Women of the Word {Vashti - how not to be a good wife}

Before I launch into looking at Esther - that young girl who went from humble beginnings to Queenly status - I think it's very important to look at Vashti.

The book of Esther is intriguing. No mention of God at all.  Yet, filled with a story of redemption.

Esther - an example of strength and bravery.

Vashti - an example of how NOT to be a wife.

Let's get the back story, First. King Ahasuerus decided to throw a lavish party. It was no small feast - it lasted one hundred and eighty days! At the end of this great feast, where he displayed his power, he threw a shorter feast - seven days - in his garden.  It was a place of great beauty, reflecting the great riches of the Kingdom, with colourful hangings, marble and a multi-coloured flooring!  All the people drank from golden cups - each one unique. They didn't drink with excess - it all fell within the limits of the law.  It must have been quite a feast!

At the same time, Vashti made a feast for the women, separately.

On the seventh day, the King requested that the Queen should come to him, so he could show off her beauty to those gathered.  He quite obviously admired the good looks of his wife, and wanted others to appreciate such.

Then came the problem.

Vashti point blank refused to come.

It made Ahasuerus angry.

He consulted his wise men, to decide what should be done.

It was decided, according to the law, that she would no longer come before the King, and her estate should be given to one "better than she".

All of this was decided for one pivotal reason - they didn't want  Vashti's in-submission to be a bad example to the women in the kingdom. They needed to see that it was something that was wrong, and had consequences.

As much as the kingdom of Ahasuerus was an ungodly one, there was much wisdom in their views on marriage.

Here is the basis for the decisions of the wise men.

"Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. 

For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. 

Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media say this day unto all the king's princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath. 

For he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house."

Esther 1

Vashti's actions could potentially cause other women in the kingdom to "despise" their husbands, and lead to "contempt and wrath".  In other words, it would lead other women to think they could copy the actions and attitude of Vashti, leading to anger and contempt. It wasn't the way marriages were supposed to work.  Going against the way that things should be would cause hurt and damage.

Now, before I get to the nitty gritty...

I am a woman, trying to share with other women what I find in the Bible. It is not my job to teach men, or instruct husbands. So, I will not be dealing, in any great detail, about what men should, or shouldn't, be doing.

I have simply come to this topic as a natural progression, studying through the women of the Bible, and I am not trying to make a point out of something that's not obviously there.

That said, what can we see from Vashti, and what can we then conclude from what the Bible teaches, elsewhere?

Firstly, what can we learn from this chapter, from the incident with Vashti?

* Vashti, as a wife, was expected to obey her husband.

* Vashti didn't obey her husband.

* It was wrong to disobey her husband.

* Vashti was being a bad example to other wives.

* Men are to rule their homes.


Amongst many, this would not be popular or tolerated.

Obey husband? Men rule in the home?

Seriously?

Surely this is just a heathen kingdom's rules, and not at all in line with GOD'S teaching?

Erm, wrong.

If you are a child of God, who longs to serve and honour Him with every fibre of your being, the ruling given in this Persian kingdom is EXACTLY the same as what God requires of you.

EXACTLY the same!

Don't believe me?

Read on.

"thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

This is an edict given in GENESIS.

THE BEGINNING.

Husbands, ruling over the wife.  This is the start of it all.  The fall.  The curse.  The punishment given to women.  We are to be ruled over by our husbands, and it's our CURSE.  We won't like it, and our spirit, by nature, will fight it, tooth and nail.  Ergo - it's not going to be easy, but it's what God has ordained.

It's so disliked, even to this day, that feminism has reared its ugly head, and tries to imply that this must mean that women are somehow lesser beings by this requirement, and we must battle to gain equality.

What sad, sad falsehood.

God has created us equal, in His sight.  He loves women and men equally.  He hears and answers our prayers equally.  He desires to bless us equally.  We are equal.

However, due to sin, and our fallen nature, He established that there needs to be order within our lives.  There can only be one leader in every marriage.  It's not actually the man.

No.

It's GOD.

He is the ultimate authority, and we are both, as husband and wife, under His authority, and expected to obey Him.

Life, of course, throws out, time upon time, instances where decisions have to be made, and leadership is required.  God has planned that the husband is to take that role.

GOD.

HE decided.

Now, please bear in mind, I am NOT talking to non-Christians here.  I am talking, primarily, to those who claim Christ as their Saviour.  I am telling you that GOD chose that this is the way it should be.
This ALONE should be reason enough to want to follow it!

It's not about being bossy, oppressive, or most of all misogynistic. It's not an excuse for men to exert unloving, and harsh, command over their wives.  It's about taking on the role of "the buck stops here, so I need to make choices as the head of this home", and the wife lovingly accepting that's the way it should be.

