Women of the Word {pigs with piercings - being beautifully discreet}

As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion."

Proverbs 11:22  "

Today's "Woman" is another one from the Proverbs.  It's speaking to any, and every, woman.  No specifics given.  No special story or incident.  Just a Biblical principle - GOD'S principle - for how a woman should behave.

How she should use her tongue.

I love it when God uses imagery to help us understand a concept.  This one doesn't disappoint.

We have a pig, and an attractive woman.  Not your usual compatriots, right?

The topic is about the tongue.  It's about speaking when we shouldn't - more specifically, having no discretion in what we say.

We have had to deal with this issue, quite recently, with our children.  They seem to find it incredibly easy to say things they shouldn't say.  I know - they are children.  They naturally lack discretion, and need to be TAUGHT when to say things, and when to keep silence.

Of course, adults don't need such instruction, right?....

WRONG.

Boysa dear, wrong, wrong and wrong.

Far too often, women speak when they shouldn't.  This  Proverb is more specifically about lacking discretion.  That's about saying things when we shouldn't, in a more general sense.

There are several things that we can apply to the lacking of discretion.


1. A wise woman thinks before she speaks.

There's a proverb for this one...

"Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him."

Proverbs 29:20  

When we speak before we think, we are plain unwise.

Openin' yer mouth and lettin' yer belly rumble.

Is that something non-UK folks say?   It sums it up nicely, hmmm, descriptively.

We need to engage our brains before we say anything.  Not doing o is indiscreet.  It's not being wise, rather it's foolish.  It will plain old get yo into trouble.  Impetuous words.

Ummmm, *raising her hand*.

This has been me.


2. A wise woman doesn't say things she shouldn't.

"A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter."

Proverbs 11:13 

This one is more to do with gossip.  Now, this KJV word "Talebearer", can be misunderstood. I know, for sure, that I have to tell my children, over and over, what it is.  It's NOT a liar! It's going to someone and telling them about another's mis-demeanour, just to get them in "trouble".  Now, with a child, it's usually "grassing up" a sibling, just to get them in trouble with a parent.  Not to tell a parent that danger is imminent, or someone has been hurt.  Those are things I WANT my children to tell me, for the sake of safety.  However, just telling me something because they know it will land their sibling in a heap load of trouble, just to be malicious, IS talebearing. I can't STAND a grassbag, and so we teach our children what the Bible says "Be sure your sin will find you out", and God will make it clear to us, if He wants us to know, and it's NOT their job!

When it comes to adults, a talebearer is one who goes to others with stories about everyone and anyone, just to spread nastiness.  Sometimes that's not even the motive, but the telling of the information is certainly not a help to them, and may even be breaking of a confidence. That's both lacking in discretion AND a talebearer.

That little acrostic should help us to decide if something should be said, or not.

Now, going to someone for advice, if you need to deal with a friend who in in error is NOT always wrong.  But, I would caution that you be VERY sure that the person to whom you speak is wise and discreet.  As a Pastor's wife, I have needed to go to other's for wisdom and advice on matters, but I don't then tell the whole world. Every other person should apply that same principle, not just those in positions of respect and regard.

3.  A wise woman is careful about what she DOES say.

"A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards."

Proverbs 29:11  

Just because you think something, know something, or have an opinion on something, doesn't mean you SHOULD say it! Often, it's better to just keep your counsel, and say nothing.

It's hard.  Trust me, I know.  It's hard to say nothing, sometimes, when you know something, or think something.  It's just not always wise, in every situation, to reveal it.  It's not being deceitful, or twisted - it's being wise.

In my marriage, there have been times when I have wanted to discuss things, and my husband has kept silent.  It used to frustrate me.  I learnt WHY, for myself.  Sometimes, the realisation dawns upon you, that SAYING something can be harmful, and unnecessary.  It's a simple case of using self control, and just saying nothing at all, to help a situation.  Saying something can simply light a fire - as truthful as it may be! It DOESN'T always need to be said.

In some situations, it's not even telling other things that are a secret, but things that are already in the open.

This verse deals with that.

"The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness."

Proverbs 15:2

As women, we need to wisely consider if it's a beneficial thing to share that with others, or just to leave it well alone.  In THAT situation, we need to be extra careful not to be one who keeps passing information on that someone ELSE has said. Make sure that rumours and unwise words STOP with you.  Also, we need to be wise, again, about who we speak to. If you can't trust someone, just don't say anything at all.


