Taking time to see God's Greatness {stepping out of the boat}

This morning, something amazing happened.

I woke up EARLIER than the alarm, and I didn't feel tired!

Yes. You read correctly.

I am equally bowled over.  Maybe it's not a "thing" for you, and you regularly waken early, refreshed and full of vim and vigour.

How nice for you.

For me, it was incredible, and a perfect start to my "working" week.  I was able to get up, and spend loads of lovely time with just me, a large mug of coffee, and God - soaking up His Word, and learning precious truths.

On top of that, I even had time to read some more of Sally Clarkson's new book - Own Your Life.  I must admit, I had been struggling to find time for reading in peace and quiet.  Umpteen Sunday afternoons, I had attempted to read, only to have invading marauders. Yes, I have hit the stage of being unable to read fully without peace and quiet.  *groans inwardly at galloping aging process*
This morning, I had peace.  I had previously been reading it on my Kindle app, on the iPad, but I now have a "hard" copy, and hightlighter in hand, I got back to reading.

I have reached Chapter 6 - Resting in the Transcendence of God - Owning the Mystery of His Supremacy.

Oh, how this comes at the perfect time for me.

It's all about stepping away from the hectic madness of life, and seeing the wonder of who God is, as a little child.

My life has been super busy.  Crazy busy.  I had recently become overwhelmed with so many things I had to do.  Choices to make.  Direction to give.  Planning to do.  Schooling to oversee. Housework to fit in.  Discipline to administer.

I was tired.  I was worn down.

I hit a wall, and had to just step away from things, to get my head in the right place.  I am so thankful that I was able to come to my husband, pour out my heart (which had been burying things, thinking it would all just resolve by prayer alone.... alas, faith without works is dead! Action is always required!), and have him help me to find direction.

One of the biggest helps he was to me, was to see that I needed to slow down and remove a lot of unnecessary pressure from myself.  To take my eyes off perceived expectations from others (including what I THOUGHT was what HE wanted, which I was SO wrong about!), and to just focus on what was right for our family.

I cannot express to you, in words, how much of a load has been lifted from me since then.

I had more to learn, though.

As I mentioned, at the end of last week, I also realised that my focus was on doing, instead of BEING.  Being with my family, fully engaged.  Not rushing about from one job to the next.  Not focussed on academics and neglecting their tender hearts and personalities.  I needed to stop, take stock, and readjust my goals and priorities.

Imagine then, how perfect it was, to then read what I did this morning.  Sally giving wise counsel to my soul, about stopping and seeing how great God is.

She told the story of a night when she had opportunity to view the night sky through a telescope. Her daughter was enthralled, as they gazed at the sky was filled with incredible, twinkling stars.  A breath-taking sight.  Her mind was drawn to Job, and God's question to him.

"Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding....When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?"

Job 38: 4, 7

We are so small.  God is so great.

We need to become like a little child, awed by the things we so easily miss, because we are simply too busy DOING.  I have been rush, rush, rushing through life, trying to cram so much in, all the while missing so much.  I am realising, all the more, that time is precious, and every little moment I can spend with my family, when they need me, is so important.  Every moment I can spend soaking up God, and His Word, is crucial to my growth and peace.  Taking a break from busyness, and just enjoying life, is something I need to MAKE time for.


Sally also relates how she spoke, in a blog post, about taking time with her daughter, amidst the busyness of one day, to have afternoon tea. Tea, scones and candles.  Celebrating life in the busyness of deadlines.  One commenter on the blog chastised her for not understanding the busyness in the life of Mums. This poor, harassed woman suggested Sally was setting unrealistic goals for women who are pushed for time, as it is.

Poor Sally!  Poor LADY!

I can understand the lady's life - whiny children, time your enemy as you battle to get things done.

TOTALLY.  I get it.

What I was reminded of this morning, is the very thing that I so often forget.

It's up to us to FORGE that time out of our day.  To take a step back, and think about what REALLY matters, eternally speaking.  All of the pressures and duties will still be there, after taking time out for a breather. Without a doubt.  But the refreshment your soul receives, from stopping, and resting, and being with JESUS, will be a boost to your day.

No living thing can operate without fuel.  We take time to stop and have nourishment for our bodies.  Stopping, and having a break from the duties of life, is refreshment to our MIND and our SOUL.  They equally need nourishment, and I shouldn't feel guilty for seeing to those needs, too.  That's where I have been going so wrong! We have a responsibility to care for not just our bodies, but our mind and our soul, to God's glory.

If I am having a crazy, stress-filled day, I just need to stop, and soak up God's greatness and glory. To become like a little child, and dwell upon the big things of God, instead of the fleeting, burden filled things of life. Take the time to get my perspective upon heavenly things, and not earthly.

Sally wrote of the disciple, Peter, and how he walked on the water.  How easily, in life, we try to row our way, in our own strength, through trials.  We won't get anywhere in a hurry, if we are going in our own strength.  Peter had to get out of the  boat, take a step of faith, and then keep His eyes on Jesus.  The moment he looked around at the waves, he sank.

That's me.  Rowing, as hard as I can, in the direction I THINK I should be going.  Busy, busy, trying my best to keep afloat.  All I need to do is stop, and get out of the boat.  Step away from the "boat" of life, that's being tossed around by the winds of  circumstances, and step towards the Saviour.  We are able to do great things, if we step out in faith, and keeps our eyes upon God.  I need to "think big", and realise that God is able to do great things in my life, if I just trust Him.  Step away from the storm, and towards the one who CONTROLS the storm.

Humility - bowing our lives before God - was the other area that challenged me today, from my reading in the book.



As mothers, I think there's an incredible pressure placed upon us to "get it all done".  We end up steaming on in our own strength, and forget that our strength is nothing.  We are like tiny specks, next to the greatness of God.  I need to come, with  heart bowed in humility, and see God in His greatness and His control over my life.  I need to remove my focus from the details of life, and remember that *I* am not in control - God is.  He knows the way that I take - He planned it. He, in His greatness and goodness, has planned that my life should be EXACTLY the way it is - it's my cup.

I am nothing, and He has it all in His great plan.

We are having a "week off school".  What a perfect way to launch into it.  Remembering God is great.  Remembering I am nothing.  Focussing on my mighty, awesome God.  Enjoying the moments, instead of being on the go, ALL the time.

Are you living a busy life, and forgetting to stop and enjoy the moment?  Like me, are you so busy doing, that you are not being? Not treasuring the detail that God has blessed us with in life, or the lives that God has surrounded us with?

I trust you will seek to see our great God, as I am, and take time to enjoy the moments we can plan into our busy lives, to enjoy God and His goodness.