I'm not saying that wives have no opinion, no point of view, or any other such nonsense.  If a man loves his wife as Christ loved the Church, He will want to hear what his wife has to say, and treat her as a spiritual equal, with respect and love.  It doesn't mean that she gets to be disrespectful and obstinate. It doesn't mean she has leeway to be self-centred and manipulative.

Look back at the verse in Genesis. The husband rules.

The example of Vashti is a clear one, regarding respect for our husband.  If your husband asks you to do something that is not wrong or sinful, then we should desire to respectfully do it.  If we respect that role of leadership that God has placed in his hands - which is no small thing, and bears the weight of responsibility to God for each decision he makes - then we should WANT to submit. If we want to honour GOD, we will want to honour our husband.  He is accountable to God for the decisions he makes, which require our submission - we are accountable to God to submit to our husband.  It's that simple.

Biblical headship is ultimately about protection, not "being the boss". It's about Christ protecting families, husbands protecting their wife and family, and wives protecting their family and caring for their home. We all have responsibilities to rule well, and to honour the Lord in how we do it.  So, as wives, if our husband asks us to do something, we submit.

I once saw a graphic that explained it well, and I have attempted recreated it myself.

You can see here the way it all works.  It's about caring, protecting, and ruling well.

"One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;"

I Timothy 3:5

Yes, it's an instruction to those being considered as Elders, but given that they are in a position of example, we can safely say it's how  ALL men should behave!  Ruling WELL their household, which includes the wife, as well as the children.  Ruling well means loving like Christ loves us.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." 

Ephesians 5:22-24

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

Ephesians 5:33

This is the biggie.   We submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord.  Maybe that is where we need to start, in our hearts. DO we submit to the Lord, first and foremost? Are we desirous to honour Him, love Him, respect Him, and obey Him, above all else? Listening to His voice, over the clamouring voices of the world?  If we are, then we will WANT to submit to our husband.  Christ is the head of the Church to lead her, guide her, protect her, teach her, love her.  In the same way, the husband is the head of the wife. Christ isn't domineering, abrasive, unheeding, and without love and care.  Neither should the husband be. Likewise, as we, as a church, should be subject to Christ - in EVERYTHING - so should we be to our husbands - IN EVERY THING.   We need to deeply respect our husband, and SHOW it.

Herein was the downfall of Vashti.  She did not respect her husband, and his desires, and was plucked from her lofty position as wife of the King, and all honours and riches were taken away. He didn't ask her to do anything wrong or crazy. He just asked her to come to him.  To leave what she was doing, to come to him.  She didn't want to.  That curse that was put upon her, as all women, was fighting within her, and she gave in to self.  

Like Vashti, when we choose NOT to respectfully, and humbly, come  under the authority and protection of the headship of our husbands, as God has ordained, we put ourselves in harms way. We are sinning, and choosing to disobey God, when we fight against it.  It displeases God.  It grieves His heart. It's not for us to judge whether our husband is making the best call - it's up to us to respectfully obey, and leave it in the hands of the One under whose authority our husband stands. 

As for the reasoning behind Vashti being removed from her role as queen, we read that it was so that her actions were not a bad example to other women.

We can see, similarly, what I Peter teaches  us.

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

I Peter 3:5-6

We have the GOOD example of women like Sara - she loved and respected her husband so deeply, she called him "lord".  Yes, LORD.  We are her daughters - we are from her lineage, as those who faith in God.  We need to follow her example, and BE an example to others, too.  To the world, watching what real love should be.  To our daughters, growing up and learning how a good marriage should operate. To young Christians, wanting to learn how to live a life honouring to God.

*sigh*

It's a HUGE issue.

It's a HARD thing.

It's simply not easy, and we will battle with it until our dying day, because it's part of our curse.  Our child bearing years will pass, and so passes that part of the curse - but, until our husband passes to glory, it's our duty to submit to our husband.

Hang on.

Let's just finish on a positive.

If submitting to our husband is submitting to God's will, how should we be doing it? Yes, it's our duty. Yes, it's a command.

The Psalmist sums it up.

"I delight to do thy will, O my God:"

Psalm 40:8

DELIGHT.  That's how we should do God's will.  With delight.  With joy.

"Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart."

Psalm 119:2 

If we obey God's commands, and seek to follow after Him with our whole heart, we will be blessed.

I can tell you, unequivocally, when you don't honour and obey your husband you will NOT be happy. You will NOT be blessed.  You will be miserable. Seeking self, and thinking you know best, will NOT lead to joy and happiness. Ask me how I know.  Actually, don't.  Just take my word for it.

