Dancing the dance of the home {the virtuous wife}

"A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband"

Proverbs 12:4  

Can I tell you a secret?

Sometimes, when we have music playing in the kitchen, I will dance with my children. 

I twirl around, with a small person in my arms, and they LOVE it! Music playing away, and the joy that we both feel is tangible! It's not a very Scottish-conservative-Baptist type thing to do, but it's a lot of fun! 

Imagine my surprise, when I was looking into another "woman" in Proverbs, to find out the root of the word "virtuous" is

khool - "A primitive root; properly to twist or whirl (in a circular or spiral manner), that is, (specifically) to dance"

To me, it was just like that twirling and whirling around I do in the kitchen! I wouldn't have considered that activity to relate to being virtuous, but when I stopped and thought about my life, there WAS a connection.

The word that "khool" is the root of is "khah-yil".  Its meaning  - "probably a force, whether of men, means or other resources; an army, wealth, virtue, valour, strength".

Think about your role, as a wife and a mother.

If you are anything like me, your day is filled with jobs. You rush about, from one duty to another.  At your disposal is a wealth of resources that you utilise to the specifics of the job you have in hand.  Planning, working, and achieving a numerous host of tasks.

In fact, when you are at your busiest, you are probably whirling, twirling and whizzing from one thing to another, like someone waltzing around a room.

To be fair, most mothers are less ballerina or Viennese waltzer, and more of a jiving and jitterbugging mother! Less graceful and more energetic! We get the job done, but it may look like something from a comedy sketch - you bend down to pick something up, only to notice there is something a couple of feet away which you deftly hop over to rescue. You then notice that there are some cobwebs gathering and stretch up to remove them, only to trip up over a stray toy, which you pick up and toss, more accurately than any professional sportsman, into the toybox in the corner.  (Seriously, I can accurately pitch a toy in to the box, nearly every time, from quite a distance!). 

We cook, clean, and organise, in one, seemingly endless, dance sequence.  

You need only to look at Proverbs 31 to see the list of tasks that one woman can accomplish, if she sets her mind to it. THAT is virtue.  Being a force that accomplishes all she needs to do, to keep her home running efficiently.

That kind of woman - the one, dancing around with energy, joy and strength - whirling, twirling around in her dance of life, caring for her home - she's a crown to her husband. We adorn him, and place him in the highest position, by being everything we should be.  It brings him honour, strength and respect, when we are everything we need to be. It makes him feel like royalty, when we are working hard to make our home a place of industry and God-glorifying accomplishments.

Like an invigorating dance, this busy life makes us breathless, tired and glad for a rest.  But, it also fills us with energy, satisfaction and joy.  No less so, because we know it's a crown to our precious husbands, to BE that dancing" wife and mother.

Next time I am twirling around my kitchen with the children, I will remember that everything I am doing as a virtuous wife and mother, is making my husband feel like a king.

Women of the Word {Vashti - how not to be a good wife}

Before I launch into looking at Esther - that young girl who went from humble beginnings to Queenly status - I think it's very important to look at Vashti.

The book of Esther is intriguing. No mention of God at all.  Yet, filled with a story of redemption.

Esther - an example of strength and bravery.

Vashti - an example of how NOT to be a wife.

Let's get the back story, First. King Ahasuerus decided to throw a lavish party. It was no small feast - it lasted one hundred and eighty days! At the end of this great feast, where he displayed his power, he threw a shorter feast - seven days - in his garden.  It was a place of great beauty, reflecting the great riches of the Kingdom, with colourful hangings, marble and a multi-coloured flooring!  All the people drank from golden cups - each one unique. They didn't drink with excess - it all fell within the limits of the law.  It must have been quite a feast!

At the same time, Vashti made a feast for the women, separately.

On the seventh day, the King requested that the Queen should come to him, so he could show off her beauty to those gathered.  He quite obviously admired the good looks of his wife, and wanted others to appreciate such.

Then came the problem.

Vashti point blank refused to come.

It made Ahasuerus angry.

He consulted his wise men, to decide what should be done.

It was decided, according to the law, that she would no longer come before the King, and her estate should be given to one "better than she".

All of this was decided for one pivotal reason - they didn't want  Vashti's in-submission to be a bad example to the women in the kingdom. They needed to see that it was something that was wrong, and had consequences.

As much as the kingdom of Ahasuerus was an ungodly one, there was much wisdom in their views on marriage.