How dying can bring time {Mundane Faithfulness}

"Today I'm fading, I can see it in the tears in his eyes. There is going to be grace for this. Even if it costed 20 minutes to write. May we continue to enjoy each moment. Will you do the same?"

Kara Tippetts

I have been following, for only a short time, this amazing woman.

Kara Tippetts is dying.

She has cancer, and it's taking over her body, and her life is coming to an end.

She's soon leaving this earth - her hospice nurse has told them her time is short.  

Every time I read a post, something amazing happens.  God speaks to me.  Shall I tell you why?

It's this simple.

She LIVES this verse.

"For to me to live is CHRIST, and to die is gain".

This lady desires to live out each remaining moment for her Saviour.  She does this by sharing her journey with others, and challenging them to think and ask questions about their lives, every time she writes to us.

Undoubtedly, this is a heartbreaking journey.  God has created us all to be part of family and community.  It's all we know, here on this earth - bound by time, and not understanding eternity.  Family and friendship is a gift from our Creator.  These things are PRECIOUS.  

What she does is to remind people to take every moment and savour it.  To live it fully.  To cherish those we care about. 

Kara has givven me perspective.  She has made me slow down.  To stop, in fact.  Stop trying to DO, and to instead BE.  Be in the moment.  Be in the place where we enjoy, apprecite and soak up the beauty, joy and precious moments that God has GIFTED to us.  We aren't entitled to any of it, and in a moment - as swiftly as a beautiful dandelion clock can be lifted off in the wind and sail away - our life can end, or those we hold dear can be gone.

I don't want to live a life of regrets.  I don't want a life that, when it comes to its end, I say "If only I...."

I doubt I will ever regret hugging my children whenever I can.

I doubt I will ever regret making fun moments instead of drudgery and conflict.

I doubt I will ever regret stopping the mundane and eternally insignificant, to create character building and relationship strengthening moments with my children.

I doubt I will ever regret putting down the job I am doing and giving my husband a hug.

I doubt I will ever regret pausing a blog posts to hug my two-year-old-who-gets-more-grown-up-by-the-minute, and read him a story.

So many things that can easily be left, because you think there's something more important to do.  

So many chances to live life fully, instead.

I think of the phrase "Redeeming the time".

We don't want to waste time, when we could be using it more wisely.  

Most importantly, sharing the gospel with those we know - telling them they are sinners who need to be saved, and that Christ is ready, willing and able to save if they but confess their sin and seek Him as Saviour.  

Then, we must cherish the moments with our family.  Taking every opportunity to love, teach, encourage and bless those we walk through life alongside.  

Above all else, honouring God, in all we think, say and do.  Every fibre of our being seeking first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness. 

I see Kara, living out her final moments, and that is what she is doing.  Reaching out and touching the lives of others, and loving those closest to her, with every fibre of her being.

Oh, how I want to experience the closeness of Christ, as she does.  His presence is so very real to her, and her faith so clear and strong.  I am SO thankful that God brought her into my life, so I could be challenged to love better and live more faithfully.

Please pray for this sweet lady, and her family, as she gets ever nearer to being pain-free and in the presence of her precious Saviour.

"Maybe I’m on a journey, and the journey is more beautiful than any of us can comprehend. And if we did understand, we would hold very loosely to one another because I’m going to be with Jesus. There is grace that will seep into all the cracks and pained places when we don’t understand. In the places we don’t understand we get to seek. And how lovely is one seeking truth. Stunning."

Kara Tippetts

I pray the Lord will grant me many truth-seeking moments, so that I can be stunned by God's greatness, as she has.

Follow Kara over at her blog - Mundane Faithfulness -  or on Facebook.

Women of the Word {the gracious woman}

Now, this week my thoughts have gone towards the book of Proverbs, to think more about Women of the Word.  This book is PACKED with crucial things for us womenfolk to learn!  So many truths, vital to Christian living.

The first one I looked at is one that I fear is much lacking in many in this day and age, and in my own heart, too...

"A gracious woman retaineth honour:"

Proverbs 11:16

Showing grace.

Being gracious.

It's a response that should be the first one upon our hearts and lives, but far too often I see a LACK of grace shown by women all around me.  Especially on the Internet.

Commenters on blogs and websites.

Facebook.

Emails.

Text messages.

There just seems to be more judgement and criticism, and less grace.

What does this verse tell us about a gracious woman? She retains honour, or respect.  The Hebrew word actually implies "weight", or influence.  If you are gracious, you will be respected by others, and what you say will have influence over others. They will listen to you, if you are gracious.

What is the conclusion you can draw from someone who DOESN'T show grace in her speech and behaviour? She loses honour.  She loses the respect of those around her. She won't have a godly and positive influence over others, and people won't listen to her.

So, how are we to BE that gracious woman? What does the Bible teach us about being gracious?

Before anything else,  I think it's important to understand grace, and being gracious.

There are two definitions in the online dictionary.

"courteous, kind, and pleasant,"

and

"showing divine grace"


The first is being gracious in a general sense.  It's the behaviour we are to exhibit when being gracious towards others.

The second is to do with how God deals with us, and how we can then reflect His person in our OWN behaviour.  It's to do with mercy.  Forgiveness.  Compassion.  It's how God deals with us, despite our sin.  He is able to extend grace because He is love and kindness personified. Even though we sin, and err, He is gracious, merciful and forgiving.

If God shows such graciousness towards us, we ought to show it towards others around us.  Simple as that.

So, what Bible verses point us toward HOW we extend grace to others?

Needless to say, Proverbs has a few lessons for us.  Right back in chapter one, we have our first instruction.

"My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: 

For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck."

Proverbs 1:8-9 

Solomon, of course, was instructing his son, in this book.  He is giving wise counsel, in order to guide him towards a wise life.  He teaches him, here, to have a TEACHABLE SPIRIT.  That's what we need first, ladies.  The humility to learn, be taught, and to accept we may be wrong on issues.  Taught, firstly, by God's Word.  Open to His word speaking into our heart and life.  Listening for instruction that our soul needs to hear.  Willing to listen, learn and CHANGE.  Those are all qualities that are an "ornament of grace".  It will display grace in our heart and life, if we are willing to listen and learn.  We can only BE gracious, if we have been adorned with that ornament of grace in our lives, first of all.

The polar opposite, and the thing that grates on my ear, are those who are Pharisaical and judgemental.  Thinking they are right, and everyone else is wrong.  Sitting in judgement over those who don't agree, and saying they are sinners if they disagree.  It's just not right.  It's proud, and arrogant, to think you have an opinion that is more valuable than others' - to think you have a monopoly on the truth. Again, having an opinion is fine.  As my hubby once said to me, after someone else said I WAS opinionated, there's nothing wrong with being opinionated! Having an opinion is good, and right.  It's making sure you show grace when you EXPRESS the opinion.  

