build them up. Making a woman, who already feels sad that she didn't get to have a natural birth, feel even WORSE, is just not kind or supportive.   People seem to care far more about jumping on hobby horses, and sitting in judgement, than getting alongside other woman and helping them. Is it of any eternal significance HOW you give birth??  OF COURSE NOT! Do you think that God sits, looking at womankind, and somehow marks women down for needing a c-section? NO! He sees the hearts, sad and disheartened, and desires that they feel joy and comfort.  We are the instruments of God - we should be supporting each other, in every way we can.

I don't think, either, that you always have to AGREE with others about their choices! You don't even need to like them.  That's between you and the Lord, just as their choice is between them and the Lord, too.  WE can NOT know the thoughts and intents of the heart.  Only God can.  It doesn't mean you don't help someone when they need it. And trust me, after a c-section, you NEED it! Lovingly, and tenderly, coming alongside someone, when you see a need, is what God wants us to do.  Making someone feel guilty, when it's not our place to do so, is NOT.

We are in a warfare - a spiritual warfare.  Fighting the devil, and all his cohorts, is hard enough, without fighting about things as secondary as childbirth.   We should be able to make choices, without having conflict over it.  It doesn't really matter WHAT you are making a choice about - childbirth, education, family, employment - we need to be more supportive of each other, less defensive, and more encouraging.

Dear, precious, sweet sisters in the Lord, who have ended up having c-sections, when they dearly wanted a natural delivery, I feel your pain. I know the disappointment.  I know the sadness.  Take encouragement in the knowledge that God has been SO kind and good, and allowed you to have those babies.  Ask God for deaf ears, to ignore the negativity of those who would judge.

Dear, precious, sweet sisters in the Lord, who choose to do something different than I would.  I don't always understand your choices, but I have enough to worry about in my own life, which is complicated and confusing at points, without worrying about YOUR choices! I am there to help you in any way I can, if you need it.  I will give you advice and support, if you want it.  Other than that, your life is between God and YOU. Not me.

Dear precious, sweet sisters in the Lord, who have "natural" deliveries that are traumatic and not how you wanted them to be. I feel your pain, too. I have had four deliveries like that.  If you are blessed with more children, I can point you in the direction of articles, books, and other resources, that may help you the next time round.  Get knowledge. pray for wisdom, and step forward in faith, knowing that God is able and willing to answer your prayers. I know He can, because He did it for me.

 Childbirth does NOT need to be traumatic, if you know how things should work, and your medical rights.

Informed choice.

Choice.

That means we choose, and the path will be different for each of us, because we ARE all different.

It doesn't mean it always WILL work out that way.  Knowing you have done all you can, for YOUR body, is the best you can do.

Supporting those who make different choices, is the best ALL of us can do.  Curb your passion, whether it be pro-natural, or defensive about the way things worked out for you, and show grace in everything.

Above all else we are to show LOVE.

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 

 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;"

Just because you are passionate about something, doesn't mean you have free reign to throw out love, and all that entails.  Do you see? Patience with others, even if they don't "get" what you choose.  Not being envious of others who get something you DON'T get to do.  Not being proud about what you do, as if someone else, that didn't do it, is lesser to you. Not having unattractive behaviour, that is unkind and hurts others. Not being selfish, and making choices that are only based on what YOU want, without thinking about the effect it has on others.  Not easily getting riled up and angry about what others do.  Not thinking badly of others who haven't been through what you have, or don't choose what you choose.  What we SHOULDN'T be, are bullies.  All over the Christian world, never mind outside of it, there is too much bullying of others, who make different choices.  Bullies mock others, and try to force them to do things that they don't think it's right to do. It's a nasty way to behave, and the polar opposite of the love that we should extend to others.  Get past your own prideful arrogance, and show others gentleness, support and love.  Don't condemn others for their choices. If it's someone isn't sinning in their decisions, you mustn't be condemning.   It doesn't mean compromising on truth.  It doesn't mean you don't advise and encourage others.  It means to have the right spirit and kindness, in all we say and do - showing compassion.  Always. 

All our hearts are sinful, and incline towards thinking we are right.  I know much *I* struggle to understanding the choices of others. When you feel strongly about something, it requires much grace and patience to see the point of view of others.  It's only pride that stops us from behaving the right way. We need grace, love, compassion and kindness, no matter what others choose to do.

To those who are sad about the births they have experienced, I pray that God grants you a healed mind, and a healed body.  My heart aches for you.  Try not to dwell on the past, but focus on today.

For those who have had births that were not ideal, but hope to have more babies, get out there and get knowledge, and ask God for wisdom.  God has designed you to give birth, and with the right support, knowledge and information, it CAN be done! So long as there is no medical reason to avoid it, natural birth IS natural! It's not always EASY (and hey, we weren't EVER promised an EASY life!), but it's "natural".

How can I sum it all up? Natural childbirth was the way God made us to give birth.  Sin has resulted in imperfection, which leads to pregnancy and birth having potential complications. It doesn't always go the way God intended, or the way we hoped. We all need to seek out knowledge and wisdom, then ask God to lead us accordingly, and make the choice that is right for US. Don't judge.  Don't be unkind. Don't condemn.   Be supportive.  Be loving.  Be compassionate. 

I sincerely hope I have never made someone feel sad about their birth.  I will, every chance I can get, advise people to be informed before making choices. I will, until my dying breath, encourage women to do all they can to understand child birth, so they can have the wonderful experience of giving birth without fear and complications. It's an amazing thing, if you are able do it. If you can't, how your child enters this world is NOT important.  No-one ever asks you at a job interview "how did your mother give birth to you?"! The important part is how you raise them AFTER that point.  

And that, my friends, is a whole other blog post!....

I'd love to hear what you think, and always want to learn from others. Please share with us about your experiences - you don't know how it might help! 

Modesty {a heart that wants to be attractive to God}

I have been meaning to write a post about modesty for a long, long time.

It's something that I have thought a lot about, but never got round to putting my thoughts in print.

My husband has inspired me, however.