Here is the basis for the decisions of the wise men.

"Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. 

For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. 

Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media say this day unto all the king's princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath. 

For he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house."

Esther 1

Vashti's actions could potentially cause other women in the kingdom to "despise" their husbands, and lead to "contempt and wrath".  In other words, it would lead other women to think they could copy the actions and attitude of Vashti, leading to anger and contempt. It wasn't the way marriages were supposed to work.  Going against the way that things should be would cause hurt and damage.

Now, before I get to the nitty gritty...

I am a woman, trying to share with other women what I find in the Bible. It is not my job to teach men, or instruct husbands. So, I will not be dealing, in any great detail, about what men should, or shouldn't, be doing.

I have simply come to this topic as a natural progression, studying through the women of the Bible, and I am not trying to make a point out of something that's not obviously there.

That said, what can we see from Vashti, and what can we then conclude from what the Bible teaches, elsewhere?

Firstly, what can we learn from this chapter, from the incident with Vashti?

* Vashti, as a wife, was expected to obey her husband.

* Vashti didn't obey her husband.

* It was wrong to disobey her husband.

* Vashti was being a bad example to other wives.

* Men are to rule their homes.


Amongst many, this would not be popular or tolerated.

Obey husband? Men rule in the home?

Seriously?

Surely this is just a heathen kingdom's rules, and not at all in line with GOD'S teaching?

Erm, wrong.

If you are a child of God, who longs to serve and honour Him with every fibre of your being, the ruling given in this Persian kingdom is EXACTLY the same as what God requires of you.

EXACTLY the same!

Don't believe me?

Read on.

"thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

This is an edict given in GENESIS.

THE BEGINNING.

Husbands, ruling over the wife.  This is the start of it all.  The fall.  The curse.  The punishment given to women.  We are to be ruled over by our husbands, and it's our CURSE.  We won't like it, and our spirit, by nature, will fight it, tooth and nail.  Ergo - it's not going to be easy, but it's what God has ordained.

It's so disliked, even to this day, that feminism has reared its ugly head, and tries to imply that this must mean that women are somehow lesser beings by this requirement, and we must battle to gain equality.

What sad, sad falsehood.

God has created us equal, in His sight.  He loves women and men equally.  He hears and answers our prayers equally.  He desires to bless us equally.  We are equal.

However, due to sin, and our fallen nature, He established that there needs to be order within our lives.  There can only be one leader in every marriage.  It's not actually the man.

No.

It's GOD.

He is the ultimate authority, and we are both, as husband and wife, under His authority, and expected to obey Him.

Life, of course, throws out, time upon time, instances where decisions have to be made, and leadership is required.  God has planned that the husband is to take that role.

GOD.

HE decided.

Now, please bear in mind, I am NOT talking to non-Christians here.  I am talking, primarily, to those who claim Christ as their Saviour.  I am telling you that GOD chose that this is the way it should be.
This ALONE should be reason enough to want to follow it!

It's not about being bossy, oppressive, or most of all misogynistic. It's not an excuse for men to exert unloving, and harsh, command over their wives.  It's about taking on the role of "the buck stops here, so I need to make choices as the head of this home", and the wife lovingly accepting that's the way it should be.

I'm not saying that wives have no opinion, no point of view, or any other such nonsense.  If a man loves his wife as Christ loved the Church, He will want to hear what his wife has to say, and treat her as a spiritual equal, with respect and love.  It doesn't mean that she gets to be disrespectful and obstinate. It doesn't mean she has leeway to be self-centred and manipulative.

Look back at the verse in Genesis. The husband rules.

The example of Vashti is a clear one, regarding respect for our husband.  If your husband asks you to do something that is not wrong or sinful, then we should desire to respectfully do it.  If we respect that role of leadership that God has placed in his hands - which is no small thing, and bears the weight of responsibility to God for each decision he makes - then we should WANT to submit. If we want to honour GOD, we will want to honour our husband.  He is accountable to God for the decisions he makes, which require our submission - we are accountable to God to submit to our husband.  It's that simple.

Biblical headship is ultimately about protection, not "being the boss". It's about Christ protecting families, husbands protecting their wife and family, and wives protecting their family and caring for their home. We all have responsibilities to rule well, and to honour the Lord in how we do it.  So, as wives, if our husband asks us to do something, we submit.