The verse at the start is incredibly descriptive, as I said.

A woman who has no discretion is like a pig with a jewel in its snout.  How insane would THAT look?  A dirty old pig, with something pretty in its wet, snotty nose? An enigma, right? A "fair woman" - someone who is normally attractive, whether in personality or in outward appearance - is affected by a lack of discretion.  You see it DOESN'T say "A beautiful peacock with a muddy tail".  The beautiful thing doesn't just become somewhat tarnished by the behaviour.  No.  Not at all.  The beautiful becomes mostly UGLY, with a TINY hint of something beautiful, and artificial at that.

Yikes!

I SO don't want to be that piggy with a nose stud.

Yet, our sinful hearts are soooooo easily drawn into being indiscreet with our words.  Far too easily.  It's something we need to guard our lips about, every day.  Honesty here - I've shared things I shouldn't have, or been unwise in what I have said.  I know it. Shameful, but true. I need to guard my heart, and control my lips.

The verse about talebearers, although not specifically directed to women, tells us how we ARE to behave.

"he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter"

Zip it.

That's what we need to do.  If our spirits want to be faithful to God, we need to conceal matters, not bring them into the open for the world and her husband to hear about.

"he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19

This New Testament verse sums it up.

"And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins."

I Peter 4:8

Not just love - FERVENT love.  If we love those with whom we have connections with, we will "cover" their sins, not spread them about.  It doesn't mean you neglect to speak to the person, if they are truly walking in error.  It means you don't uncover it - tell it to the world.

Having discretion comes into the list of requirements of "young women", taught by the "elder women".

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 

 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

Titus 2:4-5

And do you see the serious admonition? That the word of God be not blasphemed.

*slow, deep breath in, and exhale*

A woman who is not discreet, blasphemes God's Word.

It's serious stuff, ladies.

Serious.

What comes out of our mouth can do so much harm, is we don't show discretion.

It's not just about other women, here.  It's not just gossiping about your friends and acquaintances.  It can be talking about your marriage, and your own home.  Your OWN life.  You don't have to tell everyone everything.  It's not being dishonest to withhold information that people simply don't need to hear!

Giving away intimate details about your marriage.  Parading the failings of your husband in front of your friends.  Letting your husband down to others.  Criticising and moaning about his imperfections.

Dirty pig.  Nose ring.

Next time you - next time *I* - am/are tempted to speak about a matter that you just don't NEED to be sharing about - next time you even THINK about sharing something about your husband, or anyone else, that you plain shouldn't - remember....

Dirty pig.  Nose ring.

Just don't go there.

Looking at your own beam {a lesson learnt from a "lost" pack of wipes}

Every now and again, I get to do some crochet or knitting in the daytime.  More often than not, it's an evening activity, after all my jobs are done.  Whenever I get my yarn out, I like to stick my feet up.  Don't ask me why, because I have no idea.  It just seems more comfortable to sit that way, when occupied thus.

I was sat that way, one day, not long ago, when a small person came to me, requiring some attention in the nether regions.  I sent a child to get me a nappy and wipes, and they brought me back a nappy - but no wipes.  I gently suggested they look again, whilst scanning my eye around the room, to see if they had been misplaced.  It happens, don'thcha know..... *aherm*

Nope.

Still no wipes.

I started to get  a little irritated.  I mean, how hard is it for  child to find a packet of wipes.  After all, I knew they had been in my hand only a short while before, so they couldn't have got far.  There I sat, in my comfortable recline, barking orders to look here, there and everywhere.  I informed them that they were not being thorough enough, and needed to put more effort into finding them.  How could they not see them?

Eventually, frustrated and impatient with the inadequate efforts of my offspring, I removed my feet from the chair they were upon, and where my skirt was hanging down, and sat up more upright, to take a better look myself.

I scanned the room, and still couldn't see that packet, which was being less than obsequious.

Until I moved slightly, and looked down.

There, on the floor, RIGHT BY MY OWN FEET, were the wipes.  Hidden by my very own skirt and legs.

Gulp.

To be fair, the children COULD have seen them.  They would have been slightly more visible to them, than they were to me -  me, sitting making no effort to look myself.

