Age of Opportunity {#vtreadingchallenge}

(This post contains affiliate links)

I wanted to share with you about one of the books I am reading, even though I have nowhere NEAR finished it yet!

I can't even remember where I saw this book recommended. It may have been a blog or a podcast, or it may have come up in a related Amazon search. What I DO know, is that when I saw it I knew I needed to read it.

Parenting is not an easy job. In fact, I would go as far as to say it's a hard job. It's a perfect example of how hard things are not always bad things. I LOVE being a parent, but there are challenges around every corner.

Challenges are not always a negative, or they certainly don't have to be negative, but I have been navigating a season of life that was seeming to throw up challenges on a regular basis.

The teen years.

I won't say it's been awful, because it hasn't. Challenges, however, are the reality. Issues come up that you simply don't face with a young child. I have said to others that there is a wilfulness about the things you handle with an older child.  There's also a temptation to feel like you, as the parent, have somehow gone wrong for that child to make the choices they do.

I don't want these years to be constant battles and conflict - I want them to be years that both us as parents, and our children, look back on with happiness.

The blurb on this book was what won me over.

"The argument over the last donut. The cry of nothing to wear a half hour before school. The “I’m the only one whose parents make them . . .”

Teenage hassles that disrupt parents’ lives? Or prime opportunities to connect with, listen to, and nurture our kids?

Paul Tripp uncovers the heart issues affecting parents and their teenagers during the often chaotic adolescent years. With wit, wisdom, humility, and compassion, he shows parents how to seize the countless opportunities to deepen communication, learn, and grow with their teenagers."

It is not a long description, but that word "opportunity" struck a chord in my heart. 

I want to have the right perspective in my parenting and this word "opportunity" really flipped my perspective on this season of life. 

"These are not years to be merely survived!  They are to be approached with a sense of hope and a sense of mission.  Almost every day brings a new opportunity to enter the life of your teen with help, hope, and truth.  We should not resign ourselves to an increasingly distant relationship.  This is the time to connect with our children as never before. These are years of great opportunity."

I have only finished the first chapter, but the simple concept in that quote transformed my thinking. The premise that instead of seeing conflicts and the errant moments as something to survive, we take the opportunity to turn it on its head and teach and train them in how to respond. 

Maybe your teen makes a poor choice. Instead of simply instilling some kind of punishment and lecturing them on the error of their ways, take the opportunity to gently teach them and guide them in how to make a better choice next time. Draw from scripture and explain how their choices should be shaped by God's perspective. Show them how the poor choice has impacted their life. Teach them that one poor choice can lead to further problems.  Furthermore, take that opportunity to express your love for them and a desire to see them prosper and not fail. 

I can only assume that their is a wealth of teaching and guidance still to come, because I have only finished one chapter!!! 

I have already been able to put this principle into practice many times - not just with the teens, I hasten to add! Turning events on their head and grasping with both hands the opportunity to come alongside my growing-up-into-adulthood children, and pointing them towards making better choices.

I love all my children SO much. If I can do ANYTHING to help them navigate these years, when they are faced with many changes and choices, and make them more of a joy, I will do it. I don't want to be a parent who neglects them just when they need me most. 

I will come back and share more with you when I have finished the book, or perhaps share some quotes with you on the way through.

So far, for certain, I would HIGHLY recommend this book to parents of preteens or teens. Having the right approach before you even hit the struggles would be better than me - picking it up part way through!

Find it on Amazon, through this link. 

Digging for gold {how to make the most of Church, when you don't always get to listen}

It was happening again.

I was at a Church meeting, and my baby needed my attention. Not just my baby, but my toddler. And then the next child up.

If you are also a mother with small children, I can guarantee one thing - when you go to Church, you don't always get to hear all of the sermon. In fact, sometimes you may do well to hear anything at all!

The thoughts of "Why do I even try?" can so easily try and push into your mind.

It would be very easy to become disheartened, and discouraged, but we mustn't allow that to happen. We need to to look at the situation with the right perspective, and yesterday I was reminded of WHY I have the perspective I have.

What is it?

Well, for a start, we don't just go to Church to benefit ourselves. We should be there, first and foremost, to worship God. It's about giving, not receiving. We also should be there to receive teaching. But, when we have children, we are also there to TRAIN them to sit. That, invariably means that we don't get to concentrate, in order to try and teach the CHILDREN to concentrate!

What I try and consider is that if I just take ONE thing away with me, that I can remember and put into practice in my life, or encourage someone else with, then it's been worth being there. In the moments between telling a child to sit quietly, and sit still, we hopefully get to hear SOMETHING of the sermon! I pray that the Lord will give me a "golden nugget". Just a little precious truth to take away with me. That's my "golden nugget" perspective!

Well, I was at a special Easter convention yesterday, where there were three sermons. One in the afternoon, and two in the evening. Needless to say, by the time we got to the third one, I heard little. I had just the baby through the first sermon, and that was my "golden nugget" moment. I actually was able to take away several things from THAT sermon.  The next one I heard even less, with my toddler there too (the first sermon my hubby had looked after the children, the second sermon was HIM preaching, so that didn't happen!), and by the third sermon my three year old had also come out the back! Quietness just wasn't happening, as they were tired and it was into the evening. I was so glad to have taken something away from the earlier sermon!

But, the moment that gave me joy was when I was able to so very quickly apply what I HAD heard. Speaking to various friends who I met at that Church, I was able to refer back to the sermon we had just heard, when trying to encourage them in their lives. THAT is what God wants. He wants us to hear and to put His Word into action - to be able to apply it to our lives, and to encourage each other with it. God's Word is LIVING! It's powerful. It's able to teach and guide us. It's certainly not something that should go in one ear and out the other, never to be thought of again.

Better still, the verse then came up in my everyday life in the days that followed. More opportunity came to apply those words to my heart and life, and the Lord engrained it further into my mind. He is faithful and good, and His word does not return void.

Take heart, fellow mother of small children.  Try and listen out for that "golden nugget" when you are in a Church service. Amidst the training of small children, which is very time consuming and can be distracting, we CAN take away precious truths and apply them to our heart and lives!

(I know this isn't a long post, but I am desperately trying to get back into blogging, even if my posts are short. Life isn't quite returning to the way I had hoped, as fast as I would like - a whole lesson on its own....bear with me, please? I trust that my words, though few, will still bless someone's heart, as much as the Lord blesses them to mine)

Never underestimate {the power of a good example}

As a mother, I love the precious little moments where you simply have to stop and smile.

They happen pretty regularly. They are truly one of the highlights of being a mother.

Moments when my heart is so full it could burst, filled with the joy of parenthood. If you are a parent, you'll understand.

I had one of those moments the other day.

Susie had been helping me in the kitchen (she's only 8, nearly 9, but one of the BEST helpers in the universe, I reckon. Yes, I am biased, but even still....), but she got called away to another job. So, I was left washing up with no-one to help me dry up.