I once saw a graphic that explained it well, and I have attempted recreated it myself.

You can see here the way it all works.  It's about caring, protecting, and ruling well.

"One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;"

I Timothy 3:5

Yes, it's an instruction to those being considered as Elders, but given that they are in a position of example, we can safely say it's how  ALL men should behave!  Ruling WELL their household, which includes the wife, as well as the children.  Ruling well means loving like Christ loves us.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." 

Ephesians 5:22-24

"Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."

Ephesians 5:33

This is the biggie.   We submit to our husbands as we submit to the Lord.  Maybe that is where we need to start, in our hearts. DO we submit to the Lord, first and foremost? Are we desirous to honour Him, love Him, respect Him, and obey Him, above all else? Listening to His voice, over the clamouring voices of the world?  If we are, then we will WANT to submit to our husband.  Christ is the head of the Church to lead her, guide her, protect her, teach her, love her.  In the same way, the husband is the head of the wife. Christ isn't domineering, abrasive, unheeding, and without love and care.  Neither should the husband be. Likewise, as we, as a church, should be subject to Christ - in EVERYTHING - so should we be to our husbands - IN EVERY THING.   We need to deeply respect our husband, and SHOW it.

Herein was the downfall of Vashti.  She did not respect her husband, and his desires, and was plucked from her lofty position as wife of the King, and all honours and riches were taken away. He didn't ask her to do anything wrong or crazy. He just asked her to come to him.  To leave what she was doing, to come to him.  She didn't want to.  That curse that was put upon her, as all women, was fighting within her, and she gave in to self.  

Like Vashti, when we choose NOT to respectfully, and humbly, come  under the authority and protection of the headship of our husbands, as God has ordained, we put ourselves in harms way. We are sinning, and choosing to disobey God, when we fight against it.  It displeases God.  It grieves His heart. It's not for us to judge whether our husband is making the best call - it's up to us to respectfully obey, and leave it in the hands of the One under whose authority our husband stands. 

As for the reasoning behind Vashti being removed from her role as queen, we read that it was so that her actions were not a bad example to other women.

We can see, similarly, what I Peter teaches  us.

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

I Peter 3:5-6

We have the GOOD example of women like Sara - she loved and respected her husband so deeply, she called him "lord".  Yes, LORD.  We are her daughters - we are from her lineage, as those who faith in God.  We need to follow her example, and BE an example to others, too.  To the world, watching what real love should be.  To our daughters, growing up and learning how a good marriage should operate. To young Christians, wanting to learn how to live a life honouring to God.

*sigh*

It's a HUGE issue.

It's a HARD thing.

It's simply not easy, and we will battle with it until our dying day, because it's part of our curse.  Our child bearing years will pass, and so passes that part of the curse - but, until our husband passes to glory, it's our duty to submit to our husband.

Hang on.

Let's just finish on a positive.

If submitting to our husband is submitting to God's will, how should we be doing it? Yes, it's our duty. Yes, it's a command.

The Psalmist sums it up.

"I delight to do thy will, O my God:"

Psalm 40:8

DELIGHT.  That's how we should do God's will.  With delight.  With joy.

"Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart."

Psalm 119:2 

If we obey God's commands, and seek to follow after Him with our whole heart, we will be blessed.

I can tell you, unequivocally, when you don't honour and obey your husband you will NOT be happy. You will NOT be blessed.  You will be miserable. Seeking self, and thinking you know best, will NOT lead to joy and happiness. Ask me how I know.  Actually, don't.  Just take my word for it.

Is it easy? 

No.  Fighting against sin and self is not easy.

Not every husband is easy to submit to, I must add.  Men are sinners, just like women.  They don't always lead and rule with the love and grace that they ought to.  Does that mean we shouldn't have to do our part? NO! We are only ever accountable for ourselves.  Leave it to God to judge our husbands.

Is it worth it? 

Yes. Obeying God's perfect will is ALWAYS worth it.  I can tell you, hands down, that my marriage has been more joyful, happy, blessed, and strong, when I have submitted to Robert.  Do I always get it right? Do I always do what I should? Shamefully, no.  When I do, we have such sweet union, and heartache is averted. 

Don't be like Vashti.  Don't be headstrong and self-willed.  Delight to do God's will, and see the blessings that come your way.