Another way that people can tend to lack grace is in how they RESPOND to the opinions of others.  I have seen it, countless times - folks taking things too personally.  Say someone says they choose to breastfeed.  Someone who couldn't, or just didn't, breastfeed, can then get defensive about their choice NOT to.  We can't go about being that sensitive, and then being ungracious in how we respond to the other person.  Being constantly on the defensive can incline you towards a lack of grace in how you respond.  It's something I know I need to guard my heart over.  

On a similar vein, there can be a tendency of some to read into the words of others, instead of just READING the words of others.  I have experienced, far too many times, those who get offended, and then respond ungraciously, because they have taken another's words and opinions the wrong way. Many times, I have had to remind myself, and others, to take the BEST meaning and tone in whatever you read.  If you take it critically and negatively, you will struggle to show grace to the person who has spoken or written. 

Proverbs 3 tells us that seeking after wisdom and knowledge 

"shall they be life unto thy soul, and grace to thy neck."

Proverbs 3:22

Once more, we are decorated by grace and a gracious spirit, if we SEARCH for wisdom and knowledge.  Working at becoming more Christ-like.

Not only to search, like a one-off treasure hunt.  We need to GROW in grace, too.

"But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

2 Peter 3:18  

It's something we need to diligently WORK at.  Not to be content with the measure of grace we display, but to desire to grow, more and more, in the graciousness we show toward others. You see, too, what we need to be doing to GROW in that grace? We need to get to know our Lord.  The more we understand our Saviour, and HIS grace, love and goodness, the more we will become like Him - a reflection of HIS grace.


The next verse that I thought of was regarding our speech.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Ephesians 4:29  

Let me just paraphrase it and put it into a modern context for you.

"Let no rotten and worthless communication proceed out of your fingertips, but that which is good to build up and encourage, that it many minister grace to the readers".

As I already mentioned, I have witnessed some downright nasty, mean and vitriolic "speech" being used on the Internet, in various settings.  As daughters of the King, professing faith in Christ, we must be SO careful - whether in ACTUAL speech, or VIRTUAL speech - to only use words, and use them in such a way, that will bring grace to the recipient.  Building each other up.  Encouraging.  I'm not saying you have to agree with everything that you read or hear.  More that we need to express our point of view with grace.  Gentleness.  Love.  It can be SO hard, if you feel passionate about something, and you DO disagree quite strongly, but it can be done.  "Speaking the truth in love" is the watchword.  Sometimes that may actually mean saying NOTHING, but that's a slight deviation.  We can be a gracious woman in our speech.


I really don't want to be a woman who is despised and ignored, because I don't display grace in my life.  I want grace to be an ornament to my character, and by GOD'S grace toward me, I trust it shall be.

How to have a cheerful week {believe God's promises}

My daily readings brought me to the end of Acts, today. I must confess, I can't read chapter 27 without having flashbacks to my hubby's days in Bible College.  As they had such a busy schedule, with classes and work (as in, work to earn money!), sermons were often preached more than once.  Needless to say, the fellow college students, and any wives accompanying them on deputation meetings, got to the stage where THEY could have preached the sermons themselves! On the whole, it was a good thing - especially when it was a particularly noteworthy sermon.

The verse that struck me today was one that was the basis for such a sermon.

It's a verse of encouragement - of hope - of courage - of CHEER!

"be of good cheer: for I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me."

Acts 27:25

This narrative in scripture is one of the most detailed there is, regarding a journey.  We have a blow by blow account (no pun intended....) of the stormy journey that Paul undertook, to get to Rome.  He was on his way to speak to Caesar, which was his right as a Roman citizen, after being arrested in Jerusalem.  The journey didn't go quite how the crew expected.  They tried to judge the best time to sail on their journey, and Paul even gave them warning about setting sail.  However, sail they did, and shipwreck ensued.  

Before they got to the point of shipwreck, we read the verse I have shared.  It follows a message from Paul, speaking of an angel of God who had come to Paul, telling him that he WOULD go to Rome, and the entire populous of the ship would be saved, alive.  

The ship was literally being torn apart, and they were chucking things over the side as fast as they possibly could, in attempts to save the ship from going down. A storm so bad, that the experienced crew had given up all hope that they would be saved.

But God, Himself came to Paul. Paul, when retelling the visit, says "Whose I am, and whom I serve" That is GOD.  No other! In the midst of the storm, He gave Him a promise.  They would be saved.

He had been given a promise.

He believed the promise.

He claimed the promise as his own.

He knew it was true.  It gave him peace, confidence, and CHEER, in the midst of a STORM!

Now, do you see?... God didn't say "I am going to the the storm away".

No.  That was not the promise.

The promise was that he would get THROUGH the storm.

In fact, the storm gathered momentum, and continued for days more, with more drama and attempts to lighten the ship. The sailors had got to the point of fasting, and Paul urged them to eat, assuring them they WOULD be saved! Not only that, but he continues to keep his eyes firmly upon honouring God, and being a faithful witness, by breaking bread with them, and giving thanks to God for the food, before them all. The next day, they find a creek to ground their ship in, and they all jump ship -   and, as God promised Paul, they all survived the ordeal!

As you head into a new week, there may be storms in your life.  There may be struggles and difficulties, that make you feel surrounded by darkness, like Paul had been in (Acts 27:20). Dark, hard days, can make us feel overwhelmed and weak.  But, you, too can have cheer.

We have the SAME God that Paul loved and served, as our Saviour.  He has given us many precious promises in His Word, and we need only to meet with Him to receive fresh joy, hope and cheer.

It may be a verses simply recalled from memory, in a time of need.  THAT is God giving you cheer.

It may be a verse you see on a wall, in a book, or on the Internet.  Perfect timing, and cheer in the storm.

The best source, of course, is the regular reading of His precious Word - His balm to our soul, His comfort to our heart, and His courage in our trials.  His voice - His Word - His promises - all ready to bring us cheer.

Some of my favourites are the "fear not" verses. These verses whisper "Peace, be still" to my soul.  They don't always cause the storm to cease, and like Paul, they may just need to be ridden out.  But peace in the heart brings calm to the situation.  Knowing that I don't have to fear the storm, brings great cheer.

"So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

Hebrews 13:6 

You see that?  We can even be BOLD in our trials. Not just get through them, but being BOLD! WOW!   Knowing that God is our helper takes away any fear  - especially the fear that can come because of other people, and the way they treat us.  

 "For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee."

Isaiah 41:13 

Such a precious verse.  Just as we mothers will hold our child's hand, to give them a sense of safety and security, so God "holds our hand", and takes our fear away.  WE can have cheer, because God is holding our hand, through the trials.