As a preacher of God's Word, He seeks to share the WHOLE counsel of God.  He doesn't skip over hard subjects -  he deals with the practical, as well as the doctrine from which the practical flows.

This last weekend, in the process of peaching through the book of I Timothy, he came to verse 9-10 of chapter 2.

"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works."

You are able to listen to his sermon online.  It expounds these verses far more fully than I will do here.  I will, however, touch on some of the same issues.  

So, what is modesty all about?  

It's not about a whole lot of specifics.  I am not going to list a string of "you must do this", "you mustn't do that".  It's not legalism.  

It's also not got anything to do with trousers, or not trousers.  That is more to do with femininity, and also not something you can be legalistic about.  What the trousers are like is certainly about modesty, but the wearing of them, or not, is not the same topic.  

What it IS, is a reflection on the outside of what is in the inside.  It's a heart issue. 

If you look at the verses in I Timothy you will see the words "adorn", and "modest apparel".  In other words - "putting on modest clothes".   It's about what you wear. What you put on the outside of your body.

Come with me, if you will, back to Eden.  That fateful day when Eve yielded to the temptation to be like God, and the day when she convinced her husband to follow likewise. When they ate of the fruit, their eyes were opened, and they saw they were naked. Their reaction? To cover up.  They got big old fig leaves, and somehow "sewed" them together, to cover themselves up.  We don't know how big those figgy clothes were, but we know they were ashamed of being naked.

In the words of my hubby, there is a care we should take.

Adam and Eve CARED that they were naked.  Sweet sisters, there is a shameful prevalence, in today's society, of people - and I am talking CHRISTIANS - who don't seem to CARE that they are dressed immodestly.  Clothes are designed that way, so it must be ok? Right?

WRONG!

Designers are mostly NOT Christians - they do not follow Biblical principles. They don't follow the moral principle of clothing, which is to COVER, not to UNCOVER. In fact, the clothing of today is DESIGNED to stimulate sexual attractiveness, not to modestly clothe.  Just because that's what is out there, does NOT mean we have to blindly follow, with no thought or care for what God wants.  THAT is ultimately the care we should be taking.

Is it pleasing to God, or pleasing to the flesh? Are we more pridefully concerned about what others think, or what God thinks?  When the Israelites entered the Promised Land they were instructed to be set apart. We should have the same principle applied to how we dress.  Are we set apart from the world, and how they view modesty?

Next, we need to look at the specifics of the verse.  How exactly are we to cover up?

Then, there is a concern we should have.

It says "with shamefacedness".

Now, I love my KJV version of the Bible.  I believe it to be the most faithful and accurate translation.  Here lies an example of some parts that are on the tricky end of language.  Who uses THAT word any more? On the other hand, it paints a perfect picture of how we need to be.  It's to be bashful, to avert the gaze, not to draw attention to something.  Our faces should be desiring to deflect any need for shame.

The truth is, clothing of today is not only covering so little, it's drawing the eye to places people shouldn't be looking.. The type of fabric - the cut of the cloth - it's all to attract the eye to places which should be covered up, not shown off.  Shamefacedness is about averting the gaze of others, not drawing it to the wrong places.

Now, this DOESN'T mean we are not be dressed attractively.  The clothing can be attractive, without others being attracted to your BODY.  Femininity is a good thing.  Being a woman who looks like a woman is right, and pleasant.

Robert outlined three things, that I wholeheartedly agree with, which are a good guide to assessing the suitability of clothing.

a) Not too low - we're talking neckline here. A low, or plunging, neckline draws the eye right down to the cleavage. It's drawing the eye to a place which the Bible says is to satisfy a husband, but not anyone else.

b) Not too high - this is skirt length.  This is something that I have known a whole pile of rules to be made about, in various places.  Girls having to kneel down, and do all sorts of things, to check out length of skirt to be compliant with some set of rules. Those kind of rules are just that - man made rules.  However, the shorter it is, the less it leaves to the imagination. The eye is drawn up, once again, to areas that it shouldn't be drawn to, the higher the skirt goes.

c) Not too tight - this is anything! Things that are figure hugging show off the curves and shapes of your body. It's once again not leaving much to the imagination. Sometimes it's just plain gross, but that's a whole other story about people not LOOKING in the mirror. Like, PROPERLY looking.

Robert also mentioned the thing that he knows that I do.  Well, kind of two things. He mentioned the mirror test.  I regularly stand in front of a mirror, in a changing room, and bend over, and stretch up, and do all sorts of contortions.  You see, I'm a mother of small people. It is a frequent requirement of me to bend over and pick up either a small person, or something belonging to the small person.  If, when I bend down, you can see right down to my naval (or whatever comes before that...), then the top is not modest.  If I stretch up and you can see my midriff, it's not modest.

He then mentioned layering.  That, my friends, is worth the chuckle of listening to his sermon.  My husband.  Talking about layering.  No, he didn't really know EXACTLY what he was talking about, but he got the gist of it.  If something is too gapey, or too low, or too baggy under the arm, or too sheer, put something underneath! A gorgeous item of clothing doesn't need to be dismissed simply because it doesn't seem, at first glance, to fit the "modest" category.  I regularly search for vest tops to put under tops that are not quite right.  The one I am wearing today I can hardly believe someone would wear WITHOUT layering. YIKES!

(Everything is from a charity shop, except my denim skirt, from Amazon.)

After a bit of hunting in the charity shops, however, I came up with the perfect top to put underneath, and I can still wear the pretty one over the top. I do long sleeved under short/sleeveless in the winter, and "vests" under less-than-modest tops in the summer. It can be done, with a bit of effort.  Plus, if you find a style that is perfect for using as a layer, buy a few, then you have them. I'm big into colour, and colour-co-ordination, so I ENJOY looking around the charity shops for the perfect match.  My friends will tell you I have the knack for finding the perfect combos! Find an inexpensive necklace to tie in, and I am one happy lady! (Mind you, I am already pretty well stocked up with enough to match any outfit I have...)