Is it easy? 

No.  Fighting against sin and self is not easy.

Not every husband is easy to submit to, I must add.  Men are sinners, just like women.  They don't always lead and rule with the love and grace that they ought to.  Does that mean we shouldn't have to do our part? NO! We are only ever accountable for ourselves.  Leave it to God to judge our husbands.

Is it worth it? 

Yes. Obeying God's perfect will is ALWAYS worth it.  I can tell you, hands down, that my marriage has been more joyful, happy, blessed, and strong, when I have submitted to Robert.  Do I always get it right? Do I always do what I should? Shamefully, no.  When I do, we have such sweet union, and heartache is averted. 

Don't be like Vashti.  Don't be headstrong and self-willed.  Delight to do God's will, and see the blessings that come your way.

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God's Words to us

This morning, I began a new Bible reading schedule.  I will share more about that in the New Year.  However, I was struck by something this morning, which I felt would be a good thing to share, at the end of an old year and the dawn of a new one, looming on the horizon.

I love how I can read a passage that I have read countless times before, and still be struck by things in a new perspective. God is a good God.

I was reading the first 3 chapters of Genesis this morning.  Truly, they are PACKED with amazing truths, and essential doctrine. I could share dozens of important truths, but this one just particularly struck me.

Throughout chapter 1, we read of God speaking all things into life.

"And God said..."

God simply spoke, and all things came into being, by the power of His word.  It's astounding,  amazing and incomprehensible to our puny minds. And yet, we know it as truth.  Indeed, to doubt it is to err.

That's the part where my brain kicked in, and God showed me something so important.

We take it as truth, and relevant and important, and doubtless, that God's word of command created all things.

Should we not then take as crucial and important truth, the words that God spoke that apply to us as women, in those first few chapters?  Should we doubt the verity and importance of believing THOSE words to be truth.

For this to make sense, I need to remind you what those words are, which are relevant to us.

"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Genesis 2:18

"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

For some reason, women of today - CHRISTIAN women of today - doubt that part of God's Word to us.  We don't doubt that, by His Word, all things were created, but we want to doubt the relevance and truth of the words above. The first spoken before sin, the second spoken after.  NEITHER made redundant at ANY POINT throughout scripture.

Putting them side by side shows me of the contrast between our relationship as husband and wife, comparing pre and post-sin.

The first words that God spoke relating to our existence at all, were relating to the purpose of our creation. It was the first point that God did not say that "it was good".  He says that "it is not good".  What was not good?  It was not good that man should be alone. So, God in His infinite wisdom, and His perfect plan, made woman - a "help meet".  Or, an "aid mate".  "Helpful counterpart".

A suitable helper.

We were created to complete man.  So that we, as a couple, would be whole together.  That as man and wife we would be the perfect unit.  One is not complete without the other.

We live in a world today, which diminishes the completeness of the union between a husband and wife.  We are led to believe, that EVEN IN MARRIAGE  we can function as individual units.  2 people, happening to live under the one roof, who can do their own thing, and be their own person - separate from their spouse. That the wife does not need to be that help and aid to her husband.  That he has to somehow muddle and guddle through on his own, whilst the wife waltzes off doing her own thing whenever, and however, she pleases.

THIS IS NOT GOD'S PLAN FOR US.

We were created to be one.

If that means we have to set aside the pursuits of our single life, prior to marriage, in order to be that help and aid that our husband needs, SO BE IT.

If it means we have to put our selfish desires aside, in order to be a loving, helpful, caring and God honouring spouse, SO BE IT.

Why should the wonder of God's word of creation, be any less as God's Word of creation for our marriages?  That Him creating the perfect world is amazing, but creating the perfect union is to be dismissed as not relevant.

This year, I want to be reminded daily of the wonder of God's Word for my marriage - that I was created to be a perfect helper and aid to my husband.

That's God's Word to me.

The second "words" to us, are after the fall.  They are part of the outworking of God's curse upon humankind. This is the contrast to how God created our marriage to be, and how it became following sin entering the world. And, the words that relate to us as women are a bitter pill to swallow.  Somehow we muddle through, and stoically accept the pain involved in pregnancy and child-birth.

"Ah, well, it's all part of the curse, and we just have to endure it.  It doesn't last long, and we get a baby at the end."

That saccharine approach somehow disappears when the words "he shall rule over thee" are mentioned.

