Character training from the weeds {pull them out while you can}

Finally. It happened.

I had a day with no rain, and a chance to go to the shops and buy some plants for the garden.

Yes. I was finally in my garden to sort it out properly, for the first time this year.

It was a mess. Weeds. Plants that hadn't been cut back. Dead plants that needed to be lifted, and which I hadn't even noticed were rotting away at all.

Usually I am well sorted by July, with plants growing nicely, and flowers in abundance. However, a combination of a small person who is quite high maintenance, and nasty damp weather, had held me back from getting to the garden to sort it out.

I forgot how much I missed it.  The feel of the earth on my hands.  The satisfaction of getting rid of weeds and creating cleared space. The joy of purchasing and planting beautiful things, resulting in a much brighter garden.

There is still much to do, including more pruning and weeding, and a painting job I want to do.

But, the best part? How the Lord whispers lessons into my heart and soul, whilst working with the wonders of His wonderful creation. Nearly EVERY single time, I seem to see something valuable to learn.

Today was no exception.

Four lessons, no less.

But, I will only cover one per post!

The one I want to share first is one that is so important as a parent.

Weeds. Weeds. Weeds.

The bane of gardening life. One of my biggest jobs that I still need to work on is to get rid of weeds. Not only do they spoil the look of the garden, but ultimately they stop the plant from growing as it should, and can sometimes kill the plant entirely.

The lesson I considered today was one of nipping things in the bud early. Pardon the pun. As a result of not dealing with the weeds when they were tiny, and only beginning to grow, I now have some hum-dingers growing around my dahlias in the front garden. It looks 50/50 weeds plants. That is never good.

I have nettles (don't talk to me about nettles - my hand hurts as I type!) - I have thistles - I have kinda' pretty looking pink ones that will go to seed and multiply if I don't sort them out. In fact, most weeds will eventually do that - think dandelion, for a start. (oooooh... something else has just sprung to mind!!!) All mixed liberally in with what SHOULD be there. My soon-to-be-beautiful dahlias.

It got me thinking about my children. Do you ever feel, particularly with children aged between about 2 and 4, that you are scolding them and telling them "no" a LOT? It you don't feel like that, you maybe should!! It's that formative age where they try and push boundaries, trying to get away with wrong behaviour every opportunity they get. It's part of human nature. Some of it is simple childishness, but much of it is sin. If you don't sort it out - by training and by discipline/consequences - whilst they are little, these sinful traits will just grow until they are choking out the good in a child, or at least spoiling the "beauty" in their character. I've seen it before. And, I can also see in my own children where I could have done with "weeding" more diligently when they were younger, because there are traits that are spoiling things now.

There is no such thing as perfect children. Likewise, there is no such thing as a perfect parent.

BUT, we CAN work at doing all we can to faithfully train our children, to the glory of God, whilst they are young. We can't save them, but we can guide them into ways that are God-honouring. We can teach them faithfully of what God expects of us morally, and spiritually. We can train them to behave in a way that shuns the behaviour that is wrong, and embraces that which is right. It's not our role as parents to save our children - we cannot - but it's our job to honour the Lord in how we raise them. We don't want an ugly mess when they are growing up, all because we don't tend their hearts and lives when they are young.

It's hard work. We need to keep at it and be consistent. Like a garden, weeds will keep cropping up. But, trust me, sorting it out when they are small plants is FAR easier to do than when the plants grow up. Now that my plants are bigger it's MUCH harder to get to the weeds. Firstly, because the roots of the weeds have got deeper and thicker. Then also because it can cause hurt to the plant to try and get rid of the weeds.

What a powerful reminder to me of the crucial work of tending to the behaviour of my children! If I neglect it whilst they are young it is SO much harder to deal with when they are teens. That time when the plant should be growing strong and blooming beautifully is NOT when I should then be starting to think "hang on, how did I not notice these "weeds" of ugly behaviour until NOW?"