This next point is in the centre of the 5 Robert made.  Central is the watchword, here.

It's about the consideration we should make.

The word used is "sobriety".  This has NOTHING to do with the amount of alcohol you consume.  The word "sober" being connected with alcohol is to do with the "soundness of mind" you have sans excess alcohol.  Likewise, here, it's to do with "soundness of mind".  It's about being THOUGHTFUL and CONSIDERATE.

Yes, ladies, this is all about the men.

How WE view men.

Undoubtedly, men are given clear instruction in the Bible to not follow after lustful thoughts and intents. Yes, men have a responsibility to keep their thoughts pure.  Of course there are some with such wicked hearts that they will have sinful desires and actions no matter WHAT you wear. There aare also men that will be attracted to things that are not IMMODEST - it's just something that they personally love.  That's their issue, not the wearers. But, I'm thinking of the normal, everyday kind of man.

Women, however, can be like the spark that lights the fire.  "There's no smoke without fire", as the saying goes. Are you entirely sure that you are doing everything you can to prevent that fire from being lit? Are you dressing in a modest fashion which draws attention only to you as a person, and not you as a body?

Are we being considerate of the men - the BROTHERS in Christ - that we come into contact so often? Matthew teaches us that if we cause offence, we will bring woe upon ourselves.  Ladies, we have a responsibility NOT to cause offence to the men around us, by tempting them to lust after our bodies.

Wearing immodest clothing -  clothing that draws attention inappropriately to our bodies, causing men to lust -  but then taking issue with the MAN, is like saying "I can wear what I like, but don't look at me".

It's not considerate, and it's not thoughtful.

We need sound judgement, thoughtfulness, care and consideration. Don't push things as far as you can in the modesty stakes. Don't see how close to the mark you can get.  Don't see how much you can get away with uncovering.

Be sober.

The next point is the constraint you should exercise.

The next thing Paul talks of is NOT a command to wear no jewellery at all.  If that was the case I would be in BIG trouble! I have three rings that Robert bought me, which mean a lot.  There are my pearls, which he bought me to wear on our wedding day. As for my endless necklaces?!...

When he refers to the gold, and pearls, and costly array, he is referring to the trend of that time.  The trend to do ridiculous extravagant hair dos, embellished with everything imaginable - TO DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF.

This is to do with the motivation BEHIND what we do.  Are you dressing to attract the gaze of others? Whether it's the attention of men, or the approval of women, neither is right.  It doesn't matter what the women think, but it matters greatly what the men COULD be thinking.

If you are single, do you REALLY want to attract men based on your figure? Really? Are you trying to lure them in like a hunter, setting the "bait" of your body to entice them?  To be objectified and noticed should NOT be your goal. Likewise, single men shouldn't be out looking for a wife based solely upon looks.  It's the stark truth that beauty WILL fade.  Your figure WILL change. Don't base decisions on looks.

So, what clothing SHOULD you seek?

What matters, more than ANYTHING else, is to be attractive to GOD. If we are, as the verse states, a woman professing godliness, we will WANT to be modest, from the inside, out.   God is looking for a woman's heart to be "decorated" with a meek and quiet spirit.  A heart that puts on so many other godly attributes, like love, truthfulness, mercy, and humility. A heart that is wise, which is like an "ornament of grace (and a) crown of glory" (Proverbs 4:9)

What statement, ultimately, are we trying to make?  Are we wanting the eyes of others to be drawn to the physical, or the spiritual?  Are we men pleasers, or God pleasers? Are we women who have a humble, contrite heart, willing to change, for God's glory? There are women out there who have NO idea what their clothing could be doing for men - are you willing to think about it and change, if need be? Do we have a teachable spirit?

Do you see all that has been said? No specifics of what to wear or what not to wear. No "wear this length or that length". Only general, wise principles, based on the truths of scripture.

Ultimately, we are each responsible for how we dress - whether modestly or immodestly. Our motivation, and how we live it out, comes from the HEART.  Does our heart want to do everything we can to please God, or are we more concerned about pleasing ourselves - the flesh, and the world?

The Imperfect Mother {what God uses}

Do you ever have a day when you look at yourself, as a mother - as a woman - and see only the sin and failure.

Who am I kidding?

That needs to be...

We ALL have days when we look at ourselves as mothers - as women - and see only the sin and failure.

As sinners, by nature, we are acutely aware of our imperfections.  They are glaringly obvious, or they certainly should be.  They should be, if we use the mirror of God's Word to gaze upon our own soul.  Reading scripture, and seeing what God requires of us, shows us our inadequacies, and faults - plenty of them.

Day by day, we battle with our sinful natures.  Children can bring out the best, and the worst, in our personalities.  They bring challenges, almost every moment, that test our sanctification.

Then, some days, we read God's Word, and it can bring an inner sigh of reassurance and blessing.  When you read a truth and you could cry from the grace it brings to your soul.

Matthew 1 did that for me today.

Listed, in that genealogy, are four women.  We often think of them as simply women, named in a genealogy.

Many of you will know that it was highly unusual to list WOMEN in a genealogy.  These lists are usually the place for naming men - the progenitors of a family - the lineage of a particular person.

Matthew 1 is wonderfully special.  It's the genealogy of the family that bore our Saviour - the earthly family for our Heavenly Brother.  The family that God chose, from the beginning of time, to bear our Redeemer,  and, referred to,  in that family line is not just ONE woman, but FOUR.

Tamar.

Rahab.

Ruth.

Bath-Sheba.

Not just women.  MOTHERS.

Four mothers, who all had a "past".  Four women, chosen by GOD, for the special purpose of being matriarchs in the family line of Jesus - Saviour.

Tamar, the deceiver, who disguised herself as a prostitute to trick Judah into bearing her a child.

Rahab, the prostitute, who had a reputation known to a whole city.

Ruth, a foreigner, from a nation who served a false god, and who should never have married into God's people at all, according to His laws.

Bath-Sheba, the woman taken by David, to serve his own lusts.

All women who must have felt shame in their pasts.  Women who could look upon their lives with sadness and regrets.  Some are worse than others, but none of them were perfect.