"But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. 

When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. 

Fear not: for I am with thee:"

Isaiah 43:1-2, 5

Precious, precious thought.

God.  The one who created us, and formed us in our mother's womb.  God, who has redeemed us from sin, and the punishment of death.  The one who has called us by name.  The one who OWNS us - who we belong to.

We, who are HIS.

We don't need to fear when we pass through waters.  He will be with us.

We don't need to fear, because He is with us through the deep rivers.  They won't overflow us.

We don't need to fear, because He is with us when we walk through the fire.  It won't burn us.

"Don't be afraid - I am with you"

My sweet friends, you can have cheer today! God has promised us SO much, in His Word.  His promises are faithful and true.  They are dependable.  We can place our hope and trust in God.  He WILL fulfil His promises.

 It doesn't matter what storms you are going through -  be of good cheer - God keeps His promises.

Friendship {Part 2 - How to make, and keep, friends}

Having established the definition of a friend, in the first part to of this series, I was pondering about where to go with this next. There is just so much, but the natural place to start is, well, the start!

How do you make friends, in order to BE a good friend?

Well, I can tell you, I have heard, so MANY times, from people, how they struggle to have friendships.  They "don't have close friends", or "they can't make friends with people".

The Bible has a solid answer for that, and it's where every good friendship must begin, and where it must continue.

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Proverbs 18:24  

If you want friends, you need to put the effort in, first of all, to be FRIENDLY!  It might seem obvious, but it's the main issue with most people who lack true, and close, friends. 

There are many ways you can be UN-friendly, of course. 

If you are prickly, and grumpy, you'll not make friends easily. Plus, the ones you DO make, will more than likely be just as prickly and grumpy as you, and that will end in disaster! You'll either spend the whole time being miserable together, or making trouble by being miserable towards others! Neither is a good combo.  Check your heart and attitudes, and make sure that you re a gentle and sweet person, who others will WANT to befriend!  It may not even be these particular struggles, but there re many things that will put people off making friendships. Have a "good health check" - the spiritual kind - and make sure you are behaving in a Christ-honouring way, in your words and actions, to make sure you are "good friend material"!

How about if you are shy? This is a hard one, as some people, either naturally, or through circumstances which have hurt them, are just plain shy. However, like any part of our nature, we can't always "blame" it for our situation in life.  God has enabled us, by His grace, strength, and power, to do "all things". That includes getting over shyness, and speaking to others. It's not easy, but it's possible.  Pray, and ask God to give you the courage to speak to others, even if it's just a few, gentle and genuine, words, and show yourself friendly.  It's the first step you need to take.  I must say, it's why the Internet is both a blessing, and a curse.  Shy people CAN more easily make connections with others, or have more boldness in what they say, on the Internet.  Where they may not have easily made friends in person, they can build friendships online.  However, it can also become a hiding place - an easy place to prevent having to face ACTUAL people! Folks can become too cosy in the easy life of Internet friendships, which subsequently makes it harder, and less appealing, to put the effort into real life friendships.  Really, there is NOTHING that can replace a true friendship in real life.  People who you can connect with, speak to in person, and share things with over cake and coffee (or tea and biscuits - whatever you preference is!), are just the BEST! God has blessed us with the ability to make and have friends.  Don't let your shyness prevent you from experiencing the blessing it can be.

What about if you lack confidence? You can chat fine, but going outside your comfort zone into new things is something you struggle with.  "Normal life" suits you better than pushing boundaries.  Believe it or not, this is ME! Some of you may be utterly amazed, as I am well able to talk to people.  I do find it incredibly easy, however, to stick with the status quo, and not get out and meet new people.  I have some VERY good friends already (I'll get to that in later posts), but it doesn't mean I can't meet new people, and make new friends.  Friends are who God has given us to support, encourage and advise us, as I will explain in later posts. It's good to be surrounded by GOOD friends, who will be al of that to us.  Pray,  and ask God for the opportunities to step outside of your comfort zone, and connect with those who will build you up spiritually, and encourage you practically.

If you have a busy life, it can also be hard to "show yourself friendly".  Children.  Family. School.  Work.  Church.  All these things, and more, can make it hard to actually fit in the TIME to make new friends.  However, I do think it's an important thing to plan into your time.  If you never have a connection with others, in a real, tangible way, you can end up burning out.  Making that time is a break for our bodies, our minds, and our souls.  It's a time of refreshing.  It doesn't even need to be long.  It can be once  month, for an hour or so.  Just taking a little time, to engage with others, is a good thing to do. 

Health struggles can be  barrier to making friendships, as can having children.  Maybe you make connections on the Internet because the practicalities of meeting up with others are just hard to co-ordinate?  How about opening up your home for others to come to YOU!? I can't think of a friendlier way of reaching out, than to show hospitality like that! Work WITH your restrictions, instead of allowing them to work AGAINST you! 

Don't let "things" stop you from being friendly.

What about the friends you already have?  It's also important to put the effort in to be friendly towards them.  Making time for them.  Chatting to them, whether it's on the phone, by letter, email, or Skype, Whataspp and Facetime (hey, things have moved on!)  Connecting.  That's what showing yourself friendly is all about. Not losing touch, but making sure YOU are being a friendly friend!  People can get very saddened and discouraged, if someone they consider as a friend NEVER makes the effort to keep in touch. Yes, life can be busy, but the odd short message, or a few lines in a letter, are all it takes.  I know that lack of contact doesn't mean your friendship is gone - friendships can change, and through circumstances the contact is less.  I have friends I never see any more, and speak to less than I'd like, but we can pick up the friendship like we left off the last time.  ONLY because we built the friendship when we WERE together, though.  Strong friendships have to be built, before you can allow long "silent" periods.  That said, I KNOW I need to make more effort to keep in touch with some of long-time friends.  I consider myself rebuked! 

Then, just as importantly, how do you SHOW yourself as friendly?

I will look at them briefly, then look at them more deeply in posts of their own.

What you say.

Make sure that you say things that engage with others.  Just being a question answerer, and never the asker, isn't very friendly, really.  More importantly, make sure you show you are interested in others - ask them about themselves - who they are, what they do, what they love.  Engage, and put in the effort to really get to know others.  On the flip side, don't talk too much - or, at least, don't dominate the conversation.  Ashamedly, this can be me.  I can talk.  BOY, I can talk.  One of my closest friends and I were chatting, a year or so into our friendship. We were talking about how our friendship had developed, and she mentioned about the first time I visited her - she had hardly talked.  "Funny", says I, "I am sure you did".  

Nope.  

Apparently she didn't say much at all.  I did most of the talking.  I felt SO bad.  BUT, she was thankful for it.  She is quite shy when she first meets people, and it meant she didn't have to say so much.  Really, she REALLY didn't. Oops.  However, I am glad to say, she now can talk quite readily and freely, and that initial shyness has WELL gone.  