We, as the parents, are the "gardeners" responsible for pulling out the weeds of deceit, lying, stroppiness, laziness, argumentativeness, rebellion and disrespect whilst our children are young. It's definitely easier to teach them when they are little, than when they are more strong willed and older. Not easy, but easier.

And, like the weeds, if we wait until the weeds have taken root, and starting to seed, then these sinful and ugly behaviours will just spread and take hold further, the later we leave it.

We need to recognise those things which God does not want in our children - spot the "weeds" - and pull them out when they are just beginning to rear their ugly heads. If we know ourselves what is right and wrong, according to the gardener's manual - God's Word -  then we will know how to sort it out. We need to be fully aware of what those traits are, in order to weed them out.

Keep at it "gardener" of little souls. By God's grace and help, you can train your children to be those who honour God.

Keep at it "gardener" of those who are getting bigger. Pull out those weeds whilst you can still grab them and get all the root out.

Keep at it "gardener" of those who you look at, like my ugly garden, and think "help!!! - what have I done??". God is able to redeem those years. Don't look at what you haven't done, but look at what you can STILL do!

Above all else, remember that the Holy Spirit is able to do that work of saving grace in their hearts and lives. Cry out to Him daily to help you as a parent, and to save their souls and do a personal work of grace in their lives. He is able and willing to save.

"And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not"

Galatians 6:9

Children with character {It's "the way God made them"}

Yesterday, we had a lady from Church come to our home for Sunday dinner.

As we were getting dinner ready, Elijah, my four year old, came into the kitchen.  He started up a conversation with our friend, that went something like this.

"Tell me things that melt"

Simultaneously, two adult brains were working overtime, to think of things to tell this little man.

"Ice"

"Chocolate"

"Plastic - definitely when you put it near your gas stove...."

"Snow"

"Metal - although it depends on what type it is." (Verging on TMI for a four year old, there....)

Having, apparently, received satisfactory answers, he went on to his next question.

"Tell me things that die".

Welllllll....

This one he started to answer for himself.

"Well, flowers die -   and, some people die.  Animals die, too."

Our friend, who had Elijah in her arms, said "Where do you get all these big thoughts from?"

"God just made me this way", was his answer.

Truth.

My mind, today, went back through the memories of his life.  He was my VBAC baby. A precious gift after the transforming experience of an emergency c-section.  He was the child who I prayed over, and asked God to give me as a "fresh start" baby.  I knew if I had a VBAC I could carry on with further babies without that whole "ohhhhh, you had a section?" point of view from doctors.  Less pressure.  More "freedom" to receive blessings from God without the Spanish Inquisition. I researched so much about how to have the best delivery. How to be more in control of the experience of child birth.  How to wait on God for His timing for delivery, so I would be less likely to need intervention. More than anything else, I prayed that God's will would be done.  I knew, from the c-section delivery, that you can be ever so prepared, and God says "No, my child, THIS is the way it will go".  I prayed, and I prayed, about that delivery, and God answered my prayer.  I got my VBAC, and to top it all off, it was my best labour,up  to that point, too.

It wasn't long, however, before I realised that there's more to life than the "perfect" delivery.  a delivery lasts hours, but a baby is there all the time.  Elijah very quickly turned out to be my hardest baby to date.  He had, we think, silent reflux.  He didn't like to lie down.  He didn't sleep for long stretches.  He was high maintenance, in a big way.  In order to maintain sanity, I discovered "baby wearing".  It was the only way he was happy - upright. Up until that point, I was becoming a frazzled mess, when normally I am fairly chilled out. IT was hard work to carry a baby throughout the day, whilst still trying to do school, tidy, clean and prepare food. The Lord, in His mercy, still allowed me to find perspective.  I thought about the many others I may be able to share my story with - about researching labour, about trusting God, about my experiences with a grumpy baby.  God used this child to show me more of Himself.  Patience.  Unconditional love.  Gentleness.  Kindness.  Compassion.  Sympathy.

Slowly, but surely, he improved -  once he was sitting up more, and eating more solids.  Except, he wouldn't eat SOLIDS.  Liquids, yes, but anything with a tiny lump would get thrown back up. He was WAY over the age of one before he could tolerate "normal" food.  It was hard work.