How many of us look at our lives and see, with shame, things which we would rather forget?  Things that hold sadness and sorrow?  Choices we have made.  Family we are born into, far from perfect.
Situations we find ourselves in, that we may not have chosen, yet bring us a sense of shame.

How many of us STILL look, day by day, at things we battle, and struggles we wade through.  How many of us acutely feel the weight of inadequacies, and sigh inwardly at our constant stumbling?

Yet.

God uses the imperfect.  He CHOOSES to use us.  Weak.  Weary.  Sinful.  Far from perfect.

He has chosen us to be His - to be used to further His kingdom - to be part of HIS lineage, in an eternal kingdom.

He has chosen us to be mothers, too, just like these women. They all bore children who God used to lead to the Saviour.  It should be our earnest desire that OUR children would also be used to extend His Kingdom. That we, some day, can lead THEM to the Saviour, and they, in turn, can lead others to Christ.

When we look at our imperfections, we can remember how God used these ladies, of centuries past.  We can remember, that, by God's grace and mercy, He can also use US, to His glory.  No matter how much of a "past" you have, God can use you to build a future.  What we can do for God isn't dependant upon where we have come from.  It's not dependant upon what we have done, where we have been, or the choices we made in days gone by.  It's dependant upon God's grace, and what HE can do with us, when we are part of His lineage - His family.

Encourage and be encouraged {filling up, so we can pour out}

(this post contains affiliate links)

I am a firm believer in being an encourager. I truly, truly try to encourage others. Telling them when they are doing a good job. Helping them to see the best in difficulties.  Looking for the positives in any given situation. Thinking the best of people, not the worst.

It's very clear, from scripture, that we SHOULD  be encouragers. It's not our job to be moany, critical and DIScouragers.  We have to treat others as we would like to be treated ourself, and that would mean we should WANT to be encouragers, too!

Every life we connect with should feel the gentle touch of encouragement, and not the scathing abrasion of discouragement and negativity. Our husbands, our children, our family and friends, and even strangers we meet. We are never going to impact others for the cause of Christ, by having a negative, "pulling down" attitude.

I was deeply challenged about being an encourager,  on a very personal level, only a matter of weeks ago.

We were learning, in science,  about states of matter, and I was explaining about the "super-critical" state.

"Mum, that's YOU" said one child.

OUCH.

My heart winced at that comment.  Am I really THAT?  Super-critical?  Am I working hard at encouraging those outside my home, and forgetting the ones that should be closest to my heart?

I truly think it's a battle for many mothers.  It's our role to mould and shape our children.  Very often, that involves having to tell them when they are doing things which are wrong.  It's our job to train them.  It's VERY hard, in that situation, to always be positive and encouraging.  It's far easier to point out the negatives, and as my child correctly observed, to be "super critical".

*sigh*

I certainly find it far harder to make the effort to give out praise in equal doses as the "don't do that" moments.

It's so important, especially with our children, to have a spirit of giving - desiring to out-pour generously, not just in the tangible things of life, but in our words, and our tone.

Being an encourager is like a jug.  In order for a jug to pour water into the cups it serves, it first needs to be filled up.

We need to be filled up, with the fresh, life-giving water of encouragement, in order to pour it into others.

We certainly cannot always rely on others being our only source of "filling up".  It's wonderful when our husband or friends encourage us, but it's not something within our power to control.

Our main source is the ultimate encourager.

The Lord.  The Holy Spirit.

If we spend time with our great example - soaking up His Word, and seeking Him in prayer -  making our life one of constant communion with Him - we will find the only source of encouragement we REALLY need.  Turn to the Psalms, and find a balm to your soul.  Read in the Proverbs, and find the reward for righteousness.  Immerse yourself in the gospels, and discover the words of Christ himself, teaching us how He blesses when we follow after Him.

"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. 

 And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another."

Rom 15:13-14

We can also find encouragement in how we spend our leisure time.  There are COUNTLESS wonderful publications, and online sermons, which will encourage you in your goal to become an encourager. Women who have walked the way that you are in as a busy woman, serving God. Some of my personal favourites, when it comes to great encourager's of MY soul, are Sally Clarkson and Elizabeth George. They have so much experience and wisdom, and I have benefited much from their books.  I also love the sermons of Al Martin.  He is a great practical teacher, and I always feel challenged and refreshed by his ministry.

I think that it's also important to try and make sure your life is as organised and calm as possible, in order to be able to encourage others. If we are spending our time feeling stressed and frantic, we will be looking inward more than directing our focus outward. Elizabeth George, who I mentioned above, also has books which deal with the subject of organising and managing your life more efficiently.


I like to try and find new books, to find fresh encouragement.  So many ladies, with so much to give. Here's my "wish list", for what I plan to purchase and read over the next few months, to help me be encouraged, and an encourager.

 I especially appreciate the modern age of the eBook, when you can instantly download books, often for a better price.  Ladies who simply want to share their own experiences, and help fellow mothers. Such a blessing.  The "Build Your Bundle" sale, which is currently ongoing, has a VERY good value bundle, particularly aimed at homeschooling mothers, with titles that are aimed specifically at encouraging us! They KNOW how we need encouragement, in order to press on in the way we have been led to walk as mothers AND educators.  I will definitely be grabbing this bargain bundle of books. So many for the price you would pay for ONE!n

I like the look of this Elizabeth George book.

Read more about it here. 

This is another I plan to read.

I thought I had all of Sally Clarkson's books, but apparently not!  You can read more about it here. 

If you have any other great book recommendations, please, PLEASE share them in the comments below!

It's my goal, this summer, to fill up the "jug" of my heart.  I want to be an encourager, especially to my own family, first and foremost.  I think my supply has diminished somewhat, and it's up to me to refill it, so I can pour into the hearts of others - so I can be more in tune with giving to those I hold most dear. I want to run to the Lord, to be filled up, and I can't wait to spend some more time reading, learning, growing, and BEING encouraged, so I, in turn, can encourage others.