Or, so I thought.

Until my little 2 year old, Tabitha, came up to where I was, grabbed a tea towel, and enthusiastically began to dry up!

I didn't ask her.

I didn't even show her how to do it.

She just did it, all of her own volition.

But, DID someone show her how to do it?

Well, yes, they DID! I showed her siblings how to help, and she watched ME drying up, and her SIBLINGS drying up, and she just copied them.  She learnt by EXAMPLE.

I know it can work they other way, and I often tell my children to be careful what they do, because little eyes are watching. However, this was one of those heart-throb moments when you remember that they DO see the good, and they DO copy it, too!

Our role as a mother isn't just to correct and train, but it's also to be a good example. Not just in how to keep a house, but in our other behaviour, too.

If we are loving, affectionate, caring, tender, compassionate, helpful, and the many other things we SHOULD be, then there is a high chance of that good rubbing right off on our children. Only the Lord can do a true transforming work in their hearts, but He can use our good example as a means of drawing their hearts to Him. We are called to be Christlike, and little eyes are watching to see us put that into action.

So, whatever we do, day by day - whether it be something ordinary and mundane, or something more important - we must never underestimate the power of a good example.

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Galatians 6:9

My top tips for toilet training {pinch of salt will be needed}

My words of wisdom for a Friday afternoon, based on recent thoughts and ponderings on a recent non-success in toilet training.

 Ten easy steps to toilet training

1) Rip up all your carpets and put down wipe clean flooring.

2) Remove all commitments from your life, including looking after any other children, or turning your head for a single moment.

3) Buy about 100 packs of cheap underwear so you can simply throw it away when it gets soiled.

4) Also buy your local shop's entire supply of anti-bacterial spray and kitchen roll.

5) Don't try and do it when you are pregnant, have recently given birth, or have other baby type people to look after.

6) Don't ever get upset, frustrated, tired, cross, frustrated, tired or, did I say cross?....

7) Find lots of extreme and sugar laden treats to ply on your child, ideas to reward that you found on Pinterest, written by people who have either never toilet trained, or live in a world that does not include number 5 (see above).

8) Place your child in a completely wipe clean room, with only wipe clean toys, and a toilet in situ.

9) If you homsechool, consider sending your child to nursery until they are toilet trained (they do it for you there, apparently...) and pull them out once they are toilet trained....

10) Refer to list number 2.


(PLEASE tell me you realise list 1 was NOT serious....???)


List 2

1) First, arm yourself in prayer, and seek God's wisdom as to the timing to start.

2) In that decision making, remember that there is no such thing as the "right" time to toilet train.

3) Ignore all the comments from people who snarkily try and suggest your X year old child "should" be trained by now.

4) Remember YOU are the parent, and you know your child better than anyone else.

5) Try  your best for as long as you can, and if it doesn't work, STOP. It's not a hill worth dying on.

6) Do use treats and rewards if you think it will work - don't lose sleep over the amazing things other people seem to implement, and incredible reward charts they seem to dream up. You DON'T need them.

7) If at first you don't succeed, try again when it suits you and the child better.

8) Try and avoid any time you are going to already feel vulnerable, low or easily defeated. (Like, in pregnancy....)

9) Surround yourself with others who have BTDT, and only those who will encourage you, not berate or discourage you. They will often give you words of wisdom and advice that will help, but even their advice may not work for YOU.

10) Remember that each child is different. They don't all train early. It's a physiological ability that they have to master, and some simply can't master it when they are little.

AND, my biggest "note to self"....

Never yet have a I known of a man to walk up the aisle in a nappy. I doubt my small person who I am currently not having much success toilet training will be the exception.

(And, as in the words of Hebrews 11.... " And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of...."

The time my toddler played with poo with a sibling, on the floor, with a toy digger,

The times I have gone around the house soaking up bodily fluids.

The moment when I had to clean poo off a wall.

The day when a child played with poo with a wooden spoon (yes, it went in the bin...spoon and poo) )


Can you tell that toilet training is actually one of my LEAST favourite parts of being a mother?? I'd sooner give birth than toilet train.

...The joys of parenthood (ok, mostly motherhood....)

Therein endeth my words of wisdom.

Have a good day.

What IS your life? {a long answer and the short one}

Do you ever read words in the Bible, and then READ them?

Words you have read before, and you even think you know the answer?

Then, the Lord whispers to your waiting heart

"What does it REALLY say?"

Today, words spoke to me.

Challenged me.

Woke me up.

Made me think in a way I hadn't thought of them before.

It's what my Dad used to say

"It depends where you put the em-PHA-sis".

The words?

"...what is your life?"

We all know the obvious answer. The answer it gives us right away. The answer that pretty much everyone would say, if asked, if you know your Bible at all.

The short answer?

"It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

The really short answer?

Life is brief.  It's short. It's nearly over before it's hardly started. I know, because my children are growing up way too fast, and I'm looking way older. I was 16 just yesterday....

But, today I didn't read the obvious question.

The emphasis shifted onto one word. Just one.

What IS your life.

It went from something fleeting and fast, to the here and now. Right this moment. Today.

What IS my life?

It seemed like a clarion call. It seemed to shout at me louder than the loudest of shouts. Not the yelling kind of shout. Just the really loud "you can't ignore me" kind of shout.

What. Is. Your. Life?

Is.

It's a declension of the verb "to be".

Verb.  A good old "doing" word.

It seemed like God was asking me

"What are you REALLY doing with your life?  What IS it?  What are you doing for ME?"

Do you ever find that of "being", you are just living? You are doing everything you "should", and you are going through the motions, but what IS your life?

Who are you living it for?

Are you living it as fully and intentionally as God intended you to?

Are you living it with joy and love and grace?

Are you living it with God at the centre of every single thing you do?

Are you living it for self or for God's glory?

Are you living it doing every good thing you know you should, for every good reason?

The chapter ends like this.

"Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."

Do you know how God wants you to live your life?  Do you know how He wants your life to be?  Do you know the good He desires for you, that you don't claim?

If we know how to do this good, and we don't do it, we sin.

Sin can be subtle. Sin can be gentle and unassuming. Sin can be seemingly innocent.

Neglecting to life a life that is full of the good that God wants for us, is tantamount to sin. The quiet living of life without living it all out for God. A life without passion and purpose. A life that is routine instead of vibrant giving our absolutely everything to please God above all else, and leave self aside.

Those words spoke to my heart.

I am a  mother who does all she should, and with willingness and buckets of love.

Motherhood is busy.  Motherhood is all consuming.  Motherhood is unique and beautiful.

 But, I realised my passion and purpose was missing. What IS my life? Is my life "ALL for Jesus"? Am I holding back for sin and self? Am I thinking of God's glory above all else and doing the good that I know I should? Is it a life of doing what I should, instead of all I COULD?