Then I was pregnant again - and he was still not sleeping through the night.  We finally got that sorted, by just ignoring him crying in the night.  It was so hard, but my body needed sleep to grow our new baby, and to maintain the energy needed to look after my 6 children.

Older still, he grew, and he had his funny little ways.  He didn't like to be thrown in the air - right from when he was still young enough not to think about it being "scary".  He had obsessions about things.  Very particular about the way things needed to be done. Not very able to cope with things new and different.

Then came his drawing.  That boy LOVES to draw pictures, and, from a younger age than I remember the others doing so, he would draw for endless ages.  He still does, and I find copious numbers of  pictures everywhere.  Pictures, with half of the attempts scribbled out, because they aren't "right".

Of late, the deep thinking has come.  He asks questions, very often of a spiritual nature, and remembers the answers.

"Mummy, did you know God is IN THE ROOM? WE can't SEE Him, but he's here, you know"

"Mummy, when we do bad things it's the devil telling us to do them.  We need to listen to GOD, and do GOOD things.  We MUSTN'T listen to the devil, when he tells us to do bad things, you know."

All said with SUCH a serious expression, and great intensity, making me want to laugh and cry at the same moment.

THIS is Elijah.

The little boy who spoke the words "This is the way God made me".

I don't just have Elijah, though, of course.  I have seven other children.  Each of them unique.  Each of them so very special to us.  They have precious character traits that make them just who they are.

Tenderness.

Helpfulness.

Kindness.

Sincerity.

Humour.

Generosity.

Mischievousness.

Curiosity.

Determination.

Compassion.

Communicativeness.

Too much to list.  All incredibly special traits.

But, the truth of it all struck home, as he uttered those words.  Each of our children, with their traits that come to them as naturally as breathing, are who God made them to be.  No two of them the same - and trust me, having 8 children soon shows you the diversity of character.  A child's character traits, with all the challenges they bring, make them the unique person who they are.

It got me to thinking back to Elijah's whole "Life story".

As a parent, we receive a new born baby with such great pleasure.  As that child is placed into our arms, we have NO IDEA what their life is going to be like.  They are like tiny treasure chests, waiting to reveal the secret of what lies within. We watch and wait, as day by day we see them become just who God created them to be.  As a baby grows older and reaches that age where you see THEM, and not just baby, the story starts to unfold.  Little things they do, the way they do things, and the expressions their face displays.  The way they speak, the way they smile. What makes them laugh, what makes them cry. As they get older still, the things that interest them become apparent. Over, and over again, their individuality becomes clear.

Like Elijah, each child has traits that are not always easy for the parent.  I'm not talking about their little hearts that are born with sin.  That, of course, is the biggest challenge of parenting - training them in "the way they should go".  I'm talking about their character, which can bring challenges.  It brings challenges because it challenges US.  It challenges us, as parents, to nurture their character, and not fight it.  It challenges us to try and understand how their little heads and hearts operate, to better love and direct them as they grow.  It challenges us to move outside the comfort zone of what is "normal" to us, and see that it my not be "normal" for someone else.   It challenges us to embrace the "different", and to love it and appreciate it.

When Elijah was placed in my arms, I was filled with such joy and triumph.  I had achieved something, by God's grace and strength, which I had longed for, for so long. I was relieved, and elated.  Had I known then what kind of child he would be, my joy may not have been quite so full.  I'm so glad only God knows the future! But, with hindsight, I see how God has taught me so much through it all.  Not just through HIS life - although it seemed pivotal in many ways - but through the life of each child God has gifted us with. Each life, created in His image, to HIS glory.  Each life, with  personality that is God-given, and which holds SO much potential to be used to His glory.