Matriarchs on a Monday - Hannah - Praising God

My thoughts today turn toward the lovely portion of Hannah's praise to the Lord.

She had come to the Lord, seeking to have a child, and then so willingly had given him back to God.  and, now here she is giving Him all the glory and praise! Praising Him for being so many things.  For being God, who knows what is best for us ALL the time.

She begins, simply by showing her joy, and praising God.

"My heart rejoiceth in the LORD, mine horn is exalted in the LORD: "

How can we NOT praise God - He gives us so much more than we deserve, and all that we need.  And, we SO easily forget to take joy in these simple things, and even in the big things! We can be so caught up in the answer to our prayers, that we can forget to give the thanks back to God.


She then turns her thoughts to God's perfection.  It is this holiness, and perfection, that means He can do no wrong, and so whatever He deems our lot in life, is perfect also.

"There is none holy as the LORD: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God."

She carries on to acknowledge God's plan - His sovereignty over the ways of His children. 

"The LORD killeth, and maketh alive: he bringeth down to the grave, and bringeth up. 

 The LORD maketh poor, and maketh rich: he bringeth low, and lifteth up. 

 He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill, to set them among princes, and to make them inherit the throne of glory:"

Any merit and blessing that we see in our lives, is simply a gift and provision of the Lord.  

HE gives us life.

HE gives us riches.

HE gives us honour.

HE gives us an inheritance, incorruptible, undefiled, that fadeth not away - reserved in heaven for us!

We need to stop, today - stop, and take stock of what great things God has done for us.  Our humanity would incline us, as Hannah had done, to wallow in self pity and only see the bad.

But, that is not what God wants from us.

Man's chief end is to GLORIFY God, and to ENJOY Him!  That cannot be done when pondering the negatives, and forgetting to praise Him.

If you start to count your blessings - to find things to rejoice in - you will find that you can be lifted from sorrow to song.  Just like Hannah, who turned from dejection, to declaring God's goodness and greatness.  Even though she had just carried a life within her for 9 months, cherished him for a couple of years and then given him away - she was STILL rejoicing and praising God!!! 

SO much to praise Him for.  

SO much to thank Him for.

I have been listening to The Hiding Place, by Corrie Ten Boom.  It has truly challenged my heart.  To hear Bessie, her sister, pointing out the reasons to give thanks - in a flea-ridden, overcrowded, foul, stinking, depressing, Extermination Camp in Germany, with t he possibility of illness and death hanging over them ALL the time.  If SHE could give thanks in that situation, how can I NOT find so many reasons to be praising God in my comfortable life?

Let's raise our voices with Hannah today, in our praise to God for His wonderful ways in our lives!

Matriarchs on a Monday....The book of Ruth - Part 1

Ohhhhhhhh yes!  Part 1.  How can I deal with Ruth in one little blog post!? How can I deal with Naomi, without it dealing with Ruth as well?   There is just so much to think about, and to learn from, that I want to deal with it as a book, whilst dealing with both ladies, and divide it up into however many parts it becomes!!

The first chapter of the book of Ruth is a heart-rending one.  Emotion runs from despair, to disappointment, to delight.

First of all, we learn that there is a famine.  That alone is a trial.  However, the way in which Elimelech deals with it, is one of these "would I or wouldn't I" questions.  Our desire, as parents, is to care for our family.  In the face of extreme famine, and when food is scarce with a risk of starvation, would *I* be tempted to run off to a land of plenty?....even if that land was not a good place to be.  A place associated with sin, and those who did not love God.

I CAN understand his plight, but I think it indicates a lack of faith and trust, that he didn't stay where God wanted His people to be, and look to the Lord for provision.  Look at the widow of Zarapheth. Well, we will, whenever we get to that part of the Bible on Mondays! *smiles*

So, he takes his wife,and his two sons, and goes to the land of Moab, which the famine has not touched.  However, things go from bad to worse. First of all, Elimelech dies.  Naomi and her sons, Mahlon and Chilion, are left without a father, in a strange land.

Then, the sons take Moabitish women as their wives - Orpah, and Ruth. They took wives of a nation which the Lord had told the Israelites NOT to take wives from.  In direct disobedience to His command.

Interestingly, it doesn't mention which man married which woman.  I suppose it doesn't really matter.  Because, ten years later, they also die.  We don't know how or why, but they die. So, Naomi is left with no husband, and no sons - only two foreign daughter-in-laws.   She decided to go back to Israel, where word was heard that

"the LORD had visited his people in giving them bread"

Ruth 1:6

Had they stayed in Israel, God would have provided for their needs.   Those who had stayed, were provided for.  Oh, how easy it is to go our own way, thinking that it is better than God's way!  That we can provide for ourselves, better than God can! Life must have been tough for those left in Israel, but they were still provided for, whilst living in the knowledge that they were in the place God wanted them to be.

Better to be struggling, humanly speaking, whilst following God's way, than have plenty whilst living your own way.

So, Naomi makes the decision to go back home. Back to the land of her birth.  Back to where the Lord was blessing His people.   She made the choice to turn away from the place of sorrow, and return to the blessing of the Lord.

Do we find ourselves in a time of struggle, due to the unwise choices we have made?  It could be something as simple as taking on a commitment that we couldn't fully give our time to, and it's messed up our whole schedule and flow in the family.  It could be that you have made a purchase that you didn't think about carefully, and it's been a disaster.  It could be that you have spent money you didn't even have, and debt has been a struggle ever since.  Curriculum choices.  Friend choices.  Marital choices.

All because we read scripture our own way....or didn't choose to heed it....or plain just didn't check to see what God said about it first at ALL?

Maybe you thought it was even too small a thing to matter, and SURELY God did have a point of view on it? I think you will find, if you look hard enough, that the Bible has answer, or certainly wisdom relating to, pretty much everything....IF you look hard enough.

Look at the sorrow experienced by Naomi, because of the choice made by Elimelech.  We don't know if she went along willingly or not, but it certainly was Naomi left, at the end of the day, to bear the most heartache over the matter!  She was left husband-less, childless and with 2 daughters-in-law for which she could not even give the promise of another son to give to them as a husband in place of the one they lost.