My life is not all it should be. I need to have a life that is more of Christ and less of me. I need to do what I do because I want to magnify and bless God with every fibre of my being not just because I know it's "right".

That's my life.

So, what is YOUR life?

Sorry I've not been around much {here's why...}

You may have noticed, my posts have been thin on the ground.

I REALLY must learn to have a stash of posts handy, to share in times such as these.

So, where have I been??

Right here. And pretty much nowhere else.






Any of you who have been following my blog for a while, may have guessed that for themselves!!! In previous pregnancies, my blog posting has always decreased. It's rather hard just to eat, clean and breathe, without also blogging.

But, I am now just over 15 weeks pregnant, and turning a corner. It's a wide, sweeping bend, more than a 90 degree corner, mind you.  But, it's a turn, nonetheless.

The nausea is nearly gone, but tiredness is still there. Not helped by the children having whooping cough, amongst other traumas and challenges.

But, I AM improving! YAY!

My brain is now thinking about blog posts I want to write, and getting excited to start back with sharing what God is teaching me. I have missed blogging - it's a creative outlet for me, and focusses my mind upon the things of Christ.

I'm due February the 6th, which will be my first proper winter baby! All my others have been spring or autumn.

After what happened with my last pregnancy, these weeks are not quite like they were before. I have to remember to be thankful for each day, and that God is in control, and His ways are perfect. I know everything was OK, but I am reminded, quite regularly, that things don't always go how we think they will.

My main thought needs to be that of Psalm 139:14

"I will PRAISE THEE".

God is creating this tiny person, growing inside me. How can I do anything but PRAISE Him?

What are you praising God for today? His mercies are new every morning.

When days are hard {you know better than I}

One of my all-time favourite Bible accounts is that of Joseph. There is so much to learn from his life, and, of course, so many parallels to the life of Christ.

We have recently been struggling with ill children, and we have been watching some of our Bible story DVDs. If you have never watched "The Prince of Egypt", or "Joseph: King of Dreams", then I highly recommend them. They are made by Spielberg, and whilst there are some inaccuracies, they bring to life these great Old Testament lives. We discuss with the children when there are elements that are perhaps more for artistic effect, rather than accuracy, so that they understand. It doesn't, however, take away from the impact of these events. 

In the Joseph film, there is a brilliant song, whilst he is in prison. It's called "You know better than I".

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answer
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road led me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
And just when I had given up
The truth is coming clear

[Chorus]
For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
Cause You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowin', I don't know
Is part of gettin through
I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my faith in You

[Chorus]

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught the bird to fly
If I let you reach me, will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
I'll take what answer You supply
Cause You know better than I

Every time we watch it, the children are generally ill. When the children are ill, I find it REALLY hard. I am a fairly stalwart, laid back person, until my children are unwell. I don't like that little ones can't tell you how they feel, and when you can't take away what they are going through.

At times like that, there is so much for me to learn. And, the words of this song sum it up so well.

Ultimately, in times of testing, THIS is what we all need to learn.

"You know better than I".

We try to do things our own way, we think we are doing our best, but trials WILL come. Why? Because God knows better than we do.

Like Joseph, we so often look back, and say "but God meant it unto good".

His ways are perfect.

His timing is perfect.

It's so easy to ask "why", but as the song says, it's as simple as this - we don't need to know why, because "you know better than I".

My life, so far, has been a dawdle compared to Joseph's. He went through bullying and unkindness, being sold as a slave, and then being falsely accused and sent to prison. It wasn't even a prison as comfortable as ours. It was a horrid thing. In it all, he acknowledged God's perfect plan.

I fail so often, and don't trust when I should, and this is a lesson I need to be reminded of EVERY SINGLE DAY.

If I just stop, and acknowledge God's sovereignty, my eyes are pulled away from my circumstances, and see, instead, God's goodness and grace, even in the trial.

"his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment:"

Deuteronomy 32:4

There's no "It's not fair", in the Christians vocabulary. God is just.

There's no "why can't life be more perfect", in our thoughts. God is perfect in His works.

Life isn't easy. When God leads us along the path HE has chosen, and guided us through, it's not always easy. What brings peace and comfort is that He is with us, and knows best.

He knows better than I, and I am SO thankful for that truth.

A key to surviving large family life {training children to help in the home}

I must start this post with a caveat. I am not finished my parenting journey, and I am not perfect. I don't have all the answers. I only ever share what MY experience is, which may help someone else.

There. I've said it. Glad to get that off my chest first.

As I type, my 12 year old is making dinner. I didn't force her. She's not doing it under coercion, but willingly. She's dong it to be a help to me.

I love her.

One of the most common questions I have about having a large family is "Isn't it a lot of work? How do you cope?"

My answer is simple.

They all pull together to help.

In the immortal words of Bob the Builder "Working together, we get the job done"!

Now, the very important key to all of this is simple.

My children didn't just naturally incline themselves to doing jobs.  No siree. I can unequivocally tell you that it doesn't come naturally. Admittedly, some children have a natural bent towards being more helpful, but it's certainly not consistent, and generally only if THEY feel like it. And, let's face it, most of the time jobs need to be done when we DON'T feel like it. Right?

That said, the key is TRAINING.

My role, as a mother, is train up my children. If they aren't going to do something naturally, then I need to teach them HOW to do it.

I have chatted to people, in times past, about the children doing jobs.

"My children don't help like that! How DO you do it?"

Well, folks, if you don't expect them to do it, and you don't train them to do it, it ain't likely they WILL do it. Simple.

I'm not some super-mother who has magical powers like a modern day Mary Poppins. (I wish)  I am a tired out, often impatient, yet persistent mother, who tries very hard to TRAIN her children how to do jobs around the house. I don't always succeed as I would like, but I try.  It's not easy, let me tell you. It requires effort from ME, first and foremost, but it's totally worth it.

So, two things I will quickly deal with.

WHY?

and

HOW?


Why do we train our children to help in the home?

1) God is a God of order.

I know that family life can be messy, and it comes with the territory of having lots of people around. As I tell the children, if each of them leaves just FIVE things lying around, that's FORTY things lying around. It quickly multiplies into chaos! Having things around which show you are living in the house, doesn't mean we never try to do anything about it. God didn't create this earth in chaos. He designed it with order, with everything in its place. One process follows on from another in order for life to continue. If one part is knocked out of place, by an external factor, chaos ensues. Isn't that the same in our homes?? If we want to follow God's design for His creation, we should try and have order in our homes, for them to function well.