All that said, I still need to be careful not to talk too much, and to make sure I LISTEN, too.  It shows you care about the person you are talking to, if you listen, and take in what they are saying.  You are well on the road to building a friendship, if you can be careful about what you say.  

On a side note, I AM very glad I can chat easily.  It's a great blessing to be able to make conversation without too much trouble.  It's just a case of me having self  control! 

How you say it.

If you want to have friends, you also need to be careful about HOW you say things.  This applies to all of life, of course, but is important if you want to make friends at all! If we are unfriendly in our manner, it will put people off even trying to get to know us.  We need to be warm, gentle and, well, FRIENDLY!  A smiling face.  A positive outlook.  Encouraging attitude.  All these things count towards being a friendly friend.

What you do.

The saying goes "actions speak louder than words".  Friendship is no exception.  "Doing" doesn't mean "spending". It can, of course, include buying things for a friend.  Knowing someone well enough to be able to get little things for them, can be a great blessing, and a true mark of friendship.  The best friends I have had, over the years, have got me little things, out of the blue, that have brought tears to my eyes.  It really showed the measure of our friendship, and the kindness in their hearts.  SHOWING themselves friendly.   Of course, it doesn't have to be things you buy.  It can be the willingness to lend things out or give things away.  A generous spirit.  It can also be your time. Willing to give up your time to be with friends, just to plain spend time with them, or to demonstrate another "doing" - help.  I can honestly say that the things my friends have done to HELP me, when I have really, really needed it, are the things that have marked the best friends. Not even big things.  Just the little things matter. I've had toilets cleaned, cupboards wiped out, ironing done, rooms tidied, beds stripped, laundry folded.  All these things SHOW my friends FRIENDLY! They often put me to shame, the way they so willingly do things for me.  Above all else, make sure you are equally a giver as a receiver.  Again, I speak to my own heart first.  Get to know your friends, and find out even the little things that will show YOU as a friendly friend. 

Do you see the end of the verse?  A friendly friend can become someone closer than family.  Think no further than our Ultimate Friend. Jesus, Himself. No closer than that can you get - Jesus, friend of sinners. We, too, can have a special bond with true friends - if you are a friendly friend, you will be one who sticks closer than a brother. 

Don't be someone who doesn't have friends, simply because you aren't actually FRIENDLY!  Above all else, make sure you don't lose friends by the same route. 

Go on - show yourself friendly.

Women of the Word {Motherhood - in the hands of a sovereign God}

As I was considering which woman to dwell on next, my thoughts came to the book of the Psalms.  I searched and hunted for a woman to study. I couldn't find any.

I started to look a bit harder, and I found references of a more general nature, which spoke to me.

Several times we read of things pertaining to women and child-bearing, and the womb.

It's a pesky thing, the womb. It usually holds a monthly cycle of inconvenience at best, and pain at worst.

It's an organ that is unique to womankind, yet can hold pain, sorrow, emptiness,  sadness, fullness, and such great joy.

The "woman" I found in the Psalms is a multi-faceted woman.

The "woman" in grief.

The "woman" in pain.

The "woman" in joy.

The "woman" blessed.


The beginning of the journey of motherhood is found in Psalm 1113:9.

"He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children."

HE maketh.

Children are from God.  To think their conception is simply dependent upon your choice, or some random act of nature, pays a disservice to our great Creator. It is God - that sovereign, all-wise, and kind one - who decides whether a woman should have her womb filled, or not.  He is able to send that gift to even the one who seems "barren" - unable to conceive.  For many of us who are able to conceive so easily, we must never forget that nothing is taken for granted, and God alone is the author of life.  My heart aches for those who would love children, and have not had any.  Does this mean that God loves them any less? Not at all.  It means that God, in His wisdom, has not given them a child.  They are not sub-standard, failures or insignificant.  They simply haven't been blessed in that particular way.  It's beyond our understanding, but God knows - that is all that matters. I KNOW it's easy for me to say, with 8 precious children - but, I am the first to acknowledge that the children I have are all of God, and nothing of me.  If you are a woman who has no children, yet would love them, I pray that the Lord would bless you.  I pray that that Lord would give you acceptance in His sovereignty. I pray that you would be filled by His peace, so that no matter what the future holds, you rest in His perfect will.


The next verse is referring to what else can happen, in God's sovereignty.  It's something I am ever aware of, and I struggle not to be anxious about.  It's a verse that is so solemn. It's something that is used as a simile, regarding the punishment of the wicked.

"like the untimely birth of a woman, that they may not see the sun"

Psalm 58:8

The Bible talks about premature birth.

The Psalmist sees it as something dreadful, that he should compare it to an untimely death for his enemies. It's a shocking verse, really.

Shocking, but serious.

The pain in the heart of a mother, when her child dies in an "untimely" way, is heartbreaking.  Once again, I feel unqualified to speak of this, as I have never been through a miscarriage or  premature birth, or a stillbirth.  I do know, from the experience of others, that it is a heartbreaking and sorrow filled experience.  A life, so wanted and hoped for, over before it's "begun".  A child, longed-for, and loved from conception, ended before birth.  Such sorrow, because of such expectation and love. When a child is wanted, and when a child is seen as a gift from GOD, when that precious life ends, a mother's heart is grieved, so very deeply.  You can understand why the Psalmist compares it as a painful thing for his enemies.  Because it is.  It's a painful thing.  Yet, once again, we must remember that God is sovereign.  His ways are past finding out.  He knows the end from the beginning.  We must trust in Him at all times. If you are hurting over the loss of a precious babe, my heart aches for you, and I pray you will know God's comfort.

The next verse is precious.  A reminder that God is creator.  That God is a WONDERFUL creator.

"thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. 

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:"

Psalm 139:13-14  

I actually love the wording in other Bile verses for this one.  He KNITS us together in our mother's womb.  Woven together. Intricately created.  Fearfully and wonderfully made.  The process, from conception to birth, is TRULY wonderful. Man cannot mimic it artificially.  He cannot explain it. It simply can't be done without a man and  woman, as God intended. 

Then, as that baby goes from multiplying, united cells, to growing baby, the wonder continues.  We live in a generation where we have SO much knowledge about this.  We can look into the very womb as a baby grows, seeing the development, stage by stage. You cannot help but simply say "wow". 

 God.  Again.  All God.  

Incredible, as a baby relies upon the life-blood of its mother - growing every day - in preparation for birth. Incredible. We are wonderfully made. 

The next is another simile, and speaks of the next stage.

"Fear took hold upon them there, and pain, as of a woman in travail."