Like treasure, we hold each child's character in our hands.  If you hold treasure, it's worthless  unless you see the potential in it, and do something with it.  Treasure that isn't invested, in some way, isn't treasure at all - it's just an object. Likewise, if we don't DO something with the traits that our children have, they are not worth so much.  We have to give them opportunities to develop those traits.  We need to invest them by placing them where they can grow and bring worth.  We need to direct them as to how to harness the potential and make it grow in a good way.  We need to look out for the ways it could make them stumble or struggle, and guide them in using their character wisely.  Each child, a little treasure, full of potential.

Above all else, we need to thank God for them - over, and over, and over.  What we see, as Elijah reminded me yesterday, is the way GOD made them.  When we read in the Bible that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made", that doesn't just mean our physical being.  It's every part of us - and it includes our minds, and how they work.  Those minds that incline us towards different strengths and weaknesses.  As hard as some days me be, as our children stretch the "muscles" of their personalities, and test us as they learn and grow in character, we need to give thanks "In every thing". Give thanks, and train them up in the way they should go.

Our children, all different - it's the way God made them.  Let's give thanks, and invest those treasures to the best of our ability.

Tots on a Tuesday {Trouble, but totally adorable, Tabitha}

So far, my "Tots on a Tuesday" posts have been more about what I do with my little boys, who are 4 and 2.

All of a sudden, it's Tabitha that's also becoming my "Tot"!

She is getting bigger, and suddenly getting more "grown up".  She is understanding more, doing more, and trying to talk more.  I told her she needed her nappy changed, and off she toddled and got a nappy and wipes! She's no longer my baby, she's growing up.

Today, that truth hit home in a slightly different way.  She's started doing things that I remember Simeon doing - pulling the children's plates and bowls out of the drawer they live in.  Then, she was pulling my purse out of my handbag, which I quickly returned to where it belonged.  This afternoon, I was doing science with the older children, and thought Simeon and Tabitha were just playing upstairs. I should have learnt by now - silence, with tots, is not always golden...

I went upstairs, later on, to find a trail of disaster.

My purse (pocketbook?) was now upstairs, totally emptied, with the contents strewn across the girls bedroom.  The toy room had toys all over the floor.  There was an entire bottle of strawberry scented bubble bath tipped all over my bath in my en suite.

Yes, my tot is getting in "trouble".

To be fair, a good part of it was her older brother leading her astray.  Regardless, it heralds the beginning of a new phase.   I have come to realise this phase can be challenging...

For a first time mother, this phase can be exhausting, and leave you feeling like the men in white coats should be on stand by, ready to whisk you away.  It's a stage where they are working out they can DO stuff, and then doing it.  ALL THE TIME. It's a trying stage, for sure.  It doesn't need to be a negative one, though.  If you are going to be a mother who takes charge of her life, this phase just requires a few simple realisations.

* It's a time for training
The reason why a small person starts to get into mischief is because they are developing and learning.  They are trying out new found skills, and their wonderfully created little brains are working out that they can do things they couldn't do before. To begin with, it's not wilful disobedience, it's just exploring.  This is where the training part comes in, if you want to try to avoid immense frustration.  You need to then TEACH them what they should and shouldn't do.  Train them what's ok, and what's not ok. Take the TIME to do it. It doesn't just happen naturally, I have found! It's our role, as the parent, to teach them. It's not easy, and it takes a lot of time, and effort, but it IS worth it.

* It's a phase
When you remember that "this too, shall pass", it helps you get through it.  Sure, some days will seem looooooong, and you will be pleading for it to be bedtime, as your little one gets into one pickle after another. However, it won't be long before they are out of that phase, and have learnt what they can and can't do. They grow up SO quickly. I am sure it was just yesterday that it was Joshua I was training. Hang on, that was 12 years ago. Yikes.

* God provides for ALL your needs
You know those days where you are screaming, in your head at least, "I CAN'T DO THIS!"?  You're right. YOU can't. God equips those He calls, and He called YOU to be a mother.  He gave us our precious children, and will provide for all our needs, as we seek to raise them to His glory.  God providing for our needs isn't simply some promise for our "daily bread". It's for ALL our needs.  If you need patience to deal with a toddler, God will provide it.  If you need wisdom to discern how best to train your little one, God will provide it.  If you need physical strength because your day has been demanding, God will provide it.  If you need a sense of humour because the day has only been filled with despair, God will provide it. We can do it, because God is our strength.