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Humility in our marriages {when our husband is our Brother first}

I love the Epistles.  They are absolutely jam-packed full of practical advice. These, of course, are letters - written by various apostles to the newly formed "churches", or bodies of believers. They were groups who were meeting together as part of the "early Church", not long after the death of Christ, and the realisation that the Messiah had, indeed, come - that they were now following after Christ as their Saviour.  They had much to learn.  Many were converted from Judaism, where they were rule followers. Those believers had to learn grace, love, forgiveness. Many were from completely gentile, or even pagan, backgrounds - from cities and outlying regions, where the gospel was reaching out through the missionary journeys of disciples and apostles.

All of them had one thing in common.  They were sinners, needing a sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in their lives, as they sought to become more Christlike.

In today's culture, we read these epistles, and often consider them in the light of the "Church", as they were written to.

We read instructions such as,

"Let brotherly love continue." 

Hebrews 13:1

"Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Ephesians 4:3

"Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." 

Philippians 2:3  

and we think about how we need to work at making the Church we attend a God-glorifying place, where we all love each other, get along, and respect one another's opinions.  We work at it, and endeavour to do our best at making our Church life one of blessing.

Then we come home.

Suddenly, we forget that our husband is also our brother.  We forget we are part of the same body - in more ways than one.  United in Christ, AND united in marriage.

All that we hold so dear, in the context of the Church, we throw casually to one side in how we treat each other in our families.

There is one character trait which causes much damage in marriages, and in families as a whole.

Pride.

A lack of humility.

The "I'm right, you're wrong" attitude.

As I listened to God's Word being preached on Sermon Audio last week, I listened to a sermon which dealt with this very issue, in the wider context of the Church.  However, it struck me as to how much of a clincher it is, if we desire a healthy, God-glorifying marriage.

Do I have a JOY attitude? A "Jesus, Others, Yourself" attitude?

Or, is it more of a

"Jesus

Others (Oh, except my husband, because why should HE get to know more than me, or have a "more worth listening to" perspective on life?)

Yourself"

attitude?

It's sad, but unmistakably true, that many, many "Christian" marriages, seem to be founded upon that attitude.

Pride.  Stubborn wills.  Unbending opinions.  Self righteousness.

Trust me, I speak to my own heart first. With great sorrow, I saw myself staring right back, when I looked into the mirror of God's Word, as that message was being preached.

The times when I have stubbornly thought that what I thought was far better, and my husband couldn't possibly be right.

The moments when my heart grumbled and moaned inwardly, because I stubbornly believed my opinion to be of greater value than Robert's.

It doesn't have to be an outward manifestation - in fact, an inward "muttering" of the spirit can be far more destructive.

The thing is, if we are both saved, by God's grace, our husband is our BROTHER.  We are "heirs together of the grace of life".  Children of the Heavenly King.  Part of the same body of Christ, the same family of God.

Those verses are written to US, and need to be applied within the context of our marriage, as equally as in the context of the "church".

Just look at these verses.  Don't think of them in the Church setting.

Stop.

Think about them in the context of marriage, or of family.

"For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. 

For as we have many members in one body." 

Romans 12:4

Not thinking of ourselves more highly than we ought.

Is our opinion and perspective REALLY more valuable and worthy of following, than that of our spouse? Do we think of ourselves THAT highly, that we don't even consider listening to the point of view of our husband?

Oh, how devastatingly cringe-worthy.  I am internally squirming, as I think of how that has applied in my own life.  How I shame my Saviour, when I think of myself in that way.

Those times when I have jumped to argue, and bicker, and be contentious.  Not endeavouring to keep unity, and peace.

Look at this list in Proverbs, of things God hates - it's one I shared last week.

"A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, 

An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, 

A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."

Do you see how it starts, and how it ends?  It begins with pride, and ends with discord.  That is what happens in our marriages - if we begin with a proud heart, that thinks highly of herself, we will end with discord. Discord is the opposite of being harmonious, or tuneful.  Our marriages will be lacking melody - just filled with angry, confused "noise", if we are proud and opinionated.  In fact, that noise could very well end up being arguing and shouting.

It's no surprise that the book Proverbs deals so much with the subject of contentious women - it's a shameful inclination of our sinful hearts, to desire to argue, instead of to be peaceable.

"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing." 

Proverbs 9:13  

"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house." 

Proverbs 21:9 

 "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman."

Proverbs 21:19 

 "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike."

Proverbs 27:15 

 "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house."