Our sinful hearts rebel against THAT part of the curse.  Having to submit to the headship and authority of our husbands is a somewhat more bitter pill to swallow.  It's a command that directly relates to the part that Eve had to play in The Fall.  She went off, under her own steam, doing what she thought was right.  Tempting her husband into doing the same thing.  Him weakly accepting.  Under the curse, the men are to do the ruling, and we are to be the ones to submit.

It's a CURSE.  It's not meant to be easy.  Our rebellious hearts squirm under the command.  We scream inside, wanting to still do our own thing, bucking against the instruction to submit.

And yet, in God's grace and goodness, we have further instruction in the New Testament, which makes it a bit easier to bear. We are reminded that under that umbrella of headship, we are under the headship of Christ.  We are obeying His command, and we are able to give up the burden of leading and guiding the family, to our husbands. What a huge task they have to bear.  How glad I am that my role is simply to submit, and not the one to have the responsibility to lead.  How I pray for my husband in that huge task.  Give me child birth any day. Ok, maybe not ANY day....

God's word brought this earth into being.

It brought us into existence.

It gave us our purpose.

It gave us our curse.

All God's Words having equal relevance and importance, we then need to embrace His Words to us, as much as we wonder at and give credence to His Words of creation.

My prayer is that we all would seek God's strength and grace, this year, to be doers of the Word, and not hearers only.

Matriarchs on a Monday - Rebekah

Next in line after Sarah comes Rebekah.

There are some parts of this story that I LOVE!  I love how the Lord led Abraham's servant to Rebekah, to be Isaac's wife.  I LOVE that Abraham and Sarah  knew that it was important for their son not to marry a heathen, and cared enough for their son to find him the right wife.  I LOVE that God answered the prayer of Isaac and gave his barren wife TWINS!

There are some things I don't like so much.  I don't like that Isaac and Rebekah got into the same fix as their parents, and lied about being a married couple.  Personally, I try and learn from my parents, and try not to make the same mistakes as them.  However, I don't always learn as well as I should, and I know I fail the Lord.

I also, especially, don't like something else, and I think it is an important lesson for us all.

"And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob."

Genesis 25:28  

Oh,but is this an important lesson to learn.   We MUST  not show favour to one child over another!  We cannot be unequal in our love or treatment of our children! 

I KNOW that our children are all different.  I have 6 children, and I know how different they all are.  Some are more gentle, some are more boisterous, some are more serious, some are more mischievous.  Some obey more readily, some do not.  Some are more inclined to kindness, others need more prompting to be kind.  I guess, there are times when certain children, in human terms, are more lovable, whilst others are more trying.  It could be very easy to show favour to the ones who are "easier".  Sometimes it could be that we are tempted to show favour to the ones who are actually HARDER work, by giving them more time and attention, whilst neglecting the "easier" ones.  

I sincerely try not show my children favour.  I would hope that if I asked them, that they would acknowledge that I love them all the same, and don't show special treatment to one over another.   They all need my love and attention equally, because it would be so easy to provoke your child to wrath, by being obviously preferential.

Look where it got Rebekah....

She overheard Isaac's request to Esau, to go and prepare the meal for him, so he could give his blessing to him.  Rebekah was determined that her favourite son should receive that special blessing, belonging to the first-born, Esau.  So, she conspired against her HUSBAND, to sneakily enable Jacob to gain the blessing, by deceit. 

Oh, Rebekah, Rebekah!  If there is something that we shouldn't do, as wives, it is to deliberately conspire to manipulate our husband's, or to go against their wishes!  Our husband's have been given a place of authority, by GOD.  If we are not happy with their decisions, we respectfully speak to them about it, but we don't do our own thing, BEHIND THEIR BACKS!  NO, NO!  

And, what is worse, is that she encouraged her SON to disrespect his father's authority, too!  That is also SO wrong! We mustn't "bad talk" our husbands - speak disrespectfully about them - undermine their authority by trying to overturn their decisions, or try and get our children to manipulate their decisions.  If Daddy says "no", we back it up.  If Daddy tells them off, we don't let them come running to us for 2oh, poor little child" treatment.  We need to stand firm with their decisions.  And, again, if you disagree, do it privately, when the children are not there.  (Can I just say, I have work to do in this area....)  We are setting our children an example in how we behave.  To our daughters, how to behave as a wife; to our sons, what to expect of a wife.  We must be supportive and submissive.  Always.  

This underhanded move by Rebekah, ended up causing a family rift that lasted for many years.  Esau was so mad with Jacob, that he wanted to KILL his own brother! Such an unwise choice, Rebekah.  Not the way a wife and mother ought to behave.

Once again, however, we can look to the grace of God, and see His mighty hand at work in it all.  God greatly blessed Jacob, in many, many ways.  And, of course, he was in the line that begat the Saviour! 