Psalm 48:6

This are the enemies of the Psalmist, again.

They are experiencing pain, like a woman in labour!

Pain.  Ohhhhhh yes.  How much pain they must have been in, because labour IS painful.  Well, mine are, anyway.

The one thing not mentioned is a key element of pain in labour.

It has its reward.

Yes, we suffer pain for a time, but we have a BABY at the end of it! It's what gets me through labour EVERY SINGLE TIME.  The knowledge that this precious gift from God is MINE to hold, once labour is over.  God.  Sovereign.  Great.  Good.  Generous.  HE has given the reward of our travail.

The Psalmist mentions fear, too.  This is also something that so many women can experience IN labour.  I used to fear it greatly.  I feared the pain, and I feared the concept of another child to care for.  God is a God who provides ALL our needs, however.  I learned to TRUST Him, and to rest upon Him.  To know that He was bale to keep me, and give me the peace and strength to endure the pains of labour, and the challenges of parenting. With my last baby I got to the point of anticipation, and embracing the pain - fully resting in God, and His sovereignty, and His power. It resulted in a transformed birthing experience, for which I am so very thankful.

Pain?  Yes.

The ability to work with it, and through it? YES!

 If God can heal the sick, raise the dead, send plagues, forgive my sin, He can give me all I need to get through child birth!

The last two verses are on the same theme.

"Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table."

Psalm 128:3

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Psalm 127:3  

Children are a positive thing!  They aren't something to be endured.  They aren't some "necessity" that you must have, because you feel REQUIRED to do so - the whole "heir and spare" concept. In Psalm 128 a wife who is blessed with children, as a "fruitful vine", is a reward and commendation.  If you had a fruitful vine, how much would you expect it to yield? An abundance! God desires to bless us ABUNDANTLY.

You see, also, in Psalm 127, that the man that has many children is happy! The one who looks to the Lord to build the house, and has his quiver full, is blessed and happy.  What a precious thing to consider.  Children shouldn't be a chore.  They shouldn't be a burden. They should be seen as what they are - a GIFT from GOD!

That's not to say it's not always EASY, this road of motherhood.  There are trials from conception, to the grave.  As far as I can tell, the concerns of a mother only die when she does. It's not easy, but it's a path that is blessed, and is all of our sovereign and kind God.

There we have it.  The journey of motherhood, through the Psalms.  Fascinating.  Heart-breaking.  Joyful.  Blessed. SO much, in so few verses.

I don't know what lies ahead for me.  I'm 37.  I have things going on that are new for me.  I don't take anything for granted.  I could have more children.  I could have miscarriages and heartaches. I may not have any more children. I do know that my sovereign Heavenly Father has it in HIS hands.

Wherever you are in the journey of motherhood, I pray that God would be your portion, today and every day, as you rest in His sovereignty and goodness.

Childbirth "wars" {choices without conflict}

At the end of last week, I shared an article, on Facebook, about the rising c-section rate.  It's something I feel quite strongly about, as I have experienced a c-section, and subsequently a VBAC.

I found it interesting, and sad, the responses I had.  My heart ached for people who had multiple c-sections, yet who felt judged and criticised, by other Christian women, for what they had to go through.  These women had no choice but to have a c-section, for various reasons. It's no small thing to go through. You are undoubtedly left with physical scars, but on top of that you can be left with emotional and mental scars. I was worried that some were thinking that I may be judging people for having  a c-section, so a blog post seemed like the best place to share what I think about it all.

As with anything in life, my starting point is God's Word.

What does the Bible say about it all?

Well, obviously there were no c-sections in the Bible times, so looking at childbirth is the first place to start.

There are definite, unquestionable points you can make about childbirth.

1.  It's the way God designed us to give birth.

God MADE women to have babies!

Under "normal" circumstances, the physical union that God has ordained, between a man and a woman, can lead to pregnancy.  Obviously not always, depending on many factors, which I am not going to discuss.  Circumstances, choices and health, would sum it up. However, as the pregnancy progresses, the inevitable looms.  You need to have the baby exit! The Bible certainly talks about THAT part.  It's not easy, but God designed our bodies to give birth.  I find it incredible, thinking about the whole way it works.  Something so large, exiting THERE! How the baby's skull is designed to squish as it exits.  I have SEEN it moving, straight after delivery, as the parts of the skull gravitate back to where they should be.  UH-MAZ-ING.

2.  It's painful to give birth.

I watched a TV documentary last week.  Some of the women were talking about how we shouldn't HAVE to have pain, and why shouldn't it be a pain-free experience?! Well, I am telling you, it's part of the curse, and it's just a fact - it hurts. Some lucky blessed women seem to have pain-free, or minimally painful births.  How nice for you.... Most of us experience pain.  Most of simply accept it.  Enjoy? Erm, no.  Accept, yes.  When you think how short labour lasts, compared to the curse on a man, who has to labour his whole life, I'll take childbirth and the reward it brings, ANY day!

3.  It's aided and supported by others.

Think of the canny midwives in Egypt, who prevented the death of countless babies, and who were commended by God.

So, there's not much else you can say, Biblically speaking, although they are important points.

Where do you go from there, when thinking about it all, then?

Well, I would shift my attention to the book of Proverbs.

Wisdom.

Knowledge.

You see, my point, in everything associated with childbirth, is that God has instructed us both to gain knowledge, and be wise, in life.  We aren't somehow exempt when it comes to giving birth!

Let me jump back in time.

Years ago, childbirth was an extremely normal experience.  It was an event that was supported by friends and family, and young girls would have known all about it, before having to do it for themselves.  Family and friends would give advice, and they would have helped them to know the "ins and outs" of it all.  There were no hospitals, or ante-natal classes. Just the others around you, to help you through.  Experienced mothers would rally round, and help you through.

Of course, you can't ignore the patently obvious.  The mortality rate of both mothers and babies, in days gone by (and I'm not even thinking further back than about 50-60 years ago!), was much higher.  If there was a complication, there was little they could do. They didn't have the medical knowledge, or equipment to deal with the things that went wrong. It's a sad fact.  Women may have had medical conditions, unknown to anyone, which made delivery impossible.  They would have died. Placenta previa? You'd die.  And the baby, too.  Simple as that.  Anatomical anomalies, preventing birth?  You'd have died.

Now, let's fast forward to NOW.

We are living in a day and age where medicine has advanced INCREDIBLY, in the last 50 years - gracious, in the last TWENTY years!  Babies that would have died 20 years ago, can now have  fighting chance of survival.  Mothers, too, with medical problems, can be cared for so much better. (I watched Call the Midwife last week - sad, sad, SAD..... women who were diabetic and pregnant would be advised to TERMINATE, 50 years ago! I have several friends who are thankful that life has changed since then!)