* The trying moments balance out with the sweet
All those times when you feel like you say "no", over and over and over, and THEN, you get those precious moments when they hug you. Or they say a new word.  Or they finally obey when you tell them "no". Or they just SMILE at  you.  There are endless little precious moments when you realise that it's all totally worth it. Children ARE a blessing, all the time. Blessings are not dependant upon life being perfect. Blessings are not based upon things all going well.  Blessings are not based on how we feel, or how we act.  Blessings are a gift from God, seen most clearly when we look through eyes of thankfulness, and not frustration.

My day didn't end with that list of trouble.  Let's just say that poo was involved.  Thankfully I didn't jump to the conclusion that I first came to, and that naughtiness was involved. (You KNOW, don't you? - if you have small people, you KNOW that yucky, naughty moments can happen, right?) I remained calm, and ascertained that it was my shoddy nappy fastening that had caused the trial. That same adorable little person is still the one who, having given me a kiss goodnight, whilst I was in the middle of something, but didn't hug me, looked all sad and said "Mummy, CUDDLE"!

Tots can be trouble, without doubt, but totally adorable, too.

Teaching children life skills {investing time, to shape their future}

Our home has been filled with much activity recently.  Mummy busy, children busy, and Daddy busy.

My lovely husband is a highly skilled "jack of all trades"!

Well, I think so, anyway.

He is able to turn his hand to just about ANY practical job, which has saved us a LOT of money, over the years.  He amazes me, regularly, as to what he can do. From laying laminate floor in an evening, to fixing light fittings - building sheds, to making rope swings - fitting cabinets and work surface, to creating desks for the children's school room. I could go on, but I don't like to boast.....

I was pondering, as he was busy the other evening, on WHY he was able to do this.

The answer is two-fold.

Firstly, his Dad TAUGHT him.  I will be eternally grateful that my father-in-law is, himself, so skilled in many, many practical ways. Being a man who has worked on the land, in farming situations, he can turn his hand to just about anything.  Not just in a basic, "fluffing it" way - VERY well. He has then taken the time to teach his two sons the many things he can do, for which I know my sister-in-law is also thankful! As boys, growing up, they were expected to work on the nursery, too, so their Dad naturally taught them to do the things HE did. He knew that they may, one day, need to be able to do these things for themselves. HOW RIGHT HE WAS!!! To be fair, Robert no longer has need to walk on stilts or reverse a tractor and trailer through a tight space (yes, my husband can walk on stilts!), but who knows when it could be hand? The "around the house" skills, however, are invaluable.

Secondly, his Dad was happy for his children to watch him do things.  My sister-in-law, Anna, (Robert's sister), was telling me, the other day, that she can even do many things, or at least knows how to tell someone else to do them, because her Dad simply let her observe him as he worked. It's amazing what a child can pick up by watching something being done, time and time again.

As parents, we have a wonderful opportunity to pass on skills to our children.  We don't all, as parents, have the same skills, and that is fine! Your hubby may not be able to do the jobs mine can, and I know there are many things other people's hubbies can do, that mine CAN'T! Likewise, as a mother, there are things I can do, which others can't, and vice versa.

The WHAT doesn't matter.

DOING it, matters.

Taking the time to pass on skills to our children, to help them be prepared for jobs in the future.  Having the patience (yes, PATIENCE!) and willingness to bring them alongside us and showing them how to do things, like we do. From making custard from scratch (something my Mum did!), to showing them how to bake a cake.  Laundry jobs.  Hobbies.  Computer skills. Sewing a button on.  The list is endless!

Even just taking the time to teach basic skills like cleaning.  Showing them how a basic chore is done correctly, like tidying their room! They won't know if you don't teach them, and especially showing them by example!

Simply having your children with you whilst you do jobs will help them in the future.