However, just because God works all things together for good, does NOT give us the licence to do what we like!  We need to honour His Word and His ways, and seek to obey in every part of our lives.  We need to seek to be the wives and mother's that we ought to be, by His wisdom and grace alone.  

Oh, and just as a little PS....a couple of  other things.  Both sad, as a warning, I guess?  Firstly, Esau married an ungodly woman, from a heathen nation.  This was a sadness to Isaac and Rebekah.

"And Esau was forty years old when he took to wife Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bashemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite: 
 Which were a grief of mind unto Isaac and to Rebekah." 

Gen 26:34-35 

Yes, as I have said, we need to raise our children to become a godly generation.  We cannot save them, but we can give them advice.  If our children are saved, and belong to the Lord, we need to teach them not to be unequally yoked in marriage.  They must seek a wife who loves the Lord, or they will be disobeying God.  I can understand that this would be a grief of mind to them! :-(  However, the fact the Esau himself did not follow God's ways, I am sure would have been of even greater grief.  May we plead with the Lord every day, for the salvation of our children, and that the Lord will lead them to godly spouses!  Right from the day they are born! 

And, another note of sadness.  We know that Isaac had to flee, after his deception over the blessing, due to threat of death from his brother.  Well, the mother who favoured her son so much?...we never hear of her seeing her son, who she favoured so highly, ever again! How sad!  She forced him into the position of having to run for his life, and ended up paying for her deception.  What a serious consequence, to end up being separated from your child, because of a sinful choice.  

Oh, dear ladies, may we be guided by God alone, in the choices we make as wives, mothers or even if you are single! So much hangs upon the way we live and behave, that can have a long-term impact o those around us!  May we learn from Rebekah, and be more like Christ this week, and always!

Matriarchs on a Monday - Noah's Wife

I was going to jump straight to Sarah next, but I thought a bit about Noah's wife and felt that there were some valuable lessons to be learnt from her.  Especially considering the wives of today!

When we think to the criteria for boarding the ark, she was an example of obedience and righteousness. Noah was considered as being righteous in his generation, and by the fact that his wife was willing to obey, we could assume that she was similarly righteous.  Are we considered righteous by God?  I know that our righteousness's are as filthy rags, but we are called to a life which exhibits an obedience to God's Word and a demonstration of the Fruit of the Spirit.  We need to live a life that is different from the ungodly generation in which we live.  That honours the Lord in every sphere of our lives.  Do we work each day to honour God above all else?

She was also supportive of her husband in his evangelism.  I am sure that through those 100 years, as he preached and warned and implored those people to listen to the message from the Lord, that she was a source of encouragement and blessing to him.  She could have chosen to scorn the message, just as the multitudes of others had - but she could see a work of the Lord in the life of her husband - she was willing to listen to the voice of the Lord, and support her husband in what he did.  He must regularly have felt discouraged and despondant, when he thought of all of those people who were rejecting God's message and salvation, and choosing their own way.  Of the punishment that was to come, when God would destroy the earth.  Yet, his wife stood by him, and followed God's command as her husband did.

Just like all those children's story books depict, I am sure she worked hard to get all the things ready for the ark.  All the food, bedding, clothing, supplies for the creatures.  She wouldn't have been sitting around "twiddling her thumbs" whilst Noah did all the work!

If we are privileged to be married, we must endeavour to do the same.  We need to support our husbands, in whatever the Lord has called them to do.  Whether it's making their lunches every night, for the next day. Whether it's making sure they have clothes washed and ironed so they look smart for work. Whether it's making sure that they have a hearty meal after they come home from work. Whether it's encouraging them after a hard day, or being that peaceful and uncomplaining place for them to run to and know they will have no stress or hardship when they come home. There are endless ways in which we can be an encourager to our husband, just as I am sure Noah's wife was to him!

I think it also shows us about being a submissive wife.  Noah was asking her to abandon all she was familiar with to prepare for an event that seemed strange and perhaps impossible.  But, she supported him, and stayed by his side.  She could have chosen to turn her back on God's ways, and to leave her "mad" husband, as the others thought he was.  She could have decided to make it on her own, and keep on living the life she always had, because it was what SHE wanted.  However, she stayed by her husband, submitting to the fact that he was her head and authority, under God.  It was a position that was given by God, and one that is so easily abandoned due to the rebellion and headstrong nature of women!  But, she did not give in to any possible sinful temptations to rebel and go her own way.  She stayed by her husband, and in so doing she gave a good example to her three daughters-in-law.  They, too, chose to stay with their husbands, supporting and submitting.  It may very well have been the good example of their mother-in-law that encouraged them to do so.  I can imagine that the women of that day were sinful, rebellious and immoral.  And yet, these four women stood by their husbands, and followed God's ways and not their own.