It made me think of how we so quickly find fault in others, whilst not taking a hard look "closer to home".   How easy it is, to sit in "ivory palaces", making judgement on the actions of others. How easy it is to see the sin and failing of those we gaze upon.  How incredibly swiftly the words slip out, in judgement of the inadequacies and short-comings of those around us.

All the while, not taking the time to check our heart and actions FIRST.

Had I bothered to do my part FIRST it would have avoided much exasperation and frustration on my part.

It's something we all fall prey to, at some time or another.  Sitting in a spiritual position of self importance, thinking our view is the right one, and not having the grace to see that others ARE doing their part, and doing their best.  Not seeing that others have a different "view" on the same issue, which is just as valid as our own.  Not accepting that we can miss something important just as easily as someone else has.

The Bible tells us a couple of things that are worth noting.

"And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? "

Matthew 7:3

It's an age old "quotable quote".   A mote is like a tiny piece of straw - a fleck of something small.  a beam - well, you know what one of those is! The big, heavy duty pieces of timber, used to hold up whole parts of  a building!  Don't go pointing out the tiny things that are "Out of place" spiritually, in the lives of those around you, when you have your own mega planks in our own eye.  Look at yourself first.

"For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: 

For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. 

But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed."

James 1:23-25

Yowsers.

That portion of scripture convicts me EVERY TIME I read it.

Skimming over God's Word, without actually applying it, is just not good.  We need to look at ourselves, and see if what we see reflects the truth and teaching of the scriptures. If it doesn't, we need to DO something.  We can't just go off and forget what we have seen, and take no action.  We need to be DOERS.  Looking at others, but forgetting to examine OURSELVES, is not good. 

A hearer, but not a doer, is a hypocrite.  Telling others what is right, but not putting it into action ourselves, is not something God likes AT ALL.  Jesus was constantly rebuking the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.  Over, and over again.  If we pick fault in others, without sorting out or own lives, we are just like them.  

But look - look at what James teaches us. If we listen, learn, and apply scripture to our own heart and life, we will be BLESSED!  Criticising others will never bring us joy and blessing - only a jaded heart and bitterness. 

One of the most descriptive, and challenging verses is this one....

"This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me."

If you call yourself a Christian, but your heart is not where it should be - checking to see that you are honouring and obeying God in your OWN heart and life - it's not good.

The Lord continues on in the chapter to say this....

"but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

Our words that we speak are what makes us unclean and tarnished.  

Hypocrites who are quick to say things about others, instead of those who look with humility at their own shortcomings, and beat on their chest saying "God, be merciful to me, a sinner".

Oh, how thankful I am, that the Lord shows me, time and time again, of my own short-comings, through His word, and through even my children.   May He enable me to examine my own heart and life in the light of His word, and e less hasty to condemn others. 

Women of the Word {Esther - speaking wisely}

One of the things that always manages to convict me, when reading about Esther, are the lessons learnt about using our words wisely.

Esther is a wonderful picture about how to communicate effectively, especially with your husband.  Numerous times, throughout the account of Esther, we see her being wise with her words.  Not just with her husband, but also with others.

The thing that stands out most, above the details of what she says, and how she says it, is WHY she did it.

All Esther does, all through this book, is for the benefit of the righteous.  She is protecting her people, the Jews, and she is protecting Mordecai.  Wisdom, resulting in clever speech, is her forte.

As a wife, and as a follower of Christ, we have lessons we can learn - whether it's speaking to our husband, or speaking to our friends and family.  Those who are nearest and dearest should be the recipients of our wise speech.

There are two areas that stand out to me.

Her words protected her husband

Her words persuaded her husband

Early on in the book, we find Esther protecting her husband, by what she says.  As I mentioned last week, it would have been ever so easy for her to just say nothing.  It's  easy to stay silent, but often harder to speak up.  If Esther had said nothing, those plotting to kill Ahasuerus would have been successful.  Being a child of the King, she didn't want to see hurt come to her husband, and so she spoke up.

As a wife, it's our duty to use words that protect our husband.  I hear FAR too many women "husband bashing".  I cringe when I hear women degrading their husband, and criticising him. It saddens my heart when women think so little of their husband that they show such disrespect. God has given us our husbands.  They are a blessing to us. To begin to undermine their authority, by "letting them down" in a public manner, is quite simply abhor-able.  Are they perfect? No.  None of us are.  Does that mean we can moan and groan and complain to whoever, whenever? Nope.