God has shaped our own past, with all of our experiences and skills acquired. What our parents have invested in us, we should make sure and pass on to the next generation.

Maybe your parents DIDN'T teach you much? Perhaps you feel you don't have much to pass on? There are two possibilities! Firstly, that you have skills and talents you just haven't thought of! Maybe you can teach your children about being generous with their time and efforts, or how to show kindness and love.  Maybe you can teach them to be thoughtful.  Perhaps you can teach your sons how to show thoughtfulness and compassion to their future wives, and your daughters how to be supportive and submissive?

Secondly, you could LEARN things yourself! You could ask a friend to teach you how to do something you'd like to be able to do.  There are also loads of adult learning courses for many practical topics, which can save you lots of money in the long run.  Don't forget the Internet! If in doubt, find an instruction video on YouTube!

We have it within our power to massively help our children in future years, by teaching them NOW.  They are never too young to watch us while we work, and it can equally give wonderful opportunities for conversation, too.  Win-win! We are investing our time wisely, if we teach our children in practical life skills, every opportunity we can get.

A godly generation - part 3

I have had a bit of a break since I had my first 2 posts on this subject.  I saw that I had started to jot down some more thoughts, but hadn't got around to finishing it off.  So, here we go on the last points!


7.  GUARD THEM FROM UNGODLY INFLUENCES

I think this is sooooooo important.  And, they don't always come from the places you would expect!

We got rid of our TV license when Joshua was young.  It was as much to do with what I was tempted to watch, as much as anything else.  However, it became increasingly obvious that there were so many issues, even in CHILDREN'S programmes, that I wanted to avoid.  We do still watch DVD's, but even with those, I am getting increasingly fussy, and chucking things away.  We got a recent Disney DVD.  The princess and the Frog.  Don't buy it! A lot of Disney is fairly harmless, but I was seriously unimpressed with this addition.  It has VOODOO in it, and talks of "going over to the dark side".  A lot of Disney has a very clear "good over evil" storyline, and is purely fantasy.  (I will not get into the debate about fairy tales right now....)  But, this was too close to the real dangers of Satanic influence, which is a reality in life.

So, as I say, I am more particular these days!  I prefer factual programmes (it's been a bit "cold turkey" for certain children, who prefer the story type DVD's!), but have story type ones as well.  Stories like "The Railway Children" or "Swallows and Amazons" (very British, I know!) are nice.  I like Little Women.  But, do you know what, I found, even with that, that I have to emphasise to the children what the Bible teaches on certain subjects that are not reinforced in a movie like that! (ie, Jo being very independent, and being unsatisfied with being a girl!....)  I see no harm in them watching them, as they are being taught clearly enough, from God's Word, what the right way is to live.

I am very careful about reading material.  I think carefully about whether something is profitable for them to be reading, and at best it should actually reinforce our Christian beliefs.  A lot of the classics are much better than the modern rubbish that is being published.  There are some lovely Christian books for children.

The "Moody Family" series, by Sarah Maxwell, is a lovely set of books.  Sarah Maxwell is the daughter of Steve and Terri Maxwell who run Titus 2  Ministries.

I love the books by Janette Oke, and she has a series for children as does Beverly Lewis.  Beverly Lewis has some GORGEOUS picture books, that teach character to chidlren.

These make a beautiful gift, or a family treasure!

Elizabeth George also has lovely picture books, teaching Godly character.

Another set of books, which appealed more to my son, is called Building on the Rock.  They are a devotional set of books, which teach Biblical truth based around true stories from history. They are really interesting,  and exciting!

Choose books that will build them up in God's truths, so that the become a natural part of their lives.  You need to reinforce, not tear down, the truths you are trying to instil in the lives our your children.