Are we being an example to other women around us, of a godly, submissive wife?  Do we readily and graciously seek to honour our husbands wishes, no matter how much it goes against our own desires?  It's SO very hard sometimes, when we think we know what is best!  And yet, it is God's perfect plan for our marriages, and we can make or break the marriages of those around us, by the example we set.  If some young, impressionable wife sees us regularly going against the wishes of our husband - if they see us trying to throw our weight around instead of having a "meek and quiet spirit", then we may be encouraging them to be disobedient to God's Word and ways. There's always someone watching you - whether it's people in our Church, friends, family, neighbours - and SO importantly, like Noah's wife, our CHILDREN! We are showing our sons what to expect in a wife, and our daughters how to behave AS a wife!  Is it a good example?  Is it a bad example?  Such a convicting thought!

Just a quick thought today, but one that really struck my heart.

If you think of any more lessons we can learn from Noah's wife, please feel free to share in the comments section below.

May God give us grace to be obedient to His commands, and be a godly example to those around us.

Matriarch's on a Monday - Eve

I have been thinking.  (I hear you....you could hear the strange noise, ALL the way from wherever you are...!) I have been thinking about how many women are mentioned in the Bible, and JUST how much there is to learnt from them.  As women in the 21st century, you could think that these ladies are just a part of the story of salvation, with little to apply to our modern lives!?  How wrong you would be.  Their lessons reach out to us across the thousands of years that have passed, and still have relevance today.  Indeed, they have more to teach us than so many of the bad examples of womanhood from today's society.

Where to start?  Well, there can only be one place to start, really.  At the beginning!  The woman who we "blame" for all our problems.  The one who passed onto us such things as the pain of childbirth.  And yet.....and YET, there are positive lessons to learn from the mother of all living.  Eve.

Can you imagine the first conscious moments of Eve.  To become aware of her surroundings, as God breathed life into her.  The most perfect picture of man that was ever created, was right before her.  (And you thought YOUR man was the most perfect picture of manhood?...sorry to disappoint!).  An absolutely stunning world, filled with beauty and splendour.  And, of course, I'm sure the feeling was mutual, as Adam woke from his deep sleep!  It's not everyone who wakes from his sleep to see something as beautiful as Eve, for the first time!

There is a tremendous picture for us, simply in the creation OF Eve.  Eve was created because "it was NOT good" for the first time in God's creation.  He created Adam, and realised that he was not complete.   That something - someone - was needed to complete his creation of man.  He NEEDED woman.  He had created all creatures male and female, so that they could procreate "after their kind".  But for man, it was so much more than that.  He was a living soul - different from the animals.  He needed a companion.  So, God created Eve.  To complete him.  So that they could be one.

I have always loved the analogy, heard so many times.  God did not take some of Adam's skull, so that woman would be over him, or from his foot, so that she would be under him - he took it from his side, so that she would be protected, close to his side, under his arm and equal with him before God.

However, don't we so often look to the biggie.  The part where everything falls apart.  Eve - the one who took the fruit.  The one who convinced her husband that he should eat of it, too.  The one who brought the curse upon womankind, so that they would forever have to submit to out husbands, and have pain in childbirth?  It's true, though.  Because these are the things that we SO need to learn from - lessons which we have to learn.  HARD lessons - but, needful lessons.

I think, before we look at these hard, but needful, lessons, we need to first look at the positive.  God created us, women, to be the completion of our husbands.  We have a vital part to play, in making our marriages a complete thing.  It's a God-created position.  Not something to be belittled, scorned or even dismissed.  Why should we NOT want to be all we can for our husbands.  That help meet  - or suitable - for him.  We are perfectly suited to be the wives we should be for them.  God created us for it!  It's not contrived by the 50's housewife brigade!  It's stated clearly in God's Word.

It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one 
flesh. 

Gen 2:24  

God gave it as a pattern for us - something that is right and good.  That man and woman, as one, should cleave - hold fast to each other - stick close together - in all that they do as man and wife.

There are so many marriages where they as well not be married.  The husband is off doing his own thing, evening after evening - or the wife is forever off with her girlie friends, leaving her husband at home alone.  You forsake that single life when you get married.  You should desire to be together when you can - sticking close to each other, not to other people!  I'm not saying you can never have a night out, but there are some people who just want to be out ALL the time, and those football/pamper nights (that's an "or" - can't imagine them TOGETHER!) take priority over their marriage.  We have to cherish our time together.  We have to desire that oneness and closeness that God has gifted us with!