Our words should be like a covering around our husband - wrapping him in a protective blanket, where no-one else has reason to start criticising or judging him unfairly.  If we throw out comments out of context, or in the heat of the moment, the minds and mouths of others are likely to be critical and jump to false conclusions - all because of our inability to keep silence.

HOW we speak to our husband is also of vital importance.  If we speak with a harsh tone, or with impatience and a lack of grace, our words will not be well received.  You know yourself, if a child, or anyone else for that matter, speaks with the wrong tone, our minds and hearts will quickly put up a "no" in response to their request or statement.

Looking at general scriptural principles, and applying them to marriage, is a good exercise.



Our words should be quiet - 

"The words of wise men are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools. "

Ecclesiastes 9:17 

How often it is so easy to start getting loud and irritated, when we try to put our point of view across, or we don't agree on something.  Your husband hear you louder, if you speak quietly.

Our words should be gracious - 

"The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself."

Ecclesiastes 10:12  

If we have words "always with grace", then we will avoid so much conflict.  Being gracious is about thinking the best of another - not picking up on the worst.  Forgiving.  Loving. All vital in a marriage.


Our words should sometimes NOT be spoken -

" In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise."

Proverbs 10:19 

As hard as it might be, there are times when we ought to say nothing at ALL.  The more we say, the more we open ourselves up to sinning in our words.  It's like a snowball.  One unwise thought slips out as words, and the rest comes tumbling after.  Once words are spoken, they can't be taken back.  It ain't easy for many women, but the truth is "least said, soonest mended".

Our words should build up our husband - 

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:29

Our husbands are just as relevant as anyone else, here.  We are to build our husband up, with the words we use, not tear him down.  Ministering grace to the hearer - our husband. Serving him up a portion of gracious "herbs" alongside his dinner, instead of "stalled ox" and strife. Love = grace. IF Christ didn't show us that, then I don't know who did.  If we love our husband, our words will shower him with grace, and encourage him.

Our words should not be manipulative - 

"For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8

Guile is all about being duplicitous, crafty and deceitful - it's using our words for self gain, and perhaps even with-holding the truth for our own betterment. It's another sad truth  - wives of today manipulate and deceive.  It is evidence of a lack of trust and honesty, and downright selfishness, to have a heart of guile.  I know of women who hide things from their husband - purchases made they know they won't be happy about, things they do which their husband wouldn't approve of, places they go that their husband would be unhappy about. All based upon selfish desires and motives.  Not caring about the thoughts and opinions of their husband.  Completely and utterly lacking in mutual respect. Ladies, it's WRONG! Just don't do it! Look at the promise given - if you want to love life and see good days, don't speak in an evil way, and don't have a heart of guile. 

This verse follows on from Peter's specific teaching to husbands and wives.  The fuller exhortation reads like this...

"Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 

Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. 

For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:"

I Peter 3:8-10

Talk about being packed full! So much instruction and wisdom, worthy of our attention.

Ephesians clearly teaches that we are to respect our husband.  If we are to show respect, then we need to be wise both in how we speak TO our husband, and ABOUT our husband.

As to the second way that Esther's words were used - she persuaded her husband.

There are times when we need to be wise about when and how we speak to our husband, on matters of importance. Not because we are trying to manipulate for selfish reasons, but because we know our husband is at his best to listen and take things on board.

If you need to speak with your husband on an important subject, and he has had a stressful work day, and a headache to boot, it would be unwise to raise it at that moment.  He is not going to be able to cope, mentally or physically, with processing an important subject matter - not because he's an unreasonable ogre, but because he's human.  If you come and try to talk with him whilst he is trying to do something else, that is also a no-no.  Many men can simply not deal with more than one thing at once.  It's the way God made them, and it means they are usually super-focussed on something else, and doing a great job of it, as well!

Think of it this way - are there times when your children come and ask you about something, and you tell them you can't think about it right now? If so, the same may well apply to speaking to your husband. If I am making dinner, I can't concentrate on complex questions from my children.  I would rather wait, so I can fully listen to them, and help them to my greatest capacity.

It's equally an issue of not being selfish and impetuous yourself! Having self control and waiting for the right time, is something we need to exercise as women, as much as understanding our husband!

Esther both protected her husband, and persuaded her husband - all because she chose to use her words wisely, and to put others before herself.

We we would do well to do the same.