2) We need to be good stewards

In the Bible we read about the parable of the faithful steward.  We need to be those who care for the things that God has given to us. I don't want my children growing up thinking they can leave things lying about all over the house, to be stood on, squished and destroyed. If things are put away, and tidied up, they will be looked after far more carefully.  Children need to learn that things have a value, and have to be earned. It's one of the reason why we don't shower our children with "things" for no reason. They either receive them for a special occasion, or they EARN them. If they don't learn as children, they will become adults who don't care for their things. God generously gives us all we have, we need to train them to be thankful and look after those things.

3) Learning not to be lazy

Training children to tidy up, from a young age, is teaching them a good work ethic.  The book of Proverbs tells us to look to the ant, and learn no to be lazy. In all labour, there is profit. We gain, in some way, shape, or form, from anything we work hard at. Not being lazy, with tidying and chores, teaches them that a tidier house is easy to maintain.  It teaches them that they can have free time once a job is done. It teaches them that it's satisfying and rewarding to see a job done to completion. It teaches them that working hard is a blessing to others. Being lazy only brings trouble. And lazy children become lazy adults, all too often, and then they bring that into the workplace. That results in unreliable employment, once others find out you are lazy.  We are training our children to be reliable adults, by teaching and training them to help in the home.

4) It makes our home a welcoming environment

I once visited a home, a long while ago, and it was SOOOOO messy. I knew the people, and they just didn't care for their appearance or their home. I couldn't relax in there. It was dirty, messy and disorderly. (Admittedly, I also find houses that are ULTRA tidy not to be relaxing! It doesn't feel like a home to me, but that's just a personal thing. At least they are working hard to keep it tidy.)

The thing is, we should be folks who desire to create a welcoming environment to others. If our homes are a royal mess, people won't feel welcomed. It gives the message that you don't care enough about others to even ATTEMPT to tidy for them. And I am talking people who you arrange to come and visit - not the "drop ins". They have to just take you as they find you!!! As I already said, a house with lots of people can get crazy and messy by just LIVING there! But, if you know people are coming, you show you care by creating a welcoming place for them. If you have lots of children, you are training them to be welcoming hosts, and to consider others, by training them to help in the home.

One of the incidents that made a HUGE impact upon me, as a young mother, was when we visited a home of a large family. Their daughter was one of the eldest children. We were eating breakfast with them before heading on an onward journey. The daughter and the mother stood to the side of the room and SERVED us at breakfast. I assume they either ate before us, in the kitchen, or after we left, but they put the effort in to do everything they could for us. It was BLISS!!! It really made an impact and taught me the importance of training our children to have the desire to serve others, and make them feel welcome. Order, not chaos. Helpful, not a hindrance.


5) As a testimony.

We are being watched.  As God's people, others look on to see how we are behaving, and how we live. When we have a life filled with disorder, people see, and whether we like it or not, may judge us. Now, if they happen to drop in one day and we have been clearing our toy cupboards, and it's a mess, then that's understandable mess. If they judge us for that, it's their own problem. Or, if we genuinely are struggling with ill health or the struggles of having lots of little children who can't help so much, that's a situation where people should extend grace.  But, if we never seem to care about the chaos that is around us, it's not a good testimony. We tell the world that other things are more important than caring for our belongings, and the home we live in. Good stewards should care for their homes, and all that God has given them, and be a testimony as faithful servants of Christ.


So, HOW do we train our children?

1) All of our children have a DOMINION. I remember watch the Duggars, and I think they had a "jurisdiction". That made a lot of sense to me! It teaches the children to take responsibility for an area in the home, and they are then solely accountable for its care and tidiness. I don't give the little ones a dominion, because it's quite a big job, but all of my oldest 3 have one, and the fourth has an area she is mostly responsible for. So, 7 and up, I've done it. I taught them what needed to be done in that area. That's a key thing. I TAUGHT THEM. They needed direction to know what TIDY meant!  Then, I have to CHECK on them! I look to see if they have done all they should, and get them to sort out anything they have missed. They do it on a Saturday, and in the week, everyone helps sorts out those areas that are theirs, as spot tidying. The deep cleaning and tidying is their dominion, though. It works for us, and could be done, on a smaller scale, with younger children. Their dominion could be one area of a room, or one element of a bigger job. But, the two key factors in that are teaching them and watching them!

2)  Tidying up generally

I know some people have chore charts for different times of the day, but we work it slightly differently. After breakfast, the oldest 4 have a job to do. Emptying the dishwasher, clearing up after breakfast, sweeping up the kitchen, and taking out the recycling. (Does everyone else have so MUCH recycling??? It's CRAYYYY-ZEEEEE) It means that the kitchen area gets a good tidy up in the morning, to start off the day. After the other meals they all just pull together to get the tidying up done. Lunch time clear up is still a bit rusty, so I need to work at that. Dinner time, Daddy is usually here and he allocates jobs when we are done. Usually one of them has set the table, so they get lighter duties after dinner, to keep it fair. One clears, one stacks the dishwasher, one clears up anything to go in the fridge or the bin, and someone else wipes up. Many hands make light work!

3) End of the day

I try very hard to get a few areas tidy before Daddy gets home. Depending on the season of life, it's not always as I would like it, but we TRY! The hall and the lounge are the places we try and get tidied up, because we know he feels more relaxed if those areas are tidy. Some days it's not quite done, but he quickly sets to giving them jobs to get it finished up. We end up with a scurrying hoard of children, putting things back where they belong.

4) Trying to make tidying fun

There are a few things we throw into the mix, every now and again, to try and make tidying fun! Yes, FUN! It works better with the little ones, who are more green behind the ears. Aherm.

First, we do speed tidying. We will stop what we are doing and do as much as we can in 5 minutes. I find it's important to set them achievable tasks, then they feel like they have accomplished great things. Then, we do the "tidy ten things". They have to go and pick up ten things and put them back where they belong. We also do paring, when I get jobs and pair the children up to do them as a team. I will often give a reward for the pair who do the best job. I will pair a younger with an older, which works best. Sometimes we do it with their names on lollipop sticks, and sometimes I will just write it on a piece of paper. I have done it when our friends visit, too, and they enjoy the novelty of tidying with someone "new"!

I also find that the little ones like to tidy groups  of things. So, I will get a child to find all the cars, or all the play animals, or things that are blue. They enjoy the challenge of that!

Of course, they also have to learn that tidying can't ALWAYS be fun! Sometimes we have to do things in life, just because they need to be done. It's as simple as that.

And, I don't know about you, but i often have children saying "But, Mum, *I* didn't make the mess".

To which I reply....

"Welcome to my world, dear"

Many jobs in the world are to do with sorting out other people's "messes"! I was a physio, and a lot of the time people were suffering from a "mess" they got THEMSELVES into!

This, however, is one of the most important lessons I teach the children about working in the home.....