In the New Testament, we again see instruction as to where our place is.


 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 
 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 

Titus 2:4-5

I think these are some of the most sobering verses directed to me as a woman!  If I DON'T do these things - I am blaspheming the word of God!  That's VERY serious!   You can't add "but, things have changed, so we don't need to do this any more....."  God's Word NEVER changes.  If we are to love our husband and children, then we equally should be keepers at home!  We should WANT to stay at home, and care for it.  To be the guardians of our domain.  It's no weak position, or some menial task.  It's a HUGE responsibility and a privilege to undertake!  It's no job for a weakling! In fact, I have always maintained that the EASY thing would be to go and work outside the home.  But, who said that obeying God was easy.....?

Again, I am not saying there is never a circumstance that a woman should work outside of the home, but it is not the primary responsibility and role given to women.  We shouldn't go LOOKING for ways to escape our responsibilities, just because we don't like  the role that we have been given!  There are many scenarios where  it has become a necessary.  But, it's NOT the pattern that God has given us.

Now, to the negative.  The bad part we always think of, from which we can glean important lessons.

Eve was deceived by Satan.  She believed his lies.  She was convinced enough that she questioned God's Word.

"hath God said?......", said the serpent.

The first sin was doubting God's Word.  She doubted what she had been told about the trees.  She believed the word of the serpent, and not the Word of her creator - the one with whom she fellow-shipped with in the garden.  She lusted after something other than the perfect life that God had given her.

Is this not one of our temptations?  To doubt that the role God has given us is the best one for us?  That our place at home as a wife and mother is better than anything else we could possibly do?

"Hath God said that you can't go and work outside the home and put your children in day-care, just because you might be able to do something worthwhile elsewhere?"

"Hath God said that doing some kind of ministry outside of the home is more important than looking after YOUR family - God's VERY important ministry for you?"

Dear sister - don't doubt God!  Don't doubt the vital role you  have to play.  As an encourager and help to your husband.  As the one to nurture and care for your children, and train them up in the way they should go.  If GOD has given you this role, there could be NOTHING more important out there for you to do!  It's such a special job, that there couldn't be something more exciting or rewarding elsewhere!  I KNOW there are tough days (I just had a whole pile of them!....)  I KNOW that it isn't always easy!  But, it's still the BEST.


Then comes the other "biggie"!  Submission.


"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

Ohhhhhh, how we struggle with this concept!  Our husbands have the final word and authority over us.  Our flesh rebels and despises that, so very often!   We don't like having to obey, especially when we think we are right (*gasp*.....).  We don't like having to obey, when it goes against what WE want to do.  But, it's God's pattern.

Meekness is the key.  Meek is NOT weak.  Meekness is humility.  We have to be humble enough to accept that our husband has the final word, and that is the way that GOD has planned it.  Not out husband.  Not our Church leaders.  GOD!  We have to humbly accept that his decisions are the final word, whether they are our first choice or not.  In ALL areas.  Big and small.  Hard, isn't it?  But, the reassurance is, it's GOD'S way.  And, in His perfect wisdom, he has ordained that our husbands have the final authority.  I'm not saying that we shouldn't have good enough relationships to share ideas.  Or, that husbands should be unloving  tyrants who give no value to our opinions.  Rather, we need to trust them to have that authority that God has given them.  We have to trust that they are honouring God in their decisions, and that even if we don't understand the "why's and wherefore's", that we should still lovingly, and humbly submit to what they decide.  AND, remember that God is sovereign, and so long as they are not asking us to do something sinful, God will work all things together for our good - so long as we are obeying HIM! Plus, we need to DO it with a loving, happy and contented attitude.  Submission isn't real if anyone can plainly see we don't actually WANT to submit to our husband's authority!

Eve, these are hard lessons we are learning from you.  Hard, but SO important.  Right up there at the top of our list of "things to do"!   Thank-you for being an example for us.  May God give us the grace to learn from you.

(PS - sorry for the silence for a little while....things have been happening around here....getting ready for a house move, and various other thing, large and small.....I'll expand on some of the things as as soon as I can, but would appreciate your prayers as our family goes through some changes!)

A sobering example of the influence of women

I really am loving my Bible reading schedule.

I love the diversity of each day.

I love re-reading portions of scripture I have read before.

I love having my eyes opened to something I hadn't thought about before.

Particularly when it is so VERY challenging, and sobering....

Today is Genesis - chapters 16-19 to be precise.  Lots about Abraham.  The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.  All very sobering on its own.