We have access to so much, that is life-changing for so many, and can save lives left, right and centre.

So, back to thinking about it Biblically.

What has changed, throughout the ages?

Have the medical problems been cured? Not at all.  You just can't "cure" placenta previa.  You can't "cure" a pelvis that's mal-aligned.  You can't always "cure" a transverse presentation.  You can't "cure" a cord wrapped around a baby's neck. You can't "cure" pre-eclampsia.

What HAS changed is the medical knowledge and advancement in equipment.  We have scanning equipment, to detect abnormalities.  We have c-sections available, to deliver babies that would otherwise either not be born alive, or would kill the mother in the process of being born. We have NICU's, packed with incredible equipment and staff. It's an incredible thing, really.

So, what do we do with THAT information?

It's back to the point about knowledge, and wisdom.  Herein lies my concern.

Far too many women today, mostly through the fault of an overly medicalised approach to birth, and partly to do with the pressures of others, end up with births that are far from ideal. The reason? They have not made an INFORMED choice.  Friends, it's God's design for us NOT to go through life without our brains, that HE designed incredibly, unengaged, but for us to THINK, and KNOW.  As I say, Proverbs is FILLED with advice to gain wisdom and understanding.  Did you think, somehow, that childbirth is exempt? Being such a life-changing event, it SHOULD involve us gaining wisdom and understanding! It's a God-honouring thing to make sure we understand ALL the choices we make in life. We cannot go through life passively, letting others make choices for you.

So, why should it matter what choices we make? Our body is the temple of the living God.  We are to care for it, and, in so many different ways, protect it from injury and harm.  Whether that's being wise about what we eat, what we drink, what pursuits we engage in, or how we give birth, we need to care for our bodies.

In this day and age, people are told "this is the way you must give birth", and they don't know enough to make an informed choice.  They don't know if they are being spun a route of "convenience", or if  they actually COULD do things differently.  It's an extreme example, but a documentary I watched recently, talked about "freebirth".  Now, in parts of the USA, I believe, unassisted childbirth (where you don't invite someone medical in to assist in the birth) is against the law.  Subsequently, people think that's the case in the UK.  It's not true. Now, personally, I wouldn't want to do that, but having the KNOWLEDGE to decide for yourself, is good, and right. Some people think that if you have had two c-sections, for emergency reasons (ie, something happens in labour that requires a c-section) then you can never attempt a natural delivery.  Also not true.

Now, there ARE situations that necessitate a c-section.  Placenta previa.  Transverse, and sometimes breech, presentation.  Pre-eclampsia.  A pelvis that doesn't allow the baby to descend.  There are others, of course, but these are common ones. In these situations, the baby, and mother, would almost certainly die, if you allowed a natural labour to proceed.  It would be UNWISE to even TRY! God has GIVEN us both the wisdom and knowledge to know about these things, and the medical world to allow for it.  WHAT a blessing! Had I not had access to medical monitoring, and surgical facilities, Abigail could very well have died.  The cord was wrapped three times around her neck, and round her wrist, so that every time I had a contraction, and she would move further down, her heart rate would nearly disappear.   I KNEW I needed a c-section, and I was VERY glad for it.

With Joshua, I could easily have ended up with a c-section.  At one point, I was in so much pain I think I actually asked them to just cut me open right there in the labour room! I had gained knowledge, though.  I knew that a c-section was harder to recover from.  I knew, especially with my medical knowledge as a physiotherapist, what it DOES to your body.  I knew it can hinder the number of children you can have.  So, we did other things first, to try and prevent a surgical outcome. It worked. (Although, like a c-section, don't ever expect me to voluntarily have an epidural EVER again!)  I ended up with an epidural, and a venteuse delivery. (The little suction cup thingy)  He ended up with ant-biotics.  I ended up with anti-biotics. It was a fairly harsh beginning to motherhood.

I learnt something VERY important, though.  I didn't understand how labour worked, properly, and I trusted medical staff to unwaveringly.  No-one picked up that he was presenting posteriorly.  I laboured in the wrong position, which led to the catalogue of events that resulted. The midwife, who was supposedly monitoring me, didn't work it out, and told me to push when I felt pressure. IT was the wrong advice, and I wasn't informed enough to know any different.

So, after that, I decided to learn more.  I went off and researched how to turn a posterior baby! I began my labour with Bethany with her lying posteriorly, but I managed to get her to turn! Whoop whoop! The next two births, I learnt more.  The briths got a little better.  After the c-section, a new determination came into force! I did NOT want to repeat the experience of a c-section.  My c-section was a purely circumstantial one, and I didn't want an automatic "repeat".  My recovery had been slow, with lots of yucky side effects, which were nowhere near as bad as they CAN be! I researched all the medical concerns of a VBAC.  I researched how to have a labour that was not medicalised or rushed. I researched how to be in control of MYSELF - mentally, spiritually, and physically.  The result? A MUCH better labour, and a VBAC!  By God's grace and help, I did it!  There was NO reason why I couldn't, and so it seemed wise to do things as naturally as possible, and the way that God designed us TO give birth!

I had a baby that was late, next. I thought you had to have an induction at 12 days over, and quite frankly, due to a lack of patience and peace, I just wanted to have my baby.  Thankfully, my induction was very "simple", but still resulted in a near c-section experience, when the baby's heart rate seemed to disappear at one point.  A sensible registrar was all it took to regain composure (an ultra-sound showed us a heart beating very happily, that just was hard to detect with a monitor! - sneaky boy!), and a normal delivery ensued.  But only because I insisted, with the knowledge I had gained, that we didn't NEED to rush the process.  We waited for my body to do it naturally, after my waters had been broken.

My knowledge was stretched further, and prayers for wisdom sought, when I had number 8.  We felt led to attempt a home-birth, first and foremost because child care starts to get tricky! However, as we researched, and prayed, we saw there was no reason NOT to attempt it! Yes, we agreed that any hint of a problem we would HAPPILY go to hospital.  Yes, we accepted that ANY hint of a problem before delivery, we would go to the hospital instead. We used our wisdom, and it worked out amazingly. BEST LABOUR EVER!

OK, so I just got a bit distracted.  Can you tell I find child birth fascinating?

All that to say - we carefully made sure we had the right information, and then we were wise about what we DID with that information.

Now comes the key part.

Is there a "right" and "wrong" in all of this?  Is one choice "sinful" and one more "holy"?

NO!

Anyone who tries to tell you it's a SIN to choose one way or another,  is wrong.  To make someone feel they have done the "wrong" thing, when they couldn't have done anything ELSE than what they did, is plain wrong.  Fellow womankind - we should be doing everything we can to help and encourage each other, not make others feel bad!  Now, that's not to say we shouldn't help others make WISE choices.  I love to be able to help other Mums to know what their choices are, and how to labour "better".  Knowing how much of a difference it can make, to have a quicker, and less complicated delivery, I passionately love to help other Mums!