We do it because we are all part of the same family - the same team.  Whatever way you want to look at it, we pull together to make family life work. There are times when, as the leader, I can't do things as I would like. It's not child cruelty to enlist the help of the children more than normal. It's LIFE! It's FAMILY! If I can raise children to be willing to help others, where they see a need, I think that will be a job well done. It's all about learning to be selfless and pro-active. Seeing a need and meeting it in any way we can. Right now, I often have to tell them how to do that. However, more and more, they are starting to see for themselves, and offer to be helpful. Years ago, life like that was NORMAL.  Nowadays, children have a life of ease, with everything handed to them on a plate, and I really think the parents don't do them ANY favours, to train them to be takers, and not givers.

One last thing.  How would I like to IMPROVE things?!? There's ALWAYS room for improvement, right??

Firstly, I want to DECLUTTER!!! WE have wayyyyyy too much stuff. Having a lot of children can lead to a major issue. People want to buy them something for each Christmas and birthday, when you already have all the things bought for the previous children. They don't NEED anything else!!! I am starting to get inventive about gifts, and last Christmas most family members willingly clubbed together so I could buy each child one significant gift that we couldn't afford otherwise. Something really special and higher quality. That worked really well, and the children appreciated their special gifts. But, we still have loads! I figured that adding to things we already had would help. It did, and it didn't. We now have a LOT of Playmobil, Duplo and Lego, but it makes such a mess when they play with it, and tends to "migrate". I don't want to get rid of it all, but I think I will cut back.

Secondly, I want to be more consistent. A lot of the time when the tidying doesn't happen, it's MY fault for not implementing it more diligently. Children are little sinners. I am a big sinner. Our hearts are all inclined to self, and sometimes self has to be sacrificed in order for jobs to get done - PROPERLY! I also don't check properly after they say they have done, to make sure it's MY kind of done. Subsequently they end up off doing their own things, saying the job is done, then I have the HARDER task of getting them to come BACK to the job, to do it properly. Argh.

Thirdly, I need to train them better about being thorough. One of my children was asked to tidy up after making dinner today. The child very kindly and willingly made pizza for the children, from scratch. When it was cooking I asked that everything be put away, as that is what I do whilst dinner is cooking. I use the cooking time to clear up. The said child THOUGHT they put everything away. The next thing we knew, there was passata ALL over the counter, splattered everywhere, like some kind of tomato blood bath! Thankfully, the child realised their error, saw the humour in it, and cleared it up brilliantly. But, he was reminded that if you do a job properly in the first place, you won't have extra work to do later!

I must also clarify that these things don't always happen in our home without blips. It gets in a mess, regularly. I have to go around, like a sergeant major, getting them to do it. I sometimes despair. I sometimes feel like doing it all myself. If I do THAT, they will never learn. It would be majorly counter-productive! I'm also telling you what works for ME! It's not set in stone. It's not the law of the Medes and Persians which cannot be altered. I'm just trying to do my best, in an imperfect world, and hoping that something that we do, or why we do it, may help someone else on their way.

Above all else, we try and remember that we do "all to the glory of God". Not for our own self satisfaction, but because we want to bring honour and glory to HIM! Yes, that includes tidying the house.

So, on that note, I'm off to finish off tidying the bits that the children missed, so we don't start the day behind tomorrow.

Dear mother of littles {how to get through the hard days}

Motherhood is demanding.

It's a fact.

There's just no quibbling about it, or denying it. It's hard, tiring and challenging on many levels.  I'm not out the other side of the childhood stage, but I'm also pretty certain that the challenges of being a parent never go away - they just change.

That's all true of motherhood at every age or stage, but analyse it when you are the mother of only little ones - adding in the element of them being close in age - and motherhood has a whole other sting in the tail.

Mothering many littles is a stage of parenting which, in my opinion, is one of the hardest you will face. I've been there. I've survived. If it was down to sheer determination and self-sustenance, I wouldn't be here to tell the tale. Simple as that.

When you have only little children life is demanding. You are the only one who can provide for the every need of your children. They can do very little for themselves, and anything they CAN do invariably involves you having to micro-manage, and often redoing yourself. Quite simply, they are not old enough to do much, but they place a huge level of work upon you, as the mother. Add to that the fact that there will be children who are at the stage where you have to put a lot of effort into character training (read "telling them "no, you can't do that - no, you shouldn't be doing that" ALL.DAY.LONG.....), and you are royally going round the twist.

Yup. Mothering lots of little children is HARD.

Realllllly hard.

I can remember days when I just wept. I cried. Then I cried some more. I was exhausted. I was frustrated.  I was worn out mentally. I hardly had time to have a quiet time, without little ones crawling all over me. Jobs got behind, and that just made me feel worse.  I look back, and it now all seems like a distant memory. I got through it.

So, how DO you get through it? Obviously, there's no magic formula. Each person has a unique set of circumstances, that shape how your family operates.  I do think there are certain principles that can help any mother, in any family setting. At the very least, they are things I know helped me, and may help others.


1.  Never forget that God is in control.

Sweet, exhausted, run-ragged mother. God planned for you to be the mother of the children HE gave you. They are a gift from Him, and they are a blessing. God says so, and hard days don't remove that fact from being true. When God gave these blessings to you, they didn't come with a promise of peachy days, with nary a trouble or trial. In fact, we are told we WILL have trials and struggles. The fact of the matter is this - raising and caring for our children is part of the trial of motherhood. The children themselves are not the trial - the work involved in parenting them IS. The overarching principle of the matter doesn't change though - God is still in control! No matter how hard the days get, God, and His ways, are perfect. We cannot ever allow ourselves to forget that. It's the most important thing for us to remember. God doesn't make mistakes, and if He made you the mother of your children, it's because it's just the way He wants it to be. Hard days included.



2. Embrace the hard days as a way to bring you closer to God.

Undeniably, the times where we feel at our lowest, the most under pressure, and struggling hardest, are when we cast ourselves more fully upon the Lord. "When I am weak, then am I strong". It's only when we recognise our weakness, and our frail humanity, that we fully rest upon the everlasting strength and provision of God. He NEEDS us to come to the end of ourself, to rely fully upon His grace and goodness. Mothering many littles CERTAINLY brings us to that place, so embrace it, and cast yourself upon God's unfailing nature, and bountiful, loving care.

Raise your tired heart in prayer.  Make the time to commune with the Lord, and strengthen your prayer life. You don't need silence.  You don't need hour upon hour.  Prayer can be raised any time, any place. Don't silently battle on.  Do not.  Bring your burdens to the Lord.  Ask Him to help you and meet your needs. Seek Him for wisdom as to how to make it through each day.

Thank Him for the hard days, and seek Him in the struggles. You will find yourself in a closer place with the Saviour, as you acknowledge your weakness and throw yourself completely into His care.