So much sorrow, in fact, that we see her request at the end of chapter 1

"Call me not Naomi, call me Mara: for the Almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me."

Naomi means pleasant - Mara means bitter.   

What a declaration, and what a sad situation to be in. One that may have been avoided, by staying in the place that God wanted His people to be. 

Oh, what a warning.  A warning that we should be careful to take heed.  

Are we walking and living in the way the Lord wants you to?  

Are we obeying His leading?  

Are we following His purposes for your life?

Are we making choices that correspond with the Word of God, or the wisdom of man?

Let us guard our hearts and lives, so that we should never have occasion to change our names, even if only by thought, to Mara.

Proverbs 31 Ponderings - The virtuous woman

We have just been reading Proverbs 31 in our family devotions, as we finish our reading and learning of the book of God's wisdom.

This is a chapter with sooooooo much to learn for us woman folk. It is jam packed with detail and description, from which we can learn many, many valuable lessons about how to take on the role of being a godly woman.

We are privileged, dear ladies.  Is there a chapter that gives such special and specific guidelines for men? Do they get the help that we do, such as in this chapter? Well, no, they don't - nothing like this at all!  We are blessed to have an little instruction book, from God himself, with guidelines about how we can best busy ourselves as women.

I KNOW there have been umpteen books/sermons/lessons shared about this book.  I will most likely repeat, time and time again, what others have said before me.  I am no great mind of the modern day.  I am, however, a wife and mother who longs to live a life that honours the Lord, and to share with others how they can do the same.

So, what's my plan?

I want to work my way through this chapter, drawing practical lessons from it, as the Lord gives me help.  I am not promising a time frame.  Not. At. All.  No promises about 31 days, or even 31 weeks.  But, as and when I am able, I will go through different practical lessons from this chapter.

So, where can I start, except at the beginning!?

"The words of king Lemuel, the prophecy that his mother taught him. "

Proverbs 31:1

This portion is written by King Lemuel, but they are the words that a mother taught to a son.  I think that is interesting for a start.

"So, this passage is not just for women, then?"

NO!!!  We need to teach our daughters how to BE this women, and our sons what they need to LOOK for in a good wife!

I reckon this mother, of King Lemuel's, must have firstly been a  good example.  If there is one thing I have learnt VERY quickly as a mother, a child can spot a hypocrite from a thousand paces.  If we can not demonstrate these qualities in our own life, in a practical and sincere way, then our children are not going to take a blind button's notice of them for themselves.

Teaching is always best if you can DO something alongside the person you are teaching.  Not just giving them a list of instructions, and HOPING that they can put them into action on their own.  We need to SHOW them how they need to be done.

A son will recognise these qualities in a young woman, if he has not only read and understood what they are, but has SEEN them being carried out by a faithful mother.  THEN he will spot them in a potential wife! He will know what to look for.

I think also, as well as his mother being an example, I am sure she was also a GOOD example. There is a vast difference between doing a job and doing a job WELL.  I think this is demonstated in 2 different ways.

1. - The Quality of the Example

How well we do a job, is vital.  We can cook for our family.  We can open a tin of beans, toast a couple pieces of bread, and stick them together.  Or, we can find new recipes, make a meal that is hearty, tasty and shows care and consideration, and do our very best.

I am NOT knocking beans on toast as a dinner.  I  AM saying that basic and instant dinners ALL the time, may reflect that we are not doing our best.

Let me choose another example. We can clean the windows.  ("really?...the windows need cleaning?"....if you have children, you MUST see this as a job that needs to be done!?!).  We can get a duster, and quickly wipe away any little streaks and spots in the middle, and leave the bits that are hidden behind the curtain.  Or, we can get the cleaning fluid, a cloth for wiping and a cloth for buffing and a cloth for cleaning the edges of the frame, and do a thorough and GOOD job.

I KNOW that some of these examples may be subjective.  But, you get the idea.  We need to do our BEST in all that we do.  Not just "enough to get by", or so that it is done really basically.

***I do also realise that there are times in our life, where we can physically only manage the basics, but we are talking about a principle here, not the exceptions.***


2. - The Attitude behind the Example

I think this is more the crux of the matter.  WHY do we do what we do? lol What is our motivation for what and how we do something?

First of all, above all else, we can look back to the first part of the first of the Shorter Catechism.

"What is the chief end of man?

A. Man's chief end is to glorify God..."


All that we do, should be to please and glorify God.  That should be our primary motivation.  



 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." 

1Corinthians 10:31

I think that about covers it. ALL to the glory of God.

Cleaning toilets (yep, I jumped straight to a job I hate!...), cleaning up vomit, wiping dirty faces, sorting odd socks, crawling on the floor cleaning odd places....you get the idea.   We have to do it all in a way that reflects that we are glorifying God.

We try and train our children to do things with the right attitude, but the same still applies to us!  We are being watched, and we need to lead by example.  

If we neglect to do something when it obviously needs to be done, children will spot that and conclude that we don't want to do it, hence the procrastination. And, they will copy! Yikes!

"A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance:"

Proverbs 15:13  

This, too, is something that reflects our attitude.  If our heart rejoices in doing right, then our face will reflect it! If we go moping about... face strained, shoulders hunched, frowny face...to do a job, then that reflects that we are not doing it in a manner that glorifies God.  If our heart is right, it will be reflected on our face. And, a cheerful countenance is infectious.  If we are light-hearted and cheerful as we go about our chores and duties, then our children will be far more likely to do the same, making life in a busy household far more pleasant.

"Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;"

Ecclesiastes 9:10

I think this is part of our attitude as well. If we are doing something with the right attitude, we will put all of our effort into it - all that we can give.   We are given the ants as an example of a diligent worker, and we should be just like them, busying ourselves with whatever needs to be done.  All of our available energy being put into it.

If we do that, then the result is inevitably going to be better!