That's not what struck me.  It's the womenfolk in the passages.

Sarah. 

 Lot's daughters.

  

There's a positive challenge, and there's something to be avoided.  I'll get the bad stuff over first (a bit like a dinner with broad beans on the plate.....)


Genesis 16, verses 2, 4, 6, 8, 11 and 12


 And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.


 and she conceived: and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eyes.



 Behold, thy maid is in thy hand; do to her as it pleaseth thee. And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled from her face. 

And he said, Hagar, Sarai's maid, whence camest thou? and whither wilt thou go? And she said, I flee from the face of my mistress Sarai. 

  And the angel of the LORD said unto her, Behold, thou art with child, and shalt bear a son, and shalt call his name Ishmael; because the LORD hath heard thy affliction. 

 And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren. 

The second passage is from Chapter 19, where Lot's daughters make their father drunk so they can lie with him and have children to maintain the family line.

(verses 27 & 38)  And the firstborn bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day. 

 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day. 

Oh, the sorrow and problems caused by a woman who takes matters into her own hands, instead of entrusting her future to God!  Such sad events, all based upon foolish choices that these women made.

Abraham had been told that he would be the Father of many nations.  I would believe that he had shared that promise with Sarah.  I can't imagine him keeping that to himself.  But yet, Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands.  She was barren, so SHE thought it would be best to take matters into her own hands, and give her maid to her husband.  And then, what?  Hagar conceives, as was Sarah's plan, right? Sarah got a major case of the green-eyed monster! Oh, your great plan isn't so bright now, IS it Sarah?  

Abraham gives her permission to deal with her as she sees fit - and, so, of course she is gracious and tender.....ermmmm....no.  She dealt harshly with her. And then, she sent her away.

Thankfully, God is gracious and kind.  He preserved her life and sent her back to Sarah.  However, He also promised to bless the line of Ishmael.  And where has that got us now?.....the religion of Islam descends from Ishmael. Nothing further to add....

Oh, except.....be a wise wife.  Don't take matters into your hand that should be firmly in the domain of your husband.  THINK before you do.  Trust the Lord to fulfil His plan for your life, instead of resorting to humanly wisdom.  Make sure that every choice you make is centred upon God's Word, and not what you think is best.  It can have severe and far-reaching consequences otherwise.

The same goes for daughter 1 and daughter 2 of Lot.  This is far worse in many regards.  To have to make your father DRUNK, in order to do what they did, SHOULD have been a dead give-away that it wasn't the right thing to be doing.  Yet, once again, we see these women thinking that they know what's best.  And, the Ammonites and Moabites?  They caused problems for the Israelites over and over, and many of the countries who are still in conflict with Israel today descend from these people.  On the side of God being merciful and gracious, Ruth, of course, was a Moabite, and the Lord used her in the lineage from which David came, and of course, the Lord Jesus.  God can still make good come of bad choices, through His grace.  

Nonetheless, bad choices.  Man's wisdom and not God's wisdom.  No consulting their father first, and finding out what the head of the family had to say on the matter.  Not that they had a mother to consult, but that's a WHOLE other issue. 

Choices, ladies (and anyone else who may read my blog that doesn't come under that category!....).  We all have choices to make.  

We NEED to make good choices 

EVERY DAY.

So much hinges upon the choices we make.  The whole spiritual, physical and emotional well-being of our household hangs upon the choices we make. 

Do we consult our husbands about what he wants us to do?  Have you agreed upon which choices are yours to make on a day-to-day basis, and what he needs to be consulted about?  Go you consult the BIBLE before making choices?  Do you choose to train your children in the things of Christ over and above anything else?  Do you make choices for your children instead of letting them "rule the roost"?  Do you wisely choose your children's education?  What about our leisure time, our food?

These are all important ways in which choices are so vital!

Choose wisely, dear ones.

And let's not forget the positive that I promised.  On the subject of submitting to our husband's choices.

Genesis 18:6  And Abraham hastened into the tent unto Sarah, and said, Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth.

Do we read a

"*sigh*, but ABRAHAM, I am right in the middle of something else here...are you seriously asking me to drop everything and start the long process of making you some CAKES?  I mean, who says I have to do what you say, anyway?  Didn't God create us equal.  My duties are just as important as whatever you want me to drop everything to do.  I mean, could you not even just wait 10 minutes whilst I just finish up here?....." ???

Nuff said. 

Sarah is referred to in I Peter 3 as a submissive wife who called her husband "Lord".  She submitted to him, with respect, and here the Lord gives her as an example to us.

May we treat our husbands as respected "lords" today. Lovingly submitting to them in every way.

Choices.   Challenges.