3. Seek out scriptures as your "watchword".

Take some time to read the Bible, and find a verse, or verses, to be your "go-to" verse on those really hard days. A verse that will instantly transport you into a place of peace and comfort, and will carry you through your trials.  The Bible is FILLED with verses that will lift your spirits.  Different verses will mean something to each of us.  Ask God to speak to YOUR heart, and when things get tough, simply speak those words to your heart, and experience God bringing calm to your soul. Personally, mine is Philippians 4:19. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." My needs are so much more than food on the table, and clothes on the back. My mental and emotional needs are often far greater than my physical needs, and bringing that verse to mind brings me so much comfort and strength.  Why not print or write out the verse or verses that you find? Put them around the house, in your Bible - anywhere that you will see them regularly. Prints on the wall, or bookmarks.  You can even get verses on ornaments and home decor items, just to have at perfect eye level. More importantly, write it on the tables of your hearts. Commit God's Word to memory, so it's in your heart and mind above all else, ready to pluck out and raise with your voice, whenever you need it.


4.Find people to support you.

Whether it's real life people, or people on the other end of a phone or a computer - FIND people. We live in a day and age where there are always people you can call on for support and advice. Just knowing that there are others who know how it feels, and can give you ideas about how to cope, is a massive help.  When I just had little ones I had very little real life, or virtual, support. It was so hard. My family didn't live nearby, and I had very few friends nearby. I am very thankful for the few I had, and I can remember just crying, sometimes, and saying how hard I was finding things. They were able to help me, support me, and pray for me. That, above all else, is such a comfort. The prayers of people who understand and care. If you can, meet up with others, or invite them over to yours, if that is easier. Whatever you do, don't try and go it alone. Talk to your husband.  Tell him about your struggles. He may have suggestions that you wouldn't have thought of, looking at it as the one not in the daily throes of it all. Be willing to listen and respect his suggestions. They may not all work, or even be practical, but be open enough to listen and consider them  - you may be pleasantly surprised!



5.  Simplify your life.

One of my worst enemies, when I had lots of littles, was myself. I tried to do too much. I look back and think how insane I was, attempting to do things that just weren't necessary. I was so keen to home educate, I jumped into "formal" education quite early. Looking back, I just didn't need that pressure upon myself. Little children can learn so much without needing a curriculum. The moment you add a curriculum you feel bound to use it, whether from pressures outside the home, or those you place upon yourself. "I paid for it, I'd better use it".  "People say I should do X, Y and Z, so I should". "I'm failing my child if I don't do things a certain way".  Children are little sponges. They are more likely to learn, negatively, from your stress levels and irritability stemming from your over-worked schedule, than they are from any formal "schooling" you do with them. Prioritise what you want your child to learn. Keep it simple, and don't put more demands upon yourself than are already there from just EXISTING!

Education aside, we can also make life too complicated in other ways. Media bombards us with all sorts of new-fangled and clever ways to do things - everything from making cute lunches to fun craft activities to do with your little ones. Pinterest is either a curse or a blessing! These things are all great.  If you have one child.  Maybe two.  And if two, several years between the children. Many ideas are lovely, and probably clever and fun.  They are not fun if you are already stretched to the limit in the area of patience and time. They are torture and unnecessary. Don't ever fool yourself into thinking that you have to do lots of complicated and fancy things, in order to be a good mother. A good mother knows her own limitations and skills, and only does what she knows she can handle. Little Johnny's Mum does it? SO WHAT! You're not little Johnny's Mum. (well, maybe your son IS Johnny, but you get what I mean!) Keep your life as simple as possible, and you will be able to cope a lot easier.

Even a simple thing like laundry. Don't have too many clothes to have to wash and put away. Don't fold and iron everything, even if you used to. Put things back on if they are just a little dirty, and you won't see anyone today. NO-ONE WILL SEE, and it won't kill them!

If you are the kind of person who needs to go out, go out.  If you are finding it hard to do logistically, plan ahead to make the actual exit from the house easier. Get everything ready in advance, and you can just go.  If you are someone who needs to just be at home, stay at home. Don't go out because someone said you should. If staying at home means you stay sane, and keep in your bubble, stay at home. It won't harm you, or your children, to not get out much. It's all about getting through the days, weeks, months, or, (said in hushed tones, lest I scare you....) years, of this particular age and stage.

Which brings me to my last point....

Its a stage.  It WILL pass.

It's true! No kidding.  You will get through the other side of this. Your children will get bigger.  They will start to help more.  The strain and struggle will be lifted from your shoulders, and shared around the family - and that is PART of being a family. So long as you train them well whilst they are young, life will get easier. You won't be so tired.  Sleep will return.  Sanity will prevail. Even if you have many more children, life gets easier as you go on. When I had Tabitha, and even when I was pregnant with her, it was my 8th, but it was so much easier! My older ones were, and are, a wonderful help. Every little bit of help adds up. Each tiny little thing a child does as part of their everyday routine, is one little thing less for you to do. I rarely set the table, empty the dishwasher, take out the bin, or clean the toilets! All these are jobs spread between the children, but make my life that little bit easier.

Trust me, it gets better.  You will look back and these days will be a hazy memory, and you will have the joy of children, getting bigger, FAR too quickly, resulting in a life that is much easier than it is now.  You will never look back and wish you hadn't had these days, because that would mean wishing you didn't have your children. Children make work - children ARE a blessing. Therefore, work is a blessing!

I know.

Go figure.....

Parenting Tips {A Complete Guide for SAHMs}

(this post contains affiliate links)

Hands up - who feels they have it all together as a parent?

What? 

No hands raised?

Phew.  I'm NOT the only one who feels like a failure on so many days, and is the ultimate "work in progress"?!?!  I regularly notice my flaws, and call out to the Lord for His wisdom, grace and strength.

It's great to also have suggestions - practical ones - from other Mums who know what it's like.  Spiritual support is vital, but wisdom from others who are in the fight, right there with ya', is wonderful.

There is a whole list of posts on parenting tips on the Complete Guide for SAHMs. (Look out on Thursday for the topic on "activities to do with children", too!) They cover a multitude of parenting topics, all very practical and helpful.

Today, I am featuring a great post from Katelyn, at "Whats Up Fagans".

Katelyn blogs about raising her children, penny-pinching and faith.  I chose her post to share because it's a treasure trove! It's a collection of 138 - yes, ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY EIGHT - posts that are great for training your children to have good moral, Biblical values.  There are links about serving, empathy, gratitude, honesty, kindness, manners, and MANY more topics. It's a mine of information, that you will enjoy reading through, and gleaning information from.  It's a veritable rabbit trail from the Complete Guide! 

She begins the post by saying...

"A long time ago I started a series on this blog called Instilling Values in Children.  The point of this series was to guide parents on their journey of teaching moral values to their kids, which is of more importance than raising academically capable children, or, at least, it should be...."

I couldn't agree more! As parents, we can so easily get caught up with academics, when there is so much that is important. This post is the ultimate round up of posts that will help you on your way to training up your children in "the way that they should go".