(I still maintain, if at all possible - ie, there's not a serious medical reason to have a c-section - that you should TRY and have a "natural" delivery.  It's a medical FACT that you recover better from a natural delivery, and you are less likely to have post-partum complications. It's easier to care for your baby, and get back to life as normal (NORMAL life?... whatever that is!...) Having done both, I certainly know how much better you feel after a natural delivery! It's also a FACT that a c-section is "major abdominal surgery".  Anything that involves cutting through several layers of your body, is not something, in my opinion,  you would, in your right mind, CHOOSE! (well, some do, but that's their CHOICE!))

I do not think, however, it is good or right to judge others, when they have already had to make a decision that breaks their heart.  The scriptures exhort us to encourage each other and build them up. Making a woman, who already feels sad that she didn't get to have a natural birth, feel even WORSE, is just not kind or supportive.   People seem to care far more about jumping on hobby horses, and sitting in judgement, than getting alongside other woman and helping them. Is it of any eternal significance HOW you give birth??  OF COURSE NOT! Do you think that God sits, looking at womankind, and somehow marks women down for needing a c-section? NO! He sees the hearts, sad and disheartened, and desires that they feel joy and comfort.  We are the instruments of God - we should be supporting each other, in every way we can.

I don't think, either, that you always have to AGREE with others about their choices! You don't even need to like them.  That's between you and the Lord, just as their choice is between them and the Lord, too.  WE can NOT know the thoughts and intents of the heart.  Only God can.  It doesn't mean you don't help someone when they need it. And trust me, after a c-section, you NEED it! Lovingly, and tenderly, coming alongside someone, when you see a need, is what God wants us to do.  Making someone feel guilty, when it's not our place to do so, is NOT.

We are in a warfare - a spiritual warfare.  Fighting the devil, and all his cohorts, is hard enough, without fighting about things as secondary as childbirth.   We should be able to make choices, without having conflict over it.  It doesn't really matter WHAT you are making a choice about - childbirth, education, family, employment - we need to be more supportive of each other, less defensive, and more encouraging.

Dear, precious, sweet sisters in the Lord, who have ended up having c-sections, when they dearly wanted a natural delivery, I feel your pain. I know the disappointment.  I know the sadness.  Take encouragement in the knowledge that God has been SO kind and good, and allowed you to have those babies.  Ask God for deaf ears, to ignore the negativity of those who would judge.

Dear, precious, sweet sisters in the Lord, who choose to do something different than I would.  I don't always understand your choices, but I have enough to worry about in my own life, which is complicated and confusing at points, without worrying about YOUR choices! I am there to help you in any way I can, if you need it.  I will give you advice and support, if you want it.  Other than that, your life is between God and YOU. Not me.

Dear precious, sweet sisters in the Lord, who have "natural" deliveries that are traumatic and not how you wanted them to be. I feel your pain, too. I have had four deliveries like that.  If you are blessed with more children, I can point you in the direction of articles, books, and other resources, that may help you the next time round.  Get knowledge. pray for wisdom, and step forward in faith, knowing that God is able and willing to answer your prayers. I know He can, because He did it for me.

 Childbirth does NOT need to be traumatic, if you know how things should work, and your medical rights.

Informed choice.

Choice.

That means we choose, and the path will be different for each of us, because we ARE all different.

It doesn't mean it always WILL work out that way.  Knowing you have done all you can, for YOUR body, is the best you can do.

Supporting those who make different choices, is the best ALL of us can do.  Curb your passion, whether it be pro-natural, or defensive about the way things worked out for you, and show grace in everything.

Above all else we are to show LOVE.

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 

 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;"

Just because you are passionate about something, doesn't mean you have free reign to throw out love, and all that entails.  Do you see? Patience with others, even if they don't "get" what you choose.  Not being envious of others who get something you DON'T get to do.  Not being proud about what you do, as if someone else, that didn't do it, is lesser to you. Not having unattractive behaviour, that is unkind and hurts others. Not being selfish, and making choices that are only based on what YOU want, without thinking about the effect it has on others.  Not easily getting riled up and angry about what others do.  Not thinking badly of others who haven't been through what you have, or don't choose what you choose.  What we SHOULDN'T be, are bullies.  All over the Christian world, never mind outside of it, there is too much bullying of others, who make different choices.  Bullies mock others, and try to force them to do things that they don't think it's right to do. It's a nasty way to behave, and the polar opposite of the love that we should extend to others.  Get past your own prideful arrogance, and show others gentleness, support and love.  Don't condemn others for their choices. If it's someone isn't sinning in their decisions, you mustn't be condemning.   It doesn't mean compromising on truth.  It doesn't mean you don't advise and encourage others.  It means to have the right spirit and kindness, in all we say and do - showing compassion.  Always. 

All our hearts are sinful, and incline towards thinking we are right.  I know much *I* struggle to understanding the choices of others. When you feel strongly about something, it requires much grace and patience to see the point of view of others.  It's only pride that stops us from behaving the right way. We need grace, love, compassion and kindness, no matter what others choose to do.

To those who are sad about the births they have experienced, I pray that God grants you a healed mind, and a healed body.  My heart aches for you.  Try not to dwell on the past, but focus on today.

For those who have had births that were not ideal, but hope to have more babies, get out there and get knowledge, and ask God for wisdom.  God has designed you to give birth, and with the right support, knowledge and information, it CAN be done! So long as there is no medical reason to avoid it, natural birth IS natural! It's not always EASY (and hey, we weren't EVER promised an EASY life!), but it's "natural".

How can I sum it all up? Natural childbirth was the way God made us to give birth.  Sin has resulted in imperfection, which leads to pregnancy and birth having potential complications. It doesn't always go the way God intended, or the way we hoped. We all need to seek out knowledge and wisdom, then ask God to lead us accordingly, and make the choice that is right for US. Don't judge.  Don't be unkind. Don't condemn.   Be supportive.  Be loving.  Be compassionate. 

I sincerely hope I have never made someone feel sad about their birth.  I will, every chance I can get, advise people to be informed before making choices. I will, until my dying breath, encourage women to do all they can to understand child birth, so they can have the wonderful experience of giving birth without fear and complications. It's an amazing thing, if you are able do it. If you can't, how your child enters this world is NOT important.  No-one ever asks you at a job interview "how did your mother give birth to you?"! The important part is how you raise them AFTER that point.  

And that, my friends, is a whole other blog post!....

I'd love to hear what you think, and always want to learn from others. Please share with us about your experiences - you don't know how it might help!