Proverbs 25:24 

If you are reading all of these and thinking

"What about the men, hey? What are THEY supposed to be doing? Where's THEIR list?"

Then, you're putting yourself on that "pride" list straight away.

A mark of one with humility, is one who can look upon themselves and see their own sin, without having to point the finger at another first.

We need to be wives who don't "sow discord". Not speaking down to our husbands, or finding fault, or criticising.  Having a spirit like that just puts us up on that "higher than we ought to think" shelf, again. Speaking down, is elevating our own point of view, and demeaning another's.  Finding fault and criticising is comparing to a standard we think is "right", and seeing where another falls short. 

So how DO we need to be?

We need to be gracious women.  

"A gracious woman retaineth honour: "

Proverbs 11:16 

We need to be gentle, and meek.  

"gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men."

Titus 3:2

"a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

I Peter 3:4:

 Meekness is NOT weakness.  It's humility.  

Pleasant, kind, showing grace.

"With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; 

Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Ephesians 4:2-3

Longsuffering - patient - cheerfully enduring. 

In LOVE.

Are we living a marriage with that kind of being "in love"?  

Endeavouring - it requires effort.  Look at the Strong's expansion of that one word...

"to make effort, be prompt or earnest: - do (give) diligence, be diligent (forward), endeavour, labour, study."

Oh, my soul.  Diligently strive to cast off pride, high opinions of yourself, and a haughty spirit. Graciously, lovingly, and humbly put your husband and his point of view, higher - way, high above - your own.

Anything we have only comes from God.  It's nothing of ourself, anyway. God has equally gifted our husbands with wisdom and perspective, equally valid to our own. It's never worth destroying a marriage because of pride.

As Mr Wagner said in his sermon - "It's not about you - it's about the body of Christ".

And my husband is my brother.

I plead with the Lord to make me humble and not haughty - a gracious woman who retains honour.

 

God's Words to us

This morning, I began a new Bible reading schedule.  I will share more about that in the New Year.  However, I was struck by something this morning, which I felt would be a good thing to share, at the end of an old year and the dawn of a new one, looming on the horizon.

I love how I can read a passage that I have read countless times before, and still be struck by things in a new perspective. God is a good God.

I was reading the first 3 chapters of Genesis this morning.  Truly, they are PACKED with amazing truths, and essential doctrine. I could share dozens of important truths, but this one just particularly struck me.

Throughout chapter 1, we read of God speaking all things into life.

"And God said..."

God simply spoke, and all things came into being, by the power of His word.  It's astounding,  amazing and incomprehensible to our puny minds. And yet, we know it as truth.  Indeed, to doubt it is to err.

That's the part where my brain kicked in, and God showed me something so important.

We take it as truth, and relevant and important, and doubtless, that God's word of command created all things.

Should we not then take as crucial and important truth, the words that God spoke that apply to us as women, in those first few chapters?  Should we doubt the verity and importance of believing THOSE words to be truth.

For this to make sense, I need to remind you what those words are, which are relevant to us.

"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

Genesis 2:18

"and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Genesis 3:16

For some reason, women of today - CHRISTIAN women of today - doubt that part of God's Word to us.  We don't doubt that, by His Word, all things were created, but we want to doubt the relevance and truth of the words above. The first spoken before sin, the second spoken after.  NEITHER made redundant at ANY POINT throughout scripture.

Putting them side by side shows me of the contrast between our relationship as husband and wife, comparing pre and post-sin.

The first words that God spoke relating to our existence at all, were relating to the purpose of our creation. It was the first point that God did not say that "it was good".  He says that "it is not good".  What was not good?  It was not good that man should be alone. So, God in His infinite wisdom, and His perfect plan, made woman - a "help meet".  Or, an "aid mate".  "Helpful counterpart".

A suitable helper.

We were created to complete man.  So that we, as a couple, would be whole together.  That as man and wife we would be the perfect unit.  One is not complete without the other.

We live in a world today, which diminishes the completeness of the union between a husband and wife.  We are led to believe, that EVEN IN MARRIAGE  we can function as individual units.  2 people, happening to live under the one roof, who can do their own thing, and be their own person - separate from their spouse. That the wife does not need to be that help and aid to her husband.  That he has to somehow muddle and guddle through on his own, whilst the wife waltzes off doing her own thing whenever, and however, she pleases.