Now, for a big one. We have to be wise what company they keep.  This is one that divides Christians.  Personally, I do not guard my children from the ungodly influences of school, only to have them go and play with all the neighbourhood children, the moment THEY get out of school!  I will NOT have them go and play alone, in the home of an unbelieving family.  It has been given to ME to raise my children and to protect them from the evils of this world.  How can I protect these precious "saplings", if I leave them with ungodly families??  I can't.  That's the simple answer.  I don't keep them at home all the time (erm, although in the last few weeks, we have hardly been out at all....couldn't face the energy required, and busy packing to move...lol) - they meet all sorts of peole as we are out and about.  Old people, young people, and everything in between.  But, they are under my guidance and protection.  I can tell you, from experience, that I had some very ungodly influences in my younger days, visiting the homes of the unconverted.  But, because I ENJOYED some of the things I was experiencing, I wouldn't have told my parents for fear of not being allowed back!! I distinctly remember the bad influence some children had upon my life.  I am NOT saying that the children of Christian families are perfect.  I have my OWN children to see that quite clearly! However, I at least know that we, as parents, are trying to teach our children in the right ways!

We just have to be so wise, as parents, and seek to do what is right before the Lord, to raise our children as a godly generation.


8.  TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WHY YOU HAVE THE RULES IN YOUR HOME

This is one that was suggested to me by a dear friend.  She told me that they had a lot of "dos and don'ts" growing up, but had NO idea why she was to do or not do those things.  I know that a child learning to obey without question is very important.  They need to be trained to obey without feeling they need a reason to do so.  HOWEVER, if you have ground rules, it is vitally important for your children to understand where those rules come from.

First and foremost, we must first of all make sure that the rules we DO have are based upon God's Word.  We need to have scriptural authority for all that we choose to be the ground rules in out home.  There are numerous places where you can find scriptural references for family rules.

Some of the resources that I have found to be valuable...

I mentioned here about the book by Clay and Sally Clarkson "Our 24 family ways".  This devotional seeks to go through 24 "rules" of their home, explaining from the scriptures why these are good attributes to apply in our lives.  It's the perfect way to have family guidelines and ALSO teach your children WHY you do it!

The Duggar's have a great list of the "Operational definitions of character qualities" - in other words, how do we put into action various attributes, such as being truthful, obedient, honest, etc, etc, as well as what the opposite behaviour would be, along with scripture basis.  It's a GREAT list, and you can find it here.

There is nothing worse that constantly telling a child to do something, simply, "because I say so"! They need to do know WE are guided by God's Word, as we guide and teach them.  Otherwise they will never understand that we are training them to ultimately please GOD, first and foremost, and not us!  If they understand that our authority is GOD, then it puts a whole different perspective upon their instruction.


9.  PRAY, PRAY AND PRAY SOME MORE!

I think, to finish off, that this must be our watchword - "PRAY"!!! We are nothing without the aid and assistance of the Holy spirit.  We need to plead, every day, for His help, strength, wisdom, grace and humility.  raising our children for His glory, is a hard task, and which needs to be watered with prayer.  Ultimately, we cannot save our children.  We cannot do the convicting work of the Holy Spirit.  We are, however, His instruments - His tools - His workers.  We are doing a great work for Him, which will be used to speak to their souls, and for them to see their need of a Saviour.  We cannot be lax or remiss in this huge, but incredibly important, role.

Pray as we start the day - that we would be guided by His Word, in all we say and do in our family.

Pray as we open our mouths to speak to others - that our words would be wise, grounding, encouraging, and gentle.

Pray as we make decisions - that they would be governed by God's Word, and God's wisdom - not our own.

Pray as we train and discipline - that we would not be governed by anger - rather that we would be firm, yet gentle in how we deal with our family.

Pray for forgiveness - we can never be perfect, and we need to have the humility to see that and seek forgiveness firstly from our Heavenly Father, ad from those who we have wronged.  

Pray at the end of the day - that the Lord would use our labours for good - to the saving of their precious souls, and to build up those who already belong to Him.

My prayer is that we all honour the Lord in our dealings with our children, in order to raise a godly generation for Him.


Now, these are just my tuppeny worth on the subject, and  I am sure there will be many other things that I will forget, or don't mention.  PLEASE feel free to chime in, in the comments section, or blog about it yourself, linking in with this post, in order to share your views.