Making mistakes can be hard to fix {life-lessons from a newbie knitter}

Sooooooo, I have recently hopped over from the world of crochet, to the world of knitting.  I am thinking I may need to rename my "crochet" tab as "yarny yummies" or something like that!

I have really been enjoying the challenge of learning something new.  I still love crochet, but pushing myself to try new things, and learning to knit, has been very satisfying! There is something quite therapeutically beautiful about the uniformity of knitted stitches.  So far, I have completed two items - a shawl/scarf, and a sleeveless cardi for Tabitha. On my needles, right now, I have a cardi for myself, and a hat for Beth.

I will share a bit more about that in another post, but right now I want to share about a lesson the Lord spoke into my heart, whilst knitting.

You see, I have come across a fairly major issue with knitting, that you don't have with crochet. The issue of fixing mistakes.  In crochet, you work out pretty quickly that you have gone wrong, and you just rip it back to where you made the mistake. You could, often, leave it there, and it may not be noticed by any other than the very experienced eye. However, I fairly quickly realised that knitting is a whole other hand craft.  The biggest issue with knitting is dropped stitches.  If you drop a stitch it can ruin the whole piece you are working on.  You have two choices - learn how to pick up the stitch, or rip it back. Sometimes you may just realise you have made a mistake, or knitted an extra row, or not changed something soon enough.  There are two methods to get back to where you need to be - take it all off the needles, then hope you can pick all the stitches back up again, without dropping any, or painstakingly, and SLOWLY, go back, stitch by stitch, to the point you made the error. Neither is easy.  I made the error of not reading the pattern properly, and had to go back quite a way to fix it.  It was TORTURE! All because I didn't read the pattern properly. Other mistakes are just through carelessness, or trying to do things in a hurry!

"What's the lesson?", I hear you ask?

Well, it's simple.  If you are not careful, you can create problems in life that are really hard to undo.

The one that sprung to mind was the words I speak.  Since I was little, I have had a battle with my tongue.  "Think before you speak" is something I struggled with, and still do, to a certain extent. These days, "before you type" is just as applicable.  If I don't speak the right words, it's ever so difficult to "undo", and get back the point I was at before the words got out.  It's so easy to hurt others, even without intending to, by saying things you shouldn't or speaking at all.  In my marriage, in my home, with my family and friends, and with online connections.  When you say things you shouldn't repair can be made, but it always takes time, and careful attention, to make things right.  If you don't fix it, you will end up with "holes" in the relationships you care about, and things can entirely unravel and fall apart, leaving an unusable mess.  Relationships can quickly unravel if we make the mistake of using unwise words.

Maybe it's not words.  Maybe it's choices we make. Maybe we don't read the "instructions" of life carefully enough, before launching headlong into life.  If we don't refer to the only "instructions" we ever need - God's Word - we can so easily go wrong.  Then, we end up trying to "undo" our foolish choices and make things right.  Thankfully, we have a gracious and forgiving God, who chooses to forget our sin, when we come to Him in repentance.  However, actions have consequences, and, humanly speaking, we may end up having to try and repair the "mess" we have made in our lives, but going OUR way, instead of God's way.

I have certainly learnt the importance of carefully checking the pattern, and following it carefully.  Taking my time, and not rushing, so I don't end up spending valuable time fixing mistakes, instead of creating something beautiful and useful.  I need to make sure and apply the same principle in my life, where relationships are so much more vital to make beautiful and useful.

Being a soft place {good wives use soft words}

I have been through some very testing times in my courtship, in days long, long ago.  Being in a long distance relationship brought many hardships.  As I look back, I see things which I would have done differently, with the advantage of age, and experience, now on my side.  As the nature of life is, however, I came across difficulties that really challenged me in many ways.

In the course of one such trying time, a certain gentleman told me I was to be a "soft place" for my "young man".

At the time, I was so heartbroken  over another incident, that the words didn't really sink in.  I thought I WAS being a soft place, already.

I was thinking about it again, today. You often hear of someone being stuck between a "rock and a hard place".  This was the context where my "soft place" was suggested. I realised, today, that the concept of being a "soft place" still slightly stings in my heart, when, in fact it shouldn't.  Today, I needed to bring this to the Lord, and instead focus on being exactly what I need to be for Robert - a soft place.

I know, in many ways, I already am.  I have not always been, to my sadness.