THIS IS NOT GOD'S PLAN FOR US.

We were created to be one.

If that means we have to set aside the pursuits of our single life, prior to marriage, in order to be that help and aid that our husband needs, SO BE IT.

If it means we have to put our selfish desires aside, in order to be a loving, helpful, caring and God honouring spouse, SO BE IT.

Why should the wonder of God's word of creation, be any less as God's Word of creation for our marriages?  That Him creating the perfect world is amazing, but creating the perfect union is to be dismissed as not relevant.

This year, I want to be reminded daily of the wonder of God's Word for my marriage - that I was created to be a perfect helper and aid to my husband.

That's God's Word to me.

The second "words" to us, are after the fall.  They are part of the outworking of God's curse upon humankind. This is the contrast to how God created our marriage to be, and how it became following sin entering the world. And, the words that relate to us as women are a bitter pill to swallow.  Somehow we muddle through, and stoically accept the pain involved in pregnancy and child-birth.

"Ah, well, it's all part of the curse, and we just have to endure it.  It doesn't last long, and we get a baby at the end."

That saccharine approach somehow disappears when the words "he shall rule over thee" are mentioned.

Our sinful hearts rebel against THAT part of the curse.  Having to submit to the headship and authority of our husbands is a somewhat more bitter pill to swallow.  It's a command that directly relates to the part that Eve had to play in The Fall.  She went off, under her own steam, doing what she thought was right.  Tempting her husband into doing the same thing.  Him weakly accepting.  Under the curse, the men are to do the ruling, and we are to be the ones to submit.

It's a CURSE.  It's not meant to be easy.  Our rebellious hearts squirm under the command.  We scream inside, wanting to still do our own thing, bucking against the instruction to submit.

And yet, in God's grace and goodness, we have further instruction in the New Testament, which makes it a bit easier to bear. We are reminded that under that umbrella of headship, we are under the headship of Christ.  We are obeying His command, and we are able to give up the burden of leading and guiding the family, to our husbands. What a huge task they have to bear.  How glad I am that my role is simply to submit, and not the one to have the responsibility to lead.  How I pray for my husband in that huge task.  Give me child birth any day. Ok, maybe not ANY day....

God's word brought this earth into being.

It brought us into existence.

It gave us our purpose.

It gave us our curse.

All God's Words having equal relevance and importance, we then need to embrace His Words to us, as much as we wonder at and give credence to His Words of creation.

My prayer is that we all would seek God's strength and grace, this year, to be doers of the Word, and not hearers only.

Looking back

There are many who would say that we should not spend out lives looking back.  In some senses this may be true.  We shouldn't look back, continually going over mistakes or sins - dragging them up in our mind, let alone in conversation. We shouldn't look back with regrets, with a negative perspective - mulling over things we wished we had done differently.  What's done is done, and we can't change it.

However, there is great blessing in looking back over the good, and rejoicing with thanksgiving for the things that have happened in our lives.

Undoubtedly, this has been a year of great blessing to our family.  Just today, I am celebrating 13 years of marriage to the love of my life.  What incomparable years of joy they have been.  The blessings of marriage are so many, that I cannot begin to count them up in a blog post. Our love has grown, our relationship deepened, our personalities matured and our character improved  All of this adds up to a continuing love for each other, as we daily learn to die to self and give to one another. I love Robert greatly, and am thankful for him every day.  I can not imagine life without him.

We have been blessed with another child - our seventh.  I can hardly believe, 13 years on, that we have been so wonderfully blessed with these 7 children, from the Lord.  Simeon is a joy, and it is thrilling to see him develop and grow every day.  He's getting more vocal, more mobile and ever more adorable. All of the other children continue to grow, and learn.  We have many "wobbly" moments, where things don't go as smoothly, humanly speaking, as we would wish.  Balancing that all out, and tipping in the opposite direction, are the rich, moments of blessing that the children bring.  The smiles, the laughter, the tender moments, the little things they say, the precious things they do.  All a blessing. And, even in the trying times, there is always something to find, which we can still be thankful for.

We  are continually blessed and encouraged by our extended family.  Opportunities to meet up together, and have fun have been a joy.  To grow closer, to be blessed by help, and kindness, and love, and generosity of many varieties. Family is always a blessing.

Related to that has been the opportunity to open up our wonderful, new home, to have many people come to visit and to stay.  It's SUCH a blessing to now have home large enough to not only have room for our own family, but have room to comfortably accommodate overnight visitors.