Read more here.

My own post is one that features music and harmony.  I LOVE music! I love listening to music, singing along to music, and playing musical instruments. Something that is a key (Ha! No pun intended!) to good music is HARMONY.  It's all about the notes blending together to sound best.  This post connects music and parenting!

"One day, I took my children through a local town, and there was a play area. It had big "stepping stone" type things, which if you stepped on them, played a kind of whistled "note".  They realised it was musical, and all hopped on one and jumped up and down.  A whole rabble of noise ensued, with the children quickly saying "What are these FOR Mum?  They don't even play a tune!"

Mother, with her musical background, begged to differ.

I lined them up on a "stone" each, and directed who should hop when. After a few practices, this is what we got..."

Read on here.

I hope you find these two posts encouraging and useful. Hop on over to the Complete Guide for SAHMs to read many more practical posts on parenting.

God - the only life-giver {when things look dead}

I have been back out into my garden again.  For those who are relatively new to the blog, I LOVE my garden.  I used to think I didn't like gardening, but that was when I had no garden to work with!  Now?  I love it! I am no expert, and I don't spend every waking hour in there, but I love seeing colour appear, and the satisfaction of encouraging life into my little corner of God's creation.

Another thing you will quickly observe, is how my garden is God's lesson book for me.  Time after time, He teaches me valuable lessons from what I see in my garden.

This week has been no exception.

Always - ALWAYS - it's perfect timing.

I have always LOVED clematis.  (How do YOU say it? CLEM-a-tis? clem-AH-tis? clem-AY-tis?....)

I already had one growing up the side of the house, intertwined as it grows, with the scents mingling together, with wisteria and jasmine. The thing is, it grew at the SIDE of my house.  The only thing that is there is a path and the BINS! So, I decided we needed one somewhere more obvious.  By the front door.  I went to the garden centre and carefully examined all the pictures and descriptions, and chose the one I liked the most.  It was purple (no surprise to those who know me well!), with  pretty, double-headed flower.

The first summer I got ONE flower.

ONE!

I was a bit disappointed, but it was a start.

Then, winter came.

And, my clematis looked like it had died.

It was brown, withered, and dried up.  It spanned the space it had grown, but any signs of life had GONE!

I consulted my more experienced mother, and she reassured me that clematis DOES that! It looks dead, but life will return.

Sure enough, spring came, and life returned.  It didn't require me to prune, water, or feed.  The life came back with no input from me at all, whatsoever.

This spring, the same thing is happening again, but as it starts to send out flowers, there is also growth, and MORE FLOWERS are appearing! I can't wait to see how it turns out this year, with more blooms to cheer up the wall it grows along.

I have had a challenging week, in many ways.  Life can be like that - did you know?

Yep, you know, don't you?  Those weeks when the challenges pull you into a sense of despair, and you need to call out to the Holy Spirit to renew you and give you the strength you need.

That plant, and the re-emergence of "life", drew my mind to my children.  I have struggles with them, as they exhibit challenging behaviour. They push all the wrong buttons, and stretch me to the very limit of my patience and grace.  They sin.  They "fail".  Sometimes, there just seems to be so little life, in a spiritual sense.

Then it dawned on me, as I gazed at my clematis.  I lovingly planted it.  I watered it as it grew. I made sure it had a trellis to grow up, and I gently encouraged it to grow up in the right direction.  I learnt about how it grows and  I covered its roots to protect them, as I knew it needed. I did all I could, but ultimately, I can't give that plant any life.  Only GOD gives life.  Only He can give "the increase".

"So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase."

I Corinthians 3:7

Oh, how I needed to remember that, with my children.  God, so very kindly, and graciously, has entrusted my children into my care.  I have to look after them, nourish them, and train them up. I, however, cannot breathe spiritual life into their souls.

ONLY GOD CAN.

They may look "dead", as I go through different seasons.  The evidence of spiritual life may be absent, or very faint, but I can't create it in their hearts and souls.  God can.  He is able, and I just need to trust Him, and wait for the "spring-time" to come, in their lives.  I need to keep training, watering and caring for them, and patiently wait for the signs of life to come, in HIS time.

"It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD."

Lamentations 3:26

We need to keep our hope in the Lord, and quietly wait for Him to do the work in their hearts.

It's so easy to become "weary in well doing".  We keep labouring, and pouring our energy into the lives of our precious children.  Growth and development may seem scarce. But, the promise is there..

"for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not"

Galatians 6:9

It's hard to wait for the blooming to happen, but the patience is worth it.  We WILL reap, if we don't give up, and keep on sowing in faith.

Breaking the alabaster box {"she hath done what she could"}

I know of so many women who are in a continual battle - internally, and externally - about the role they are undertaking as a mother.  There are doubts and fears bombarding our hearts and minds, as we week to serve God, right where we are.  We are led to believe that there is something better - more important - that we could, or should, be doing, beyond the incredible task of being a mother.

We are made to feel that what we do is somehow inferior - working outside the home is "better", or "more important". We are made to feel that the task is insignificant. Others may think it's the easy option to stay at home.  I was incredibly astounded, and heartbroken, to hear that there are those that even think that having more than "x" amount of children is tantamount to sinful behaviour, because it's keeping us from "working in the Church".  There are women who think that they are failing their children because they can't provide the same things for their children as others can. Others still struggle in their hearts, feeling they are letting their children down because THEY are not perfect themselves.

I was struck, however, by the account of Jesus' visit to Bethany, where he met with his dear friends - Lazarus, Mary and Martha.  Those friends who went to every effort to be the perfect hosts, on another occasion and who loved being near their Master.

As He visits, Mary takes a box of costly ointment, and anoints Jesus with it. The disciples - particularly money pinching, betraying, Judas - complain at the wasteful action of using the oil in such a way.  It should have been used for its intended purpose, or at least sold, the money being useful for something else.

Jesus, however, pointed out something that us mothers need to remind ourselves EVERY SINGLE DAY.

"She hath done what she could"

Mary gave sacrificially, and willingly, to Jesus, using what she had to give generously.  Yes, there were other ways that the precious ointment could have been used, but she wanted it to be given to Jesus.  She gave it all, and she gave gladly - what she had to give, she gave.

Precious mother - this is you.

God has given you your children.  Children are an incredible, God-given miracle - without a doubt.  They are a gift.  He has given you the ability to care for them, train them up, and nurture them. He has made YOU their mother.  No-one else.  It's something you can only do.

I ask myself, how am I giving as a mother, today? Am I putting in every effort I can to serve the Lord, right here, right now? Am I lovingly, tenderly, and graciously caring for them?  Am I seeking God's wisdom and guidance, daily, through His inspired Word - seeking His will and HIS ways? Am I accepting the situation that God has led me into - seeing that God's ways may not be my ways, but they are the BEST ways?