I hear what you are going to say "but I HAVE no energy so much of the time....a busy life saps your strength".

So long as you are doing it with all of the might that you HAVE, then THAT is what the Lord expects of us.  And, if we seek Him for the strength we need, He will provide us with it! God is able!

I do want to also mention, before concluding, that another motivation behind our desire to do a good job as a wife, is to please our husband! Which husband does not like having his household cared for in the very best way possible?  Which husband will not appreciate the efforts that his wife has put into what she does?  Which husband will not appreciate his wife asking "how can I do a better job of caring for the home"?

I know that men are not perfect, and maybe some just don't care, but once again I believe these are an exception, not a rule!

You just ask your husband, and then tell me if I am wrong! *grin*

On another quick note....don't you find it interesting that these instructions and guidelines were given to a KING?  When I looked into it, I found that most commentators believe this to BE Solomon, who of course was the author of the book of Proverbs.  But, no matter WHO it is, his mother still considered it to be important to find a wife who was like the Proverbs 31 women!!! Even a king needs to choose his wife wisely..and so in this regard, our sons are to be like a king.  Thinking who he wants to rule his home, as he rules his kingdom.

So, much to think about to get started in this study.  Am *I* honouring the Lord and being a good example to my children, so they know, without a doubt, which kind of wife they want when their time comes to choose one?  May the Lord give me the strength and wisdom to BE that example to my children!

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below, or link up with up with my Proverbs 31 Ponderings and grab my button to share on you blog!

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Matriarch's....a day late! Deborah

This lady is one who can cause quite a stir.  Woman's libber's would like you to think that she is an example of a woman in power...so that makes it ok.

I don't think it is.  I think she sends a different message altogether.

Deborah, undoubtedly was a woman of God.  She was faithful and brave and bold for Him.  Truly an example, in many, many ways.

She was close enough to the Lord, to hear His voice and give direction from Him, to those who she led.  She had a humility that indicated her reliance upon the Lord.

The lesson that I want to draw, however, is on a different tack...

Barak was appointed to lead the army.  It was his job to direct them into battle against Sisera, (and any other enemy they had).

But, he was a weak man.  He said he wouldn't go unless Deborah went with him.

He didn't have the strength and confidence to go in the Lord's strength alone.  To take on his responisbility as a man ought to.

There were consequences, however, from his weakness.

"And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takest shall not be for thine honour; for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman."

Judges 4:9

Barak, for his weakness, was not going to receive any credit for the victory that would come.  It would go down in history as a battle won by a woman.

Firstly, to the credit of Deborah, for "holding his hand" through the battle.

And, secondly, to Jael, for being the one who "nailed" the final victory.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist the pun.....)

I have to say, that the role of Jael in it all, has never been one that I coveted or wished i could have been part of.  A TENT PEG....nailed through his HEAD?....BLEUGH.

That took quite a confident and brave woman to do that!!!!  Not me.....

So, all in all, the victory was firmly credited to the womenfolk.  Not the ones who were supposed to lead in battle.  But, they did and soundly led them to victory.

So, what of my lesson for today.

I was REALLY struck by something.  

Something we are missing in the Church today.

MEN. 

Men of God.

MEn of GOd who are willing to take a place of leadership....a place of working diligently for the Lord...of being a godly example to the young men, of how to live as a man of God.

WHERE ARE THE MEN?!?!

Is this just me?...I know it's not.  I KNOW that good, spiritually strong men are lacking in the Church today.

We, as mothers of sons, have a responsibility to raise them as men of God.  To raise them to be strong leaders.  Men who are willing to go "all out" for God in the Church of today.

We are clearly taught in the scriptures, that men should have the place of leadership and authority in the Church.  But, they have to be there, in order to do it.

It's a BLESSING to have sons.  To have sons that will one day become men...who we can raise to be mighty men for God.  Warriors in a spiritual battle against the world and spiritual decline in the Church.

Dads need to raise their sons...leading them by example. 

And, us Mums, need to diligently teach them day by day - making them into men, and not into weak little souls, who rely on the womenfolk to get things done.  With no sense of responsibility and strength, in things spiritual more than anything else. 

We need sons like Gideon...like Joshua and Caleb...like Moses...like Stephen.  Men who are willing to fight God's battle, and to even lay down their lives for the cause of Christ.

Yes, we want daughters who are willing to work for the Lord.  But we need the men.  The strong, and confident men, who will lead the Church in this day and age of decline in the Church, and in the world around us.

Just a short thought, but one that is needed, I think, nonetheless.

Matriarch's on a Monday - Eve

I have been thinking.  (I hear you....you could hear the strange noise, ALL the way from wherever you are...!) I have been thinking about how many women are mentioned in the Bible, and JUST how much there is to learnt from them.  As women in the 21st century, you could think that these ladies are just a part of the story of salvation, with little to apply to our modern lives!?  How wrong you would be.  Their lessons reach out to us across the thousands of years that have passed, and still have relevance today.  Indeed, they have more to teach us than so many of the bad examples of womanhood from today's society.

Where to start?  Well, there can only be one place to start, really.  At the beginning!  The woman who we "blame" for all our problems.  The one who passed onto us such things as the pain of childbirth.  And yet.....and YET, there are positive lessons to learn from the mother of all living.  Eve.

Can you imagine the first conscious moments of Eve.  To become aware of her surroundings, as God breathed life into her.  The most perfect picture of man that was ever created, was right before her.  (And you thought YOUR man was the most perfect picture of manhood?...sorry to disappoint!).  An absolutely stunning world, filled with beauty and splendour.  And, of course, I'm sure the feeling was mutual, as Adam woke from his deep sleep!  It's not everyone who wakes from his sleep to see something as beautiful as Eve, for the first time!

There is a tremendous picture for us, simply in the creation OF Eve.  Eve was created because "it was NOT good" for the first time in God's creation.  He created Adam, and realised that he was not complete.   That something - someone - was needed to complete his creation of man.  He NEEDED woman.  He had created all creatures male and female, so that they could procreate "after their kind".  But for man, it was so much more than that.  He was a living soul - different from the animals.  He needed a companion.  So, God created Eve.  To complete him.  So that they could be one.