We have been blessed with friendship.  Through my contacts with Facebook, we have made several new friends. Some that are more exclusive to me, in my online contacts - friends who I come alongside with, in prayer and praise, and who span all corners of the globe.  What a blessing to see answered prayer, and to be encouraged in my Christian walk by other like-minded Sisters.  Some are friends who have extended to an IRL capacity - "In Real Life".  To meet people and find they are just as you imagined, and have friendships bloom and grow.  What a blessing and encouragement. To have many come to stay in our home, and to be able to talk of the things of the Lord, laugh about many different things, and be so deeply blessed by the company of so many.  We particularly enjoyed meeting the St John family, and the blessing and encouragement that friendship has been to us.

We have been blessed in our journey in home education.  Beginning new curricula, seeing the children come on in leaps and bounds, having Susie start to read, and the general privilege of having my children with me in the home every day.  Is it hard at times.  Yes.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely!

We rejoice to keep in touch with friends who have been with us in years gone by, and now see them ministering in many ways, and in many places. What a thrill to see young men labouring for the Lord, and new families being raised for God's glory.

My heart is truly full, as I look back at the blessing that God has filled my life with.  We are contented with the many blessings which the Lord has bestowed upon us.

And, as I look back, with a full heart, I give thanks.

Thanks for the many, many wonderful gifts that God has given me.

"for consider how great things he hath done for you."

I Samuel 12:24

"The LORD hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad. "

Psalm 126:3

My friend Justin, and my husband's friend, Al'

We have two friends in our home.

They appear often, but don't reside here permanently.

Lurkers...that's who they are....LURKERS!

Their name crops up every so often, but we are pretty selective whose friend is who's.

My friend is Justin.  I have MANY female friends who are friends with Justin as well.  VERY good friends.

Robert's friend is Al'. He gets a mention on a fairly regular basis, and many men I know seem to be on good terms with him.

They have a full name...

"Justin Case"

and

"It'll be Al' Right"

You've heard of them before??!!

YOU are friends with Justin as WELL!?!?

Well, you know what I am referring to, then?!

"we need to get the swinging crib up so on...I will be 36 weeks in about 10 days...you just never know, I could be early and it would be good to have it up 'Justin Case'.."

You SEE...there he is....my friend "Justin".

What would my lovely husband say?

"you know, 'It will be Al' Right'...."

The number of times I have been befriending "Justin" whilst he rubs shoulders with "Al'"....I couldn't number them. Really, I couldn't.

It used to frustrate me, that HE couldn't be friends with Justin, like me.  Isn't Justin a better friend to have than Al'? Justin is more dependable, and helps you makes sure you have all bases covered.  But Al'?....surely he can't be relied on for anything? That can't be the best friend to accompany you through thick and thin.

But, do you know what I realised?  God, in His wisdom, made women and men differently.  He created us womenfolk in such a way, that we think things through, think ahead, plan, make provision and organise.  So, we are friends with Justin.  HE is the friend who makes sure that we have thought through every possible scenario and are ready for ANYTHING.

Sick child in the house?...

..sick bowls ready everywhere a child may roam

...towels on pillows to catch any mess and make clearing up easier

....cleaning materials at the ready

....spare bed linen in the master bedroom, ready to grab in the night

...all because we like to have our friend Justin in action!

Husbands?...."It'll be Al' Right....."

They go with the flow...tend to be more laid back...live in the moment.  And, we need that balance.  If our husbands were running around, akin to a headless chicken, making sure everything was as prepared and ready for every little scenario, at the same time as us, chaos COULD ensue!!!

We need their laid back and calming approach, alongside our more "thinking of every detail" approach, to have marriage that has balance and harmony.

We wouldn't really want it any other way, would we?  As frustrating as it can be, when sometimes we want to plan, plan, plan...and they tell us to slow down and calm down "It will be Al' right", and Justin keeps trying to push in.  We NEED to sometimes listen, and slow down.  If it's something that REALLY doesn't matter, it's ok to just relax, and embrace the principles of Al'.

The rest of the time?..keep friendly with Justin, and even when your husband says to you, after your efforts have been unnecessary, "SEE, I told you it would be Al' Right", you can rest in the knowledge that YOU know the number of times that Justin was all too useful, in order for his friend Al' to be there at all!