If the answer is "yes", then God will look upon us, as He did Mary, and will say

"She hath done what she could"

We can't do any more than that - we CAN do less than that.  God has given us the ability to choose to give our all - to be faithful and true, in our calling as a mother - to shun the other options that may tempt us to doubt that what we are doing is the "right thing" - and to do what we can, giving to Jesus.

Our willing hearts, and the action that MUST accompany it, as evidence of that internal work, are what God is looking for.  He will bless us, and accept our life offering, if we do it for Him - for His glory.

It says that Mary "broke" the alabaster jar.  It doesn't necessarily mean it was "broken" - simply opened up, to be poured out.

That's how we need to be as mothers - poured out, before God. Emptying of self, and giving to Him.  Not keeping anything back, but serving fully.  Not just a dribble.  Not keeping anything back. Not giving to somewhere or someone else.  Everything we have, given to God.

The other important point to remember, is this - it was MARY'S box.  It didn't belong to anyone else.  It was hers alone, and hers alone to give.  Your life is exactly that - YOURS.  No-one else can live it for you.  They can tell you what they think is right for them, they can tell you what they THINK is right for you.  You, and only you, knows what you own, as YOUR lot in life, to be able to give to the Lord.  We need to own our life by pouring it out to Jesus.  Being a mother who gives her all, poured out with a willing heart, to Jesus - our Saviour. With God's Word to guide you on the big principles, and God's wisdom to guide you on the finer details, you can pour out the alabaster box of your life, as a mother, to Him.

Are you like me - do you even find it is most often those who are "disciples" of Christ who are the most critical of how your pout your life to him? It was the DISCIPLES who moaned and complained about what she did.  I have countless situations where people have questioned how I am pouring out my life - how many children I have, how we choose to educate them, how we choose to discipline them, what we allow them to do, or not do, the company we have them keep, and mostly it's fellow believers who condemn and question the most. They are the ones who question my actions.

The Lord sees, and sends His word of rebuke out, as He did to His own disciples

HE sees.

He sees when we taken those precious moments of our life - as wife, mother, and follower of Him - and give them back to Him.  Living our life poured out, responsible only for what God has given US.  Serving God by serving our family, broken and spilled out entirely, for JESUS only.

And maybe, just MAYBE, the disciples and whose who question YOU have the same issue? Perhaps their own hearts are pricked by the choices you make?  Then, it's simply not your place to worry or doubt your own choices - it's only theirs to make THEIR own choices, before God - not to question YOURS.

Sweet sister - what  you have to offer, as a mother, is of great value in God's eyes.

"If any man serve me, him will my Father honour."

John 12:26

If the Lord has given you a family, then you have to raise them to His glory. That is the way God expects you to serve Him.  The Lord will honour our service to Him, as mothers.


Don't look for the approval others, simply look for the approval of your Heavenly Father.  The only words you need to hear, as we pour out the "alabaster box" of motherhood, are "She hath done what she could".

How to help our children to be great {gently does it}

I love it when you are reading scripture, and a verse just jumps right out at you, which you have NEVER noticed before!

Despite having read something over, and OVER, it just never catches your attention like this one time.

It's times like this when you truly realise the power of GOD'S word.  It's Him, speaking to us, just when we need to hear it.

I was reading in Psalm 18, which I have read many times. It's one of those Psalms which contains power verses, and I went to it the morning of returning back to school work, after a break.  I needed some strength in my morning, and I knew I'd find it there.  When you consider that David wrote it after being delivered from Saul, then it makes so much sense.

"I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. 

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. 

I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies."

verses 1-3

Such well known, well loved verses.

Or these verses

 "As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him."

v 30

This, however, is the verse that jumped out to me, and pierced my heart like a burning arrow.

"thy gentleness hath made me great."

v35

These words convicted me deeply.

It doesn't say God's anger made him great. Not his justice, nor his mercy.  Not even his love.

I am sure all of these things can make a person great, but the Lord saw fit to mention gentleness.

There are not many mentions of gentleness in scripture, but I read another one just today, in Isaiah.

"He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young."

Isaiah 40v11

This one even specifically points to our Saviour, like a shepherd, leading us - leading the young, and those with child. We see tenderness, closeness, protection and gentleness. 

The Lord, dealing with us like this. 

An example for us to follow.

WE can help our CHILDREN to be great, by being GENTLE!

To my shame, I am not the gentlest of mothers.  My words, FAR too often, are not gentle.  They are harsh, impatient, grumpy and snappy.

I can be abrupt, frequently.

Anger surfaces more than it ought to.

It shames and saddens me to think of my lack of gentleness.

I could attempt to blame tiredness, exhaustion, frustrations, naughty children, or any number of other things.  

Only one thing causes a lack of gentleness.  

Sin.

*Sigh*

We see here, however, what gentleness can achieve.  God's gentleness made David great!

God was gentle toward David.  Like any sinner, David deserved God's righteous anger and justice.  He was no perfect man - far from it, in many ways.  Yet, God, in His gentleness, made him GREAT!

Oh, the power I can have in the lives of my children, if I am GENTLE! I can help them to be GREAT!  

If I only use harsh words, impatient attitudes and snappy behaviour, I am never going to build them up.  Every little harsh reaction to their childish, or even their sinful, behaviour, will tear them down, not make them great.

And yet, my sinful heart keeps making bad choices.

I have SO much work to do.  

I WANT my children to be great.  I know that only God can make them truly great, but GOD has given ME the job of being their mother, and I have it within my God-given power, to build up, or to tear down.

Just today I had the chance to put it into practice. My sweet little Simeon was desperate to help me in the kitchen. He took it upon himself to try and dry a GLASS, and it fell on the floor, smashing into tiny pieces. So often my response would be one of impatience, and anger. It would have wounded that poor little boy, in his spirit, had I not stopped and chosen to be gentle.  I picked him up, placed him out of harms way, and he lifted his little face up and said "sorry Mummy".  Oh how glad I was that I chose gentleness. He was only trying to help, not be naughty.  He watched as I cleaned it all up, and I kissed his lovely little lips and thanked him for being helpful.

Gentleness - it can make our children great.

Choosing gentleness today showed him that accidents don't matter.  That Mummy will sort things out.  It showed him that it's important to say sorry, but also that Mummy appreciates his helpfulness.  It showed him that he needn't fear the outcome if an accident happens.  Mummy will sort it out.

Perfection won't make him great.

Lack of failure won't make him great.

Money won't make him great.

But, my gentleness could help him to be great.

It can teach him what godly character is. It can teach him that God gives me the strength and self-control not to react in the wrong way in a tricky situation.  It can teach him how he, too, needs to not be anything but gentle.

By God's grace and strength, I am going to truly endeavour to make my children great, by my gentleness.