How CAN I be a "soft place" for my husband?  What can I do to be "soft" instead of "hard"?

When you think about a soft place, what does it even conjure up in your mind?

Mine thinks of my snuggly, soft bed, with a deliciously comfy mattress, which I can sink my weary body into at night.

That's what we need to be for our husband.  No sharp edges.  No lumpy, bumpiness.

A soft place.

A solace.

A comfort.

I think the most important thing, that this "soft place"  can be, is my words.

Proverbs tells us

"A soft word turneth away wrath".

We have SO much power in our words. How we say and what we say can influence the spirit of those around us, especially our spouse.  We have the power to be soft and gentle, which leads to anger being turned away.

It's so easy, in the hustle and bustle of a busy mother's life, to forget that our husband doesn't want to come home, at the end of the day, to a screaming, crazy wife, getting schitzy at the children, and snippy with him!  What has HE done to deserve such hard treatment??

Maybe there are times when you DO think such treatment is deserved?

I'm going to be frankly honest with you here.

I made a lovely dinner for my hubby and myself the other night.  We don't have opportunity to get out on our own, so I try, once a week, to make us our dinner later in the evening, to enjoy alone.  Duck was on the menu - a special treat.  I told him I would ring when it was ready, which I did. He was only a few minutes away, at Church, but I could hear he was busy doing something. I waited at home, whilst the greens turned into puce, soggy looking things.  He eventually arrived home. I wasn't happy.  Sadly, my sinful heart made it known in a less than soft way, commenting, indirectly, to a question asked by a child "What's that, Mummy?" - "A soggy dinner" said I.

*Blush*

The answer the child WAS looking for was "duck" - as they didn't recognise the meat in question.

My answer was to my husband, just in ear shot.

Nothing soft about that.

It was harsh, and borne out of my frustration and impatience.

I quickly felt my wrong-doing, and carried on serving up dinner and bringing it to him.

You see, it didn't really matter why he was late.  He likely had a very good explanation, which I would have been given had I but asked, in a soft and gentle way.   he may NOT even have had a "reasonable" explanation at all! That was irrelevant. The dinner was still entirely edible, just not the way I had planned and hoped (nor the way I knew he liked it).  He did the right thing, thankfully.  He said nothing, and ate the dinner with thankfulness, stating how lovely it was upon completion.

My lack of "soft" words could have ended differently, because it could certainly have produced anger.

It was uncalled for.

Unnecessary.

Not soft at all.

Then there are times when our husband may say something that riles us up inside.  We think we are entitled to harsh, angry words, because we are in the right, or we think they need to be said.

II Peter 2 gives us a wonderful run down of how one right choice leads can lead to the right responses, including in our words.

"Add to your faith virtue; 

and to virtue knowledge; 

And to knowledge temperance; (self control) 

and to temperance patience; 

and to patience godliness; 

And to godliness brotherly kindness; 

and to brotherly kindness charity"

You see, what starts out as our profession of faith, leads to a desire to be excellent in all we do, which leads to having self control in WHAT we do, and patience in HOW we do it, which makes us more godly, which extends affection, which produces love.

Love.

What our relationship as husband and wife should BE.

Our soft words are an extension of our love.  Our self control in what we say, and the patience in how we say it, is an evidence of our love.

You see, it doesn't matter what someone else has done, it's our place to still be soft and gentle.

It's our place to love in our words.

As I have been studying the verses to bring you, here, I stumbled across something I have certainly not noticed before, to my knowledge.

 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. 

 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD." 

Proverbs 18:22  

It explains that the tongue has the power to cut so harshly that it brings death, or it can bring healing words of life.  

Then, we are told that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing.

I'd never made a connection between the two things before, but boy did I notice them today!

I can just imagine how a husband feels when his wife uses words which bring death, instead of life.

"I thought having a wife was a GOOD thing?"

Conviction.

When I use words that are not soft, I'm not exactly being the poster woman for the wife campaign.

If we want our husband to think he's got a "good" thing, we need to use soft words.

Good wives use soft, life-giving words, not harsh, hurtful ones.

We can be hard in the words we say.  We can be hard in how we say them.  We can be hard in our attitudes and responses to our husband.

All of these things need to be soft.

Soft = loving.

Soft in what we say and how we say it - soft in our attitudes and responses.

I still have so much to learn, and maybe I am not so changed from my 18 year old self, as I think...