I have always loved the analogy, heard so many times.  God did not take some of Adam's skull, so that woman would be over him, or from his foot, so that she would be under him - he took it from his side, so that she would be protected, close to his side, under his arm and equal with him before God.

However, don't we so often look to the biggie.  The part where everything falls apart.  Eve - the one who took the fruit.  The one who convinced her husband that he should eat of it, too.  The one who brought the curse upon womankind, so that they would forever have to submit to out husbands, and have pain in childbirth?  It's true, though.  Because these are the things that we SO need to learn from - lessons which we have to learn.  HARD lessons - but, needful lessons.

I think, before we look at these hard, but needful, lessons, we need to first look at the positive.  God created us, women, to be the completion of our husbands.  We have a vital part to play, in making our marriages a complete thing.  It's a God-created position.  Not something to be belittled, scorned or even dismissed.  Why should we NOT want to be all we can for our husbands.  That help meet  - or suitable - for him.  We are perfectly suited to be the wives we should be for them.  God created us for it!  It's not contrived by the 50's housewife brigade!  It's stated clearly in God's Word.

It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one 
flesh. 

Gen 2:24  

God gave it as a pattern for us - something that is right and good.  That man and woman, as one, should cleave - hold fast to each other - stick close together - in all that they do as man and wife.

There are so many marriages where they as well not be married.  The husband is off doing his own thing, evening after evening - or the wife is forever off with her girlie friends, leaving her husband at home alone.  You forsake that single life when you get married.  You should desire to be together when you can - sticking close to each other, not to other people!  I'm not saying you can never have a night out, but there are some people who just want to be out ALL the time, and those football/pamper nights (that's an "or" - can't imagine them TOGETHER!) take priority over their marriage.  We have to cherish our time together.  We have to desire that oneness and closeness that God has gifted us with!

In the New Testament, we again see instruction as to where our place is.


 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 
 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 

Titus 2:4-5

I think these are some of the most sobering verses directed to me as a woman!  If I DON'T do these things - I am blaspheming the word of God!  That's VERY serious!   You can't add "but, things have changed, so we don't need to do this any more....."  God's Word NEVER changes.  If we are to love our husband and children, then we equally should be keepers at home!  We should WANT to stay at home, and care for it.  To be the guardians of our domain.  It's no weak position, or some menial task.  It's a HUGE responsibility and a privilege to undertake!  It's no job for a weakling! In fact, I have always maintained that the EASY thing would be to go and work outside the home.  But, who said that obeying God was easy.....?

Again, I am not saying there is never a circumstance that a woman should work outside of the home, but it is not the primary responsibility and role given to women.  We shouldn't go LOOKING for ways to escape our responsibilities, just because we don't like  the role that we have been given!  There are many scenarios where  it has become a necessary.  But, it's NOT the pattern that God has given us.

Now, to the negative.  The bad part we always think of, from which we can glean important lessons.

Eve was deceived by Satan.  She believed his lies.  She was convinced enough that she questioned God's Word.

"hath God said?......", said the serpent.

The first sin was doubting God's Word.  She doubted what she had been told about the trees.  She believed the word of the serpent, and not the Word of her creator - the one with whom she fellow-shipped with in the garden.  She lusted after something other than the perfect life that God had given her.

Is this not one of our temptations?  To doubt that the role God has given us is the best one for us?  That our place at home as a wife and mother is better than anything else we could possibly do?

"Hath God said that you can't go and work outside the home and put your children in day-care, just because you might be able to do something worthwhile elsewhere?"

"Hath God said that doing some kind of ministry outside of the home is more important than looking after YOUR family - God's VERY important ministry for you?"

Dear sister - don't doubt God!  Don't doubt the vital role you  have to play.  As an encourager and help to your husband.  As the one to nurture and care for your children, and train them up in the way they should go.  If GOD has given you this role, there could be NOTHING more important out there for you to do!  It's such a special job, that there couldn't be something more exciting or rewarding elsewhere!  I KNOW there are tough days (I just had a whole pile of them!....)  I KNOW that it isn't always easy!  But, it's still the BEST.


Then comes the other "biggie"!  Submission.


"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

Ohhhhhh, how we struggle with this concept!  Our husbands have the final word and authority over us.  Our flesh rebels and despises that, so very often!   We don't like having to obey, especially when we think we are right (*gasp*.....).  We don't like having to obey, when it goes against what WE want to do.  But, it's God's pattern.

Meekness is the key.  Meek is NOT weak.  Meekness is humility.  We have to be humble enough to accept that our husband has the final word, and that is the way that GOD has planned it.  Not out husband.  Not our Church leaders.  GOD!  We have to humbly accept that his decisions are the final word, whether they are our first choice or not.  In ALL areas.  Big and small.  Hard, isn't it?  But, the reassurance is, it's GOD'S way.  And, in His perfect wisdom, he has ordained that our husbands have the final authority.  I'm not saying that we shouldn't have good enough relationships to share ideas.  Or, that husbands should be unloving  tyrants who give no value to our opinions.  Rather, we need to trust them to have that authority that God has given them.  We have to trust that they are honouring God in their decisions, and that even if we don't understand the "why's and wherefore's", that we should still lovingly, and humbly submit to what they decide.  AND, remember that God is sovereign, and so long as they are not asking us to do something sinful, God will work all things together for our good - so long as we are obeying HIM! Plus, we need to DO it with a loving, happy and contented attitude.  Submission isn't real if anyone can plainly see we don't actually WANT to submit to our husband's authority!

Eve, these are hard lessons we are learning from you.  Hard, but SO important.  Right up there at the top of our list of "things to do"!   Thank-you for being an example for us.  May God give us the grace to learn from you.

(PS - sorry for the silence for a little while....things have been happening around here....getting ready for a house move, and various other thing, large and small.....I'll expand on some of the things as as soon as I can, but would appreciate your prayers as our family goes through some changes!)